JUDGING ELLIE

by Catherine Snodgrass

  Ellie felt a surge of heat as he cupped her breasts. She dropped her hands to his trousers, frantic to feel his warmth against her. A low, deep groan rumbled from him. Hands girdling her waist, he lifted her, yanked her leggings off, and laid her over the table.

  She reached for him with her arms and legs, trying to pull him in. Kurt resisted long enough to shield himself, then thrust his body into hers.

  Ellie arched against the table, a cry frozen in her throat. He dug his fingers into the flesh of her buttocks while he drove in one hard plunge after the other. And just when she thought she could bear no more, he arched against her and she exploded into a thousand pieces.

  A climax shuddered through him, and he relaxed over her using his elbows as braces. Sweet after-love kisses followed. He combed her hair away from her face.

  "I don’t like this, Ellie. Not one single bit."

  When she opened her mouth to protest, he shushed her with a finger to her lips. "I won’t try to talk you out of it. I’m just letting you know I don’t like it. Okay?"

  She nodded. "Promise you won’t interfere?"

  "I’ll let them do their job. Although I’m pretty sure no one could protect you as well as I could." His low, smooth voice shook with emotion.

  His smile was contagious. Ellie traced her fingertip down his beard.

  He tensed.

  On impulse, she laughed and gave it a good scratch. To her horror, it peeled away under the pressure. She gasped. "What the hell?"

  Kurt watched puzzlement turn to shock as Ellie yanked the false beard away. Seconds later the mustache was history, too. From the look on her face, if he didn’t move soon, he was due to lose another valuable piece of equipment.

  "You! It’s you, you son of a bitch!" She reared her legs back and jammed her heels in his hips. "Get off me!"

  "Ellie, honey, please—"

  "Now! Before I cut off your balls and shove them down your throat!" She pulled back a fist.

  Kurt caught her wrists in one hand and held them over her head. "Baby, let me explain—"

  "Get off of me! Get out of my house! I swear I’ll scream—"

  "Rape?"

  Eyes shooting flames, she clamped her lips shut. Her chest heaved against him. Angry and beautiful. She wiggled in an attempt to free herself. Still sheathed within her, his body leapt to life once more.

  Tears sprang to her eyes. "Don’t do this to me. Not now. Please."

  "I would never force you, Ellie. Never. Please don’t cry." He flicked away the tears that drifted into her hairline. "Just give me a chance to explain."

  "Did you have a good laugh at the expense of ugly old Ellie Severance? Did you go back to the shop and tell Vic and that stupid First Sergeant Yost how easy it was to screw me? And what about now? Does it amuse you to…?"

  Realization of her duplicity widened her eyes. It hurt almost as much as the rage a few minutes earlier. Kurt eased off, let her go and turned his back to her while they both adjusted their clothing. When he turned back around, she had left the room.

  He yanked off the hairpiece, snagged the bottle of wine and followed her into the living room. There wasn’t much he could do about the contacts for now. Somehow he had to reason with her. She had to understand just how much she’d come to mean to him in so short a time. She had to forget the jibes and snide remarks of these last two months and remember…

  Kurt stopped himself short. Remember what? The great sex? She’d never be willing to build a relationship based on that. How he’d protected her earlier? He hadn’t. She knew now how pivotal she was to his investigation, that they’d met under false pretenses, that this all started as a big ruse. And the next question she would ask was going to be…

  "When did you know who I was? Obviously you thought I was Susan on Thursday night. So when?"

  "Yesterday at the NCIS office when you walked in and I realized that the packet—"

  "You took the packet?" She made a sound of disgust and wrapped her arms around her waist. "Illegal search and seizure."

  "That’s been made abundantly clear to me."

  "Why didn’t you tell me then?" she demanded to know. "Why didn’t you tell me before we had sex? You lied!"

  He set the bottle on the end table and took a step forward, arms outstretched. "I wanted to be with you. After the initial shock of recognition was over, I realized I liked what I saw, what I knew, about you."

