“No, I don’t. I don’t know anything. This is all just some crappity crap you’re trying to spin, because now you’re back in Southerly, you and your giant ego wanna save face.”
He laughed. “It’s not about saving face, Laura. Sure, the timing was off, I know that. You walked in on me, and then I flew out the next day… it was really bad timing. I understand your frustration.”
“It’s a little more than ‘frustration.’ You shattered my world.”
“What do you want me to say to make things better?”
“I don’t know.”
“Come on ask me anything, doll. Let’s talk about it.”
“How was she?” I sob, pulling my knees up and into my chest. “Do you think she was worth it?”
“Which one?”
I straighten my spine and stare into the darkness like a zombie risen from the dead. I must be hearing things now because there was only one girl. He wasn’t thinking straight, and he made a mistake. But he only did it once.
I let out a long, loud wail, dragging my fingers down my face. “What do you mean?” My voice cracks at the seams.
“Oh, don’t be so fucking dramatic, Laura. You heard me.”
“So there were others?”
“Of course there were others, doll,” he sneers. “But they meant nothing to me. I would never do to you the things I did to them because I respect you too much. You’re my little virgin, Hemsworth, and you always will be. You are mine. And whether you like it or not, that will never change.”
You think someone can’t wound you any deeper, and then they pull out a knife so sharp and push it in so deep that all wounds from the past seem like grazes in comparison.
“Go to hell!” I scream. “Take your slutty sluts and go to fucking hell!”
Silence falls down the line. It’s so quiet my ears are almost ringing.
“Laura? Are you listening to me? Because this is very important.” His voice is ragged, worn like an old record. My skin prickles.
“Dollface,” he growls, “answer me.”
But even if I wanted to, I couldn’t. My body has gone into shutdown, and I’m miles away. I’m lying in a giant, golden field of poppies. Smiling as the sunbeams kiss and warm my skin.
“Laura!” he screams, bursting my protective bubble.
There’s no poppies anymore. Just me. Lying in a ball against the cold, dusty floorboards of my bedroom. “Don’t you ever speak to me like that again, Laura. Do you understand me? I have been very patient with you over the years, but don’t push me because one day you may push too far, and I would hate to see the aftermath.”
My eyes fly open, and I laugh like a crazed clown who’s been blowing up helium balloons all night. “What are you going on about?” I snort. “You’re a fucking screw job, that’s what you are.”
Hugo yells so loudly that his words are almost inaudible. “How dare you speak to me like that? I’m warning you—don’t push me!”
“No,” I hiss, clenching my fist against the floor “how dare you? Everything we had is gone. You shattered my heart and my dreams.” The water pipes bust, and I start sobbing like someone died. “I wanted to get engaged once and married once, and you’ve taken all that away from me. I swear, I loved you with all my heart, but after everything that has happened, how can I ever trust you again?”
“Laura … darling.” His voice softens and nuzzles against my ear just like it used to. “We’ll get through this. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone; you must remember that.”
“But how could you do that to me if you loved me?” I exhale, wiping the tears from my eyes.
“Know that every sparkle of your ring is my everlasting promise of loving you.”
“I threw it away.”
He splutters, and it sounds like he’s choking on his own tongue. “What do you mean you threw it away? Do you know how much it was worth?”
My anger re-appears with a vengeance. “Do you know how much my heart was worth? Fifty million times more than that, and yet you chucked it away the moment you started fooling around.”
“Well, it’s a good thing I insured it then, isn’t it?” He laughs. “I promise I’ll get you another one. An even bigger one this time, and you’ll love it even more.”
“Hugo!” I yell. “It’s not about the size; it’s about what it represents. I would have been happy with a blade of grass wrapped around my finger if it meant you’d never cheat on me.”
“A blade of grass?” he snorts. “What are you going on about? You’re making no sense at all.”
“How clear do I have to make it so it goes into your thick skull? I’m through with you.”
“You’re through with me?” He laughs. “Can you hear yourself? Do you know who I am? Don’t you understand the sort of life I can give you?”
“It’s not about that. I gave you something, that I can never get back and even though my virginity clearly didn’t mean anything to you, it meant a lot to me. Don’t ever call me again. It’s over. Do you understand?”
“Oh yes, I understand perfectly what you’re saying. But unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way, Laura.”
My heart is so full of blackness it feels like I’ve been a chain smoker since I was four. I curl tighter into my body and sob harder than I’ve ever sobbed in my life.
“Just leave me alone,” I cry. “Please, just let me be.”
“I can’t do that, doll. I’m sorry, but I can’t.”
“Why?” I whisper. “Why can’t you just walk away?”
“Because I love you, and I refuse to give up on what we have.”
