Water's End

by Jessica Deforest

  About a half hour later they pulled into the driveway of a sprawling white house with a red-tile roof. When David opened the front door, a pale blond golden retriever came to meet them, dancing in wriggly delight as David stroked her ears.

  "Taffy, old girl, did you miss me?" he said, tickling the dog's chin.

  Scratching the dog’s chest, she said, "David, I'll never forget your collie, Laddie. He was a beautiful dog."

  David grinned. "And totally stupid, just like this little gal. But he was all heart, and that's more important than brains, isn't it?"

  Anne was startled at how much David's living room resembled her own, filled with antiques, paintings, and loads of photos, a comfortable and elegant mishmash of traditional and modern. "Your house is delightful," she said. "Who's your decorator?"

  He took a little bow. "Who else? Moi. Come on out to the pool."

  Opening the drapes, he led her into a huge walled garden. Flowers, hedges, and fountains surrounded the pool on two sides, and a porch and cabana wrapped around the other two sides. Like the house, the cabana was decorated with antiques and sculpture. Comfortable wicker furniture completed the look.

  "I wish Mark could be here to meet you, but he's doing a film in Italy. I know you'd love him."

  Anne was puzzled. "Mark?"

  "My business partner. We co-own this house and the one in Laurel Canyon. I've lived with him for thirty years. He's always been my best friend. I would never be where I am now if not for him."

  She touched his hand. "Who is this Mark guy?"

  "An actor, Mark Wharton. He's twenty years older than I, and he's bisexual, but he's had a partner, Dom, for thirty-five years. Dom is a makeup artist who's pretty well known in the industry. They keep separate households because Dom is very private and doesn't like to live with anyone, never has. It doesn't really matter, though, because the two of them are always off in different directions anyway, working on movies or Mark's series."

  "I thought Mark was engaged to that movie star, May Barclay."

  "Oh, that," he said. "She was his beard."

  "His what?"

  "You know, his cover." David chuckled. "That was all publicity stuff to make him seem straight. He's been married and divorced a couple of times for the same reason."

  "And you live with him?"

  "I know it sounds strange. My mom and dad broke up right after I came home from the army, and I had nowhere to go, so Mark took me in. I met him when he came into the burger joint where I was working at the time, and he used his contacts to help me find work in the business. He's been like a father to me. Mark takes in everybody: stray dogs, abandoned cats, birds with broken wings. You'll love him."

  Anne thought she would, indeed.

  "Take a look at this," he said, leading her around a wall to an outdoor summer kitchen complete with stovetop, oven, and built-in barbecue. "This is my favorite part of the house."

  "What smells so good?"

  "I've got a ham in the oven. It's for the party."

  "What party?"

  "We're having a cocktail party tonight. I want my friends to meet you. Come on, I'll show you to your room."

  She followed him back into the house and down a long hall to a large, sunny room. A massive Victorian poster bed stood on one wall, with a half canopy and spread in royal blue. A vivid oriental rug in rich colors, predominantly blue, covered most of the dark hardwood floor. She loved the matching marble-topped walnut dresser and chest of drawers, gasping in delight at the curvy dressing table with its oval mirror.

  David picked up a remote control, and the ivory silk drapes, which had a royal blue border, slid back to reveal a wall of sliding glass doors that opened onto the pool. It was one of the most exquisite rooms she had ever seen.

  David put his arm around her. "I gave you my digs, and I'll sleep in the guestroom while you're here. Do you like Grandma Hawkins's bedroom furniture?"

  "David, it's beautiful, and this room is just gorgeous. What's this you have on the walls throughout the house? I love it."

  "Raw silk. Nice isn't it? It was Mark's idea." He waved his arm at a mirrored wall on the other side of the bed. "There's a closet behind these mirrors, and over there's the bath." He gestured toward a door on the wall across from the bed.

  "What time's the party?"

  "Sevenish."

  "It's getting late. What can I help you with?"

