Ditched

by Hope, Amity

  “He didn’t tell you? You finally figured it out for yourself?”

  “You knew?” I repeated.

  Lanna sighed. “I knew. It wasn’t hard for me to figure out. He watches your every move with sad, puppy dog eyes when you’re not looking. Of course, you couldn’t be aware of that. But for me, it was impossible to miss.”

  “You didn’t think, as my best friend, you should’ve told me this?”

  “Max asked me not to. You had Collin. He was always really worried about you finding out. Worried it would affect your friendship, you know?”

  “So you…you knew when you sent me out here with him.”

  “Guilty as charged,” Lanna said. “And proud of it, too. It was a genius move on multiple levels. It got you away from the chaos here, away from Collin. Better yet, hopefully it’s given Max the chance that he never thought he’d get.”

  “Huh,” I said. That would explain all of the secret looks between the two of them. Looks I never understood.

  “I feel so stupid,” I admitted. Stupid…but relieved. “How did I miss it?”

  “Sometimes it’s hard to see something when you don’t know what you’re looking for. Besides, Max never wanted you to know. Trust me, he was good at hiding it,” she said.

  Was he? Or was Mike right? Was I that self-absorbed? I hoped not.

  “So now that you know, what are you going to do about it?” Lanna wondered.

  I gave her the most honest answer I could. “I have no idea.”

  She was quiet for a minute but then she charged ahead. “Just be careful with him. Okay?”

  “What do you mean?’

  “Don’t hurt him.”

  “I love Max. I’d never hurt him.”

  Lanna gifted me with a long, draw-out sigh that barreled into my ear as it flew out of the line. “You would never hurt him on purpose. But without meaning to? You hurt him all the time. Holly, you’ve been hurting him for years.”

  I gritted my teeth because that’s exactly what Mike had said.

  “He’s had girlfriends,” I protested.

  Not a lot. But a few. Most girls seemed to see Max as the let’s-be-pals-type. Isn’t that what I realized the day I found out Tori wanted him? Most girls, like me, never looked at Max any other way. I smacked myself in the forehead with my palm.

  Unaware of my mental rambling, Lanna continued on. “Of course he’s had girlfriends. You were engaged! He’s in love. That doesn’t mean he’s a glutton for punishment. He did what he had to do. I think he thought if he dated, he’d find someone that would help him get over you. I think they did help, for a while. But in the end, I think he just can’t make those feelings go away.”

  Thoughts of Max’s heart being shredded by a cheese grater slammed into my mind. I may have whimpered. Lanna may have ignored me.

  “How did things with…what was her name? Tori? How did they go?”

  I groaned. “They didn’t go the best. But you knew that, didn’t you?”

  She made a noncommittal noise.

  “That’s why you didn’t want Max to bring me to Collin’s the night Felicia lost her keys.” A dozen other times came to mind as well. “And that’s why you laughed when I set him up with Tori.”

  “Guilty,” she admitted again.

  I squinted off into the distance, momentarily lost in thought. That couldn’t have made Max feel too great. Me, pushing him off on someone else like that. I ran my hand through my hair, wondering how many more days Mike was going to be around. I couldn’t imagine talking to Max about any of this with his brother here.

  Then again, I couldn’t imagine talking to Max about this regardless.

  “I can’t believe I set him up with Tori,” I moaned.

  “Well, you didn’t know,” she said diplomatically. “Now you do. To be honest, I’m glad you know. Because now…” She sighed again. This time, it seemed less theatric and like something she just couldn’t help. “Just be careful with him,” she repeated.

  “Was he…” I could barely push the words from my mouth. “Was he happy about what happened with Collin and me?”

  “No,” she was quick to say. “Well, maybe he was relieved that it happened before the wedding instead of after. But he was livid. I mean, you were pretty torn up about it. So he was all torn up over the fact that you were torn up. No matter what’s going on, or who you happen to be with, he just wants you to be happy.”

