Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon?, Vol. 7

by Fujino Omori

  “Aisha, look out!”

  An out of breath yet desperate warning echoes in the night.

  At that very moment, an Amazonian woman hurtles through the air and slams into Aisha.

  It knocks her off my chest. I can’t believe my eyes. That poor woman is still tumbling through the street. I don’t even know her name.

  Aisha groans next to me as she tries to recover. I turn my head to look in the direction that the other woman came from.

  “OUTTA MY WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!”

  Big mistake. That’s an image that will give me nightmares.

  A group of Amazons are lined up, making a wall. However, Phryne breaks through by grabbing two of the unfortunate ladies, one in each hand. The moment I happened to catch a glimpse of was when she burst through, two women in her clutches and the rest in various stages of being trampled or launched toward the walls.

  She’s throwing women around like projectiles…Now even my cheeks are shaking.

  “That damn toad!”

  Aisha growls from the deepest pits of her soul, her eyes locked onto the incoming monstrosity.

  Which means she’s not looking at me. This may be the only chance I get. Forcing all my muscles into action at once, I roll up, forward, and back onto my feet. I hear a frustrated “TCH!” from behind me, but I’m already in a dead sprint. Aisha’s footsteps are echoing behind me, too, but I’m faster.

  With the exception of Phryne, I’m faster than any of the Amazons here in terms of pure speed. The gap between us is widening. Lose them this time…! I yell inside my head, but…

  “Liscia, Eliza! Stop the kid who just entered Third Street!”

  Aisha, still on my tail, shouts into the night.

  I’ve outrun all the other Amazons, so who is she talking to? Suddenly, two working ladies—an animal person and a human—jump out of buildings on both sides of me.

  “Yaaaaaa!”

  Even more ladies of the night appear farther down the street, doors opening left and right. “Stop right there!” one of them yells as the rest brandish brooms and frying pans like weapons. What do I do?! THERE! I dart off the main path into a separate back alley, just moments before running into the sudden mob.

  “Wh-why?!”

  Aisha’s voice sounds again the moment I thought I’d found safety in a new escape route. Exactly the same scene unfolds in front of my eyes: scantily dressed women flood the back alley to bar my path. I yell in despair.

  New voices are raining down from above. The brothel windows are open, heads poking out of each one and yelling to one another. “He went that way!” Fifth Street!” “A white-headed adventurer!”

  I’ll never be able to get away if they keep shouting where I am! Wait a second, I’ve seen that elf in a white dress before! That long-eared beast girl, too! She’s the one who blew me a kiss earlier! Every one of the women I’ve encountered so far tonight is trying to help the Amazons or get in my way.

  What the hell is going on?! I yell inside my head, changing direction yet again. That’s when, even in panicked confusion, I catch a glimpse of the same emblem as before: a naked female body hidden by a veil.

  There it is on the side of the brothel, another one engraved in that door, and over there, as well. All these buildings have Ishtar Familia’s emblem somewhere.

  Don’t tell me…!

  A fresh wave of sweat runs down the back of my neck. I know why.

  A net that’s far too wide. Lady Ishtar’s fingers reach all over the third district of Orario. All the women working here are members of Ishtar Familia, noncombatant and otherwise.

  “This whole area is our island.” Aisha told me herself, but she was being serious.

  It’s as if their home were the castle and all the buildings surrounding it were a town under its protection. This is practically their backyard.

  I’m trapped in an area completely under Ishtar Familia’s control—their territory!

  “Th-this can’t be happening…!”

  The interference of the working ladies buys the Amazons enough time to catch up.

  What’s worse, the persistent warriors are now equipped with weapons. My only reason for coming out here was to follow Mikoto, so of course I didn’t wear any armor. I have the Divine Knife, but it can’t protect me from an army!

  The only item I have on me is Lord Hermes’s aphrodisiac. Absolutely useless!

  “Take out his legs!”

