Final nail:
Nick with his hand on Brealynn’s cheek as they stare into each other’s eyes right outside her dorm room.
I don’t even care that Alex sent them. I know she’s a bitch, but that doesn’t make these photos any less real.
She went back to him.
She was upset because she knew I was going to find out, not that she wanted us back.
Ding. My phone alerts again:
Brea met Jamie and Natalie! I am so sorry dude! – Tim
She what? My sister is a loose cannon, and I just can’t trust her around Brealynn.
How the fuck did that happen? I asked you to watch after Jamie while I’m gone, not introduce her to Brealynn!
Sliding my phone back into my pocket, I decide tonight needs a ‘do over’ and since Brealynn was so fast to get under someone else, maybe it’s time I do, too.
Brealynn
Colt never returned my phone call, and he’s been back in town for a full day now. When I go for coffee this morning, I see him sitting at a table with Parker and Tim. His cold eyes sweep over me, chilling me to the bone, but he doesn’t move a muscle to come to me. He just stares through me.
I quickly grab my coffee, pause by the door, and then decide to go up to him. Once I reach his table, Tim looks at me like he feels sorry for me. Parker just stares daggers at my face, and Colt… Colt is completely shut off.
“Can we talk?” At least I don’t stutter my question
“No.”
That’s it? That’s all I get?
“No?” I can’t believe the crack of weakness in my voice. I readjust my posture, standing taller and praying my backbone stays cemented.
“We have nothing to talk about.” I see no emotion in his eyes. The sliding of his chair against the floor is loud and final as he stands up and walks out of the coffee shop. Leaving me standing there, staring after him in shock.
“Just give him some time,” Tim reassure’s me from the table.
“Better yet, just leave him the hell alone.” My eyes begin to water at the sound of Parker's voice. The niceness he showed me the other night is gone.
I don’t turn toward them. Instead, I make my way back to my dorm to lay in bed, wallowing in self-pity. I wish my brain would relay to my heart that he doesn’t love me. My heart feels like it’s broken and shattered inside of my chest. My emotional haze bursts when I hear Kelsey outside of our door.
“He needs to talk to her. – Well, that’s fuckin’ ridiculous. – Oh, fuck you both.”
The door is thrown open to reveal my crazy-eyed best friend. When her eyes meet mine, they soften. Shutting the door, Kelsey strides over to the nest I have created on my bed. I have my Kindle, both phone and e-reader chargers, pillows, blankets, chocolate, and water. I could stay in this spot for days, besides having to get up to pee.
“I have some intel. Apparently, Colt received some compromising photos of you and Nick while he was in Florida.”
This information causes me to jerk up in the bed, and she takes a seat beside me.
“How do you know?”
“Parker just told me. Photos of you and Nick at the bar and one right outside our dorm. Why would you run back to that dick, Brea?” Sadness for me shines brightly in Kelsey’s eyes.
“I wouldn’t. I didn’t,” I confess shaking my head. Then I remember the other night at 903. I kept noticing him glancing to the far corner of the bar, but I never saw anyone back there. “Nick was at 903 the night you were sick. He bought me a shot and talked to us for a little bit. I toyed with the idea of hooking up with him again, just to move on from Colt, but I didn’t. I swear.”
Would Hannah or Savannah have tried to set me up? None of this…
Oh. Fuck. Me.
“Alex,” I hiss. “Alex is fucking with my life! She is playing some sick game with me and using Nick as her pawn.”
“That bitch needs to learn a lesson,” Kelsey spits as she stands and heads for the door.
Throwing the covers off my body, I quickly get out of the bed. “Where are you going?”
“To find Alex and you are going to go talk to Colt. Now. That bitch can’t win. Not this time.” I’m not sure the last time I saw the look that I see on her face now. It's anger and determination mixed with some other emotion I can’t quite place.
