Break Me

by Ashley Christin

  “Us Taylors, well, we aren’t the kind to love.” A deep frown marks his face, his tone serious as it cuts through the air between us. He speaks like it’s been written in stone somewhere during the ancient times.

  My voice is nowhere to be found. It’s probably tucked up in my brain running around with all of my thoughts. I stare at Parker.

  “You should probably get on home. Colt will come by and see you after,” Parker states, turning his back on me and walking off.

  After? After what?

  That statement pulls me out of my haze.

  “After what?” I ask to his back.

  He slowly turns back toward me, eyes wide, but only for a second.

  “Go home,” he demands, sliding his indifferent mask back over his face. The Parker I know is back. He then turns around and walks away leaving me staring after him, my mind reeling.

  Colt

  “Let’s go, Jamie. I don’t have all night,” I growl to an intoxicated version of my little sister. The last thing I wanted to do tonight was come pick her ass up from some local party in town.

  “Calm your tits, big brother. I have to pee!” Jamie slams the bathroom door in my face. I stand with my arms folded by the doorframe. I would much rather be with Brealynn right now.

  “Colt! You came!” Natalie shriek’s as she approaches me from my right and places her hands on my biceps. I met Natalie right when my BMX career was starting. She was eager to please and I was young. Once we realized the attention we received, things changed.

  “Just here to get my sister.” Natalie and I haven’t had anything going on in at least two years. Once she realized I wasn’t commitment material, she moved on. We remained friends, well, as good as friends as you can be with your ex. We ended on good terms, no bad blood between us.

  “Come have a drink with me!” She pulls me by the arm toward the keg. I grab the signature red Solo cup and begin to fill it up.

  Fuck you, Toby Keith. Fuck you.

  A beer will probably give me the patience I need to deal with my little sister.

  We sit around talking for what seems like minutes, but actually is a few hours. Natalie is currently in nursing school and recently single. Before I know it, one drink turns into four and then eight….

  What number shot is this?

  Fuck.

  I need to text Brealynn.

  Sliding open the home screen, I try to type out a text that says I am not drunk right now. My fingers stumble over the screen as I try to create a sentence that will not worry her.

  “Hell, yeah!” Jamie exclaims as we slam down our fourth round of tequila shots.

  “Insta shot!” Natalie shouts.

  “I’ll take the photo,” I hear a familiar female voice say.

  Honestly, I am a little hammered. Natalie has a way of doing this to me. One of the many reasons we fucked a lot back in the day: she likes to fuck and party.

  So do I. Did, so did I.

  Natalie is sitting in my lap with her arm around my neck.

  Shit, I’m drunk.

  Jamie is beside me with her head on my shoulder sticking her tongue out and throwing up the ‘shocker’ hand sign. There is a crowd gathered around us as the flash shines brightly in my eyes.

  Dammit, I was supposed to be picking Jamie up, not getting drunk with her. Fuck. How am I going to explain this? Better yet, why do I have to? The old Colt wouldn’t.

  Brealynn

  I decided to head to bed after not hearing from Colt. It’s after midnight when my text alert goes off, not that I was asleep anyway. Tossing and turning, I settle facing my nightstand. If I wasn’t staring at my phone, wishing it to ring with a certain late night visitor, I would’ve heard it begin to vibrate. Picking up my phone, the brightness blinds my night adjusted eyes. Squinting I read,

  Isorrypleasedontbebad – Colt

  I press send on my reply when I receive an Instagram notification. A group picture fills my screen, but a few people stand out. Maybe it’s the girl who has her tongue sliding down the man I love’s neck, or the trick beside him, or most importantly, the girl who tagged me.

  Alex Black.

  Colt

  “Brealynn came by the box tonight. She seemed upset,” Parker reveals, and even in my numbed mind, I know something is wrong. She should never feel the pain she feels. How do I know she feels pain? How can she not? That’s what happens when you care for someone too much.

  Pain.

