New Jersey Yankee In King Arthur's Court

by Robert P McAuley

  “Methinks that be fine,” answered Guinevere. “But me also thinks that I shall ride up with my husband, the king.”

  “Hey,” said Arthur, “that’s fine with me.”

  Satisfied, Ron ran back to the line and did some shifting in the ranks until he felt it was ready to go. He then went and led the two white horses over to the King and Queen. “We be ready fer thee, Sires.”

  After helping Arthur and Guinevere onto their horses, Ron hopped up on his and led them to the front. The group left the side of the road and stood in their marching order as they looked at the King and Queen to give them the order to start the journey.

  Guinevere arched an eyebrow at Arthur and whispered, “Time to go, Arthur.”

  Realizing she had given him the honor, Arthur stood tall in his stirrups, looked back and said, in his best John Wayne impression as he waved his arm forward, “Forward, Ho!” The column started out and Arthur said as he grinned at Guinevere, “Pretty cool, huh?”

  Guinevere rolled her eyes as she quipped, “Mommy’s little boy has a new toy.”

  The sun was high and warm as they camped outside of a small village and ate their mid-day meal. Ron had sent a page into the village to announce that the new King and Queen of England were in their area and soon the mayor and his top people came out to greet them.

  “Stay in our fair village,” he pleaded after hearing they were traveling to Camelot Castle. “The castle be cold an’ damp, Sires,” he said as he ate chicken with Arthur and Guinevere.

  “Alas, we cannot,” stated Guinevere, “as it be our destination an’ soonest we arrive, soonest we shall have a home fer ya ta visit us.”

  Two hours later they continued their journey with an extra twenty-four young boys and girls and nine horses from the village joining them.

  “We’re growing,” said Arthur to Merlin.

  “According to the history books, Arthur, all of England will follow you.” He grimaced and said, “It’s just that darn Sir Albert, that bothers me.”

  “Never mind him,” answered Arthur with a chuckle in his voice, “If he starts up we’ll just send Guinevere after him.”

  “What’s so funny about that?” asked Guinevere.

  “Nothing, honey, nothing at all,” said Arthur as he protected his wound.

  “Better watch she doesn’t take the sword to your thick head,” said a chuckling Merlin as he spurred his horse slightly ahead.

  The sun was low in the sky as Ron rode back from scouting ahead and said to them, “Sires, methinks we best camp here fer the evenin’ as, should we arrive at Camelot at dark, we may stumble on rocks an’ weeds.”

  Arthur and Guinevere agreed and camp was set up for the night.

  It was after dark that Guinevere said, “Arthur. The moon’s bright and I’d love to ride ahead a bit. What do you say?”

  “Okay, but we need to bring Ron along.”

  “That’s fine.”

  Ten minutes later the group of three was joined by Sir Boche and two knights who would not let them ride alone. Two knights rode up front followed by Arthur, Guinevere and Ron while Sir Boche trailed them. They walked their horses slowly to avoid stepping into ruts or tripping on the many roots that wandered the countryside.

  Finally Ron pointed to a hill and said, “From yon hill, Sire, Camelot Castle may be seen.”

  They got off their horses and walked the rest of the way while Ron stayed behind and held their horse’s reins. Hearing steel slide against steel, Arthur knew the three knights had drawn their swords and it made him feel safe as he held Guinevere’s hand in his.

  They walked up the incline of the hill and saw that at the top stood a thin oak tree with a stagnant pond next to it. Arthur commented, “Boy, this ground sure is bare and rocky here.”

  “Maybe that’s why it’s so deserted.”

  They looked around and Arthur noted that the three knights had formed a semi-circle around the base of the hill leaving them alone at the top.

  “Oh,” exclaimed Guinevere as she grasped Arthur’s hand tight and placed a hand over her mouth. “Arthur, look.” She pointed at a hill slightly over one mile away and they both stood transfixed as the bright moon framed the castle on top of the hill. “It’s Camelot. It’s our new home and the beginning of our history together.”