“This isn’t middle school, Kelsey. You can’t throw a lunch tray in her face!” I call out as Kelsey slams the door closed. Looking myself over, I decide I clearly need to shower and change if I’m going to try to talk to Colt again.
Colt
Seeing her today was hard. I thought I could tolerate being out in public with the possibility of seeing her, but I was wrong. I can still feel whatever it is we had coursing between us, her stormy blues staring into my eyes and begging for comfort.
How can she ask that from me? She’s the one who never gave us a chance. She’s the one who went running back to her ex within a week, not thinking twice about me.
Strolling through the house I grew up in, I call out for my aunt. Whenever I go away for a competition, I always meet up with my aunt for a celebratory lunch when I return; my mom used to attend as well. Win or lose. Walking out to the patio, I see she has the porcelain white patio table set with BLTs ready for our lunch.
“Another big win! You always do so well.” She greets me with a kiss on my cheek as I walk up to the table. Her hazel eyes sparkle with pride as she takes me in. My aunt never married or had children. I think she considers Parker, Jamie, and me her kids, especially now.
“It was pure luck, I assure you,” I express with a tight grin, taking a seat as she does the same.
Shaking her finger at me, she beams. “Nonsense. So tell me about your trip. Did you meet anyone? You know, it’s time for you to start looking for someone serious, Colt. I don’t want you to end up alone.” Worry suddenly etches her face. Every lunch, she asks if I have met someone. Every time, I dodge the subject.
“Dad was there.”
She suddenly stiffens, her carefree smile gone. See, that right there is why it’s best that Brealynn is out of my life. No one will ever come as close to me as she did.
As she brings her cup of sweet tea to her lips, she pauses. “Ah, yes. He said he had business in town and was going to make an appearance to see you. I hope it went well.”
“If his business was a tall blonde, then I would say it did.”
My aunt’s face is stone before my sentence ever leaves my lips.
I regret it immediately. “I’m sorry.”
She waves off my apology. “When will I see you with a blonde? That’s the question.”
She had to say blonde.
“It’s doubtful. You saw what love did to my mom.”
“No. I saw what depression did to your mother.”
I choke back a laugh. “I think my father caused her depression. Without him, she would have been happy. She was in a loveless marriage that would depress anyone.” I just disagreed and then agreed with my aunt’s statement, in one statement.
“Your mother battled depression since she was young. Way before she ever met your father. You don’t know this, but we found out she had stopped taking her medications months before her accident. I know she thought she was more herself off the meds, but she needed them to keep the balance.” Elaine’s eyes are glazed with tears as she speaks of my mother.
“I know about the letter.” The world seems to slow and stop on its axis as heaviness takes over in my limbs. The pain I felt that day—I would never wish it on my worst enemy. I can still remember reading it like it was yesterday.
Bryan,
Do you know what it’s like to drown every day of your life? It never ceases. Never lets up. Just one breath, that’s all I ask for. I just want to breathe. I can’t keep living my life in this limbo. I’m losing the war. I have lost you. I can’t be who or what you need and that is my fault. I should be stronger, for you and the kids, but I can’t. The current is so strong, and soon I know it will
pull me under. I welcome it. There is no pain then. No complications and no sorrows. I don’t like that I have to leave my sweet babies behind. Or you. I know you have strayed from me and I just want you to know that I understand and I forgive you. I hope you can forgive me for being selfish as well. Please tell my kids that I love them.
Love always,
Nicole
“Is that what has been keeping you from finding someone to love?” Her question pulls me out of my memory.
I swallow down my tea to buy myself some time before I answer, that I do love someone. As hard as that is to swallow, I do. So what if I don’t feel whole anymore, don’t feel complete, unless she’s in my life? I’ll learn to deal with it, eventually.
“I met a girl. A girl who I’m pretty sure has my soul in her possession. She went back to her ex while I was in Florida. So, that’s that.” A heart to heart with my aunt is not what I had planned today, but the bomb she dropped blew me away. Now, I feel the need to let everything out.