  “Who’s Brealynn?” Jamie slurs, laid spread out across the backseat. I was too drunk to try and drive home, so we called the other Taylor sibling to save us.

  “Don’t worry about it,” I mumble, looking out the windshield.

  I don’t want to bring Brealynn into my fucked-up family. Most families have issues. Mine has fucking skeletons, falling out every time someone’s mouth opens. I don’t want to taint her with all the issues pouring out. I keep Brealynn separate. She is my own safe haven. My escape.

  She is mine.

  No one else’s.

  “Drop me by Tim’s.”

  Parker’s questionable gaze lands directly on me at my demand. He knows I am not going to be knocking on Tim’s door.

  “Are you sure?”

  I just need to feel her next to me, against me, with me. I need her.

  Damn, I need her.

  “Yes.” I just need her.

  Parker drops me off on campus and drives away with our little sister safe and sound. No more worrying about her tonight. I walk into Brealynn’s dorms and head down the hall to her door. I try the handle and it’s unlocked. Opening the door and easing it shut quietly, I take in my dark surroundings. Heading to Brealynn’s side of the room, I feel around blindly in the dark for the bed. Once my hand lands on the edge, I slowly feel my way until I reach her.

  Sliding into bed next to her, I take a minute to memorize her body in my arms. I’ve missed her so much. Her skin is so soft and the unique smell of her makes me feel at peace. As I inhale her scent, a soft moan comes from her mouth before she turns her face toward me.

  She jumps and then I hear, “What the hell?!” Her hand shoots between us pushing at my chest. Hard.

  “B, baby, it’s me,” I reassure her, hands in her hair. She jerks back from me, sitting up in bed.

  “Get out. Now!” she says, right above a whisper.

  “What?” I question, unsure of her reaction.

  “Why aren’t you in your whore’s bed, Colt? Or am I just seconds? Second best,” she cries.

  What is she talking about? Second? She would never be second. Fuck, she’s first.

  “What?” I’m so confused and drunk.

  Damn! I blame Toby Keith.

  “She said to get the fuck out. Now,” Kelsey demands as she flips the light on, and when she does, I see Brealynn’s tear stained face.

  Why has she been crying? Who did this to her? What the hell is going on? Standing up with a sway, I walk toward the door and stop when my hand touches the handle. I don’t know why, but I feel like I’m losing her.

  Losing us.

  “I...B, Baby, I…” Fuck, just say it! Tell her!

  I love you. I need you.

  “Leave,” she says on a sob. I turn and open the door to walk out into a world without her.

  Brealynn

  “What the hell did that bastard do?” Kelsey’s voice booms through the room while she throws her arms in the air. I stare at the door that Colt just walked out of in a lost daze.

  I am by no means perfect. I don’t expect Colt to be either. I do, however, expect him to be loyal to me. Is that too much to ask? For the man I care about to care that much about me?

  I fooled myself into thinking I could change him.

  Silly girl.

  No one changes unless they want to.

  I feel the bed dip down as my eyes glass over from staring at the door too long. Kelsey pulls me into a hug, which causes my emotions to pour out. My soul bleeds through my tears. When I finally pull away from Kelse
y’s tear stained Batman shirt, I pull up the picture that wrecked me tonight.

  Kelsey’s mouth takes on a slight ‘O’ shape before slamming shut. Her stare is hard while she shakes her head in disbelief. “Bastards.” She lays the phone back down on the bed and cradles me in a hug.

  “Alex said he was hiding something from me. I can’t believe she was actually right.”

  Is the sky still blue? I will have to check tomorrow morning. If Alex was right, something must be off with the world.

  “Alex is not a reliable source. This picture is. I don’t know what Colt was thinking!”

  “Clearly, I am never going to be good enough to keep a guy from wandering away from me. I know he has a past, I knew it all. I still hoped he would be different for me. I am so naïve. I’m that girl.” I shove my hands in my face as I begin to sob. Just another conquest to him, nothing more. I lift my head out of my hands to tell my best friend what has been at the tip of my tongue for days. “I,” sob, “Love,” sniff, “Him.” My shoulders shake as my emotions rip through me and my body tries to suck in oxygen to supply my lungs.