  “Prepare nets and ropes!”

  Arrows hit the street at my feet; boomerangs whiz by my face. I just barely get out of the way of the net before it ensnares a barrel on the street.

  This isn’t a race anymore; it’s an all-out battle. The Amazons keep coming, and I don’t know how much of this I can take.

  “Samira, cut him off!”

  “You owe me one, Aisha!”

  Hungry lionesses on the hunt, licking their lips.

  I can see it in their eyes—they’re enjoying every moment. The joy of “devouring” after a successful “kill” is written all over their faces.

  “We’ll squeeze him dry once we have him! Squeeze until he breaks!”

  “At least let me hear him scream!”

  I’ll be overrun if I can’t get away from them now.

  The moment I lose my strength and slow down, it’s all over. I’ll lose something precious.

  “GE-GE-GE-GE-GE-GEH! There’s no escape!”

  Fear, despair, anguish, lamentation, annihilation, deterioration, darkness.

  All of them are reaching out, chasing me.

  A miserable, horrid, tragic fate awaits me should I fall into their clutches.

  Run.

  Everything will be over.

  Bell Cranell will end at their hands.

  Run, run.

  Unable to fulfill my dreams, unable to express my deepest wishes.

  Every hope I’ve had, including standing next to her, will be completely obliterated, gone forever.

  Run, run, run!

  With that gone, I won’t be able to grow anymore.

  I just know.

  The person I am now—will be gone forever!!

  Run, run, run, run run run ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!!

  I blaze forward with even more desperation than when I was being chased by the Goliath.

  My eyes are wide, most likely bloodshot, and leaking tears. My lungs are in revolt.

  Catching a glimpse of my pursuers out of the corner of my eye, I convince my body to pick up speed.

  “What’s with this guy?!”

  “He sped up!!”

  “Give up, already!”

  I never knew before.

  I never knew women could be this scary.

  I’ve always seen the other gender as this sparkling, pure being.

  All the women around me have always been so good to me. They spoiled me, and only now do I know the truth.

  That’s growing up, I guess.

  Escape, escape, escape!

  Darting out of the way of incoming projectiles and dashing through the streets, my hair whips to and fro with each twist of my body. A white rabbit trying to escape the lion’s den.

  If the other working ladies are going to block the street, that leaves only one option: the roofs.

  I spot a pile of barrels and use them as a springboard to get on top of the closest brothel.

  “The boy’s headed to the red-light district!”

  I finally gain some distance, with my instincts screaming at me to get away. I barely notice the change in scenery in my high-speed desperation.

  The stone buildings of the Pleasure Quarter give way to the tiled roofs of the red-light district.

  Red, white, and flowers with blue petals. Anywhere is better than here. I set my course.

  Thwak, thwak! More arrows slice through the air behind me. Many lights are flickering on street level. The Pleasure Quarter is still busy. I can lose them in there!

  “—GaaHHH!”

  I jump toward the cover of
people on the opposite block, but I feel the ominous air pressure of an oncoming boomerang arcing right toward my head.

  I draw my knife out of reflex and knock away the weapon, but now my momentum’s carrying me in a different direction.

  I’m heading directly toward the largest brothel in the red-light district, right next to the main street.

  “EH-EKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!”

  And right through a second-story window.

  Portable and foldable paper dividers, called shouji if I remember right, are set up as barriers between rooms—at least they were until a second ago. I fly right through them and tumble past the room and into a wooden hallway. The lady inside was really surprised; my ears are still ringing from her shriek. Her male partner fainted the moment I passed overhead. “S-s-sorry!” I yell over my shoulder as I regain my feet and take off running.

  The inside of this brothel is just like the outside, decorated in a Far Eastern style. Sliding doors, called fusuma, decorated with gold leaves separate individual rooms from the hallway. I’m pretty sure there’s a party really living it up behind the one on my right. Red pillars and railings flash in and out of view every so often as I keep moving.

