Razor's Edge

by Lisanne Norman

  He realized she was talking to him and pulled himself back from his own thoughts. “What do you mean? I wouldn’t have been trying to alter what the Gods gave us in the first place!”

  “Did you stop long enough to think that what Vartra did when he took you back had already been done, because you were here, and Kashini and Marak? He was merely playing out the role the older Gods gave him.”

  “Gods? What Gods, Noni?” he asked angrily. “There are no Gods, only the voices of our ancestors speaking to us down through time!”

  Noni caught his eye. “And just what is a God? Isn’t it a being with supernatural powers, who has the ability to appear to us in visions, to foretell the future? Don’t they exist outside the normal lines of time itself? All Gods probably began as people once, but their worshipers molded them into something more, kept their spirits alive rather than letting them seek the afterlife they probably craved! Haven’t you said many times that Vartra the God seemed to be expiating a great wrong He’d done? An ancestor that has to live on beyond death, who is controlled by his worshipers, doesn’t he fit the description of a God?”

  Remember this meeting, remember what I told you. The memory of Vartra’s voice was so strong he shivered, spilling his c’shar. It was as if the God was whispering in his ear.

  “What is it?” Noni demanded sharply. “Have you remembered something?”

  “A vision—or a fever dream,” he said, putting the mug down with a hand that was still far from steady. “He said I helped create Him by praying to Him and believing in Him. He can’t rest because of us.” He lowered his head.

  “That’s what I just said,” agreed Noni. “His spirit, trapped for eternity, trying to make amends for what He did. Why did He come to you? What was His message?”

  Ears laid back, Kaid shook his head, unwilling to speak.

  “I’ll guess, shall I? Trust, and that He needed you. Am I right?” she asked softly. “He knew what was coming, didn’t He? He, the God, knew His efforts to make you forget when He was alive, had failed. That’s why He asked you to trust him.”

  Mutely, Kaid nodded. He remembered it all now.

  “And will you? Though the male He was might have used you, the God has never played you false. Whatever He did, He’s paid for it this last fifteen hundred years, Tallinu. Snared, neither alive nor dead, unable to rest for all that time. It beggars belief.” Her voice was hushed at the thought of it. “We have some responsibility for keeping Him trapped, Tallinu.”

  “Yes,” he said, his voice hardly audible. “We do.”

  Chapter 9

  The hands that touched her face were gentle, yet she was aware of the strength within them that was being held in check. With a touch as light as a feather, the fingers trailed down her cheek, brushing her neck only hesitantly, before coming to rest on her shoulders. His body pressed against hers, his warmth gradually dispelling the chill that seemed to hold her in its thrall. She felt his breath against her cheek, then the touch of his face against hers. His pelt felt silky-soft against her skin. He said her name as if it were a caress. “Jo.”

  With a stifled cry, she sat bolt upright in bed, shaking and sweating. Her first thought was for the two men sleeping by the fire. Straining her senses, she could detect nothing but the even sound of their breathing. The last thing she wanted was them knowing she’d been woken by the nightmare yet again.

  The sound of him saying her name still echoed inside her mind as she pulled the covers around herself. Dawn lit the sky; it was nearly morning. She didn’t have to go back to sleep again, she thought with relief. He had to be dreaming about her, there just wasn’t any other rational explanation. But why? And why was she finding herself, against all reason, drawn to him, an alien? It just wasn’t logical! Equally irrational was why he was interested in her when he had enough troubles dealing with his Leska, Zashou. They were a couple. You just didn’t go around breaking up couples as if it were of no importance, no matter what his people’s morals were.

  Then there was Kris—and Taradain! Both of them hovering round her like predatory animals, waiting for the slightest sign of interest from her so they could stake their claim. She groaned. Why couldn’t they all realize that she didn’t want any of them! Her life was pretty well complete without the need for a man, thank you very much. Why did they think it wasn’t? Probably their biological hard wiring, she thought glumly. They couldn’t help it.