  "You know nothing about me!" Her anguished scream sent the cat zooming for cover. Arms rigid at her sides, she curled her hands into fists and stomped toward him. "If you did, you never would’ve lied to me. You only liked me when I was pretending to be someone else! The fake, the put-on. My God, you even kept it up after you knew who I really was! You even put a French braid in my hair this morning. You don’t want me. You don’t like me. You like the image you want to create."

  "Ellie, honey—"

  She took a step back. "I don’t fault you for doing your investigation. I fault you for what you did afterward, Kurt…Agent Duncan… Whatever the hell your name is."

  "Kurt Orin Duncan," he managed to choke out.

  "And what about that little charade you played tonight. Kurt out. Duncan in. Duncan out. Kurt in. Vic and Jess are probably laughing their asses off right now."

  "If they are, it’s at me, not at you." Fear clutched at his heart.

  "Take out those damn brown contacts so I can see the real you."

  He did as she asked then tried pleading with her once more. "Sweetheart, I was going crazy trying to… Ellie, I love you."

  "Ha! If you loved me, you never would have lied. You’d have accepted me for what I was, not try to create some ideal, some person you thought I should be. As if you should talk. You with your stupid fake beard and hairpiece, and those stupid brown contact lenses." She gave an angry sob. "You even spoke like some smooth-talking lounge lizard so I wouldn’t recognize your voice. I can’t believe I fell for it."

  Now he was getting mad. "How could anyone get to know the real Eleanor Severance with the all the barbed wire you’ve got entrenched around you? You’re a beautiful woman hiding behind an ugly façade. God only knows why. You’re the one who finally chose to let your barriers down. And how? In disguise. So now who’s playing false?"

  She hiked her chin up a notch. "At least I didn’t keep it up once I realized things were getting serious between us."

  Ah-ha! Victory! "Then you admit you have feelings for me, too."

  A dark red flush covered Ellie’s cheeks, her mouth fell open of its own accord, only to clamp shut the second she realized her mistake.

  "I may have had feelings for Kurt Orin, but not any longer. Get out." She crawled over the couch and stomped toward the door.

  Kurt snagged her as she stalked past. "Kiss me and tell me there’s nothing. Tell me what just happened in the kitchen meant nothing."

  She shrugged free and threw open the door. A blast of cold air rushed into the room. "Out!"

  "This isn’t over, Ellie."

  "Now." Her face was set, eyes gunmetal gray. "Take your props and leave."

  Reluctantly, he walked out. The door slammed shut behind him. He’d give her a chance to cool down, but he’d be damned if he was going to let her out of his life.

  * * *

  Ellie sank to the floor in a sobbing heap, her heart shattered in a million pieces. How could she have been so stupid? And of all the people in the world, why Kurt Duncan? He must have had a good laugh at her expense. She pictured him chuckling over his easy conquest, her bright-eyed response every time he came near. Then his subterfuge at lunch that day, dragging out personal information, even Christmas shopping, knowing…

  "No, no, no." She pressed her hands to her ears, but the hurt and the memories wouldn’t die. And as much as she wanted to blame him, Ellie knew the fault was hers.

  She should have been content with her life and her books. It was safe. The paper world couldn’t hurt her. She was in control. But her raging hormones, her ticking clock
, and that blasted birthday made her step outside her safety zone. That and Susan’s pushing.

  Another memory to stab her in the back. She had been a prime target for Susan to exploit, too—desperate and lonely. All the books in the world couldn’t chase that last feeling away. And for a few, short days, she had known happiness. She had been part of a couple. Now it was all a lie. She supposed she deserved nothing less.

  What did her mother always say? "You reap what you sow."

  Ellie tried to squelch the sound of that nagging voice. Her mother’s lectures were the last thing she needed to focus upon.

  "Honey, please don’t cry." Kurt’s voice drifted through the door. She couldn’t believe he still hadn’t left; even worse, he heard her cry.

  She was almost too tired to care any more. "Just go away."

  "I can’t, not knowing how upset you are. I won’t until you forgive me."