  "Not a thing. Maggie, our housekeeper, will be here at six to set up. So all we have to do now is relax. Come on, I'll light a fire. It's starting to cool off."

  Anne nodded in agreement, but being near him, she felt anything but cold.

  Chapter 22

  Maggie, a slender little woman in a black polyester uniform, showed up at six that evening and began bustling about indoors, arranging flowers, setting up the bar, and preparing the buffet.

  After a shower, Anne changed into black pants, flats, and a turquoise sweater. "David?" she called out as she walked down the hall, wondering where he was.

  "I'm in the kitchen. Make yourself comfortable and I'll be right there."

  Sitting in front of the fire that blazed beneath an antique French mantel in the huge living room, she looked out at the pool and the mountains beyond. A spectacular sunset painted the sky. Inside, the fire danced behind a brass fire fan and fender on the hearth.

  "Nice sweater," David said, bringing her a glass of champagne.

  "Thanks."

  The doorbell rang, and before long, the house began to fill up. She met so many people she felt dizzy. "This is Anne Mills, the love of my life," David said, casually putting his arm around her, no matter whom he introduced her to. Anne wondered if she could keep them all straight.

  "Don't you just love Elena?" David asked. "Hard to believe she's seventy-three."

  Anne liked Elena, one of the most beautiful women she had ever met. "You're putting me on. She can't be."

  "Sure is. She never goes in the sun, so her magnolia-petal skin stays gorgeous, of course, but mostly she's just a natural beauty. "

  Just then, Charles Holiday walked in, looking just as he did in the movies and TV. Like David, he was a real California type, blond, tan, and sexy.

  "Charlie," David said. "I want you to meet my first love, Anne Mills."

  "Mr. Holiday," she said. "It's a pleasure. I've seen all your movies."

  Anne expected him to extend a hand, but instead, he put his arms around her, gave her a big hug, and then kissed her lightly on the lips. "Hi! I've heard about you," he said. "Just call me Charlie. Everybody does."

  She couldn't even speak. Dazzled, she stared up into eyes blue as the desert sky. With great effort she looked away.

  "What do you do, Anne?"

  "I'm a writer for Westman Bank. And I'm also getting ready to go back to school."

  He stepped closer. "Really?"

  "Yes, for a master's in English." She couldn't believe she was talking to a movie star, especially one she had fantasized about at one time.

  "That's amazing. I majored in English myself," he said. "You'd never know it by what I do now, which is mostly stand around and wait for another scene to start."

  Taking a sip of her drink and trying to be casual, she asked, "Where'd you go to school?"

  "The University of Kansas. I'm from Liberal."

  She couldn't believe it. No matter where she went, she hardly ever met anyone from her home state. "I thought Dorothy, Toto, and I were the only folks from Kansas," she said. "So you're a KU Jayhawk? My home is not far from the university. In fact, my cousin Alice was homecoming queen there in '62."

  "Alice Cummings? I remember her," he said. "She's your cousin? I had the biggest crush on her, but she would never even look at me. I was a square, the biggest one you've ever seen."

  She laughed and looked up at him. "I find that impossible to believe."

  The evening went quickly, too quickly for her liking. Anne loved interesting people, and this party teemed with actors, writers, artists, directors,
even a producer or two. They were all lively and full of ideas. And she adored their insider gossip when she was lucky enough to hear a little of it. She was dizzy with excitement and champagne.

  Once the last guest was out the door, she and David kicked off their shoes and sat on the sofa in front of the fire as Maggie cleaned up.

  "My dear," Anne said. "You sure do know how to throw a party."

  "Did you have fun?"

  "This was only the most exciting evening of my life."

  He squeezed her hand. "It's good having you here."

  Maggie came into the living room to tell them good night. "See you tomorrow, Mr. Hawkins."

  "Okay. Great job, Maggie. You outdid yourself."

  Maggie let herself out the kitchen door with a little giggle.

