Rattling the Heat in Deadwood (Deadwood Humorous Mystery Book 8)

by Ann Charles

  I turned to head back to Calamity Jane’s.

  “Hey, Parker!” I heard a voice that made me cringe.

  The sight of Detective Hawke striding my way made me growl.

  “You need to come to the police station.”

  “Now?”

  “The sooner the better.”

  Shit. My heart clutched itself and stumbled around in my chest. “I thought this wasn’t going to happen until tomorrow.”

  “What’s going to happen tomorrow?” he asked.

  “Isn’t that the big day?” I remained purposely vague.

  “What the hell are you talking about?”

  Wait, what was he talking about?

  I searched his face to see if he was messing with me. Could it have really worked? Was I actually free and clear of Ms. Wolff’s murder, at least for now?

  “Your birthday?” It came out a question by accident.

  “Tomorrow isn’t my birthday.”

  “Oh, I thought … I thought that was why you went out with Natalie and Freesia last night.” As far as I knew they had all gone to Rapid to get him out of his apartment, but maybe tripping through time had caused a bigger ripple than I’d thought.

  “We went out to celebrate Nat’s upcoming birthday,” he explained. I bristled at his shortening of Natalie’s name.

  “That’s right. I was confused.”

  “I’m not surprised. You seem to get ‘confused’ on details, especially when it comes to the murders around here, which I find awfully convenient.”

  “I’m sure you do.”

  He gave me his best gunslinger glare. “It’s probably all of that eye of newt you’ve been sniffing, Witch.”

  Well, damn. Playing around in the past hadn’t changed that part of our relationship. That made me wonder what else hadn’t changed.

  “Don’t you think for a minute, Parker, that I’ve forgotten about the hex you put on me.”

  Which in particular, dickwad? I bit my tongue.

  “I have some crime scene photos you need to see.”

  “Why?”

  “Cooper thinks you might have some insight.”

  “Detective Cooper said that?” Aloud? To someone else? I looked up at the sky. Where were the flying pigs?

  “Yeah,” Hawke continued. “But I suspect your insight is tied to the fact that you are responsible, at least in part.”

  Of course he would. I gave him a polite smile. “I’ll make an appointment through Detective Cooper to see those pictures of yours.”

  “You just make sure that’s all you do with my detective. If I catch wind you two are up to any hanky-panky, I’ll have him put on leave so fast it will make both of your heads spin.”

  I could only imagine how Cooper would have reacted to that monologue. Rather than leaning closer and biting his head off, I started to walk away. But then one last question for the big buffoon sprang to mind. “Detective Hawke?” I called to his back.

  He turned around. “What?”

  “I was just wondering about something.”

  “Hurry up with it, Parker. Some of us have murders to pin on our number-one suspect.”

  “I’d expect that from you, snollyguster.”

  He barked three times. Spit flew through the steam of his breath, the barks echoing in the cold morning air.

  “That sounds good to me,” I said, giving him a thumbs-up.

  “What sounds good?” His upper lip was still wrinkled in a snarl.

  “Taking a look at those pictures of yours sometime. See you later.” I turned away, adding under my breath, “Law dog.”

  Mona was in the office when I stepped inside.

  “Hi, Vi.” She did a double take when she looked up at me. “You look tired.”

  “I had a rough night.”

  “Nightmares again?”

  I nodded. Only this time the nightmares had happened while I was awake.

  “Maybe you should take the day off.”

  I liked the sound of that, but … “I need to take care of some paperwork for those three new clients Jerry’s billboard hooked.”

  She scowled. “I hate to say it, but that billboard of his seems to be working for both Ben and you.”

  “And all of us, judging from our recent second-place ranking.”

  Ray came in, and I got lost in my paperwork, doing my best to ignore the glares he kept shooting my way. I didn’t know what I’d done to earn his sneers this morning. I couldn’t remember yanking on his chain recently, only Detective Hawke’s.

  Natalie called a short time later. I stepped out the back door, shivering in the cold while she filled me in on her evening with Detective Hawke. Lucky for her, Freesia had helped to divert the big buttinski’s attention. I gave Natalie the lowdown about what had happened at the Galena House, catching her up to date. After she agreed to come to supper tonight, I hung up and returned to work.