  "Then you’ll be out there until hell freezes over."

  "I’ve been sitting out here on this cold stoop for twenty minutes, and I’ll tell you, I think it already has."

  "Trust me, Kurt. As far as you’re concerned, it’s colder in here. Now go away before I call the police." A futile threat. NCIS had connections with the local authorities. As soon as they realized who Kurt was, they’d be on their way back to the station house. It would just be a waste of their time.

  "What kind of man, what kind of hero leaves a lady in distress?"

  If he hoped to reason with her, Kurt just used the worst possible tactic. Dashing away the last of her tears, Ellie jumped to her feet and flung open the door. "I’m not a princess who needs rescuing from a fairy tale castle."

  Kurt stretched to his feet, never once taking his gaze from hers. He was a strange combination of Kurt Orin and Kurt Duncan. Dark blond hair replaced brown, slightly ruffled with a natural wave. Intense, pale blue eyes rimmed with darkest blue stared back at her like lasers.

  "Only a fool would suggest you were. You’ve had one near-miss already today. I refuse to take any more chances with the life of the woman I love."

  Ellie tucked her arms over her chest and propped herself against the door. This was too much. "My God, you’ll say anything for sex." She shook her head, marveling at his audacity.

  "Why? Because you think you’re unworthy of being loved?"

  A twist to the knife in her heart. She blinked away a new rush of tears and grabbed for the door.

  Kurt shoved his shoulder against it. "I’m not leaving, Ellie. If you won’t accept that I’ve fallen in love with you, at least let me do my job as a law enforcement officer and protect you."

  The fight went out of her. The whole day had just been too much. All she wanted was the oblivion of sleep. "Fine. Stay. I’m sure you’ll find the couch quite comfortable."

  She did an about-face and trotted upstairs before what little composure she possessed crumbled. Never had she felt more vulnerable, more depressed. As tears fell, she crawled fully clothed into bed.

  How could Kurt pierce through defenses Ellie never knew she had? Everything he said was true and she’d never realized it until now. He was a brutally honest mirror held up to her ego. She downplayed her looks to be considered serious in her job. She avoided relationships because she didn’t like the turmoil of having to deal with another person’s ego. But unworthy of love? That’s where he’d missed the mark. Ellie wasn’t unworthy of his love. She simply refused to believe him. Now if Kurt Orin had uttered those words and not Agent Duncan…

  Ellie didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. They were the same man. Why did her mind, her heart, insist on separating them?

  Hades curled into the curve of her body. She dug her fingers into his long fur. "At least I know you truly love me."

  He gave her a sympathetic meow, then his ears perked up and he looked toward the door. Ellie glanced that way and saw Kurt’s shadow hovering there.

  "I love you with all my heart, Ellie. And I’ll do whatever it takes to prove that to you."

  "You don’t have enough hours in the day, Duncan."

  "I’ve got the rest of my life, sweetheart."

  Ellie’s thudding heartbeat drowned out his footsteps as he returned downstairs. This night was going to last an eternity.

  Chapter 13

  * * *

  Ellie awoke from a troubled sleep before sunrise. Awake or asleep Kurt was in her mind. One part of her wanted to forgive him, to believe his sweet declaration of love. The other part wanted to wish him into a cornfield. One thing she couldn’t deny—her body craved contact with him and that made her angry.

  She hauled on her sweats, tied her hair back, and trotted downstairs ready for a long morning run. The first thing she saw was Kurt and Hades bonding in the kitchen over cat chow, coffee, and Kurt’s ever-present meal of peanut butter on bread. He wore nothing except white boxer shorts. Ellie didn’t know how he could stand it in the chilly house. She didn’t know how much longer she could stand being around him, but still, she remained in the doorway, quiet and unobserved.

  His chest V-upped in a perfect triangle of planed muscles. A light brown line of hair around his navel vanished into the waistband of his shorts. His legs, strong and muscular, were casually crossed at the ankles as he leaned against the counter. His only flaws were the two dimpled scars, one on his upper thigh, the other on his left shoulder. Made by… Of course. They looked like bullet wounds.

