The Boy Is Back + Every Boy's Got One Bundle

by Meg Cabot

  And despite what she might think, I happen to likeeating breakfast alone. And I’ve never had to sleep alone if I didn’t want to.

  Well, except for tonight.

  PDA of Cal Langdon

  Ski boarders? Musicians? Just who has this girl been sleeping with? Must remember to ask Mark tomorrow.

  PDA of Cal Langdon

  I can’t ask Mark tomorrow—or today, I should say. It’s his wedding day. He’s hardly going to be likely to want to discuss his wife’s best friends’s love life.

  Still. It was just a kiss. I don’t know why I did it. I couldn’t help myself, honest to God. It’s not like I’m in love with her. God forbid!

  It was just a kiss.

  So why can’t I stop thinking about it?

  PDA of Cal Langdon

  Upon ambling through the kitchen just now on my way up to bed, I made a rather startling discovery. Ms. Harris appears to have come back downstairs to retrieve something she forgot to bring up the first time she stormed off to her room, and in doing so, has left by the refrigerator something I’m sure she didn’t mean to leave behind: that little book she’s constantly scribbling in, the one that says Travel Diary of Holly Caputo and Mark Levine on it.

  Oddly, I’ve noticed she’s scratched out Mark and Holly’s names and inserted her own. And yet, when I—quite by accident—opened it to the first page, I couldn’t help noticing the words:

  Dear Holly and Mark,

  Surprise!

  I know neither one of you would bother to keep a record of your elopement, so I’ve decided to do it for you!

  Surely if she really is keeping this diary for Mark and Holly, it wouldn’t be wrong of me to read it. Obviously she intends to give it to them.

  And I think I have every right in the world to see what’s being said about me, as I imagine she’s had some rather choice things to say on the subject. Perhaps there’s even a libel suit in my future. Who knows?

  And yet I can’t help feeling that I’m overstepping some boundary here.

  Hmmmm. Quite a moral dilemma.

  PDA of Cal Langdon

  Anal retentive?

  PDA of Cal Langdon

  Modelizer??

  PDA of Cal Langdon

  I’m going to kill Mark for the appendage thing.

  PDA of Cal Langdon

  Apparently I’m a sardonic bastard, as well.

  PDA of Cal Langdon

  I…

  I don’t know what to say. Except…

  Except I’m starting to think it wasn’t just a kiss after all. In fact, seeing it all laid out there like that in her book, in black-and-white—all of my interactions with this woman, I mean, in more or less graphic detail—I’m starting to realize that it might be… it could ONLY be.

  But that’s IMPOSSIBLE. I’m overtired, that’s all. It’s nearly three in the morning, for Christ’s sake.

  And yet there’s no denying that sometimes when I look at her, I think—

  No. It’s the tattoo. That damned tattoo and those stupid shoes. They’re DESIGNED to make a man think things like that.

  Except that… well, that drive to Rome today, and that wait in the consulate’s office… that drive and that wait could have been so tedious, but I actually had more fun than I’ve had in a really, really—

  I’ve got to snap out of it. This CAN’T be happening. Not now. I’VE GOT A BOOK TO WRITE. I’ve got an apartment to find. I’ve got a sister to support.

  My God. I think… I really do think…

  So. It wasn’t just a kiss.

  But she thinks—because of my big mouth, she’s convinced—

  Only how can I show her that with her, it’s different? I can’t just tell her, she’ll never believe me, she’s obviously convinced I’m a “modelizer.”

  Holy crap. Grazi.

  * * *

  To: Graziella Fratiani

  Fr: Cal Langdon

  Re: You

  Grazi, I’ve left two messages on your cell. I realize it’s late—or early, as the case may be. Still, I wanted to let you know—about your coming out to the villa this week: I really don’t think it would be a very good idea after all. I know we’d talked about it and I said I thought it would be fine, but actually, I think it might be really awkward at this point. Mark and Holly really want to make it more of a family thing. I know you understand. Thanks so much, and I’ll call next time I’m in town, I swear.

  Cal

  PDA of Cal Langdon

  How could I have been so stupid? How could I have missed all the signs? They were all there… I mean, I even fed those stupid cats. How could I for one second not have wondered what was happening to me?

  I just kept blaming the prosecco.

  I ought to be shot.

  * * *

  To: Listserv

  Fr: Peter Schumacher

  Re: JANE HARRIS

  GOOD MORNING! It is the day of the marriage of the friends of JANE HARRIS! YES!!! Come one, come all, to see the marriage of the friends of JANE HARRIS! I will be riding my motorino to get the marriage brotchen, and many other surprises! My grandmother and I have been working on many plans for the wedding couple!

  Come to the Commune di Castelfidardo to see the marriage of the Americans today! It will be a marriage never to forget!

  From the #1 Fan of Wundercat!

  Wundercat lives—4eva!

  Peter

  * * *

  Dear Holli and Marc,

  For your marriage we wish you unlimited thirst for a double good life that you both grow and thrive and your luck may increase and not burst!