  “So, do you guys talk about me? I mean, like that?” What an odd thought, those kinds of chats going on without my knowing. I frowned just thinking about it.

  She laughed. “Not really. He never really talks much about it but he’s never had to. I talk enough for the both of us. I saw this coming before he even realized it. Boys and girls,” Lanna said in her best authoritative voice, “cannot be friends. They just cannot be. There are lines that will inevitably be crossed. That’s just the nature of things. It’s the damn hormones we’ve been cursed with. They just can’t help but get in the way and make a mess of things.”

  “That’s not true,” I argued. “What about you and Tony? You and Tony have never crossed those lines.” I was met with dead silence. “Lanna!” I hissed. Still nothing. “You and Tony?!”

  I heard her puff out an indignant breath. “There was this one time—” She cut herself off. “Actually twice if you count—” She cut herself off again. “Never mind. The details don’t matter. The point is that it’s not possible.”

  “Okay,” I relented because I couldn’t scrape together an argument.

  She must’ve been mulling over my situation in her mind because she let out another little self-satisfied, happy little sound.

  “Is this why you sent me out here with him?” I didn’t know whether I wanted to kick her or kiss her.

  “It was only part of the reason. Mostly, it was everything I said to you that day in the parking lot. But yes, I had hoped that you two would figure things out. The problem was, I knew you would never figure it out if you didn’t go. Especially if Max left and you stayed. It would’ve been the worst kind of opportunity wasted. You’ve never been away from Collin long enough to give Max a chance. Wait,” she said as if something had just occurred to her, “are you going to give him a chance? I mean, do you like him? Like that?”

  “I think I might.” I definitely did.

  “Perfect,” she said.

  “Do Dani and Felicia know?” I couldn’t imagine either of them being able to keep it a secret.

  “I don’t think so,” Lanna said. “If they know, they’ve never said a word to me. Dani doesn’t pay that much attention to things that don’t pertain to her. And Felicia, she’s a bit too flakey to know what’s going on.”

  “Okay,” I breathed out the word.

  “What are you going to do?”

  “Wait until Mike leaves. Then I guess I should talk to Max.”

  ***

  I took my time walking home. I wanted to give the two of them time to get out of there. I wasn’t sure I could face Mike right then. Or Max. A million thoughts were bouncing around in my head. The most prominent was the fear that Max no longer felt the same. Had I pushed him aside one too many times? He’d had me alone for a good chunk of the summer now. Collin couldn’t possibly be any more out of the picture than he was.

  I replayed a hundred scenes over in my head, trying to see something that I’d missed. But I didn’t want to read into something that wasn’t there. Regardless of how he felt about me that way, Max was just a good person. He was always doing nice things. So all of the nice things he’d done, did they mean something or was it Max just being Max?

  Maybe a little of both?

  I groaned as I threw myself down on the couch.

  Lanna had assured me Max was just being cautious.

  I realized she had a point. The summer was already almost half over. I would be heading home…well, I didn’t know when. But the longest I could stay was until the end of August. Classes would be starting after that so there was no
way around leaving by then. Was it even worth trying to start something when, really, our timeframe was so limited? Could we have a summer fling and then go back to being just friends? Would that put too much of a strain on our friendship? Would it change it too much? Would it be worth it to find out? What if Max didn’t think so? What if Max had thought of all of these reasons, too? What if that’s why he’d never said anything now that he virtually had me all to himself?

  I rested my head against the cushions, staring at the ceiling.

  Hours passed before they came home. By then I was wrapped up in a spare blanket, flipping through the channels again. It was late and Max leaned his head over the couch to tell me goodnight before he headed off to bed. I tried to read something in his expression but I saw what I always saw. Just Max.

  Mike, on the other hand, took the remote from my hand, dropped himself into the chair again, and turned the volume up.

  I would’ve glared at him if I thought it would do any good. What I knew was that it would just encourage him. If I’d had any hope that the forced heart to heart with Mike would’ve erased some of his obvious dislike of me, those hopes were quickly doused.

