After It's Over

by Alstead, Michelle

  Maybe she’s a lesbian? Or maybe she’s married? Nope. No ring on that finger.

  He purposely blocked her path so she’d have to squeeze past him to exit.

  “I’m Ben,” he held out his hand.

  “Paige,” she shook it. “Could you please let me by?”

  Just as he was about to move out of her way, his phone buzzed in his pocket. He reflexively checked to see who was calling.

  Bianca? I wonder why she’s calling. I hope they didn’t kill the babysitter.

  “Sorry, it’s my daughter.”

  “You have kids?” Paige asked.

  Ben noted her interest and nodded affirmatively. Truth be told, he normally would have sent any call from his daughters to voicemail if he were otherwise occupied.

  “Hi honey, how are you?”

  “Daddy, Madison just got a horse,” Bianca replied.

  “What?” You fell off a horse?” he plugged his other ear. Paige gave him a look of concern.

  “No, I want a horse!”

  “You want a horse?”

  “Yes! I have to have one!” Bianca whined.

  “Sweetie, can this conversation wait until I get home?” Ben tried to sound parental, which was difficult given the fact that his gut reaction was to hang up on his whining child.

  At this rate, she’ll demand a Porsche for her sixteenth birthday. This kid needs a mom, and I need a break.

  “Um, no! If you love me, you’ll get me a horse.”

  He nearly dropped the phone.

  Okay, that was blatant manipulation. Where is she picking up that behavior? Be cool. Hot chick watching you. Man, I bet Paige would be fun once I got her to relax. Focus, Ben! Get Bianca off the phone.

  “I can’t afford a horse. There’s boarding fees, the cost of hay is ridiculous and the vet bills for large animals are insane,” Ben smiled. “You understand, don’t you, honey?”

  Bianca responded by crying so loudly he had to hold the phone away from his ear. No matter how calmly he tried to reason with her, she insisted she had to have a horse.

  “Fine, I’ll be the only girl in my entire class that doesn’t have a horse. I hate you!” his daughter yelled.

  The line went silent. Ben turned bright pink and suddenly felt very warm; he yanked on his tie.

  My daughter hung up on me. I thought she’d be at least twenty before she’d cut me off. I really need to get that kid under control.

  “Good night, sweetie. I love you too. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  The hot chick does not need to know my kid just hung up on me.

  “You were so patient with your daughter,” Paige commented with a smile.

  “Well, I try. My children are the most important thing in the world to me.”

  ***

  Ben felt a twinge of guilt. He’d deceived Paige from the start, but he couldn’t help it. As soon as he’d laid eyes on her, he had to have her. So when she said she wouldn’t sleep with him unless they were married, he’d proposed to a woman he’d known for all of two weeks. Two weeks after that, she’d quit her law practice, put her house up for sale and moved to Utah to marry him. Ben knew Paige was running from something or someone, but he didn’t think her secrets were anything more intense than a random one-night stand or cheating on a law exam. He’d been shocked when he had learned how her parents died. Paige had tried to keep the truth from him, but her chronic nightmares made that impossible. If he had known how they’d died from the start, he would not have married her. Hot or not, he didn’t do trauma. He just wasn’t deep enough to be the shoulder she could cry on, or be the person who calmed her when she woke up screaming in the middle of the night.

  Ben had never experienced a loss of any kind. The only funeral he’d ever been to was for a great uncle he’d never even met. While he respected his wife for surviving such a traumatic event, he wasn’t strong like her. His response was to move into the basement bedroom. The change in location worked out well and afforded him the chance to text whomever he wanted, whenever he wanted.

  When they first got married, Ben had tried to break things off with Beth, but she’d played to his ego and bent over backwards to make him feel like he was the only thing that mattered in this world. She never asked him to help with the kids or got mad when he showed up late for dinner. No, Beth was the type of woman who was constantly at his beck and call. She didn’t even care that he was married, and he didn’t care that she was married either.

  ***

  “I need you to watch your sisters today,” Ben said when Bianca finally dragged herself out of bed around noon.