  Anne put her hand on David's. "Look," she said, "could you do me a favor?"

  "Of course. Your wish is my pleasure."

  "Do you think you could just hold me?" she asked. "It's been so long since anyone has touched me, nearly ten years. I got so I couldn't stand for Tully to lay a hand on me."

  He drew her into the circle of his arms and held her close. She could feel him tremble, and then felt his tears against her cheek.

  "I'm so sorry, darling," he said. "All these years I thought you had found happiness. You had a family and children. I never knew you were so miserable."

  "I married the wrong man. You were always the right one. I can't change that."

  "But there's no future for you with me. I have feelings for you, but I can't even make love now."

  "It doesn't matter."

  "It matters to me," he said, kissing her cheek and pulling away. "It's late. Let's talk some more tomorrow. Run off to bed now," he said. "I've got to feed Taffy."

  Reluctantly, she went to her lonely room.

  The next day was overcast and chilly, so Maggie served them a lazy brunch in front of the fireplace. That afternoon, while David was at the supermarket, the phone rang.

  When she answered it, a voice said, "Anne? This is Mark Wharton. Is David there?"

  "Hello. It's so nice to hear your voice," Anne said. "David's at the store."

  "I'll talk to him later. Gee, I wish I could be there to meet you. David has told me so much about you. "

  "I can't wait to see you."

  "You know David has been in love with you all of his life."

  "And I've been in love with him forever," she said.

  Inside, her heart did cartwheels. They chatted for a few more moments, but all she could think about was what Mark said. He's been in love with you all of his life.

  Although she spent the rest of the day at David's house, it only made her sad because she could feel him pulling away from her. When he wasn't busying himself in some little chore, he pointedly avoided any discussion about the past. He was all light banter, Hollywood brittle. Anne actually was glad when it was time to go back home.

  After the way David had drawn into himself during the weekend, she was surprised when he called her the following Sunday, beginning what was to become a Sunday-night ritual of talking about the past week. She looked forward to his calls and wanted to hear his voice, but when she did, it sometimes hurt more than not hearing from him, because she longed for him so desperately.

  Time had not diminished her love for David, but if anything, had increased it, so seeing him and talking to him, yet never being able to fulfill her love or feel it returned, hurt her more than anything in her experience. It was even worse than when she and David broke up long ago. Then, in her ignorance, she still had hope.

  Now she vacillated between moments of wondering if he could still love her and moments when she felt certain he loved her more than he said. He was sending mixed messages, and she was confused. But in truth, it was simple; she loved him, and she knew he loved her. How much or in what way didn't matter.

  Her mother's Alzheimer's was escalating, her children were far away, and although she had friends, there wasn't much love in Anne's life on a daily basis. She especially missed her children's hugs. At her age, love was a rare and wonderful thing, and she was grateful for it, no matter what form it took.

  David began to take her out, mostly to chic little restaurants in Santa Barbara. And she occasionally spent the weekend at his Laurel Canyon house. One evening they drove on up Laurel Canyon Boulevard to Mulholland Drive and sat for a time overlooking the city, which lay spread out before them like glittering gemstones in a jeweler's showcase.

  Finding David, being here in the Hollywood Hills—meeting movie stars—it all seemed like make-believe. As they sat by the fireplace at David's later that night, she said, "I love this house."

  "Me too. Even better than the first one."

  "What first one?"

  "This isn't the original house. It was over there," he said, pointing to a brown house next door.

  "The first one burned to the ground. One day I was out on the deck, and I heard a roaring noise. When I got around front, I saw a brushfire headed for the house. There was no time. I grabbed my billfold and a photo album and ran out the back. The house and everything in it, even my new Mercedes in the garage, burned. The worst part is that Mark forgot to mail the insurance payment, so it was a total loss."

  "Then how could you afford to rebuild?"

  "Mark's partner, Dom, loaned us the money. We rebuilt, and a year later, prices soared. Then we sold it for ten times the original cost and built this house. We owned both lots." He laughed. "And the insurance is automatically deducted from Mark's bank account every month."