  “Brea. We will get through this, I promise,” she says with such a conviction, that it reminds me of the last time I told her that very same sentence. I don’t understand why she believes what she just said. I won’t get through losing a part of my soul. I will never be the same girl again. Nick cut me deep with his betrayal, but I recovered. I was never truly in love with him and now I understand that.

  Colt always seemed so scared he would break me. Well, I guess he was right. My soul broke the minute he walked out of my life and the pieces are scattered all around me, leaving me with no hope of ever finding them all.

  Colt

  Waking up face first in a laundry basket, on the floor, was a pretty rude awaking. At least I managed to make it to Tim’s dorm room before I passed out. Sitting up, I slide my hands down my face and before they reach my chin, my heart falls to my stomach.

  Brealynn.

  I jump up and head out toward her dorm. I don’t know what happened. I know I shouldn’t have stayed out with my sister, but I couldn’t reason with drunk Colt.

  Her reaction was uncalled for. I texted her, it’s not like I cheated on her, which you would have thought with her reaction. She should have trusted me. The fact that she didn’t causes anger to boil up in my chest.

  I knock on her door. No answer.

  I knock again, harder.

  Puffy, red eyes greet me before Brealynn tries to shut the door in my face, but I push it open, inviting myself inside. She is up against the door when it shuts, and I’m so close to her, our skin is touching, my suntanned skin against her soft olive tone. She doesn’t move, just stares up at me breathing hard. Her breasts meet the top of my diaphragm with every inhale, our eyes daring the other to move first.

  “You never gave me a chance,” I beg, gazing into her blue eyes. I was beyond wasted last night and didn’t fight back.

  “I would have given you anything you wanted, Colt,” a raspy whisper leaves her lips.

  Would? What the hell does that mean?

  I slowly run my hand up the side of her forearm, moving toward her shoulder with a feather light stroke. She closes her eyes as if to memorize my touch. I cup her cheek with my hand as soon as it reaches her face and slowly caress the smooth skin of her cheek bone. She nuzzles my hand. She can try to fight it, but she’s mine. Her body knows it. She just hasn’t figured it out yet.

  “That’s a lie. You don’t trust me, B. One night I didn’t do what you wanted us to do and you react this way.” I drop my hand from her face and take a step away from her, giving us both room to breathe. Brealynn’s eyes light with a fire I haven’t seen in her.

  “That’s not true! You are the one who cheated on me, Colt! You are the one who would have rather been doing anything other than me.” She finishes her statement with a whisper, hand balled into a fist at her side. I can see the anger and hurt flaring in her eyes.

  “I went to a party, B. I didn’t cheat.” My tone is calm and even, not at all how I feel. My anger is fighting like a caged lion to be released, but like with anything wild, things get damaged. I’m trying to be a better man here, with her.

  “So far all the rumors I have heard are coming true.” Anger is heavy in her voice as she takes a step further away from me.

  “Obviously, I care about you, or I wouldn’t fuckin’ be standing here! You are not making any damn sense. I have to head out of town in thirty fucking minutes, and I don’t want to leave without you.” The whole time my hands are flailing around like a crazed man. I can’t wrap my mind around why she is so mad about the party. Brealynn opens the door, not looking up at me.

  “Brealynn.” There’s a slight edge to my voice.

  Her eyes don’t meet mine.

  I gently touch her chin bringing her eyes up to me and see tears streaming down her beautiful face. “Don’t shut me out,” I plead with tightness to my voice.

  She closes her eyes and pulls the door open a little more. “You did this. Not me,” she mutters with emotion.

  I take a step through the doorway. “If I leave now, I won’t be back.”

  With that threat, she calls my bluff, nods and shuts her door; the lock clicking into place with my heart inside.