  A movement from the fireside drew her attention.

  “Can’t help what?” asked Davies sleepily.

  Damn! She hadn’t realized she’d vocalized the thought.

  Davies sat up. “Nightmare?” he asked quietly. “Want to talk about it?”

  She opened her mouth to say no, then changed her mind and nodded.

  Davies carefully pushed back his blankets and clambered to his feet. Clad only in the breech clout that was all the underwear this culture possessed, he was shivering as he picked up his robe and began to pull it on.

  “Give me a moment, and we can go into the other room,” he whispered.

  Again Jo nodded, straightening her legs out so she could lean forward to pull the drapes round the end of her bed for privacy.

  A couple of minutes later, she joined him by the fire in the lounge. “I know it’s spring, but it’s still bloody freezing,” Davies said as he energetically poked the fire to coax a blaze out of it. “Now, what’s up?” he asked, sitting down in one of the chairs that still ringed the hearth from the night before.

  Jo sat down beside him. “I don’t know, Gary, that’s the problem.”

  “Try starting with the nightmare. You haven’t told me what it’s about yet.”

  She rubbed her hands over her face, trying to rid herself of the lingering images, wondering how best to describe them. “It’s like having a phantom lover,” she said at last. “I’m there, in the dark, with someone. He’s touching my face, then he takes me in his arms and holds me close. That’s when I wake up.”

  “That doesn’t sound like a nightmare,” he said gently.

  “It wouldn’t be if it wasn’t who I think it is.”

  “Let me guess. Rezac.”

  She looked sharply at him. “How did you know?”

  “Rezac and I had a talk the other morning,” he said. “You’re having the same effect on him, Jo, and he can’t help it either. Kris is the only one who might know what’s happening, but neither of you will talk to him.”

  “How can I? He’s interested in me, too. I can’t exactly ask him why I’m having erotic dreams about Rezac, if that’s what they are!”

  Davies frowned. “What d’you mean? Do you think they aren’t dreams?”

  “They’re so real, Gary. I can actually feel his touch! When I wake up, I can still hear him saying my name.”

  “You’ve got to talk to Kris, Jo. You can’t let this situation go on any longer. It’s bad for all of us.”

  “I know. I’ve got to choose one of them. You said that before, but I can’t.” She got to her feet and began to pace round the semicircle of chairs. “I can’t choose Rezac. He’s not human and, anyway, he’s got a partner. But why does it have to be anyone? This isn’t my problem, it’s theirs!”

  “I don’t think so. I’ve a feeling that this business with Rezac is more. It seems to me it has all the signs of a Leska Link, but I’m no expert. That’s why you need to talk to Kris.”

  “I don’t believe it does. Rezac was one of the first enhanced telepaths, wasn’t he?” She came to a stop in front of him. “It’s far more likely that he’s subconsciously reaching out to me in his sleep, sublimating his desires, if you like, and I don’t want either them or him!”

  “If you’re right, then by choosing Kris, you’ll be letting him know in no uncertain terms that you’re not interested,” said Davies reasonably. “I know it’s their problem, but it’s also yours because only you have the solution. Unless, of course, you prefer Taradain?”

  “Don’t be ridiculous,” she snapped, angry
with him for even suggesting the young lordling. “He’s no more than a boy!”

  “Then tell the poor little sod that you’re with one of the men here! If he gets the impression you’re stringing him along, we don’t know how he’ll react—or Killian, come to that.”

  “He hasn’t said or done anything yet beyond general pleasantries,” she said, sitting down again. She was sick of it all. This was coming between them and their work. None of them needed distractions like this. As leader, what would she want done if it didn’t involve herself? She had to admit she’d be giving this hypothetical woman the same advice Gary was giving her. It had to be Kris. She couldn’t bear the thought of being with another alien after what she’d gone through with the Valtegans. She shuddered as the memories began to surface. Hurriedly she pushed them back down where they belonged.

  “You’re right, I have to choose,” she sighed. “Kris. I’ll have Kris, but I’m not speaking to him till tonight.”