  His daughter looked at him bleary-eyed. “I have plans with Madison.”

  “Cancel them.”

  “Um, no. Why can’t Paige watch them? Where is she?”

  “She went to pick her brother up from the airport. I don’t know when she’ll be back, so you’re in charge. I think your sisters are hungry, so make them something to eat.” Ben returned Beth’s text.

  “You do realize that you’re the parent, right?”

  Bianca’s tone caught him off guard and instantly irritated him.

  “Yes, and as your father, I’m telling you to take care of your little sisters. Good grief, Bianca. I hardly ask anything of you, so why are you giving me such a hard time?” Ben gave his daughter a stern look. She rolled her eyes.

  “You never ask anything of me because you are never here. Where are you going?” Bianca folded her arms and gave him the same exasperated look her mother used to give him.

  “I’m going to work.” He was careful to avoid eye contact as he searched the kitchen for Paige’s car keys.

  I can’t believe she left me the mini-van to drive.

  “Father, it’s Saturday, and you don’t work on Saturdays. Where are you really going?” Bianca’s sarcastic tone also reminded him of her mother.

  “You know I hate it when you call me Father. It’s creepy.”

  “Well, yeah. That’s why I do it.”

  Ben stopped searching for his wife’s car keys and turned to face his daughter. Unlike most women, Bianca didn’t find her father charming. She was a ‘momma’s girl’ and had always resented him for hurting her mother. He kept his response simple.

  “I’m going out.”

  “Right. You’re going out to cheat on Paige with that bimbo you never actually stopped seeing.”

  The truth was a slap in the face; Ben’s mouth dropped open.

  “What?”

  “I’m not stupid, and I know the code to your phone,” Bianca gave him a smirk that both frustrated and unnerved him.

  Ben gaped at his daughter. He wasn’t sure if he should ground her or just grab his things and flee. He felt trapped, so trapped he couldn’t lie his way out of the mess he found himself in.

  What do I do now?

  “You need to stop seeing the bimbo,” Bianca’s voice was sharp; she cut through Ben’s tough exterior, pricking him in the heart.

  Well, that answers what I need to do now, only I don’t take orders from teenage girls.

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about. I’m not cheating on Paige.” Ben tried to muster up some righteous indignation, but he was still a little hung over and not at his charming best.

  “Give me a break! You’re doing the same things you did with Mom. You come home late, smelling like perfume. FYI, Paige is allergic to perfume. Then there’s the fact that you’re always on your phone, and you never pay any attention to your wife. If it weren’t for us, she’d have left you months ago,” Bianca snapped.

  If his daughter had punched Ben in the face, it would have been less painful.

  “I’m not cheating on Paige.”

  His denial was met with narrow, unbelieving eyes.

  Geez, this kid is tough.

  “You’re right. You’re not just cheating on her; you’re cheating on all of us. Whoever is on the other end of your phone, are they really worth your family? Is your ego really worth destroying your relationship with t
he only decent woman you have ever been with besides Mom?” Bianca was in his face now. Her fingers were balled into fists.

  “I…uh…” Ben bit his lip. “Maybe you girls should go back to your mom.” It was a lame thing to say, and he knew it the second the words came out. But his daughter had backed him into a corner, and all he wanted was a way out.

  “We can’t go back to her, and you know it. She’s a junkie who sleeps with any guy who gives her a moment’s attention, and look at you—this is the first time in a year Paige isn’t taking care of us and you can’t even stick around for a day. Do you know what Billie asked me the other night?”

  He shook his head. His cocky exterior had crumbled to pieces that lay on the floor at his feet. He felt wounded and exposed; he’d met his match in his teenage daughter. It took every ounce of self-control he had not to run away from her.

  “She asked me who her real daddy is.” Bianca’s eyes filled with contempt.

  “Why would she ask that?” Ben’s voice was soft and weak, just like he felt.