  He was sitting with his feet propped up on the coffee table. The television was blaring. He had some sports recap show on. I had the distinct hunch he was going out of his way to make me miserable.

  Two episodes later, without a doubt, he was succeeding.

  He hadn’t said another word to me so I was giving him the same courtesy.

  I’d let him have the bedroom. The problem was that the only television in the house was in the living room. That’s where I was supposed to be sleeping. Mike had a habit of staying up half the night but most nights, he’d at least done that elsewhere.

  I squirmed deeper under the covers and tried to discreetly tug the pillow over my ears. Apparently I wasn’t discreet enough because he turned the volume up, overriding any relief I may have found.

  “Mike! Seriously?!” Max shouted a few seconds later as he came into the room. “You do know I have to work tomorrow, right?” His hair was a mess and he was squinting into the light. I was sure he had been sleeping until Mike cranked up the volume. I let out an inaudible sigh because he looked adorable.

  Mike mumbled something that was probably supposed to pass as an apology. He clicked the remote until the volume turned down. Max’s eyes crept to me. I was peering out of the blanket I was wrapped up in.

  “You gonna stay up all night?” he asked Mike.

  Mike shrugged. “Dunno.”

  “Come on,” he mouthed to me. He nodded toward his room. I only hesitated a few seconds. Sleeping in the same bed with Max after what I’d learned was still less stressful than hanging out with Mike. His sole purpose on this visit seemed to be to make me lose my sanity.

  I accidentally met Mike’s gaze as I made my way around him. He was smirking his madding smirk.

  “You’re welcome Max!” Mike bellowed.

  “Shut up for once,” Max grumbled back.

  I scampered down the hallway after Max, wondering if this was going to be awkward. We’d shared a bed two nights in a row while we were traveling. But that was different. It was different because I hadn’t felt then the way I did now.

  “I’m sorry about him,” Max grumbled as he bounced into bed again. “I think he’s leaving tomorrow. I told Grandma what a pain in the ass he’s been. She was pretty insistent he come stay with them a few days. He hasn’t agreed yet but I’ll talk to him again.”

  “It’s okay,” I said as I slipped under the covers.

  “It’s not,” Max said, sighing into the darkness. “He’s usually not such an ass. I don’t know what his problem is when he’s around you.”

  I wiggled around in the bed, trying to get comfortable and wishing that Mike weren’t just in the other room. I was far too aware of how close Max was. I could still smell, ever so faintly, his cologne. My heart sputtered erratically. I clenched the sheet in my fists. I needed to get a grip. I was turning into a pathetic mess.

  Over Max.

  Max, on the other hand, was completely relaxed. So relaxed that by the time I’d finished readjusting myself, his breathing had already evened back out.

  I laid there in the dark, thinking it was just as well he fell asleep. I was probably dangerously close to saying something that I hadn’t thought out well at all. I mean, how would you even begin a conversation like that?

  Chapter 16

  Max was sitting on the couch, flipping through a magazine. It had a wedge of cheese, a bunch of grapes and a loaf of bread on the cover. It looked like a stuffy publication and so out of place in his hands. I was sure he was researching, judging by the serious looking little wrinkle between his brows as he read. I placed my arms around his neck and gave him a sideways squeeze.

  His hands were both wrapped around the magazine so he just leaned into me.

  “What’s that for?” he asked.

  “Just to say thank you.”

  He dropped the publication onto the floor. Then he looped his arm around my waist, dragged me over the arm of the couch and pulled me onto his lap. I fell with a little shriek.

  “Now tell me what this is all about,” he said.

  I shrugged, taking in his expression. His amazing eyes, the way he tilted his head to the side, just a bit. He always seemed so intent on hearing what I had to say.

  It had been raining all afternoon. It had started out soft but had progressed hourly. I was thankful because Mike had decided to move on. Villette had been insisting he stay with them for a few days. With the rain slamming down, there wasn’t much to do here. So he’d finally packed up his bags and gone.