  “In that case, I’ll spend the night in here,” he said. “Let you have some privacy.”

  The day passed slowly. She kept finding herself drawn over to the table where the men were working, to Rezac in particular. The need to be close to him was stronger than it had been the day before. Resolutely she tried to resist it—when she noticed it. Several times she found herself standing at his side, watching what he was doing, without remembering how she got there. Once he reached up to touch her arm. She jumped back as if stung. His touch felt charged in some way, as if he were transmitting static electricity to her.

  He had been just as taken aback as she, and as they both mumbled apologies, she hastily retreated, returning to her own work beside Zashou.

  The Sholan female thought the whole situation amusing. Still not fully recovered, she sat listlessly sorting through the components Jo handed her.

  “You like Rezac, then?” she asked, mouth open in a slight grin. It was the first sign of animation she’d shown for several days.

  Jo was caught with nothing safe to say. If she said she didn’t, she was insulting them both. If she said she did, she was treading on Zashou’s territory.

  “You should approach him,” Zashou said. “He’s certainly attracted to you. Don’t worry, he had lovers on Shola before we were captured,” she reassured her. “If it weren’t for our Link, I wouldn’t be with him. He’s not my choice for a mate, or a lover.”

  “He seems very nice,” she said, desperately trying to think of something acceptable to say.

  “You’d probably find him so, being a soldier yourself,” she said dryly. “Not me. We have nothing in common at all. You’d be good for him.”

  “I’m sorry, but much as I like Rezac, I don’t want to become his lover,” she said, getting to her feet. “Will you excuse me? I have a terrible headache coming on. Perhaps if I lie down …” She let her voice trail off and beat a retreat to the bedroom.

  With mixed feelings, Jo waited for Kris to come to bed. Finally the door opened, and he stood silhouetted as he said good night to the others. The fire cast enough light for her to see him as he moved around, undressing for bed.

  Since the liberation of Keiss, she’d slept alone. After her experiences at Geshader and Tashkerra, the domed pleasure cities of the invaders, she hadn’t been able to face intimacy with anyone. Even now, as the memories began to return, she shuddered: skin so cool it was clammy, and the hard hands with sharp, nonretracting claws that lacerated her flesh wherever they groped her, despite the fact that she was one of their favored “pets.” The ones she’d been sent to had been no more than rutting animals.

  From his bed by the fire, Kris raised himself on his elbow, looking over at her. She could hear Scamp chirring in quiet distress. “Jo? Are you all right?”

  She had to go to him now, before she lost her nerve. Whatever was causing this attraction to Rezac was sexual in nature, and as the day had progressed, so had her frustration till she was now at the point where she needed a man, any man. It was so unlike her! All she could think was that maybe it was the eve of Rezac’s Link day and he was projecting.

  Clambering out of bed, she padded across the wooden floor till she was standing over him. “Kris, I don’t know what’s happening to me, but I have to choose one of you, and I want it to be you.” The words came out in a rush and sounded clumsy even to her, but she was beyond caring now, driven only by her need and her equal determination that it would be Kris, not Rezac, that she lay with.

  “Jo,” he began.

  “For God’s sake, shut up Kris! I know you want me, I can feel it!” she hissed. “Look at Scamp!” The jegget had come out from under the covers when Kris had and was now twining himself round Jo’s ankles, purring madly, winding his tail round her. “Even he knows!”

  “Jo, I can sense what you’re going through, but it isn’t me you need, it’s Rezac. I wish to God it weren’t, believe me, but it is.”

  She hunkered down beside him. “I won’t have him! I want to lie with one of my own kind, feel human flesh next to me! There’ve been too many aliens, Kris.” She knew she was almost pleading with him, but she couldn’t help it. “When I came back from a tour in one of the Valtegan cities, my own people looked at me as if I was unclean, and I wasn’t. Do you understand? I can’t go to him!”