I feel like I’m bleeding to death, but there’s not a drop of blood on me. All the damage is internal.
I never should have answered the phone. Just hearing his voice again has filled my heart with a whole new layer of dark, wet sadness. And I want to scrub away at it until it bleeds, but there’s no layers left to scrub.
“Goodbye, Hugo.”
“I’ll call you in the morning.”
“No,” I whisper, “please, don’t.”
NINE
“What’s the B stand for?”
I swallow hard, feeling the electricity shoot through my veins the moment I hear his voice. It’s so dark yet soft; it’s like crushed velvet against my ear. And even though I’ve heard that particular question a million times before, it’s never, ever given me chills.
“Well?” He chuckles, his eyes glued to my cheeks.
“Why does it even matter?” I groan.
“Small talk is just part of getting to know someone. Thought I’d give it a shot.”
“It doesn’t matter.” I gulp, trying to avoid drowning in the icy cool waters of his eyes. I swear, whoever created them pulled them straight out of heaven. They’re so beautiful I wanna look into them forever, but they’re so intense I’m afraid I’ll die of hypothermia if I do.
He sniggers at me. “You know, Ra, I would have believed you, but by the adorable color you’re changing, I reckon it does.”
“Brooke,” I blurt out, waving my arms in the air. “Satisfied? It’s Brooke.”
His eyes narrow into a shard of sparkling ice. “I would be,” he laughs. “But I think someone is telling a story.”
I cross my arms. “Well, I’m not.”
He smiles widely, running his hand over the dusting of stubble on his jaw. “And there you go again. See ya later, Ra. Enjoy your weekend.”
I don’t want to stare at him as he walks away, but I can’t help myself. The way the fabric of his t-shirt falls down and over his muscles makes me wish I was that t-shirt. Being around him does such crazy things to my insides I half expect I’m going to set off the fire alarms one day. Hugo was never like that. He’s built, sure. But not like Ash…
Mel sidles up beside me as I watch him walk across campus and back to his motorbike. “Who is that?” Mel fans her face. “God damn, I wish I was that bike. He could ride me as hard as he pleases, and I wouldn’t even tell George!”<
br />
“Mel!” I squeal, slapping her on the arm. “You’re terrible.”
“Have you seen him, though?” she giggles, tussling her fingers through her golden locks. “He’s freaking delicious.”
“I know,” I exhale, “isn’t he?”
“What did he say?” she giggles, dropping her head to one side. “‘Cause your cheeks are giving Bodhi’s hair a run for their money, and that’s saying something.”
“Oh, ha-dee-ha-ha,” I exhale. “Nothing; it doesn’t matter, let’s just go home.”
She whips her compact mirror out of her purse and sticks it in my face. Shit. I am red. Like, redder than red. No wonder he knew I was lying. I cover my face with my hands, hoping the ground will open up and swallow me whole. “He wanted to know what the B stands for.”
“Oh my god. Is that all?” she cackles. “I thought he must have told you what he wanted to do to you behind the science lab.”
I pull a face. “I don’t think he likes me like that.”
“He so does!” A loud voice hollers in my ear.
“Bodhi, don’t eavesdrop it’s rude.”
He shrugs. “Trust me, he likes you—a lot. You sit together in every lecture he bothers to show up at. He goes from ignoring you one day to waving at you in front of the entire class the next. Sorry, but you two are so hot for each other it’s getting ridiculous. I mean, what about the other day?”
“What about the other day?” Mel leans forward. “She hasn’t told me anything about this! Spill your guts, Fire Boy, or I’m slicing them open with my nail file.”
He gives me a wary look, and I can’t help but giggle at his expression. “It’s okay.” I smile. “She’s perfectly harmless, promise.”
“If you say so,” he smiles, pushing past Mel as he saunters down the hallway. “Truth is, the other day, I turned up just when he was about to kiss her.”
“What?” she squeals. “That’s Climber, isn’t it? That’s the guy you spent way too much money on tiny pieces of material for, isn’t it?”
I didn’t think it was possible to become redder than red. But it turns out, it is. ‘Cause now I’m practically purple. “Shush,” I groan. “What if he hears you squealing? Please, I’m begging you both—stop it!”
“I’m gonna be late for my lecture anyway, so see you Monday, but whether you can see it or not, he wants you.”
“But what about Perfect Ass?” I call after Bodhi.
“Who?”
“How could you not have noticed her ass? It’s so pert she must do a thousand squats a night.”
“Oh,” he laughs loudly. “Are you talking about Klara? Her jeans sure are tight.”
I frown. “So you have noticed her.”
He grins. “You got me.”
“What about the way she hangs around Ash, have you noticed that?”
“Who cares?”