  He smiled back and removed his dagger from its scabbard.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Shh, just watch.” He carved something in the bark of the tree and when he was finished showed her. The moonlight kissed the side of the tree and she could make out a heart with an arrow through it. Beneath the heart was etched, “Arthur and Guinevere.”

  They hugged and made plans.

  There was the usual tap on the wooden tent pole as Ron called out in a stage whisper, “Sires. It be morn an’ I bring thy meals. Wouldst thou eat in or outside?”

  Arthur’s voice answered, “’Mornin’ Ron. We’ll be right out.”

  Two minutes later they sat at their small wooden table and attacked their eggs, bacon and biscuits all washed down with fresh milk.

  “Man,” exclaimed Arthur, “somebody has just got to invent coffee soon.”

  Might I join you two?” They turned to see Merlin walking towards them.

  “Sure, Merlin,” said Arthur. “C’mon over and have some eggs. There’s plenty.”

  “Thanks but I ate already.”

  “So,” asked Arthur, “what’s up?”

  “We are very close to water.”

  “We are? How do you know?”

  “Not only water,” added Merlin as he rubbed his knee, “but a large body of water. And from the stiffness of my joints and the direction we’re heading I’d say it’s the English Channel.”

  “So, then we can swim and fish. Right?”

  “Yes, but my point is that I could never live so close to the water with my rheumatism.”

  “But,” said Guinevere, “where would you live? You can’t leave, we’re a team.”

  “Well, I wouldn’t leave right away. I’d make sure that all’s on track as far as my theory goes.”

  “Has your theory been on track all along?” asked Arthur.

  Merlin shrugged his shoulders and said, “Well, to tell you the truth, in the history books Guinevere married Arthur after he became king, not the other way around like it happened here.”

  “Anything else?” asked Arthur.

  “Kind of,” he said his head hanging low. “In the history books Merlin had real powers. He wasn’t just a guy with props and stuff.”

  “Well,” said Guinevere, “don’t you think that magic is in the eye of the beholder?”

  Arthur shrugged his shoulders and asked, “What do you mean?”

  “She means,” answered the magician, “that maybe the real Merlin didn’t have any real powers either. Maybe he just did what I do, you know, throw flour-filled eggs to distract people as I slip away.”

  Guinevere shook her head. “What do you mean the, ‘real’ Merlin? In my theory, you are the real Merlin and somehow all of us really did what the history books said we did, and somehow, we were sent forward to the twenty-first century. Then, for whatever reason, we were sent back to the time we originated in.”

  Merlin scratched his beard and said, “So, if you are right, we started in this time and historians recorded what we had done, but then we were reborn in the twenty-first century, only to come back to the time we lived in.” He paced a bit, and then added, “Interesting. Very interesting.”

  “So,” asked Arthur, “what does that do for us?”

  “Well,” answered Merlin, “if Guinevere is right, we have the advantage of knowing what will happen to us.”

  “And,” added Guinevere with a smile, “make changes if we don’t like what happened the first time around.”

  “Oh,” said Arthur with a grin, “Like Lance and you going around behind my back.”

  She looked at him through squinted eyes and said with a hiss in her voice, “That part o
f history has already been corrected and I hope you never bring it up again.”

  Arthur said with his hands clenched in front of him defensively, “Whoa . . . I was only kidding.”

  Merlin interrupted with, “Well, I must say, Guinevere, that I think your theory is the correct one. And if it is, we’ll know when we get to Camelot Castle.”

  “Why?” asked Arthur.

  “Because according to the legend, Merlin produced the Round Table at Camelot. Let’s go and see what the castle holds in store for us.”

  “I agree,” said Arthur standing. He turned to Guinevere and asked, “Do you?”

  “I do,” she said as she punched him in his arm.

  “Oww! My wound! You hit my wound!”

  “Then,” she answered as she walked to their tent, “your wound must have traveled from the other arm during the night.”