  Jerry and Ben were out most of the morning. If Mona or Ray mentioned why, I wasn’t paying attention. My mind was back in Ms. Wolff’s apartment, replaying the scene time and again, trying to figure out if Cornelius was right about something. Doc had mentioned Cooper seeing glitches, which had spurred a memory of my own. Something I would describe as a glitch had occurred each time the song changed on that old radio. Was last night’s adventure a “haunting”? As in one long recording playing over and over that I was part of somehow? Or had I gone back in time and repeated the second loop?

  By the time lunch rolled around, my head was throbbing in spite of the acetaminophen I’d taken. The three cups of coffee since I’d started working probably hadn’t helped.

  Ray stood and stretched, making a point of interrupting me. “Blondie, I’m heading to lunch.”

  I frowned across at him. “And I care because?”

  Mona had run down the street to grab something to eat and would be back any minute now. I didn’t need to cover for Ray, so what was with the announcement?

  “Jerry and I are meeting with your good buddy today.”

  I sat back, crossing my arms. “And which buddy is that, Ray?”

  “Tiffany Sugarbell. She has a proposal for Jerry that I don’t think he’s going to be able to resist.”

  I’d done enough mind-reading with Cornelius this morning. “Let’s have it, Ray. If you gloat on it much more, you’ll choke and I’ll be damned if I do the Heimlich maneuver on you.”

  “I’ll keep it simple for you: There’s a new girl in town. Say Adios, Blondie.”

  My gut torpedoed south. Great. Just freaking wonderful. Now I’d have two back-stabbing little bitches to face off with every day.

  I huffed. Fine, bring it. If I could take on a bone cruncher and a lidérc, I could handle Ray and Tiffany tag-teaming up on my ass.

  “Okay.” I smiled at Ray and raised my cup of coffee to him. “Adios, motherfucker.”

  He stalked over to me, his over-tanned face puckered up tight. “You’re going down, Blondie. And I’m going to enjoy watching you fall flat on your face.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Ray, your ass must be so jealous of all the shit that keeps coming out of your mouth.”

  The front door jingled. Mona was back.

  She took one look at Ray and me and scowled. “Ray, isn’t it time for you to go to lunch?”

  “Yeah, Red. I was just on my way out.” Under his breath he added, “Just like you, Blondie.”

  I laughed. “That’s a good story, Ray, but in what chapter do you shut the hell up?”

  Mona looked over, her eyebrows lifted.

  “Nice mouth, Violet,” Ray said, pretending to be offended.

  I flipped him off to his face right in front of Mona. “I’d tell you to go fuck yourself, douchebag, but that would be cruel and unusual punishment.”

  Mona’s brows rose even higher, her lips pressed tight.

  “Wait until Jerry hears about this,” Ray said and headed for the back door. “He’s going to jump all over Tiffany Sugarbell.” He slammed the door behind him.

>   Mona lowered her glasses. “If he jumps all over her, I’m going to rip him to shreds.”

  With a heavy sigh, I lay my head on my desk. “Maybe I should go back to school. They say the healthcare industry is growing like crazy.”

  “Come on, Vi. You’re not going to give up that easily, are you?”

  “Tiffany’s claws are really sharp.”

  “True, but I have one hell of a bite.”

  I raised my head.

  She smiled, showing her teeth. “It’s just getting interesting now.”

  I nodded slowly. “I’ll have your back if you have mine.”

  “Deal.” She looked me over. “Go home. Get some rest. The real estate world will make it a day without you.”

  I took her advice and packed up, squeezing her shoulder on the way out.

  I called Natalie as soon as I got home and asked her to pick up the kids, then crawled into my bed, hugged the pillow that still smelled like Doc, and went to sleep.

  * * *

  Something smelled very cheesy and delicious. I sat up in bed, my room dark and cool. Someone had shut my bedroom door, but the aroma of baked cheese had seeped through the cracks.