  “I just wanted to say thank you. For everything. You’ve always been way too good to me. If you hadn’t let me come with you…If I’d stayed…I probably still wouldn’t have my head on straight. So, that’s what I wanted to tell you. Thank you for all of that. For being you. For just being a really good friend and a really good person.”

  He tensed slightly underneath me and I worried I had said something wrong.

  “Are you,” he frowned, “are you trying to say goodbye? Did you decide you’re ready to go home?”

  I realized he looked equally parts startled and crushed at this possible revelation. But it could have been just because he’d gotten used to having me around. Used to having a roommate.

  I shook my head and raised my eyebrows. “The thought of going home honestly never even crossed my mind.”

  I felt his tension flow away even as both arms circled me, pulling me to him. I went willingly, returning the hug for possibly longer than necessary. The warmth of his body made me want to melt right there, in his arms. I buried my face in the space between his shoulder and his neck, wondering what he’d do if I started placing kisses there. I was too much of a coward to find out. I finally released him, just a bit, but I didn’t go far.

  “Good,” he said, breathing out a sigh. “I don’t know what I would’ve done if you said you were ready to go home.”

  Thunder rumbled above us, and then the sound split the air with a crack. I jumped and he laughed. “You seem a little jittery,” he noted.

  I shrugged. “Yeah, maybe.”

  Max had hugged me more times than I could count over the years. He’d never pulled me onto his lap before. As I sat there now, I realized he’d likely just come to the same conclusion. He shifted uncomfortably but he didn’t move his arms from my waist, where they were loosely resting. So I made no attempt to get up. His face was so close I could feel his breath on my cheek.

  “Is something bothering you?” he asked. “You look like you want to say something.”

  I nodded. “I do. I want to tell you that you treat me way too good. I want you to know that I know that. And I appreciate it.”

  He shook his head. “That’s not true. I just treat you the way you deserve to be treated.”

  The look on his face told me he meant it. Maybe he was right. Maybe I did deserve to b
e treated that way. What I did know for sure was that I was going to try my best to make sure it was reciprocated.

  I was willing myself to say something right then. If I’d been in the same situation with someone other than Max—wondering how they felt—I might have just asked. But I was afraid to say anything because I didn’t want to ruin anything.

  The fact that this was Max should’ve made it a hundred times easier to talk to him. Instead, the fact that this was Max made it a hundred times harder. I knew I was being a coward and he’d already given me so much. Yet, I wanted him to be the one to bring it up.

  “Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked. It was obvious that he was concerned. His face was only inches from mine. His arms were still around me and I was still firmly planted in his lap.

  I rested my head on his shoulder and said, “I’ve never been better.”

  ***

  Eventually, I’d slid from Max’s lap and we’d put in a movie. There wasn’t a whole lot else to do with the weather behaving the way it was. The storm fluctuated from a light drizzle to a heavy deluge throughout the evening, never tapering off completely.

  I’d been comfortably curled up against Max’s side. His arm had been firmly around me so I’d barely noticed the storm. I’d pretended it was because of the storm that I felt the urge to sit so close. Whatever my reason, he hadn’t seemed to mind. Every time I thought I’d built up the courage to say something, a wave of doubt hit, tearing it down.

  I’d gone to sleep thinking about Max. I’d awakened myself thinking about him, too. In no time, the lovely thoughts of Max were jolted from my head.

  When I awoke, it was to absolute darkness. My bedroom seemed eerily unfamiliar. I blinked a few times, trying to gather my wits. I could still hear the rain pelting, the waves crashing and the wind blowing. The only sounds I could make out were the sounds of nature. I realized I didn’t hear the hum of the air conditioner. My room wasn’t lit with the subtle glow from the red numbers of the alarm clock. There was no pale glow of the street light slanting in through my window.

  It only took me a few seconds to realize the electricity was out.