Wrong in Love

by March, Aisling

  “Yeah, he is. He’s great.”

  “I kind of pictured him as being this overbearing frat boy holding Jocelyn hostage,” said Colin.

  “Did that make it easier to do what you did?”

  He laughed.

  “Yes. Now I just feel like a jerk.”

  Anna was quiet.

  “I know you don’t like what Jocelyn and I did, but I appreciate that you’re not too harsh on me,” he said.

  “I guess I know it won’t do any good. Besides, I don’t know what you and Jocelyn had together. Maybe it was real. Maybe when she wakes up she’ll still tell Will that she doesn’t want to be with him and then the two of you can ride off into the sunset together.” She looked at him, waiting for his reaction.

  “I don’t think so,” he said.

  She didn’t know what to say. She wanted to know if he didn’t think things would work out that way, or if he didn’t want things to work out that way, but she knew she couldn’t ask.

  “Hey, what are you doing tomorrow?” Colin asked suddenly.

  “Oh, I don’t know, I thought I’d do a little shopping, maybe take a duck boat tour,” she said sarcastically.

  Colin laughed.

  “I get it, you plan on being at the hospital,” he said. “Your friends, they’ll still be here tomorrow?” he asked.

  “They don’t leave until tomorrow night,” she said.

  “Do you really want to spend another day with them in such close quarters?” he asked.

  “No, not really,” she said.

  “Let me show you around the city then,” he said.

  She considered it; would it be terrible to spend the day with Jocelyn’s boyfriend while she lay in a coma?

  Probably.

  But it would be worse for Tina and Marguerite to keep asking questions that revealed who Colin was. So really, she would be doing Jocelyn a favor by spending the day with him.

  “Okay,” she said.

  He had stopped in front of the hotel and he smiled with surprise.

  “Yeah?” he said.

  “Yeah,” she said.

  “All right. I’ll pick you up at nine,” he said.

  The late November air was crisp as she stepped outside. She wasn’t used to being able to feel the change in seasons as much as she did here. She thought maybe she preferred the change. Too bad things with Colin were so complicated; she was starting to think staying here and opening up her studio would have been a nice change.

  Colin was waiting right outside the hotel, leaning against his car like Jake Ryan in Sixteen Candles. She wanted to die right then. She wanted so badly for him to be waiting there for her because he loved her.

  “Hi,” she said shyly.

  “Good morning,” he said, stepping aside to open the door for her, then hurrying around the car to the driver’s seat.

  “So where are we headed?” she asked.

  “I thought we’d start off with the New England Aquarium. It’s one of the best in the world,” he said.

  “That sounds fun,” she said.

  She watched the city pass by as they drove. It had become one of her favorite things to do here, to watch Boston from the quiet incubator of a car, to take it all in without interacting with it, like a sociologist.

  The Aquarium was darker than Anna had expected, but her eyes quickly adjusted to the first exhibit – penguins. Some were swimming in the water while others lounged on the rocks. A couple of people wearing wetsuits were feeding the penguins, who seemed quite content.

  “They’re adorable,” said Anna.

  “They’re pretty cute,” he agreed. “Have you ever been to an aquarium?”

  “No, we didn’t have one near me growing up. We had the actual ocean,” she said.

  “I’ll be you didn’t have penguins,” he said.

  “No, we didn’t,” she agreed.

  “Wait until you see the sharks. They’re in a huge cylindrical tank that runs through the center of the aquarium. You’ll see it in a minute,” he said.

  They continued walking up a ramp and then the giant tank was before them. Anna gazed at the fish swimming by, most of them in the same direction. There had to be two dozen types of fish in there, and then Anna saw a shark.

  “Doesn’t the shark eat the other fish?” she asked.

  Colin shrugged.

  “Sharks don’t always want to eat everything,” he said.

  They kept walking, checking out the exhibits of fish, frogs and lizards. When they reached the end, they were near the top of the shark tank, so Anna dashed up the few steps that led to the surface of the tank. Colin followed her and they squeezed in between other visitors, their eyes focusing on the fish below.

  “So what do you think?” asked Colin. He put a gentle hand on the small of her back, and she felt a thousand tingles run up and down her spine.

  “This place is incredible,” she said, not taking her eyes from the water. She watched as a long, gray fish swam by. She wondered how the small fish survived a day in a place like this.

  “Are you getting hungry?” he asked after she’d pulled back from the edge of the tank.

  “I’m so hungry I could eat one of those fish,” she said.

  “That’s the girl I’ve gotten to know,” he said, laughing. “Let’s go get some clam chowder.”

  “Really? After watching all these cute little fish swimming around, you want to go actually eat fish? I was kidding, I don’t know if I can do it,” she said.

  “When you’re in Boston you eat clam chowder. Trust me, I’m not from here and even I know that,” he said.

  Anna turned back to the tank.

  “Sorry guys,” she said.

  “It’s not too cold today and parking here is terrible. Do you want to just walk to Fanueil Hall?” asked Colin.

  “You know I’m from the south, right?” she joked.

  They walked to Fanueil Hall, bumping into each other as they moved between the throngs of people. It was so comfortable, so right, that Anna temporarily forgot that Colin wasn’t hers to be behaving like this with.