  "I'd sure like to meet Mark."

  "You will, and soon. He's due back from Europe next month," he said. "You'll like him. I'm having a big party for him on the Fourth of July in Palm Desert. Meanwhile, why don't you come down here next weekend?"

  "I'd love to."

  Anne was becoming a fixture at David's house. She liked the friends who dropped in from time to time. Many of them were gay, but she couldn't tell who, because none fit the stereotypes most people associated with the gay culture, especially those who were in films. With the advent of AIDS, the cost of the insurance that studios carried on their actors while filming increased drastically. Therefore, actors had to project a straight image or they had trouble getting work.

  Everyone she met at David's seemed straight, but she decided it didn't matter. They were unfailingly good to her, and that was what was important. As she became more accepting and loving of everyone, she found her capacity for love growing, and though she hadn't expected it, she received more love in return.

  More than anything, she ached for David's touch, but he was no longer a touchy-huggy person. It was one more thing she accepted, although every now and then she subjected him to what she called a forced hug.

  "No hugs, no friendship," she told him. "I'm a desperate middle-aged woman, and I have to get some physical contact."

  "I don't like to admit it, but hugs are probably good for me, too," he said, grabbing her in a brief clinch.

  When they weren't together, they wrote or called one another, and she no longer felt so isolated and lonely. It might not be a hot love affair, but her relationship with David was something better, she thought. He was the dearest friend she had, and she loved him even more than before.

  Her sister called her occasionally from San Francisco. The last time they talked, Joan said, "I don't understand this love affair of yours. You could have it all. I think you only love him because he's safe and you know you can't have him. If I had only one wish, I'd wish you could find somebody who could give you everything, including a great love life."

  Now that she had a happy marriage, Joan had mellowed, too. I guess she's probably forgiven me for coming along and taking her place as Daddy's favorite, she thought.

  "You forget," Anne said. I've had that. Maybe it's not what I need now. Still, she wished she'd never told Joan so much about David and their relationship.

  "I'm sorry," Joan said. "Guess I take after Mom too much in
some ways."

  "What matters is the way David and I are when we're together. We have so much fun, and we're as comfortable as if we've been married twenty years," Anne said. "It may not be perfect, but it's pretty darned close. And it's enough for me. We can't change the past or live in the future. All we can do is cope with reality here and now. It may be unconventional, but being different has always been my strong suit."

  After she hung up, she thought about how close she had come to never seeing David again. There was her illness. She had nearly died. There was the fire. He could have been trapped inside. And there was the time he was stabbed. She wept when he told her how, years ago, he made a wrong turn into a gang area in Los Angeles, and his car broke down. A young tough had grabbed him by the gold chain around his neck, pulled out a switchblade knife, and slit him open from throat to pelvis.

  "Lying there in a pool of blood on the sidewalk, I wondered if that was how I would die," David said. "Fortunately, a homeless man found me and called an ambulance. Angels show up in the most unexpected places and forms, don't they?"

  All Anne could think about was how empty her life would be without him. Their friendship was far from completely satisfying, but it was the best they could do, and she would rather be his friend than someone else's lover. She loved whatever it was that made him who he was.

  For her birthday, he gave her a teddy bear wearing diamond earrings and a card that said, "I was going to send you all my love, but why should I send you what you already have?"

  When she found out that he adored chocolate-chip cookies, she mailed him batches of her specialty, pecan chocolate-chip, made with Italian chocolate and real butter, which earned praise and groans of delight when he called her. "My God, I'm going to turn into a hippo," he moaned. "You're ruining my waistline."

  "So I won't send any more."

  There was a slight pause. "No, don't stop. Keep 'em coming. I love them. It's my fault I can't stay out of them, not yours. I'll make a bigger effort at restraint." He paused again. "And thank you very much, darling. I love you."

  That afternoon, she went out and bought more Italian chocolate.