The smile on my aunt’s face lights up her hazel eyes. “You’re a Taylor, son. She is yours; you just have to want her.”
Psshhh.
Like it’s that easy.
My phone rings, so I excuse myself as my aunt’s eyes remain on me the whole time. Once I answer the phone, I regret it. I should have looked at the name, but I was so ready to get out of the conversation that I didn’t.
“What?” I growl to silence. “You have two seconds.” Someone is in the background, and it sounds like they are threatening the caller.
“It was all a lie.” I hear Alex’s fast confession over the line.
“Explain yourself,” I command. I’m in no mood for her games today; too much chaos is already swarming around.
“It was all a setup. She never strayed from her precious Colt,” she spits. “She needed to pay for what she did to me!” she adds angrily.
“That’s e-fucking-nough…” I hear faintly in the background. Is that Brealynn?
“Brealynn?” I hold my breath.
“No. It’s her batshit crazy sidekick,” Alex speaks and sighs, “It was all a lie.” Click. The phone line goes dead.
Why do I have a feeling if Kelsey was involved, then Alex’s life may have been at stake? I’m glad Brealynn has someone who loves her as fiercely as Kelsey does. Sliding my phone back into my jeans pocket, I walk back over toward my aunt.
“I need to get back to campus.” Kissing her cheek, she pulls back and takes a hard look at me.
“If you have given her your heart, I have no doubt you own hers as well. Bring her by once you get things cleared up. I need to meet the girl who owns you.” Her smile gives me hope. I assure her that if things are ever clear, I will bring her over.
With that, I start to head back inside to grab my keys. The television catches my eye, and I see ‘breaking news’ flashing at the bottom. All I hear is the blood rushing to my brain to help me try to make sense of what I see. There’s a three-car pileup on the freeway and one of them is a white Jeep or what used to be a Jeep.
My heart falls out of my chest in the same house I lost it the first time.
Brealynn
It took me for-fucking-ever to get to Colt’s house. There was a bad wreck on the freeway apparently. I pray everyone made it out okay.
After I bang on the door, it swings open to a pissy-faced Parker.
Yes. Pissy face.
That’s the only way to describe his pursed lips and angry eyes. He is always so damn broody.
“Go. Home.” He stands there straight faced, one arm up on the doorframe.
“Don’t be a dick. I need to talk to Colt.” Not waiting for an invite, I push past him walking into the house.
“He isn’t here, and even if he was, he wouldn’t want to talk to you.”
“That’s okay, I’ll wait.” I sit on the couch and begin my stare down with Parker.
Colt
Wrecked.
Fucking wrecked over how I treated Brealynn. Please just let her be alive. I have to see her blue eyes clear again. I was heartless to the one and only girl who owns me. There’s no taking back how I acted, but I can love her with every fiber of my being. Which is exactly what I plan to do, when I get her back.
There’s no other option.
Knocking on her dorm door, my nerves dance through my body. There’s no plan in place. I just know that I need to hold her in my arms and to feel her against my body so she can soothe this ache away, the way only she can.
“Knock much?” Kelsey laughs as she opens the door with a towel wrapped around her head. If we were on good terms, I’d have such a good line here. Once she sees me, her whole demeanor instantly changes. I can see the anger clearly burning in her eyes.
“Is Brealynn here?” I quickly exhale.
“Is Brealynn here?” she mocks, facial expressions and all.
Like she’s six years old.
“No, asshole.” She attempts to shut the door in my face.
Placing my palm on the center of the door stops her motion. She looks up at me with a challenge now burning in her eyes. Damn, this girl doesn’t hide her emotions well.
“You know what, Colty, I have been meaning to talk to you. Please come in,” she says full of sarcasm, moving out of the doorway.
‘Colty.’ It takes a lot not to laugh at this lit firecracker, but under such serious circumstances, I wouldn’t dare.
She’s lethal.
I walk into the room and instantly look over at Brealynn’s bed.