  He shrugged, “Well, ya can’t blame a guy for trying.”

  One hour later the column started out again and within two hours they stood at the base of the hill that held Camelot Castle. All looked up at the castle in silence. There was a high wall surrounding a tall, round main tower with pieces missing, especially around the top. Moss, ivy and weeds climbed up and seemed to grow out of every opening. There was an abundance of trees and shrubbery growing around the castle grounds but all seemed to be devoid of greenery. Situated between the walls and the main tower were smaller buildings and living quarters, mostly all without a roof or door. The drawbridge was down and in the open position beckoning them.

  Sir Boche and one other knight insisted that they go up the hill first to see if the castle held any threat to them and one hour later they returned.

  “It be safe, Sires,” Sir Boche said when he reported back to Arthur and Guinevere. “But, it be a rough road ta travel. Many rocks and cracks in yon road. Best thou walks rather than ride.”

  Taking the knight’s advice, they dismounted and led their horses up the steep hill followed by the rest of the gang.

  Half way up the hill, Guinevere pointed to the ground and said to Arthur, “Look at the earth, Arthur.”

  He did as she asked and said with a shrug, “What about it?”

  “Notice that the closer we get to the castle the more there is grass instead of packed dirt and stones?”

  “I guess.”

  “If we are to live here, Arthur, you will have to learn to see everything.”

  They walked across the thick wooden gate that spanned a gorge of dry earth and stones while the gang stopped before the gate.

  “Well,” said Arthur looking down. “I see that there’s water missing in the moat.”

  They stepped inside the castle’s walls and saw that the inner walls all looked to be intact. They entered the three-story tall, main tower and, as their eyes adjusted to the shadows, saw that in the rear of the circular room was a fireplace large enough for five men to stand in. A spiral, stone stairway ran up along the wall from the main to the top floor and Arthur and Guinevere went up. At the very top was a thick wooden door and Arty pushed it open to reveal the flat roof of the castle. Carefully walking to the edge, they looked down on the courtyard below and saw the entire group gathered just outside of the drawbridge looking up at them. They waved down to them and were greeted with shouts of joy and applaud as the group entered and filled the courtyard.

  On their way down, the new owners of the castle stopped at each of the two floors above the main floor and examined some of the rooms. While most had their doors torn off through the ages or simply rotted off their hinges and lay on the stone floor, one room on the top floor had two doors, one of which was hanging by a hinge. They entered and saw a large fireplace against the wall and a round, wheel-shaped chandelier hanging from the ceiling by a chain. Spaced around the rim was a group of melted candles. To the right of the fireplace there were three large, glassless windows with broken shutters. The windows looked out upon the courtyard, the drawbridge and the countryside beyond. On the opposite wall there were another three windows, also without glass and their shutters broken. These faced an open field and beyond that, a large body of deep-blue water.

  Arthur put an arm around his wife and said, “The English Channel.”

  They went back down to the open courtyard as all of the others stood or sat while waiting for their leaders to address them.

  A smiling Arthur said, “Hey gang. Let’s spread out and check the castle out. Watch out for weak floors and stuff like that. After each room is checked, report to your headman and give him a list of things that need repair. See you back here for mid-day meal.” He listened, as the usual translations were being made and said to Guinevere, “Wonder when they’ll all understand me?”

  She answered with a smile on her face. “Maybe you should learn their speech patterns better? Remember,” she said as she checked his bandage, “When in Rome, do as the Romans do.”

  He looked down at her and said as he pushed back a stray wisp of her blond hair from her face, “Yeah. You’re probably right.”

  Mid-day meal was started late that day as the gang attended to checking out their new living quarters. Finally, they all sat in a circle in the huge courtyard, cooked and ate their meals. Arthur, Guinevere, Merlin, Ron and Garth ate with the head of each group and, as they relayed their findings, Merlin wrote them down on a long sheet of parchment.