  They went into a long brick building which on the inside resembled a food court hallway. Eatery after eatery lined the building, with wooden tables separating the two wings from each other.

  “Let’s try this one,’ said Colin, motioning to one of the restaurants. She went with him and waited while he ordered two bread bowls full of clam chowder. As they walked to the tables in the center of the building, Anna inhaled the smell of her lunch.

  “This looks and smells delicious,” she said.

  “It is,” said Colin. He found them two chairs and pulled one out for her. Soon they were digging in, wordless as they spooned the hot soup into their mouths.

  “This is really, really good,” she said.

  Before long the soup was gone and just the bread bowl remained. Although she wasn’t hungry, she ripped off a piece of the sourdough bread which was now soaked with the chowder and popped it into her mouth.

  “So what do you think of Boston?” asked Colin.

  Anna looked at him, her mouth full of bread.

  “I love it,” she said, crumbs spilling out.

  “I wish you could stay,” he said, his eyes downcast.

  “Ahh well, if only you hadn’t slept with my married best friend…” she trailed off, unsure of where to go with the sentence.

  The woman sitting across from them looked up sharply at Colin.

  Colin bit back a smile and shook his head.

  “I don’t know about you, Anna. I just don’t know.”

  They walked around Faneuil Hall for a bit after eating, shopping and checking out the trinkets. When their legs were tired, they headed back to Colin’s car.

  “What do you say about dinner tonight?” asked Colin.

  “Are you a machine? How are you already thinking about dinner when we just finished lunch?” she asked, then immediately regretted it. She wanted to spend the evening with Colin too, and she’d made him feel
stupid for even suggesting it. What was wrong with her?

  “You’ll be hungry soon enough,” he said mischievously.

  She was sure she would.

  They went to the North End, an area of Boston famous for its Italian cuisine.

  “I feel like I’m dating the Zagat guide,” she said, then quickly blushed. “I didn’t mean we were dating, I meant-”

  “It’s okay, I knew what you meant,” he said.

  After they ordered their meals and a bottle of wine, Colin leaned in to say something.

  “Is it wrong that I’m having a great time getting to know you?” he asked.

  Anna flushed. She wasn’t sure how to answer.

  “I think Jocelyn would approve. You’re keeping me busy and I’m keeping you out of trouble,” she said. They laughed as the wine arrived.

  “You know, it’s funny. I haven’t always been comfortable with people; women especially. And then I met Jocelyn and it was so easy to be with her, despite everything. And now you. I feel like I’ve known you forever.” He poured them each a glass of wine.

  Anna paused, not sure if she should be honest and admit that she felt the same way.

  “You seem comfortable with women,” she said.

  Colin smiled.

  “It’s an act,” he said.

  She laughed.

  “So tell me a little more about the ex Will was talking about the other day,” he said.

  Anna was surprised by the change of subject.

  “Jonathan? What do you want to know?” she asked.

  “Well, let’s see. How long did you date?” he asked. He asked it casually but Anna sensed there was something more to the question.

  “A couple of years,” she said.

  Their dinner was brought to their table and Anna took a bite before continuing her story.

  “This is even more amazing than the chowder was. I may never leave Boston,” she said.

  “I’m glad you like it. So why did you and Jonathan break up?” he asked.

  She looked up at him.

  “Why do you want to know?” she asked.

  “I’m curious, that’s all,” he said.

  She sighed.

  “He said he wanted to be single his senior year of college. He said we needed to be free and get more life experience and then maybe we would find our way back to each other.”

  “Romantic,” said Colin.

  “Tell me about it. Well, a month later he was dating my sorority sister, and now they’re getting married. It turns out they’d started dating behind my back right before we broke up,” she said.

  “Ouch,” said Colin.

  “It definitely hurt. I’m finally over it though,” she said.

  “Sometimes you don’t realize that you’ll be okay without someone until you actually are.”

  Anna nodded, agreeing.

  Colin glanced at his watch.

  “We’d better get going. I actually have to put in a full day tomorrow,” he said.

  “Oh. So you’re not coming to the hospital?” she asked. She was surprisingly disappointed.

  “No, not tomorrow. Tell Will that I wanted to give you guys some time alone or something,” he said.

  “Okay. What if she wakes up and you’re not there?”

  “Then she’ll be surrounded by her family and best friend and her husband,” he said.

  Anna said nothing. She watched as he opened their dinner check and placed some cash inside. Colin drove her back to her hotel, putting the car into park near the entrance.

  “I had fun tonight,” he said.

  “Me too,” said Anna.

  They sat quietly for a moment, Colin staring at the steering wheel, Anna looking out the windshield but also trying to read Colin’s expression. Their silence was tense but not uncomfortably so. Anna wondered if she should say something or just get out of the car.

  “Well, good night,” she said.

  Colin looked up.

  “Good night.”

  He held her gaze for a moment too long,

  “What?” she asked.

  “Is it wrong that I want to kiss you?” he asked.

  Anna’s breath caught inside of her. She wanted him to kiss her so badly, but she knew it was wrong.

  “It’s not wrong to want it…” she trailed off.