  Love,

  Inge and Peter Schumacher

  * * *

  Travel Diary of

  Holly Caputo and Mark Levine

  Jane Harris

  Oh my God, Peter and his grandmother have OUTDONE themselves. They are the sweetest people EVER. We woke up this morning to the smell of fresh coffee, and we went downstairs to find the dining table practically sinking under the weight of all the pastries, fresh fruit, breakfast meats, and fluffy scrambled eggs piled onto it.

  Plus someone (Peter swears it wasn’t him) decorated the front gate with wildflowers from the horse pasture and two pairs of blue socks (still not sure about the significance of this). Apparently, wearing blue socks on your wedding day is important for good luck in this community. However, since Holly’s wedding dress is above the knee, I’m afraid this won’t do at all.

  Speaking of whom, the bride is still glowing. You can’t even tell she spent all day yesterday with her head in a toilet. She just looks pretty and happy and… well, like a bride!

  Even Mark is glowing… I mean, if you can say that about a man. There is a bounce in his step that I haven’t ever seen before, and he can’t seem to stop smiling. He was too nervous to eat—it was so sweet! He keeps looking at his watch and going, “Shouldn’t we start getting ready? We don’t want to be late. The mayor has that football game to coach.”

  Cal’s the only one who wasn’t downstairs on the stroke of seven, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. He finally showed up a little before eight—from OUTSIDE. Apparently, he’d taken the car and gone somewhere.

  But when Mark asked him where he’d been, he went, “To get the paper,” and slapped a Herald Tribune down on the table.

  Yeah. Nice job, Cal. Way to help out your friend on his wedding day. Get him the paper.

  Who cares about him, anyway? Um, not me.

  Now Holly and Mark are getting ready. I am on call in case Holly has a hair emergency, but I can already tell that she won’t. Her hair is doing exactly what she wants it to. It’s behaving perfectly, exactly the way hair SHOULD be on a girl’s wedding day.

  I am in charge of the paperwork (already in my bag), camera (ready), and lucky socks (ditto). Peter is in charge of the rings. Cal is in charge of driving. He appears to be taking this with the same k
ind of stoicism you might expect from a man preparing to step in front of a firing squad. How flattering to Holly that her husband-to-be’s best friend apparently equates his marrying her to being shot.

  Whatever. I’m not going to let that freak spoil the day. This is what we came here for, and everything is going so well: There isn’t a cloud in the sky; Holly looks prettier than I’ve ever seen her; Mark is being the perfect nervous bridegroom; and someone else even made breakfast.

  I bet there are a lot of brides who’d gladly sacrifice having their families attend their wedding in exchange for just ONE of the above.

  Ooooh, we’re leaving—

  PDA of Cal Langdon

  My God. The entire town has turned out for this wedding. Or at least, that’s how it appears. There’s nearly a hundred people gathered outside the Commune. And they’re all wearing…

  They’re all wearing Wondercat T-shirts.

  Seriously. Every last one of them.

  Some of them are holding Wondercat banners. And have on Wondercat baseball hats. There’s even a baby in a Wondercat COSTUME.

  Jane looks completely mortified.

  Especially when she stepped from the car, they surged forward, clamoring for her autograph.

  She tried to explain to them that she’s here for a wedding, and not a comic-book signing. But to no avail. It took us ten minutes just to get into the building. And most of the Wondercat fans have followed us, with the apparent intention of witnessing Holly and Mark’s marriage for themselves.

  I blame Peter. He’s looking particularly pleased with himself. Yes, this has Teenaged Stalker written all over it.

  Ah, here comes the secretario. He looks oddly surprised to see us. He keeps stammering something about how he’d heard the bride and groom were too ill to make it to Roma for the APOSTILLE. Jane’s shoved our paperwork beneath his nose, but he’s looking very skeptical—

  Travel Diary of

  Holly Caputo and Mark Levine

  Jane Harris

  Oh my God, this is HORRIBLE!!! THE MAYOR WON’T MARRY HOLLY AND MARK!!!! HE DOESN’T BELIEVE THE SIGNATURES ON THE APOSTILLE ARE THEIRS!!!! He says he heard that Mark and Holly were sick in bed all day yesterday, and so how could they have gotten the Apostille? He says the signatures on the Apostille have to be forgeries!!!

  I’M GOING TO KILL PETER!!! THIS IS ALL HIS FAULT!!!! I know he must have posted something on his Web site or something about it. Because why else would there be all these Wondercat fans here? How else could they have known? And how else could the MAYOR have known about Holly and Mark????

  Oh, God, I am DYING for them. Holly looks SO pretty, and Mark is so handsome. HOW can the mayor be so heartless? Should I confess? Should I go up there and be all, “OK, it was me, it’s my signature, not Holly’s, but I did it for a good cause, and you should still marry them because look how cute they are together”? Would he even go for that?

  I don’t think so. He was completely unmoved by Frau Schumacher’s tirade, which lasted five minutes, at least.

  And now he’s taking his sash off! His mayoral sash! Like he’s done for the day! He’s heading off for soccer practice like he hasn’t left a roomful of broken-hearted people behind! How can anyone be so—

  Oh, no. What’s Cal doing? Oh, God, he’s not going to confess that it’s his signature, is he? I KNEW he’d do something to ruin Holly and Mark’s chance at—

  Wait. Wait a minute, he’s not—

  * * *

  To: Claire Harris

  Darrin Caputo

  Fr: Jane Harris

  Re: Holly and Mark

  We’re here! At the Commune di Castelfidardo, in the Municipale building, for Holly and Mark’s wedding!