  A few people poke heads out of the stairwell to see what all the noise is about but immediately disappear the moment they see me charging through. CRASH! CRASH! CRASH! The Amazons have arrived, through the windows by the sound of it. The brothel is engulfed in chaos in the blink of an eye.

  “This is really bad…!”

  More screams as I race past even more rooms. Apologizing as I go, I’m not slowing down for anything. All the Amazons’ powerful footsteps are making an avalanche of sound that threatens to overtake me at any second. Ignoring the warriors’ random threats and demands, I lead them on a wild chase through the brothel.

  If Ishtar Familia’s home was worthy of being called a castle, then this place should be called an estate. The part that faces the red-light district isn’t all that wide, but this building is surprisingly deep. There are several sections of various sizes all strung together. The scene outside the windows changes dramatically depending on the floor I’m on. Sometimes it’s a vast cityscape and others it’s a garden or water feature. Every so often I catch a glimpse of a Dungeon Fly—a harmless monster that continuously generates light. KER-THUNK! A piece of bamboo set up like a seesaw sitting under a small waterfall fills up with enough water to tilt forward. It strikes a rock, the water flows out, and it resets.

  I don’t know if it’s the confusing layout of this brothel, but the tidal wave of footsteps is gradually thinning to a mere trickle. There was a whole group just behind me a few moments ago, but now there are only two or three at most. I doubt Aisha or Phryne are among them.

  At the same time, I’ve pushed my body beyond its limit.

  Running on fumes, I make my way to the deepest part of the brothel.

  “G-got to find a hiding place…!”

  Gasping for breath, I arrive on the fifth floor and look both ways down the hallway.

  Compared to all the ruckus in the other sections, it’s eerily quiet here.

  “Freeze!” A voice comes from the other end of the hallway.

  But this is the end. There’s no more hallway on the side. So I quickly open the closest sliding door and duck inside.

  “Haa-haa…”

  Closing the door behind me, I clutch my chest and gasp for breath. Then, as quietly as I can, I back away from the door.

  It’s pretty dark in here. No idea what it’s for, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a good place to hide.

  I go deeper into the dark room, my left hand on the wall to guide me…Wait a minute, there’s light coming from the other side of that fusuma.

  I take a quick look over my shoulder to make sure I’m not being followed, take a deep breath, and go inside.

  Then…

  “I have been awaiting your arrival with great anticipation, master.”

  An animal person is sitting on her knees on the other side of the fusuma.

  —It’s her…

  Long, shimmering golden hair, with matching tail and wide ears on the top of her head.

  The absolutely gorgeous red kimono makes it blatantly obvious—she’s the renart I saw in the gallery.

  I can’t take my eyes off the fox ears on top of her head. I might be in shock.

  She bows in her sitting position, three fingers outstretched in front of her on the Far Eastern–style bamboo mats. Tatami, isn’t it? She slowly raises her face. Yep, there’s no way I could mistake her for someone else.

  “I shall be accompanying you this night. Please address this humble servant as Haruhime.”

  She looks me in the eyes and says that.

  “…Huh?”

  “Right this way, master.”

  She gestures behind her without getting up. That golden fox tail of hers swishes back and forth on top of the tatami.

  I freeze in place, mouth half open. She rises to her feet and in one quiet, swift motion takes my hand before gently leading me inside.

  We pass through another set of golden sliding doors and into another chamber…A futon is laid out on the floor.

  “…?!”

  Seeing the pillows on it brings me back to my senses.

  “Is something the matter?” comes a quiet voice beside my ear.

  “Eh, no, w-wait!” Another spark of desperation floods through me, and I trip over my own feet trying to get away.

  Losing my balance, I reach out to grab onto a wall but hook my arm around her neck by accident. Both of us tumble onto the futon.

  “Eaah…”

  I couldn’t catch myself in time and land flat on my back on top of the thin floor bed. The back of my head even missed the pillows.