  “Because her friends have fathers who care and actually raise them,” Bianca made an angry growling sound and turned on her heel. She stomped towards the stairs to the second floor and paused to look back at her father. “Go ahead and go. No one will miss you when you’re gone.” She ran up the stairs. Seconds later, her bedroom door slammed shut.

  Ben sat down at the kitchen table, shaken to his core. He’d been deluding himself for a very long time by thinking his kids hadn’t noticed his apathy. But they had, and he was no better than his own father. He had cursed his old man, flipped him off even as he walked out on Ben’s mother for his secretary.

  When did I become my father? Bianca’s right. Paige will leave me and never look back if she finds out about Beth. Would that be such a bad thing? I’d have my freedom back...

  Ben thought back to the day when he married Paige in a non-denominational church on Hill Air Force base. The quaint chapel was full of history and hope. She’d looked amazing in her strapless white dress and blue sneakers. His daughters had taken to her instantly, and she loved them like her own. Paige was a workout nut when they had married, but gave that up to squeeze in more time with the kids. She helped with their homework and ran them to and from their activities. She was every bit the mother his ex-wife used to be.

  I can’t get divorced. I can’t do that to my girls.

  Ben’s phone buzzed; Beth was getting impatient. He didn’t respond. Instead, he sent Paige a text saying that he missed her. She didn’t reply, and he didn’t blame her. With new resolve, he stood up and walked to the base of the stairs.

  “What do you girls want for lunch?” he called, knowing the younger two girls would hear him.

  A door opened and Billie bounced down the hall to the top of the stairs. She frowned and gave him a curious look.

  “Did you just offer to cook?” she asked.

  “Yeah, I did.” Ben ran his hand through his hair and hoped his youngest daughter would not give him the hard time her sister had.

  “Do you know how to cook?” Billie remained unconvinced.

  She twirled around on her toes because she was six and could never stand still. Just watching her made Ben tired.

  “Who do you think cooked for you before Paige came along?”

  “Bianca. She mostly made Top Ramen and instant Mac and Cheese. But that was before she became gluten-free.”

  Billie grabbed the handrails that ran down the stairs. She swung back and forth on them like they were a set of monkey bars.

  “Bianca’s gluten-free?”

  “Um, yeah. What’re you, new?”

  Ben sighed the loud, frustrated sigh of a man that was completely clueless in his own life.

  “What else should I know about Bianca?”

  “Um…” Billie’s face contorted into serious thought. “Did you know she made a bet with Madison to see who could lose their virginity first?”

  Ben’s mouth dropped open, and he nearly fell down. “She what?”

  “I don’t know what virginity is, but it must be bad if they’re trying to lose it. What’s that word mean, Daddy?”

  Ben’s didn’t answer her question. He stomped up the stairs and went to Bianca’s door. He pounded on it until she answered.

  “What the hell are you doing?” he said.

  Bianca rolled her eyes and took her headphones out of her ears.

  “What’s your drama now?”

  “First off, I’m your father so you will speak to me with respect—”

  “Respect is earned, not demanded,” she grabbed the door to shut it, but Ben blocked it with his foot.

  “That works both ways, little girl. No guy is going to respect you when you don’t respect yourself.”

  “What’s that’s supposed to mean?”

  “It means I know about your bet, and it’s not happening. Do you understand me?” Ben’s voice squeaked; he was on the verge of coming unglued.

  “Whatever,” Bianca slammed the door in his face.

  Didn’t I just do that to Paige? Geez, I’m a jerk.

  Ben didn’t bother to knock on his daughter’s door again. He grabbed the knob and flung it open. Startled, she jumped off her bed and backed away from him.

  “I am your father, and as your father, I am telling you that you will not sleep with just any guy who pays attention to you.” Ben waved his finger at his daughter.

  “Since when do you care?” Bianca demanded. “You know why I made this bet? Because I’m tired of being ignored by you and Mom. This way I’ll actually get some attention!”

  Ben gulped hard; tears sprang to his eyes. I’ve broken my daughter. How did it get this bad?

  “I’m sorry. I’ve failed you as a father.”

