After It's Over
Page 15
Kade didn’t have nearly as many stories as Paige did. She laughed when he described getting kicked out of his fraternity at UW because of a wild party that ended with stealing a trampoline from the dean’s backyard. He glossed over his time at the police academy and his job now; there was no need to describe the darkest parts of his life. She seemed to understand that police work gave him a chance to make a difference in the community.
After hours of talking and laughing, there came a lull in the conversation. As they lay side by side in the darkness, Kade listened to the sound of Paige breathing. She was close to him, so close their hands touched.
“I’ve missed you, Paige.”
“I’ve missed you too.”
There was just enough light from the moon to see a single strand of hair fall across her forehead as she turned towards him. Kade pushed the hair back into place; the texture was soft and smooth. He drank in the smell of her coconut shampoo. Paige rested her hand on his thigh. He slid his hand up her neck and rested his palm under the base of her skull, pulling her in for a kiss. The first one was soft and short, giving her the chance to pull away, but she didn’t. She clung to him as the kisses grew deeper. His fingers climbed the buttons on her blouse, undoing them one by one. Her hands tugged on his belt as she lay back on the bed.
There were no words as they removed each other’s clothing. His lips caressed every inch of her torso; she ran her hands over his damp skin. At one point, Kade felt the urge to cry, to release all of the pain and sadness he had walled up inside his soul since that day in the cemetery. Fighting the urge, he hungrily consumed her instead. The night was a hazy blur of tactile sensation and love.
***
The honking of a car horn snapped Kade out of his memories. He rubbed his eyes and looked at the clock. Mass was over. The church doors opened as parishioners made their way down the steps. He left his gun and badge in the car and hopped out. Taking several deep breaths, he crossed the street to the church.
What would have happened if I’d made our date the next night? What if….
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Paige sat at the kitchen table with her laptop. The girls were fed and their homework was done. Billie was in her room, pouting about her grounding. Bianca was in her room with the door locked again, but happier than normal. She considered asking what was behind the sudden change in mood, but then opted not to. If the bear is happy, let the bear be. Bev had disappeared to the computer room after dinner. She wasn’t a fan of dishes.
Staring at the login screen for Facebook, Paige drummed her fingers on the table.
Fine, I’ll do it. But I’m not posting any selfies or accepting friend requests from people I don’t even know. Okay, I signed up. Complete your profile. Fine, here’s a headshot from when I joined the firm. Am I single? Hmm…Let’s just leave that blank because I’d like to be. Birthdate—check. Random facts about me—I used to have a dog named Piddle. Okay, that’s good enough. Just need to find the firm’s page.
Her fingers hovered over the keyboard, Kade’s face flashed before her eyes.
No, he’d never sign up. Never. Right? Do I really know him well enough to say that anymore? He did stand me up, and I never thought he’d do that. Maybe he just wanted a one-night stand with an old flame. So, why do I want to look for him? Because I love him. Because he’s my home.
Paige typed Kade’s name into the search engine. For a split second, she forgot to breathe. Air caught in her throat and she coughed. His profile was the first to appear on the screen. She studied his picture; it was a non-smiling one of him in his uniform. She hovered over the ‘friend’ button.
Should I? Probably not. My husband is being nice to me after all this time. For the sake of the girls, I really should try to make this work.
“Hi,” Ben said, as he walked into the kitchen.
“What?” Paige sat back with a start. She did her best to squelch the sudden guilt she felt at the sight of her husband.
“I said ‘hi’.”
Ben went to the fridge, yanked the door opened and pulled out a beer, which he promptly guzzled. His tie hung loosely around his neck, his shirt was completely un-tucked and his hair was uncombed.
“Ben, are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” Her husband didn’t make eye contact as he circled the kitchen.
Paige folded her arms and eyeballed him. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing. What makes you think that anything is going on?” He tossed the bottle into the recycling bin and grabbed another from the fridge.
“Because you’re chugging beer like you haven’t had one in ten years, and you look like a train wreck.” Paige closed her computer.
No need for Ben to see that I’m stalking my high school sweetheart on Facebook.
“I had a rough day.”
“Yeah? You want to talk about it?” Paige got up from the table and went to him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him in for a hug. He patted her back and pulled away.
“Not really.”
“Okay.” Paige went to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water. “At some point, we need to talk about Billie getting kicked out of daycare.”
“What’d she do?” Ben sighed.
“Tormented Mrs. Watson.”
“Maybe her mom can talk to her about it.” He took another long drink from his beer.
Paige frowned. “What do you mean?”
A look of surprise crossed Ben’s face. He sighed and studied the bottle in his hand.
“What?” Paige asked. What didn’t he tell me now?
“I saw Evelyn yesterday. She’s doing better, so I told her that she could have the girls this weekend.”
“You what?” She blinked sharply and tried to comprehend what her husband just said.
She can’t take the girls. They’re all I have.
“I told Evelyn she could have the girls this weekend. She’ll pick up Bev and Billie after school. Bianca has a dance Friday night—”
“I know. I’m supposed to chaperone.” Paige glowered at her husband.