  I scrubbed my hands over my face and made my way downstairs, drawn by not only my stomach’s need for food, but also the sound of laughter. Pausing in the kitchen’s entryway, I smiled.

  Doc was helping Layne set the table while Addy was playing tic-tac-toe with Natalie, giggling while Natalie tried to tickle her to distraction. Aunt Zoe was looking over Harvey’s shoulder as he stirred something on the stove.

  Norman Rockwell, eat your heart out.

  Doc looked up at me. His gaze warmed, his smile smoldering at the corners. “Look, Layne. Your mom has bed head.”

  Layne turned around at the same time the doorbell rang and laughed. “Your hair looks like a crazy lady’s, Mom.”

  “She is one wild woman,” Doc said and winked at me.

  “Don’t forget nutty like squirrel poop,” Natalie added, which made both kids break out in giggles.

  I wrinkled my nose at her and went to answer the door, smoothing down my hair on the way.

  Cooper stood on the porch.

  “Why did you ring the doorbell?” I asked.

  “Isn’t that what visitors do?”

  “Yeah, but you practically live here.” I held the door wide.

  He stepped inside and handed me an envelope. “Good news,” he said as he took off his coat.

  Doc must have heard us, because he joined us in the dining room. “What is it?”

  “I think we’re in the clear,” he said. “There was no mention of hair or a lab report all day. When I searched the evidence log, there was nothing there either.”

  I fell back against Doc, relieved. While I’d tested Hawke earlier, I was still worried he might be toying with me.

  “But my eye hurts like a son of a bitch, Parker.”

  I cupped my hand around my ear and leaned toward him. “What was that, Cooper? Your lips are moving, but I can’t hear you.”

  He glowered at me. “Would it kill you to say you’re sorry?”

  “Fine. Cooper, I’m sorry I gave you a black eye.”

  He nodded. “You’re forgiven.”

  “Really?” That seemed too easy. I’d expected the mention of handcuffs at least.

  “No. I’m still pissed.” He pointed at his black eye. “You have no idea how much shit I had to take today because of this.”

  “You didn’t tell them I did it, did you?”

  “I didn’t need to. They all know I’ve been hanging around you and came to the same conclusion about Rocky Parker.”

  I grimaced.

  “What’s that?” Doc asked, pointing at the envelope in my hand.

  “It was stuck under Parker’s windshield wiper.”

  I opened it slowly, expecting a cryptic note. Finding a Christmas card from Mr. Stinkleskine instead made me sigh in relief. I handed it to Doc and headed for the kitchen. “Wash your hands, Cooper. It’s time to eat.”

  Natalie looked up at the sound of his name, a small smile hovering on her lips. When she caught me staring at her, she lowered her gaze back to Addy’s game of tic-tac-toe.

  The phone rang as we were all sitting down to eat the three-cheese macaroni casserole covered with bacon bits. Aunt Zoe got up to get it. “You’re late, Martin,” she said into the phone, not even bothering with a “Hello.”

  I shot Doc a raised brow. She’d invited Reid for dinner?

  “Oh, I’m sorry. One minute.” She held the phone toward me. “It’s for you.”

  I took it while sitting. “Hello?”

  “Good evening, Scharfrichter.”

  I knew the voice immediately. “Mr. Black.”

  Everyone but the kids froze, their eyes on me.

  “We need to talk,” he said.

  “About what in particular?”

  “Keeping track of time and those within it.”

  “Will this be my first lesson?”

  “Call it what you will.”

  “When and where?”

  “I’ll be in touch as soon as I find somewhere safe.”

  Safe from what, I wondered.

  He hung up before I could ask.

  Nice. He must have been taking phone etiquette lessons from Cooper.

  I walked over and put the phone back on the charger. “That was my new friend from work,” I told everyone, keeping things light and easy due to little ears in the room. “He’s going to catch me up to speed on fun and games with clocks sometime soon.”

  Aunt Zoe sighed. “This is highly untraditional.”

  “So am I, according to Prudence.”

  “Who’s Prudence?” Addy asked.

  “Another work friend of your mom’s,” Natalie said.