  For a minute it looked as if it weren’t actually going to happen. The mayor seemed to suspect all was not right with Holly and Mark’s paperwork.

  But then Cal Langdon—CAL LANGDON, Mr. I Don’t Believe In Marriage Himself—stepped up and, whipping out a notepad, asked the mayor for his full name.

  And when the mayor asked him just what he was doing, Cal went (according to Peter, who translated for me), “Oh, I’m a foreign affairs correspondent for The New York Journal, and I think my readers would be very interested in learning about how Le Marche officials treat American visitors to their region.”

  The mayor couldn’t put his sash on fast enough! He started the wedding ceremony then and there!

  CAL LANGDON SAVED THE DAY!

  I wasn’t the only one who started cheering, either. Half the town seems to have turned out for the ceremony, as well!

  Holly looks so pretty in her dress, which is—even though I helped her pick it out, so I am sort of complimenting myself by saying this, but it’s true—stunning. Her waist looks TINY, and she’s got a tiny bouquet of white flowers that this kid Peter made her…actually they’re garlic flowers from the garden, so you don’t want to sniff them. But she doesn’t know that, so DON’T TELL HER.

  And then, solemnly, with all this dignified grace, they began the ceremony, with Holly and Mark holding hands and looking so sweet and nervous in front of them, and all of the rest of us— including, I am astonished to note, a good number of school-children, including the mayor’s own daughter, who surely should be in school—crowded all around the sides of the room. Everyone seems to be on his or her best behavior.

  Well, except for Cal Langdon, who despite his earlier heroics for some reason won’t stop looking at my feet. I do have on my new Christian Louboutins, though—the ones with the rhinestone flowers over the toe straps—so that might be why. Possibly he thinks they aren’t suitable wedding attire?

  The mayor opened this big book and began to read, while the secretario translated in not very good English. It’s a very moving ceremony so far, all about how they promise to live in the same house and educate their children. Marriage is obviously taken very seriously here in Italy, but they don’t seem much concerned about the for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health stuff. They just seem to want everyone to live under the same roof and go to school.

  This seems very reasonable to me.

  Ooooh, it’s the ring part, I have to start taking pictures, more later—

  J

  * * *

  Art. 147-Doveri Verso I Figli

  Il matrimonia impone ad ambedue I conuigi l’obligo di mantenere, istruire ed educare la prole tenendo conto delle capacita, dell’inclinazione naturale e delle aspirazioni dei figli

  (domando allo sposo)

  Sig. LEVINE MARK dichiara di voler prendere in moglie la qui presente Sig. CAPUTO HOLLY ANN? (si)

  (ed alla sposa)

  Sig. CAPUTO HOLLY ANN dichiara di voler prendere in marito il que presente Sig. LEVINE MARK? (si)

  I testimoni hanno sentito (si) (si)

  Io Antonio Torelli

  Ufficiale di Stato Civile del Commune di Castelfidardo Diacharo che il Sig. LEVINE MARK e la Sig. CAPUTO HOLLY ANN sono uniti in matrimonio

  * * *

  * * *

  Commune di Castelfidardo

  Provincia di Le Marche

  Ufficio Dello Stato Civile

  Certificato di Matrimonio

  L’Ufficiale dello Stato Civile

  Certifica

  Che dal REGISTRO degli ATTI DE MATRIMONIO atto N. 1 Parte II Serie C risulta che nel giorno 23 del mese di settembre contrassero matrimonio in Castelfidardo

  Mark David Levine Holly Ann Caputo

  Celibe Nubile

  Nato a Ohio USA Nata a Illinois USA

  Cittadino Statunitense Cittadina Statunitense

  * * *

  * * *

  To: Listserv

  Fr: Peter Schumacher

  Re: JANE HARRIS

  IT IS DONE!!! The friends of JANE HARRIS have had the marriage! It was very beautiful. I hold onto the rings, and when the secretario say to me, “The rings, please,
” I give them to the friends of JANE HARRIS. JANE HARRIS took many photographs. One photograph was of me giving the rings.

  Then the mayor said, “Io diacharo che sono uniti in matrimonio,” and everyone in the room gives big cheer!

  And then the marriage couple kiss, and everyone gives bigger cheer!

  And then the friend of JANE HARRIS named Cal Longdon says to everyone, “To thank you all for making this day so special for my friends, I’d like to invite everyone back to La Beccacia, where a champagne brunch is currently being set up.”

  Then everyone looks at Cal Longdon strange because we do not know this word, brunch.

  Then JANE HARRIS says, “Are you serious?”

  And Cal Longdon says, “Yes, I am serious. I ordered it this morning.”

  So now we have the lunch with JANE HARRIS and her friends! I bring my boom box so there is the music for dancing! I will dance with JANE HARRIS! YES!!!

  This is Peter, #1 Fan of Wundercat!