  Colin smiled and looked down.

  “But it’s wrong to act on it. I get it,” he said.

  “You’d think you’d have learned right from wrong by now,” she said, meaning it as a joke, but she could see by his face that he was hurt.

  “You’re right, I’m sorry,” he said.

  “No, I was kidding. Oh my god, I shouldn’t have said that. I’m so sorry,” she said. Blood rushed to her face and she wished more than anything that she could take it back.

  He nodded.

  “Good night, Anna,” he said.

  She waited a second longer, then got out of the car. She went into the hotel, feeling lonelier than she had in a long time.

  CHAPTER 23

  Anna was getting tired of the hospital setting. It was depressing, filled with sick and dying people. She didn’t know how doctors and nurses did it, came into this place where people went at the worst time of their lives, and spent eight hours or more there almost every day. She wished that Jocelyn would just wake up already.

  There was talk of moving Jocelyn to a different facility, one that could handle the long-term care that Jocelyn would potentially need to receive. The best one was in New York, not far from Fiona’s apartment, and Anna called Fiona to see if she’d heard of it.

  “No, but they’re all good here. They’re all good there, too. Anywhere she goes in Boston or New York, she’ll be fine,” said Fiona matter-of-factly. Anna had always appreciated how straight-forward Fiona was.

  “I suppose you’re right,” she said.

  “When are you going back home? You can’t stay up there forever,” said Fiona.

  So much had happened since Jocelyn’s accident that Florida and her studio seemed so far away.

  “I don’t know, Fi,” she said.

  “Uh-oh, what’s going on?” asked Fiona.

  “What? Nothing! Seriously, nothing. There’s just so much going on here, so nothing. Nothing with me, anyway,” she said.

  “The lady doth protest too much. Spill it,” said Fiona. Anna only hesitated for a moment before she did.

  “Anna, you need to step back and look at this objectively,” said Fiona when she was finished.

  “I know, but how do I do that?” asked Anna.

  “How long have you been up there now?” asked Fiona.

  “Over two weeks,” said Anna.

  “And Jocelyn hasn’t improved at all?” asked Fiona.

  “No,” said Anna.

  “You need to go home. Go home, just for a week or two or even just a couple of days. Remove yourself from the hospital and the stress and figure out what’s really going on,” said Fiona.

  “Will doesn’t get to leave,” Anna pointed out.

  “Will married her. You didn’t. Go home,” said Fiona.

  Will was, of course, sitting bedside in Jocelyn’s room when Anna got back there. She was always amazed that although he looked weary he never seemed to resent spending his days in a hospital room. His hope never wavered, he simply sat with Jocelyn, holding her hand and talking to her. Today Tony was also there, sitting in a chair in the corner of the room, his cell phone in his hand, staring at the screen.

  “I think she can hear us,” Will said when Anna walked in that morning.

  “So do I,” she said. She wondered what Jocelyn thought about everything she heard. Maybe she recognized Colin’s voice and was too panicked to wake up for fear that she’d have to explain it all to Will. She knew, of course, that that was highly unlikely.

  “You seem happy,” said Tony, glancing up from the phone.

  “Happy? I’m in my best friend’s hospital room, praying that she wakes up from a coma. I hope I don’
t seem happy,” said Anna.

  “He’s right. You’ve seemed happier, in general. Your boyfriend, Colin, he makes you happy,” said Will.

  Anna blushed.

  “I suppose he does,” she said.

  “That’s good. I never liked you and Jonathan. I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t say that, especially considering he was one of my fraternity brothers, but you guys just never fit. You were too good for him.”

  “I only met that guy a few times, but he was a huge jerk,” said Tony.

  Anna laughed.

  “He didn’t think so.”

  “He was an idiot,” said Will.

  “So when was the last time either of you went home?” she asked him.

  “I actually went back to the apartment last night and showered and had some dinner,” said Will.

  “I go back more than Will. I know how important it is to get some real rest,” said Tony, with a friendly but pointed glare at Will.

  Will laughed.

  “I can’t leave her,” he said.

  “It’s good to get out of the hospital every once in a while,” said Anna. “I’m actually going back to Florida tomorrow, just to get some things in order.”

  “You should. If she wakes up, we’ll let you know,” said Will.

  “I know. I just feel so guilty for leaving her,” said Anna. She thought Tony looked at her funny, but she brushed it off.

  “She’d understand. She could be in the coma for months, and you have to get on with your life. You’ll be back up soon, I’m sure. And Colin – he can’t take off much longer, can he? It’s incredible that he’s gotten off as much time as he has already,” said Will.

  Now Tony definitely made a face at her.

  “What are you going to do about school? I can’t imagine you can miss a whole lot of law school,” she said.

  “I don’t care. I’m keeping up a little bit here, but I’m not leaving her to go to class,” said Will.

  “You could read aloud to Jocelyn. I’m sure she’d be fascinated by our country’s judicial system,” said Tony with a smirk.

  Will made a face.

  “Joc wasn’t too interested in my school. You know, she wasn’t really interested in a whole lot about me or our relationship since we moved here. Do you think something was going on? I know I already asked you if she was happy, but do you think I was missing something?”