  I sat back down to supper. Doc squeezed my leg under the table, leaning over to kiss my temple. His show of support made me almost as happy as the mound of cheesy macaroni covered with bacon bits on my plate.

  Aunt Zoe excused herself to turn on some holiday music for ambiance as we chowed down. I paused midway through my pile of cheesy goodness to look at the people around me. Damn, I was a lucky little executioner. Now if I could just make it through New Year’s in one piece.

  I started to dig back into my macaroni and paused, listening.

  Funny, I didn’t remember a cuckoo sound in Jingle Bells. The cuckoo kept going after the song ended. I lowered my fork, my heart starting to pound in rhythm with it.

  “Do you hear that?” I asked Doc, quietly.

  “Hear what?”

  Uh-oh.

  “I’ll be right back,” I told him and left the table.

  I was standing at the hall closet when Doc joined me. “What’s wrong?”

  I pointed down at the clock in the box.

  “What about it?”

  I lifted it and set it on the dining room table. “Do you see that?”

  “No. What?”

  I frowned. “It’s cuckooing.”

  “Shit.”

  Cooper joined us. “What’s going on?”

  “The clock is cuckooing,” Doc told him.

  “I don’t hear it.”

  “Violet does.”

  “Oh, hell.” Cooper muttered. “Someone is trying to come through.”

  I nodded, chewing on my lower lip.

  “Oh, no,” I whispered a couple of heartbeats later.

  “What?”

  “It stopped.”

  “That’s good, isn’t it?” Cooper asked.

  “Maybe,” I said.

  I stood watching the clock hands, waiting, praying.

  Please don’t let the hands start moving.

  Please give me a little more time.

  Please …

  The second-hand twitched. It began to move one small jump at a time.

  “It’s here.” I frowned up at Doc. “Now what?”

  He squeezed my hand. “It’s time to kick some ass, Killer.”

/>   Cooper swore. “Out of the frying pan and into the fire.”

  The End … for now

  Next up in the Deadwood Mystery Series: The Purple Door Saloon with Violet and Natalie in … Deadwood Shorts: Tequila & Time (AVAILABLE NOW!)

  Tequila is a slippery devil …

  Tequila is a slivvery depil …

  Tequila issa slipperppery debil … depil …

  Recipe for drunken laughter:

  Take two best friends since childhood;

  Add four shots of tequila each;

  Sprinkle in a handful of secrets;

  Shake.

  Given the right amount of Tequila & Time, even the deepest secrets between two friends will rise to the surface.

  www.anncharles.com

  More Books by Ann

  www.anncharles.com

  Books in the Deadwood Mystery Series

  WINNER of the 2010 Daphne du Maurier Award for Excellence in Mystery/Suspense

  WINNER of the 2011 Romance Writers of America® Golden Heart Award for Best Novel with Strong Romantic Elements

  Welcome to Deadwood—the Ann Charles version. The world I have created is a blend of present day and past, of fiction and non-fiction. What’s real and what isn’t is for you to determine as the series develops, the characters evolve, and I write the stories line by line. I will tell you one thing about the series—it’s going to run on for quite a while, and Violet Parker will have to hang on and persevere through the crazy adventures I have planned for her. Poor, poor Violet. It’s a good thing she has a lot of gumption to keep her going!

  The Deadwood Shorts collection includes short stories featuring the characters of the Deadwood Mystery series. Each tale not only explains more of Violet’s history, but also gives a little history of the other characters you know and love from the series. Rather than filling the main novels in the series with these short side stories, I’ve put them into a growing Deadwood Shorts collection for more reading fun.

  The Jackrabbit Junction Mystery Series

  Bestseller in Women Sleuth Mystery and Romantic Suspense

  Welcome to the Dancing Winnebagos RV Park. Down here in Jackrabbit Junction, Arizona, Claire Morgan and her rabble-rousing sisters are really good at getting into trouble—BIG trouble (the land your butt in jail kind of trouble). This rowdy, laugh-aloud mystery series is packed with action, suspense, adventure, and relationship snafus. Full of colorful characters and twisted up plots, the stories of the Morgan sisters will keep you wondering what kind of a screwball mess they are going to land in next.