“Oh. Well, her mom is picking her from there. Don’t look so glum! You get the whole weekend off, babe.”
Paige’s face flushed with warmth, but her eyes were cold.
“Don’t call me babe.”
“What’s your problem?” Ben shook his head.
“My problem is that you didn’t think to run any of this by me. Don’t you think you should’ve told me you were going to meet your ex-wife?”
I’ve been their mother for the last year. I take care of them. Doesn’t that count for something?
“Why?” Ben took his jacket off and threw it at the chair. The jacket slid off and landed on the floor. He looked at it but didn’t move.
“Because I’ve been their mother for the last year.” Paige picked up the jacket and hung it on the back of the chair.
“But you’re not their mother. Evelyn is their mother, and frankly, I don’t answer to you.”
Her mouth dropped open. “Are you serious? I’m your wife, and I take care of those girls while you’re off doing heaven knows what! You should have asked me before you agreed to send them to stay with a drug addict for the weekend. I deserve to have a say in what goes on with those girls.” Paige clenched her teeth.
“She’s clean now.”
“Right. Because drug addicts never relapse.” Paige rubbed her eyes and smeared mascara across her face. “And now I look like Alice Cooper. Great. Just great.”
“What’s wrong with you?” Ben asked between gulps of his third beer.
“What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you? Why can’t you just be the nice guy you were in the beginning, huh? Or was that just an act?” She put her hands on her hips and glared at him.
Ben hung his head. “I’m trying to be better, but I don’t see what the big deal is.”
“No, you never do, but I’ll tell you right now that without those girls—I don’t have a reason to stay!”
Paige wanted to curse, but she had better manners than that so she picked up her computer and stomped past her husband to the stairs.
“Since I’m not their mother, you can get them to the school tomorrow and chaperone Bianca’s dance on Friday night,” she snapped.
Paige didn’t wait for a response. She took the stairs two at a time and was breathless when she reached the master bedroom. She slammed the door, locked it and lay down on the bed.
I think I might actually hate Ben, but is that a good reason to reach out to Kade? It would be nice to know why didn’t he meet me at that bar.
Propping herself up on her pillows, Paige opened her computer. She thought back to the last time she’d seen Kade.
***
Paige had gone out of her way to grocery shop in the Proctor district. According to Kade’s dad, he still shopped there on Tuesdays after work. The first few times, she’d casually strolled through the store, hoping to run into him. Disappointed, Paige left each time with a bag of groceries that were never eaten. Tracking down his address would have been easy, but she didn’t want to seem desperate by showing up at his door after all these years. For weeks she shopped, never crossing paths with Kade.
The day Paige finally ran into him was the day she’d decided it was the last time she was going to drive to the other side of town to grocery shop. Her cupboards were full and her budget was maxed out. Nervously, she studied him. The boy she’d loved had grown into a handsome and confident man. Their conversation was a hazy memory. Her mind could only recall falling into bed and making love. Paige ached for Kade. She could still remember his scent and the way he felt in her arms. The next morning, they’d sat in his bed and made plans for that night.
***
“What’re you doing tonight?” Kade asked.
“Um, nothing,” Paige replied. She ran her hand lightly down his bare back and leaned in for a kiss. “I can’t kiss you enough.”
“I know the feeling,” he said, with a smile followed by a long kiss.
When they were out of breath, Kade pulled back. “Meet me at O’Callahan’s and we’ll get a drink and some dinner.”
“You mean that bar near the base? That’s a long way to drive for a beer.”
“I know, but I have to work out there today. They’ve got me on county duty, which means I won’t be in the city at all today.” Kade kissed her neck.
“Okay.” Paige leaned into his kisses. Before long, they were back between the sheets.
***
Paige showed up at O’Callahan’s at six p.m.. The bar was busy, filled with Airmen just getting off work. There was a free table in the corner with a great view of the door to the bar. Paige sat down and ordered a white wine. A couple of Airmen offered to buy her a drink, promising to show her a good time. She’d politely declined.
I wish Kade had chosen a bar that wasn’t so clearly a pick-up spot.
After thirty minutes or so, guys stopped offering to buy her drinks and started taking the chairs at the table. She’d managed to hold onto a couple, but that was getting harder and harder as time wore on. Paige texted Kade to see why he was delayed, but he never responded. Waiting and thinking, she wondered if she’d been stood up. Her emotions were still raw from being unceremoniously cheated on and dumped by Matt and her self-esteem had never been lower. Paige contemplated where she had gone wrong.
How could Kade just bail on me? Maybe I shouldn’t have slept with him. Why should he show up if he knows I’m that easy? But I thought that what we had went beyond games and all that.
Paige analyzed every second of their night together. With every thought, she became more neurotic and unsure of herself, until she was ready to bolt from the bar in order to spare herself any more humiliation. Just as she’d gotten up to leave, Ben appeared. He was handsome for sure, but reminded her of Matt with his over-the-top ‘every woman wants me’ act. Paige had been ready to pass—she just wanted to leave, but then his phone rang.