I purse my lips together. Me, apparently. “Aren’t they together? I’m just a little girl in comparison to her. How the hell am I meant to compete with that?”
Bodhi shakes his head. “There’s no competition when the judge only has eyes for you.”
“You’re just saying that.”
“Talk some sense into her, will you?” he laughs, rolling his eyes at Mel. “She never listens to me.”
“Listen to Fire Boy, grasshopper,” Mel grins. “He’s very knowledgeable.”
I giggle, watching as Bodhi saunters down the hallway. “He really is, and man, he makes me laugh. But I don’t know … you saw how hot Ash is, how could he even look at me?”
Mel exhales, “When was the last time you looked in a mirror, girl? “You’re not a little girl any more; you’re a woman. And you’re gonna have many men chasing after you.”
“But what makes you think that?”
“Because you’re a catch, babe, whether you see it or not.”
“But what about the daisies?”
“Paint over them if that’s what it takes to get over Hugo. Just paint over them.” She snorts.
“But, he took my daisy,” I mumble.
“Laura!” she exhales. “Please stop calling it that; it’s embarrassing. Shit, you need to grow up.”
“Everywhere I went I was with him, though. I’m lost without him; I can’t imagine who I’m meant to be without him in my life.”
“You’re born alone, you die alone. You need to get over him. Hugo Smit is a jackass. Got it? He’s a freaking loser, and anyway, where’s all this coming from? I thought you were moving on, Miss Naughty Pants! Have you forgotten yesterday’s credit card bending?”
“Hugo phoned me last night. I called out to you, but you must have been asleep or busy with your three wise men.”
“Three wise men?” Her pouty mouth curves up into a toothy smile. “Good one, babe.” She giggles. “They are very smart, though. So, what time was this?”
I rub my eyes. “Two-thirty a.m.”
“What? Why would he call you at such an ungodly hour? You must have thought something terrible had happened. What an inconsiderate prick!”
“Yeah, it did freak me out—and I didn’t know the number. But at that hour, I felt like I couldn’t ignore it, just in case.”
“Well, I hope you stood up to him. What did he want?”
“Yeah I sort of did, but he didn’t like it very much.”
“So?” she huffs “What he likes and doesn’t like isn’t your concern anymore.”
I exhale. “Yeah, I guess, but hearing from him again did bring it all back. He still loves me, you know.”
“Loves you?” She shakes her head. “Words are cheap, Laura. It doesn’t cost a dime to say what people wanna hear.”
And just like that, there was her big-city reality check, slapping me straight across the face.
Whack.
And even though I don’t want to listen, I know she’s right. Actions speak louder than words—a lot louder. My eyes burn, pleading to release more tears. But I’ve already done so much crying I feel like the well to my heart is bone dry.
“Everyone makes mistakes,” I whisper. “Hugo’s only human. Guess he had needs.”
“What?” she gasps. “Oh my god, please tell me you’re joking. FiFi had his dick in her mouth! That doesn’t just happen, you know. It’s not like her mouth just fell onto his dick and started sucking out his juices to keep him from dying of some rare disease.”
“Mel,” I groan, sliding my fingers up and over my forehead. “Stop; please don’t. I can’t stand thinking about it. No matter how much I try, I can’t get that image out of my head. That’s all I see when I close my eyes at night, and it kills me. Maybe if I had learnt to swallow without gagging, he wouldn’t have needed to go elsewhere to get it.”
“Your apparent gagging has nothing to do with it!” she snorts at me. “Cheaters are cheaters, and his spots are very prominent.”
“I just wish I could get the images out of my head.”
“You can, babe, and in fact, you can do it really easily.”
“What are you suggesting?”
She elbows me, a wicked grin plastered across her face.
“I don’t like where this is going,” I grumble. “I hate it when you look at me like that.”
“Make new images—with Eros.”
“Who?”
“Don’t go who-ing me. You know exactly who—Climber. Go make new images, back at his place, all night long. Lots and lots of them from every angle possible.”
“Mel!” I hiss, shoving her shoulder as we walk across the car park. “I told you, I don’t think he likes me like that.”
“Nope, sorry. If Bodhi says he does, then he does. So accept it and be grateful ‘cause I’m telling you, in case you’ve gone blind, he’s a serious hunk of steak!”
“Mmm. I know,” I sigh. “See? I told you he was.”
“Well, exactly. And if you don’t want a bite, I’m happy to step up and take the challenge.”
“Which is?”
“You’ve got the knick
ers, now you just need the courage to let him rip them off.”
“Mel!” I squawk. “Oh my god. Can you hear yourself? Stop. Please!”
“Nope, I will not stop until you do something about it.”
“What?”
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