  Bianca looked away; she folded her arms across her chest and turned her back on him. Ben wrapped his arms around her, but she pulled away.

  “Don’t touch me!”

  He ignored her words and tried again; this time he held her tighter. It took a couple of minutes, but Bianca relented. She hugged him and cried like a little girl. When Billie appeared and asked what was wrong, Ben pulled her in for a hug too. He kissed her cheek and said he loved them both. When they were done, Ben went to down to the kitchen and made hot dogs because it was the only thing he knew how to cook.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  “Will you pull over for a minute? I want to double check the address,” Drew said, frowning at his cell phone. He ran his finger along the map on his screen. “Hmm…”

  Paige brought the car to a halt along on a narrow dirt road. She squinted. At the end of the road were several tall buildings.

  “This can’t be right. We’re in the middle of nowhere.” He rubbed his head and looked around. “Are those cows crossing up ahead?”

  “Well, we’re in Spanish Fork where cows crossing the road is a common event,” Paige replied. She grabbed the brochure that stuck out of Drew’s pocket and flipped through it. “Those buildings look like the ones in the brochure.”

  “But there are cows,” Drew grimaced. “And I bet there isn’t a Starbucks for at least ten miles.” Drew’s knee shook; he held it still with his hand. “The Wi-Fi signal is ridiculous.”

  Paige used all of her self-restraint not to laugh.

  “Oh come on, loosen up. There’s no need to be afraid of livestock. It’s great out here. Lots of fresh air—”

  “Yeah, the smell of manure is awesome,” he groaned.

  “I’m sure there were quite a few wonderful rehab centers in Seattle, the land of eternal coffee. Why not pick one of them?” Paige asked.

  Her brother looked at her like she just asked if there was life on Mars. It was a facial expression she hadn’t seen since she was in pigtails and trying to make off with some of his toys.

  “You’re all the family I have left. I’d be crazy not to come here to do this.” Drew swallowed hard and blinked a few times. “Besides, there’s a lot that we haven’t talked about, and I think th
at we’re going to have to in order for me to get better.”

  “There are mountains worth of stuff we’ve never talked about,” Paige commented.

  And I still really don’t want to talk about any of it. No, I’d like to deny the past ever happened a little while longer.

  Paige’s phone shook as it rested on the console between the seats. She picked it up, read the screen and loudly exhaled.

  “Ben again?”

  “Yeah, he says he misses me, which is weird because he travels all the time and never says that.”

  Paige turned her phone off and shoved it in her purse. I can only handle one drama at a time.

  “Did he really name all of his kids ‘b’ names just because his name is Ben?” Drew looked amused and disturbed all at the same time.

  “Yeah, I guess his grandparents did the same thing. I told him it wasn’t very original. He could’ve at least chosen a different letter. Before me, he dated a woman named Beth. If he had married her, things would have been perfect. They could have been the five ‘b’s.”

  How I wish he had married her! Then she could be the one wondering where he is late at night or whom he’s secretly talking to on the phone. Hmm…maybe she is the one he’s secretly talking to. I’d give anything to go back to that night in the bar and do things differently.

  “I don’t know the guy, but I do know you, and you’re not happy with him. Every time his name comes up, you flinch like you’re in pain or something,” Drew said. “Why are you still with him?”

  Paige stared at the cows crossing the road and shrugged. “Divorce isn’t an option. Isn’t that what Mom used to say?”

  “Given how that worked out, I think it’s safe to say that sometimes divorce is the better option.”

  Paige didn’t want to reflect on why she stayed. That would involve digging until she found the root of why she’d married a stranger in the first place.

  “I stay because of the kids.”

  “But they aren’t yours!” Drew waved his hands to drive home the point that her reasoning was absurd.

  “It doesn’t feel that way to me.” Paige leaned her head against the window; the glass was cold on her cheek. “Ben’s gone a lot. That just leaves three very entertaining young girls and me. At first, I was really overwhelmed and tired, but now they’re my family. I can’t imagine life without them.”