Ditched

by Hope, Amity

  The beach in front of us was sandy. Off to the right, the shoreline changed and became rockier. Then it evened out again and I noticed there was a large resort on the other side. To the left were more houses dotting the shoreline.

  Max glanced over his shoulder as I approached.

  “Now I understand why you were in such a hurry to move back here,” I said. He was seated at the edge of the blanket. I settled down next to him.

  He nodded. “When I lived here, I took it for granted. I didn’t realize how much I would miss it.”

  “It still feels like home to you?”

  “I don’t think I really ever want to live anywhere else.”

  I closed my eyes for a second, letting my other senses take over. I’d copied Max and seated myself at the edge of the blanket. I leaned back, propping myself up with my hands as they rested behind me. My fingers dug into the sand as I listened to the waves rolling in. The combination of sunshine and gentle breeze were perfect together.

  I felt Max’s fingers brush mine. His pinky settled on my pinky. I reflexively started to move my hand away, feeling as though I’d gotten into his space. He surprised me by gently latching his fingers around mine. Startled, I glanced over at him. He was looking up at the sky. He was wearing a comically innocent expression.

  I stared at him for a moment, perplexed by his odd action. I was waiting for him to say something. This was just not the kind of thing Max did. Not with me, anyway. He had to have known I was watching even though he didn’t look my way. Before I could ask what he thought he was doing, I felt him drag my hand gently through the sand. I was only vaguely aware that it bumped into something with a rough edge. I became more aware as he squeezed my hand, causing me to squeeze the unfamiliar object lightly.

  I glanced over my shoulder and his hand abruptly left mine.

  “What are you doing?” I finally asked. I couldn’t help but laugh at his odd behavior.

  “Nothin’,” he said with a shrug.

  My gaze returned to the object in the sand that was half buried, half in my hand. “Is that…?” I plucked it out. “Max! It’s a sand dollar!”

  He feigned surprise. “Would you look at that? I guess it’s your lucky day. You found one all on your own.”

  “Did you plant that there?”

  He shook his head and looked offended. “No, of course not.”

  I gave his shoulder a shove and laughed. Now I understood why he’d been so intently scouring the beach. He may not have put it there, but he’d been very picky about where to spread out the blanket.

  I held it up and brushed it off. It was unbroken and nearly perfect. “Oh, thank you,” I said as I continued my inspection of it. It was much smaller than the ones in the gift shop. Yet like Max said, it was way better to find it on the beach than to purchase it out of a bowl.

  “We can look for more later,” he said. “Although usually they’re a lot harder to find. I think it helped that the water was rough earlier. It helps to pull them in.”

  I set it off to the side, next to the beach bag I’d brought with me.

  “Do you know where I’d really like to go?” I asked him.

  “Where?”

  “I’d like to see Villette Vineyards. When I go back, I want to be able to picture where you are.”

  “Sure,” he said. “We can do that.”

  “I’d also like to meet your grandparents,” I told him.

  He flicked a glance at me and then gazed off. He gave me a noncommittal shrug.

  I was flustered for a second. “You don’t want me to meet them?”

  “No, that’s not it. It’s just...” he faded off. I waited and he gave me a smile that looked a little forced. “Sure, yeah. We’ll line something up before you go.” He moved away from me, readjusting himself on the blanket so he was sprawled out on his stomach.

  “You should put sun block on,” I told him.

  “Don’t have any,” he muttered.

  I reached for my bag. “Lucky for you, I travel prepared.”

  He lifted his head slightly and grinned at me. “Are you going to put it on me?”

  “Sure,” I said as I plucked the can out of my bag. He laid his head back down and I sprayed it on, starting with his shoulders.

  “What the hell is that?” he demanded. He propped himself up on his elbows to look at me.

  I held up the can. “Sun block.”

  “That’s sun block?”

  I nodded. “You just spray it on.”

  He wrinkled up his face. “What happened to rubbing it on?”

  “You don’t need to,” I said with a little laugh.

  “Huh,” he said as he put his head back down. His next words were mumbled into the blanket. Yet, I was fairly sure he said, “I kind of feel cheated.”

  I stifled a laugh because that almost sounded like flirting. Flirting was something Max and I just didn’t do. Not even the silly friendly kind because, well, for obvious reasons. I had a boyfriend, or fiancé, depending on the point in our friendship. Or maybe that wasn’t what he’d said at all. Maybe I was hearing things.

  I sprayed myself down with sun block, causing him to scoff. Then I got comfortable lying down next to him.

  “What did you think of the university?” he asked.

  “The campus is pretty small,” I said. The university back home, where we’d spent our freshman year, had to be at least twice as big. Of course, this made sense considering that Sapphire Bay was about half the size of Chamberlain.

  “I think in this case, small is good. The class sizes are smaller, more personal attention, that kind of thing,” he said.

  “That does sound nice.” A few of my classes had to have had close to a hundred students in them. “Did all of your classes transfer?”

  He nodded. “Everything.”

  “You’ve registered for business classes in the fall?”