  Brealynn

  True to his word, Colt hasn’t tried to contact me. He is in Florida at the final stage of his competition. It’s been three miserable days since I last saw his face and heard his voice. The fact that I can’t be there kills me. I guess, I could be there, but my pride won’t allow it.

  I miss the pull of his heart.

  I had to let him go. I can’t let myself always be second best. My lesson learned with Nick. Never again will I be second to someone who I put first.

  I’m currently sitting at Madelyn Grace, one of the best bars in our college town with Hannah and Savannah. They are on a mission to pull me out of my ‘Taylor funk,’ as they call it. Kelsey is back at the dorms with what, I’m almost positive, is a fake illness. She started coughing twenty minutes before we left tonight.

  Something is up.

  “Can we get a round of Sociable Sluts, please?” Hannah inquires as she waves the bartender over to our perches at the end of the bar. I look questionably over at Savannah, who smiles a toothy smile and waves off my questionable look.

  “Everyone loves a Sociable Slut. Don’t worry, Brea.”

  I am in trouble with these girls.

  “So, I am dying to know. Did he have a big dick?” I immediately choke on the beer I was enjoying at Hannah’s outburst.

  “Hannah!” Savannah reprimands with a stern look.

  “What! We are all curious, and by all, I mean the whole student body. Well, the ones who don’t already know. At least now you know what kind of guy he is. Better now than later,” Hannah rambles before shrugging it off and taking a drink.

  “I just want to forget Colt Taylor.” Shock washes over me. Do I really want that? I didn't even think when that came out of my mouth. I just want to be numb, to myself, to this day…to Colt.

  Three shots slam down one by one in front of each of us.

  “To forgetting the unforgettable dicks!” Savannah declares as we slam our shot glasses down and bring the rims to our lips. A burst of pineapple, rum, and melon hit my taste buds and the liquid mind numbing begins.

  I like the frame of mind I’m in right now, it’s blissfully numb. I can’t feel the breaking of my heart or the hole in my soul. All I feel...is...numb, maybe a little…light. I don’t feel the weight of sorrow right now.

  A Royal Fuck slides in front of my face. My eyes drift left to see who placed it there, and the instant my eyes land on him, he smiles the smile I used to love so much. His blue eyes contrast against his finger length black hair. At one time, he was everything I thought I wanted.

  “I thought you could use a good Royal Fuck,” Nick casually says as he leans his left arm on the bar and his right arm hooks around my neck
.

  “I bet you could take care of that.” Savannah drunkenly giggles and winks.

  His eyes instantly darken. “I’ll take that bet,” his deep voice rumbles, inches from my ear.

  Do I want to be a part of this bet? Maybe it would okay, since this time I would be the one using Nick. I smile up at him and grab the shot.

  To forgetting, right?

  Colt

  How in the hell I advanced to the last stage of this trial competition, I have no fucking clue. All I can think about is her. I refuse to say her name. It guts me every time. I wake up only to go through the motions of the competition.

  Shit.

  I can’t take this ache in my chest. This dull shooting pain only gets worse when I think of her. It’s been five agonizing days since I’ve heard her voice, seen her face, and touched her beautiful body.

  “You good, brother?” Parker knows that I’m not bouncing back from the breakup like I should be. We make our way to the box for our last run of the competition for the next few weeks.

  Hopefully.

  The top three riders will advance to go up against each other for the cover of Ride or Run magazine. Everyone gets their own page, but the cover will hold the best of the best. Which is what I am.

  “Fucking great.”

  Why wouldn’t I be great? I am single.

  “This is a big payout. I know you’re hurting but just try to block her out.”

  “I said I’m fuckin’ great.” Sarcasm and anger are dripping from my voice as we walk up to our bikes at the top of the ramp. The announcer calls for Parker seconds before he dives down the ramp, giving it his all.

  The Florida sun is brutal; beads of sweat trail slowly down my back while I look down the ninety-degree angle ramp. Gripping the handlebars tightly, I wait for my run.

  My mind transports me back into time without my consent, and I am in a daze staring out over the ramp.