  I hear a cute little groan of pain next to my ear. My eyes shoot open as I turn my head to look at her and I open my mouth to apologize…Her large green eyes are looking right through me. Words, they won’t come out.

  “…”

  “…”

  She’s close enough that I can feel her breath on my face.

  On top of me, her left hand is pushing down on my chest. We just lie there, staring into each other’s eyes.

  Both her cheeks are getting redder by the moment. Neither of us is moving, though, nothing more than bed decorations.

  A magic-stone lamp next to the pillows illuminates the right side of her face. She’s cute, stunningly so.

  She has the air of a beautiful young maiden…who happens to have fox ears. She’s not even wearing makeup. Compared to the ravenous and rather violent temptresses I’ve come in contact with tonight, she seems, I don’t know, pure.

  In fact, I think she’s pretty close to my age. The difference between her and the others is mind-boggling.

  “…rst time?”

  I was so caught up in those pristine eyes that I barely noticed her lips were moving. She must’ve sensed the storm raging in my head because now those green orbs look slightly concerned.

  “Eh?” I respond, my shoulders shaking. She repeats herself in the same soft voice as before.

  “Is this your first time…in a brothel?”

  “Yes!”

  Her question catches me completely off guard. My voice suddenly comes back to life and bursts from my lips much louder than I expected.

  But I quickly cover my mouth with both hands.

  The Amazons will find me if I make any noise at all…!

  She looks at the desperation on my face, fingers interlocked over my mouth, and tilts her head. I think she misunderstood.

  She quietly clears her throat.

  “Th-that being the case…I, Haruhime, shall take lead…”

  Her eyes change. It’s like she’s made up her mind but doesn’t know if she can. Sitting up, she starts loosening her clothing.

  My eyes practically jump from their sockets.

  She unravels the thick belt-like sash of her kimono. Different sections of the red fabric fall
away from her body.

  In no time at all, there’s only one thin layer left—practically underwear.

  “P-please, wait…!”

  “Please be at ease, my master. Entrust…this Haruhime with everything.”

  “I-I’m not…!”

  “Try to relax…!”

  My tongue can’t handle all these words at the same time. My voice cuts out.

  Her pink thighs flash before my eyes. They’re nothing compared to her full, curvy breasts. That kimono hid them unbelievably well. A flash of light off her black collar draws my eyes even farther up to the nape of her neck and delicate collarbones. My heart is beating so fast it could shatter any second.

  I try protesting again, but she seems to be in her own world. A look of determination overtakes her face as she lifts her leg and straddles me just like Aisha did. I can’t move.

  “I shall provide you with my services, master…”

  A quiver shoots through her ears and down her spine as both hands grab onto my shirt.

  My body feels pitifully weak; there’s no way I can escape. I try pushing with my arms, arching my back to throw her off, but nothing works.

  She unbuttons the top of my shirt—what’s left of it anyway—exposing my chest to the light of the magic-stone lamp just above my head.

  “……Teh.”

  In that moment—the almost naked girl pinning me down freezes in place.

  FLICK! Her tail shoots straight out and ears stand on end. Her eyes are locked on my chest.

  “M-master, master has such a beautiful collarbone!”

  Her eyes roll back into her head, and she collapses on top of me with a dull thump.

  Wha…WHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?!

  My soul screams out as two round lady-pillows fall right on my face. FMUMM! I can’t breathe!

  It’s utter chaos in my head, despite the soft skin around my nose and mouth.

  Shaking and wiggling my body, I desperately try to get out from underneath the breasts that I didn’t know could be so deadly.

  “Haruhime, you here?”

  ?!

  They’ve found me.

  A sliding door slams open with a bang and a loud voice echoes through the room. Two sets of footsteps, but I can’t see anything with her on top of me like this.

  I completely forgot the Amazons were on the hunt. My mind goes blank.