  When it was just Arthur, Guinevere and Garth, Merlin said as he held up the parchment: “Not bad! Not that good either, but not bad. Mostly just rotting wooden doors, ceiling beams and shutters as the walls and floors are made of stone. And I’m told that tomorrow the woodworkers will start hunting for trees to make the repairs with.”

  “The girls told me,” said Guinevere, “that all of the tapestries and rugs have rotted out and they are going to start to toss them out and replace them with ones they brought along.”

  Garth added, “I checked out the large fireplace and it looks like it just needs a good cleaning and there are plenty of rotted-out doors an shutters we can burn if we need heat.”

  “Is there a fireplace in each room?” asked Arthur.

  Garth shook his head and said, “Yes, and one very large, main fireplace that’s situated in the great hall on the first floor. And these guys were ingenious with their design. There is a round steel chimney that goes straight up from the main fireplace to the top floor and it throws off heat to each floor. But I did notice that one room had a very large fireplace. The room with the double doors.” He smiled and said, “It sure looks like the master bedroom to me.”

  Arthur nodded in agreement and said, “I think we should camp right here in the courtyard for tonight and tomorrow start cleaning the place while the woodcutters are out in the forest.” He looked at Guinevere and asked, “Sound right to you?”

  “Yes, it sounds right to me.”

  Garth nodded and said, “Perfect! Tonight I suggest we start a huge fire using the old wood and tapestry. This will get rid of anything that might call the chimney, ‘home’.”

  “Brrrrr!” added Guinevere as she tucked her shoulders close to her neck. “Maybe it’ll get rid of some of the spiders too.”

  “I’m sure it will . . . some anyway.”

  That evening the castle was bright with new torches and candles and the sound of sweeping and dusting almost covered the sounds of the group’s singing. All were shocked at first as Arthur and Guinevere joined in and did their share of cleaning, but soon accepted them as not just their leaders but also one of them.

  Arthur nudged Guinevere as he saw two young girls walking along the stone walkway on the level they were cleaning. Both girls were singing as they carried buckets of water, a mop and a feather duster.

  “Guinevere,” he said as he wiped away a spot of dirt from her nose, “This reminds me of a Disney movie. You know, everyone is working and cleaning but still they’re singing. All that’s missing are the singing bluebirds” They laughed together and the girls acknowledged them with a smile.

  They all at
e and slept well that night.

  After morning-meal the woodworkers left with their axes over their shoulders, two wagons and four horses. Arthur, Guinevere and Merlin decided to do a walk-around to familiarize themselves with the grounds when a lookout on the top of the castle called down to them as he pointed out the open drawbridge.

  “Horses comin, Sires!”

  Arthur started to walk to the drawbridge as the knights drew their long swords. “Sire,” said Sir Boche as he lowered his visor, “I beg thee stay back lest thou be hurt.”

  Arthur shrugged and stayed where he was as Sir Boche and his knights trotted to the castle’s opening. Looking past them he made out about a dozen knights approaching. They stopped well away from the drawbridge and one dismounted and approached. Arthur couldn’t hear what they were saying but was relieved when Sir Boche and his knights put their swords away and the other knight returned to his horse.

  The dozen riders started to walk their horses up the path as Sir Boche returned and said, “Tis fine, Sire. It be Sir Killop, a friend who swore allegiance ta thee when yee removed thy sword from the stone. He brings news.”

  “Good news, I hope,” said Arthur.

  “Sir Killop would speak ta yee, Sire.”

  The twelve new knights entered and kneeled in front of Arthur as Guinevere joined them in the courtyard. “My King and Queen,” he said still kneeling.

  “Rise, Sir Killop,” said Arthur. “Art thou in need of food and drink?”

  “Methinks yes, my king. But I wouldst speak ta ya and my queen.”

  “Then,” answered Arthur. “Come and leave the heat of the sun for the cool interior of Castle Camelot and refresh thyself.” He waved to the others and said to Sir Boche, “Sir Boche, come with us and bring the others.”