  He gave me a crooked smile. “I actually already have a course in winemaking. You know, you can’t find those kinds of classes back in Chamberlain.” I did know that. It was why he’d moved back here. “Then next year hopefully I’ll be ready for courses in vineyard and winery management. I’ve also still got a few general ed classes to finish.”

  “Me too,” I said with a sigh. I didn’t want to think about school. It was summer. This was vacation. So I changed the subject again. “So…Tori—”

  He groaned. “You are such a girl. You never let things drop.”

  “That’s not true!”

  “Prove it,” he taunted.

  “Fine.” I thought for a few seconds, struggling to come up with a subject change. “Do you still have a lot of friends around here?” He’d mentioned his friends to me over the years. I didn’t know if they were still around.

  “Not really. I mean, I moved away three, no wait, four years ago. I kind of lost touch with everyone. Grant was my closest friend but he’s in Colorado now, for school. Blaine moved away a year after I did. Last I heard Jake was around but I didn’t run into him last summer. Darren’s here, obviously.”

  “I thought you didn’t like Darren?” It came out sounding like a question.

  “I like Darren just fine. I just don’t like how he treats girls.”

  “Oh. So even though you’re moving back to your hometown, it’s almost like you’re starting over. I mean, you’re going to have to make all new friends.”

  He lifted his sunglasses to look over at me across the blanket. We were so close that I noticed his eyes weren’t entirely green. There was an amber ring that radiated outward from his iris. The result was shockingly pretty. I wasn’t sure how I’d missed that all of these years. I guess I just hadn’t been paying attention.

  “It’s not as bad as it sounds. I’m sure once classes start up I’ll run into a few more people I know. If not,” he made a face as if to say…Who cares? “It’s kind of like having a whole new start,” he said. “And that was my reason for coming here.”

  Chapter 10

  Two week
s after leaving Chamberlain, I was still in Sapphire Bay. Not surprisingly, the more my parents pressured me to come home, the more determined I was to stay a little longer. As the days went by Max never asked when I was leaving. I was glad because I didn’t want to go back and he really didn’t seem to mind that I was around. He told me he liked the company. Phone calls to my parents became less frequent. I think they’d become resigned to the fact that I was on my own timeframe.

  Max had started working full-time, though. That still gave us evenings to find something to do. Sometimes we’d sit on the beach, a couple of nights he’d grilled steaks, one rainy night we’d gone to a movie. But most of the time, we just spent relaxing. It was a nice change from the full class load and endless nights of homework I’d been buried under just the month before.

  I was able to keep myself busy during the day while he was gone. The beach house was on the edge of town but there were plenty of places within walking distance. Every day I’d ventured just a little further as I became more familiar with the area. It was a cute little town with unique, touristy shops on every block. I’d already spent hours walking through them. I hadn’t bought much, just a few small gifts for my friends. But it gave me something to do.

  It was two weeks to the day I left, that Collin called for the first time. I was in my room, putting away some laundry. I swiped the phone off my dresser, thinking it was Felicia because I’d just left her a voice mail wishing her happy birthday.

  I squinted at the ID on my phone, thinking I was seeing things, or imagining things. But no, it was Collin’s name that appeared. I silenced the ringer, waiting the call out. I stared at the phone in my hand for a moment, possibly even glared at it. As if it were to blame for the way my heart had tipped into a slow, painful plummet in my chest.

  At first, I’d been waiting for him to call. But now, two weeks later…? It was much too little, far too late.

  More than anything, I realized I was annoyed. I’d managed to pull myself together the last few weeks. I was doing fine. I was feeling good. I was enjoying my summer and having the best time with Max. With one call, he’d taken that away.

  And I hadn’t even talked to him.

  I immediately called Lanna.

  “You sound mad,” she said.

  “I am mad.” I threw myself down on the bed.

  “Good,” she said. “You should be. You wouldn’t be normal if you weren’t at least a little bit angry and bitter.”

  “I was actually doing just fine until he called,” I admitted. “Out of sight, out of mind has been working quite well for me.”

  “Glad to hear it,” she quipped. She was quiet a moment. Then she said, “To be honest, I was afraid one call from him would have you running back home. I’m also really surprised you didn’t answer. I thought you’d be dying to hear from him. And don’t be mad at me, but really, I thought you’d be the one flooding him with phone calls.”

  I couldn’t be mad because I felt the same way she did. Lanna knew me well, probably better than anyone. I was actually as surprised as she was that I hadn’t called him once.

  “I think, maybe, with everything that happened, we’ve crossed the point of no return.” I hadn’t been able to turn my feelings off completely but these past weeks, they’d faded substantially. The good feelings, the bad and even the mixed up ones were dying away. In other words, Collin himself was fading from my mind.

  “I still think you sound like you’re taking this awfully well,” Lanna accused. “Are you suppressing everything?” She didn’t let me respond. “Or, maybe your feelings for Collin were never that strong in the first place.”

  Had I just been thinking that Lanna knew me better than anyone? Obviously, I was wrong.

  “Excuse me?”

  “Okay, so you loved him…but were you in love with him?” she pressed. “Or were you just in love with the idea of getting married? Or did you just like the idea of making your families happy? Of having a nice, neat, clean, easy future laid out before you? I’m not saying you weren’t happy with him. You just seemed…comfortable with him but was there any spark?”