  He reached out to touch her cheek gently with the back of his hand. “From what I’ve sensed, I think you’re Linked to Rezac in some way, and a Sholan mind link involves pairing at least once so your minds can merge. Sleeping with me now will only make it worse, honestly. His people are gentle; they’re nothing like the Valtegans.”

  “How would you know?” she demanded, pulling away from him. “You’ve never lain with an alien!”

  “I’ve been with a couple of Sholan females,” he admitted, letting his hand drop. “They’re like us, Jo, inside, where it really matters. They’re a very sensual species. He won’t harm you in any way. Quite a few men and women on Shola have Sholan lovers.”

  This shocked her. “You chose to sleep with them? Aliens?” She could hardly believe him.

  He winced visibly. “You slept with Valtegans.”

  “That wasn’t my choice! I was working for the underground, gathering information!”

  “Aren’t you doing to me what you just said was done to you at your base? Am I more unclean because I chose to make love to them?” he asked.

  She hesitated, realizing his accusation was justified. “What you did is your business,” she said, kneeling down. Reaching out, she touched the base of his throat, drawing her fingers lightly down his bare flesh, stopping only when she came to the blankets. She could feel him shudder, responding to her arousal. Telepathy made it difficult to hide such feelings, and for once, she blessed her gift.

  His lips touched hers, their softness a balm to her inflamed senses. She reached for his face, her hands holding his cheeks as she returned his kiss. Suddenly Rezac was there, in her mind, dominating it.

  No, he sent, not him! It’s me you need!

  Where she touched Kris, she felt not his flesh, but fur, and as she looked at his face, it altered subtly until it was Rezac she saw.

  With a cry of horror and anger, she flung Kris aside and leaped to her feet, backing away from him to crouch, terrified, against the end of her bed.

  “What the hell’s happening?” Kris demanded, picking himself up.

  “You changed,” she stammered. “You became him—Rezac.”

  He sighed. “I tried to tell you,” he said. “I’ve heard of this happening before. Once you’ve paired with him, it’ll be over, none of this desire—lust—call it what you want. It’s only this intense the first time.”

  “But I wanted you, not him,” she whispered through the confusion that filled her.

  “I want that, too,” he said gently. “And it can be, after tonight.”

  She shook her head. “No. He’s in my mind. I’ll never be free of him.” Anger raged through her again. “Damn him! Why did he have to do this to me? He’s got his
own woman!”

  “It isn’t Rezac, it’s the Link calling you together, Jo. Don’t blame him.”

  She barely heard him as she began to run to the door. Shift swirling round her, she exploded into the lounge, looking around wildly for Rezac.

  “I thought it would be tonight,” said Zashou from her seat by the fire. “He’s in the bedroom.”

  Jo ran to their door, flinging it open. Rezac stood in front of the fire, his back to her.

  “What have you done to me?” she demanded. “Get out of my mind and my life, damn you! I don’t want you, Rezac! D’you hear me? I won’t have you! It’s Kris I want!”

  He turned to face her, ears flattened to invisibility. “I knew you’d come,” he said. “You can’t ignore it any more than I can.” He came toward her, and she backed away into the lounge.

  “Don’t you dare touch me! You’re doing it, making me feel like this! There isn’t any Link!”

  He followed her, suddenly lunging out with terrifying speed to catch hold of her. “It’s time we finished this,” he said, drawing her with him back into the bedroom.

  “Gary, stop him!” she said, struggling against his grip.

  Davies half rose to his feet, but Zashou shook her head. “Leave them. It’s better seen to now. You’ll be doing her no favors if you interfere.”

  “Gary!” she shrieked, trying to hang onto the doorpost as Rezac pulled her firmly into the bedroom. “Stop him, dammit!”

  Shutting the door, Rezac released her and leaned against it to prevent her escaping.

  She whimpered, backing away from him, watching for the slightest move in her direction. She was terrified at the power of the emotions rushing through her. The sense of being drawn to him was stronger than ever now.

  Don’t be afraid, he sent. I won’t touch you against your will.