Listening to him talk to his daughter, she wondered if her first impression was wrong. Paige had reached a point in her life where she wanted to be married to a guy that would be a good father and, from the outside, Ben seemed to fit the bill. So they got something to eat. He was sweet and let her do all the talking. They laughed as they shared stories. He told her all about his daughters and how devoted he was to them since their mother was out of the picture. Ben had seemed sweet and sincere. He was the most charming guy she’d ever met and it was nearly midnight when they’d said goodbye in the parking lot.
Looking back on that night, Paige realized that she had walked him to his car. That was a clear sign of how chivalrous he wasn’t. As Ben pulled away, she dropped her phone and he crushed it with his back tire. There was no saving the memory card and all of her contacts, including Kade’s, were lost.
Ben had offered to buy her a new phone, but she was a big fancy lawyer who could take care of that on her own. They spent every night for the next two weeks together, and when she told him she didn’t want to have sex outside of marriage (because she still wasn’t sure what happened with Kade), he proposed. Paige thought that was the beginning of her fairy tale.
***
Boy, was I wrong. Ben wasn’t Prince Charming. He was a frog with warts. Big, disgusting warts. I should have made more of an effort to find out what happened to Kade that night. Maybe it’s not too late.
Paige took a deep breath and clicked on the ‘friend’ button next to Kade’s name. She almost expected there to be an instantaneous response or for her computer to blow up at the idea that she, a married woman, was contacting her ex-boyfriend.
“Hey.”
“Huh?” Paige looked up from her computer and slammed the lid closed. Ben stood in the doorway of the bedroom. “I’m pretty sure I locked that door.”
“I keep a key above the doorframe for when you get mad at me,” he said with a grin. “I’m sorry about earlier. I’m just a little stressed out.”
“That doesn’t excuse what you said,” she replied.
“I know, and I’m sorry.
Paige raised her eyebrows and wondered if that was the best he could do. “What’s going on, Ben?”
“Do you remember that gun I keep in the glove box of my car?” Ben shoved his hands into his pockets and looked at the floor.
“You mean the gun you carry because you’re not sure if your crazy, drug-addicted ex-wife is going to show up and try to kill you? That gun?” Paige asked.
“I may have exaggerated about that.”
“Hmm…”
Or maybe you just really want to farm the kids out, so you can take off this weekend and pretend you’re working.
“What about the gun, Ben?”
“Well, it got stolen. I’ve been kind of worried that, you know, someone might use it.” Ben walked to their bedroom window and lifted the shade.
“Are you looking for someone out there?”
“No. Just wondering if the neighbor’s dog got loose again. I heard him barking a minute ago.”
“I don’t hear anything.”
“I swear it was just barking.” Ben released the shade and faced her. He gave her a half-hearted smile.
“Do you know who stole your gun?”
“No.”
Paige noted the awkwardness of his mannerisms and how uncomfortable he seemed. She knew he was lying to her; she just didn’t know why and didn’t care enough to ask.
“Did you report the gun theft to the police?”
Ben looked at her, startled.
“I guess that’s a ‘no’. Look, I did an internship with the District Attorney’s office back home and this is serious. Your gun could be used in the commission of a crime,” she explained.
Ben’s eyes glazed over. Life gets serious and he checks out.
“Take the
serial number and go report it stolen,” Paige said firmly.
Don’t think about the black and white photos filled with dead bodies of gun shot victims.
“Right. I’ll do it tomorrow.” Ben gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and headed towards the door.
“Is that it?” she asked.
“What else is there?”
Paige sighed. “Nothing, nothing at all.”
“I’m going to sleep in the basement tonight. See you tomorrow.” Ben walked out of the bedroom, leaving the door open.
“You’re taking the girls to school tomorrow!” She wasn’t sure if he heard her, but it didn’t matter if he did. If she wasn’t the girls’ mother, then she was done acting like it.
We’ll see how Ben likes being both mom and dad. How would he like to leave work early because Billie got kicked out of daycare? Crap, I still need to find a new sitter. Wait! No, that’s Ben’s job now.
Paige smiled as she got ready for bed. Her mind ran through all the things that Ben was going to do from now on. She got into bed, checked her Facebook account one last time and slipped off to sleep. She dreamt of Kade and the life that should have been.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Ben paced up and down the hallway outside the master bedroom. The house was quiet as his family had settled in for the night. The silence made it impossible to ignore the guilt that gnawed at him. While he had told his wife he would go to the police, Ben had no intention of doing so. They would want to know if he knew who might’ve stolen it.
I’d have to tell them that my girlfriend stole it and that would mean the end of my career and my marriage.
The Air Force’s code of conduct listed integrity as its most important core value. Adultery would surely get him a discharge before he could even look for a new job. Ben didn’t want a new job; he liked what he did, was good at it, and he didn’t see why a harmless fling should end his career. He rubbed his head and checked his phone again. Beth hadn’t responded to any of his texts and his calls went straight to voicemail.