  I was speechless.

  She sighed. “I’m sorry. That was going too far.”

  “Do you think?” I scoffed.

  “Yes, I know it was. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that,” she admitted.

  I agreed but I didn’t want to be mad at her. I decided a subject change was in order.

  “How are things back home?” I asked.

  She sighed dramatically. “Oh, you know, the usual. Dani and Felicia are squabbling again. Felicia’s mad because Dani has Todd spend the night too often. Dani’s mad because Felicia spilled an entire box of her Cocoa Puffs. Or something like that. They’re both grumpy because rent went up. Felicia thinks Dani’s a slob. Dani’s in a constant state of annoyance because Felicia puts things where she can’t find them. I could go on but you know how they are so I’ll spare you from anymore details.”

  She was right. Some people are better off as friends than roommates. Same old, same old with those two. In a way, it was comforting.

  “What’s going on with you?” I asked.

  “I,” she said brazenly, “am spectacular. Dustin came back to town. Without that witch he was dating.”

  “And…?” I prompted with a smile.

  “Use your imagination,” she suggested.

  I let out a laugh. “I’d rather not.”

  We discussed mindless things for a bit and just as we were getting ready to end the call, she said, “You sound better than just okay. You actually sound happy. I’m glad. I didn’t think you’d sound this happy so soon.”

  “Do I?” I asked, surprised.

  “Yes. Tell Max I said ‘hi’.”

  I told her I would and we disconnected. I wasn’t sure what to make of her assumption, or accusation or whatever her ideas about Collin had been. I didn’t want to dwell on them, either, because they would just ruin my day.

  ***

  “What are you looking at?” I asked Max as I trudged out to the kitchen. It was a Saturday and while he normally wouldn’t have to work Saturdays, there was a wedding reception at Villette Vineyards later in the afternoon. His grandma thought it would be a good idea for him to help oversee the evening. She thought it would be a good learning experience.

  I’d offered to help. I wasn’t sure what I could do. Maybe just straighten chairs or help with clean-up. Max had nixed the offer before I’d even been able to complete it.

  He still had a few minutes before he had to leave. He was sitting at the breakfast bar, checking out something on his laptop.

  I’d had an idea for a new necklace. It was a bit on the complicated side, which was just what I needed. It was something that would preoccupy my mind.

  Jewelry making was my hobby. It was one of the few things I was actually pretty good at. By some tiny flake of good luck, I’d thought to grab the tote that I stored everything in. My hobby had been keeping me busy while Max was at work. Although, to be honest, I probably spent more time gazing out at the view, lost in my thoughts, than I actually spent working on my jewelry. As it was, I’d overtaken the entire kitchen table.

  Max never complained. We often ate in the living room balancing our plates in our laps, at the breakfast bar or more often than not, outside on the deck. So it didn’t seem to matter that I’d taken over the kitchen table and turned it into my work area.

  He glanced up at me as I crossed the kitchen.

  He tried to cover the screen but I shoved him playfully away.

  I turned to him in confusion. “You’re researching seahorses?”

  “I just…I don’t know…I thought about getting you a pair.” He looked at the screen again. “Do you have any idea what goes into taking care of them? Seriously Holly, they’re so high maintenance they almost need their own nanny.”

  “How would I ever get them home?” I asked.

  He frowned and then shut his laptop. “It was just a thought. One I ob
viously didn’t spend a lot of time thinking through.”

  Whether it was well thought out or not, I appreciated the time he’d taken to look into it.

  “What’s bothering you?”

  “Nothing,” I said as I lifted my eyes from the floor.

  He grabbed my hand. I was rubbing my wrist again. I really needed to stop doing that.

  “That’s not true,” he said.

  Max had been so good to me. If he wanted to know what was going on, I owed it to him to tell him. I told him that Collin had called. I also told him what Lanna said.

  I had been offended at first but maybe she had been right. Maybe I’d just loved the idea of being in love. Or maybe it was because it had all come so easy. A nice, neat future handed to us. Was it possible that Collin had, without realizing it, felt that way too?

  We’d been teased since we were tiny. Told we’d marry each other one day. And while I knew enough to know that it was teasing, had a little grain of that stuck telling us it’s what we should do? Even if it wasn’t what either of us really wanted? Had either of us really had a chance to think that through for ourselves?

  I just didn’t know.

  I admitted all of this to Max. I had thought for sure he’d want no part of my girly admission. But he just sat back and listened while I, yet again, dumped my heart out all over him. He handled it like he always did. He listened patiently.

  Then he teased me.

  “Is she right?”

  I hadn’t thought so, but after we ended the call, I’d tossed myself on my bed, stared at my ceiling and waited impatiently for the world to make sense.

  I shrugged. “I know there’s a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. I’m just, at the moment, having a hard time deciding what that difference is.” I was quite possibly having a hard time understanding it because for the last few years, maybe I’d been misinterpreting it.

  He leaned forward resting on his elbows, apparently giving me a little more time to think things through.