“Have a seat, asshat.” Kelsey insult draws my attention back to her.
“You love the name calling, don’t you?” I smirk.
“Don’t smirk at me, fucktwat. You deserve so much worse.”
“You’re right,” I admit freely.
I don’t deserve Brealynn, but I can’t breathe without her in my life. I need her.
“I’m always two things. Right and awesome. Don’t forget either. Now, on to the reason I even invited your dickface in. Have you lost your ever fucking loving mind? Oh, wait you don’t know what love is, do you? Poor sad Colt has no one to love him. Until the day he does and breaks that love into little fucking teeny tiny little sad heart-shaped pieces!” She’s making some off the wall faces and hand gestures like she is shredding something.
“Kels, I fucked up. I know it was you who made Alex call me. I really need to talk to her. I’m so fucking stupid. I should have trusted her. Do you know where she is? There was a really bad wreck on the freeway, and I’m worried.”
“First, don’t call me Kels. Only my friends call me that. Second, why should I help you?” She’s looking at me with her arms crossed and head tilted sideways. She is enjoying this, which means she is not going to make it easy on me. It also means she knows Brealynn is safe and not crushed in the Jeep I saw.
“…love her…” I mumble, feeling a little off saying it to her best friend. I thought the next time I said it out loud would be to Brealynn.
“Mumble McFuckshit, say what?” A slow starting Cheshire cat smile spreads across her face.
“I love her!” I throw my arms up in the air.
“‘Bout time you admit it. She is at your house, stubbornly waiting for you to show up.”
I don’t say another word; I just stand up and leave, not shutting the door behind me. She’s trying to get to me while I was trying to find her. I can’t get home fast enough.
It’s time to pick up the pieces.
Brealynn
Parker has been ignoring my existence for at least an hour while he plays some stupid game. I wish Tim was here. At least he likes me. I don’t know what I did to Parker for him to hate me so much. It feels like the couch is going to swallow me whole. Quickly, I stand up and know where I need to be.
“I’m going to go wait outside.” Even though summer is approaching, the night can still get chilly, so I grab the blanket off the couch and step toward the door.
“The fuck do I care?” Never taking his eyes off th
e video game, Parker has no issue telling me to go fuck myself, and I want to know why.
“What’s your problem? Why do you dislike me so much?” Standing beside the couch, I look down on him with the blanket tucked in my arms. He must not like the angle because he stands immediately to meet my gaze.
“It’s always about you, isn’t it? Did you ever stop to think that this world doesn’t revolve around Brealynn?”
My mouth falls open. “I- I never said it did.” There goes the stuttering again.
Fuck, where is my backbone?
“You just expect it to. You do have one thing right, I don’t like you.” Our stances haven’t changed.
“Because of Kelsey?” There is a shift in his eyes like he is shielding himself from my question.
“Because you gave my brother hope, building him up so high, then just like I knew you would, you left. Not bothering to clean up your mess. You just let him fall.” The pain reflecting in Parker’s eyes hits me deep in the chest. I don’t have the strength to handle my love life and dig into Parker’s as well.
“I love him.” I can’t stop the tear that falls down my face at my confession.
“Sometimes love can be intoxicating to the soul and just like any poison it will slowly kill you. Are you sure you’re not just poison to Colt?” Parker’s stance has relaxed some. His face is no longer angry but hints at conflict and worry.
“I wouldn’t poison my own heart.” Turning on my heel, I walk to the front door.
As I grab the knob, I hear him whisper, “It may not be intentional.”
I slam the door behind me, making my way out to the box. It’s the only place I know that Colt’s heart truly lays. If I can find his soul anywhere, it will be there. I can’t believe I didn’t think of it before. It’s about a half mile walk to the back end of the property where the ramps are. The Texas heat has let up during the evening hours. As my Converse travel across the gravel, I think back over my relationship with Colt. Even though we were cut too short, if he accepts me, I know he is my forever.
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