  He popped the remains of his bread into his mouth, washed it down with the last of his coffee, then carefully swiped a paper towel over his lips. Hades yanked his head out of the food bowl long enough to give Kurt a thank-you meow. Kurt responded by squatting next to the cat and stroking his long fingers over the silky fur. Hades arched his back with affection, but kept his head down. Ellie could hear the rumbling purr across the room. She knew the feeling well. All Kurt had to do was touch her and she wanted to melt.

  A shiver wiggled down her spine. She had to get out of here. A good run would dampen her hormones. She inched past them, heading for the kitchen door leading into the garage.

  "Where are you going?"

  Ellie’s hand froze on the doorknob. "I always run in the morning. If you recall, I missed yesterday. I can’t slack off."

  "Give me a minute and I’ll go with you." He paused in the doorway, waiting for her response.

  "You intend to run like that?" She raked a skeptical gaze over him.

  Kurt gave her a lazy smile. "And have all the women in Twentynine Palms chasing after me? No way. I’m a one-woman man now. I had Vic come over last night to stand watch for an hour while I went home and got some of my things." He pointed.

  Ellie followed the direction of his finger. His clothes were now strewn all over her living room. He hadn’t just brought a few things over, he’d moved in!

  "You might as well pack your gear back up. You are not living with me. You’re not staying here any longer than necessary." She grabbed the knob to yank open the door.

  Kurt shoved his palm against the door. "I’m not living without you either. How long do you intend to stay mad at me?"

  Ellie gave him her best eat-shit-and-die look. "An eternity seems too short a time."

  "I see."

  His fiery blue gaze was too intense, too personal, as if he looked into the deepest, most secret places of her heart. Ellie broke contact first. She struggled to maintain composure. His heat wrapped around her, beckoning her closer. God help her, but she wanted the big, stupid jerk.

  "I…I need to go for my run."

  "And I intend to go with you."

  "Your legs are longer than mine. I could never keep up with you."

  "Added aerobic activity is supposed to give you more stamina if you keep it up for long periods of time."

  The veiled reference to their love-making tugged at her libido. He was close enough to kiss. Ellie stifled the quiver in her thighs and glared up at him.

  "Why do you have to turn everything you say into a sexual innuendo?"

  "Why do you
have to twist everything I say into one?"

  Muttering a string of curses that would have made a drill instructor blush, Ellie shoved away from the door. "All right. Just get ready. You’re wasting my time. I have an appointment I need to keep at the optometrist’s."

  She waited for him to make some snide comment. Thankfully, none came. He dressed quickly in navy blue running pants and matching T-shirt. Kurt strapped on a shoulder holster, then topped off his outfit with a black Beretta nine millimeter. That’s when the full impact of the danger she was in hit her. She stared at the weapon, eyes wide.

  "No one’s going to hurt you, Ellie. Not while I’ve got breath in my body." He tucked his cell phone into one of his zippered pockets.

  All Ellie could do was nod. Her run was spoiled, not by Kurt’s presence, but by the taint of evil lurking in the air. How could her life have gotten so twisted up in so short a time?

  They set out on their run. Before she realized it, they were back at her house. She even relinquished the privilege of unlocking the door to Kurt. Once his quick check revealed that all appeared well, she stepped inside, lifting her glasses to wipe the sweat off of her face.

  "Time’s short. I won’t be long in the shower. Then it’s all yours."

  Ellie trotted upstairs. She seriously needed to take a vacation to pull herself in order. She should drive down to San Diego and visit her dad and stepmom. She had planned to go down next weekend for Christmas anyway. Away from danger, away from Kurt, submerged in the unconditional love her father and Dee always gave. Of course, her mother would pitch a royal fit when she found out she’d spent the holidays with them again. Ellie didn’t care.

  She clicked the bathroom door shut, shrugged off her clothes, and stepped under the warm spray. If only she had time for a long tub soak, soft music, candles, some chocolate covered strawberries, and glass of good champagne to tickle it down.