I'll Get You for This

by James Hadley Chase

  He looked interested, surprised.

  “Who, for instance?”

  Clair joined us.

  “How are you going?” she asked me.

  “Fine,” I said. “I was just about to smack this punk’s ears down. His manners come out of a zoo.”

  The thickset man regarded Clair with goggling eyes. He simpered at her.

  “Would you please let us in ?” she said, smiling at him. “I’ve heard so much about Joe’s.”

  “Sure,” he said, standing aside, “come right in.” He caught my eyes, said: “Put the heep down that alley. If a cop spots it here he’ll have you for obstruction.”

  “Wait,” I said to Clair, drove the Buick down the alley, walked back.

  Together we mounted stairs.

  The thickset man stared after us.

  Clair whispered that he was looking at her ankles, and wasn’t he a lamb!

  I said if I thought he could see more than her ankles I’d turn him into mutton.

  A check girl in peach-bloom Chinese pyjamas came over to take my hat. She gave me a faint leer when Clair wasn’t looking. I leered back.

  The lobby had the lush look of a drop curtain for a high-class musical comedy. It was all tinsel and glitter. Even the mirrors that hung on the walls were tinted pink to make you feel better than you looked. To the right of the lobby was the entrance to the dining-room. The captain of waiters stood in the doorway, menu in hand, and officiated like a well-fed Greek god.

  On the other side of the lobby was the bar, luxurious under indirect lighting. The rattle of ice cubes in a shaker made sweet music.

  “This is really something,” I said, speaking out of the corner of my mouth. “I don’t think there’ll be much of our nine hundred bucks profit left by the time this joint’s through with us.”

  “You can always order a glass of milk and tell them you belong to an obscure religious order,” Clair murmured, and drifted away to the ladies’ room.

  I stood around, tried to look as if I spent my whole life in this kind of atmosphere, didn’t succeed very well.

  A girl who I assumed was out of the cabaret strutted across the lobby. Except for a G-string and two gold saucepan lids where they were most needed she was as bare as the back of my hand. When I gaped at her she sneered in disdain.

  As she passed me, I said quietly, “Don’t go sitting on a cane-bottomed chair.”

  Her long slinky stride faltered, but she kept on. I tried not to peep at her naked back, but I peeped just the same. I decided I was going to like this place.

  Clair came out of the ladies’ room. Her dress looked like sea-water sifted over with gold dust.

  “Hello,” she said.

  “Hello,” I said, leering at her. “My wife’s left me. Shall we go off together and have fun?”

  “Wouldn’t she mind?” Clair asked gravely.

  “She’d be wild,” I returned, “but I’m infatuated with your dress. Let’s go and neck in my car.”

  “You mean now—this very minute?”

  “Why not?” I said.

  She slipped her arm through mine. “Don’t let’s pretend I’m not your wife,” she said. “I like being your wife.”

  “I’m glad and proud about that, Mrs. Cain,” I said, and meant it. “Shall we talk to that important-looking gentleman with the menus and see what he would like us to eat?”

  She nodded.

  We presented ourselves to the captain of waiters. He bowed to Clair, bowed to me.

  “This is our first visit,” I explained. “We want a good time. Can we leave it to you?”

  “Certainly, monsieur,” he returned, his voice was as dry as sand. “Perhaps you would care to decide what you will eat first, and then perhaps you would like to visit our cocktail bar? The cabaret begins at eleven. I will arrange a table near the floor for you.”

  I wasn’t kidding myself he was making a fuss of me. He was making a fuss of Clair.

  We decided, after some thought and discussion, to have anti-pasto, steaks broiled over charcoal, hashed brown potatoes in cream, combination salads and a bottle of Liebfraumlich.

  The captain of waiters wrote the order in a little gold-covered note-book, bowed, said it would be ready for us in half an hour. He personally conducted us to the cocktail bar, signalled to the barman, left us.

  “Royal stuff,” I said to Clair. “I believe they’ve all fallen in love with you.”

  She shook her head. “It’s your determined chin and blue eyes.”

  I knew she was wrong.

  The barman waited, admiring Clair without attempting to conceal the fact. He glanced at me; there was respectful envy in his eyes.

  I ordered two large, very dry martinis.

  We went over to a sofa seat, sat down, lit cigarettes. People looked at us, but we didn’t worry. We were happy enough in our own company. After a while, the barman brought the drinks. I

  paid him, tipped him, and he went away silently, as if drawn along on wheels.

  We sipped the martinis. They were very good.

  There was something about the hard standard of prettiness of the women at the bar that reminded me of Lydia Hamilton. I said as much to Clair.

  “Don’t let’s talk about her,” Clair said. “She was ghastly. I was so sorry for Hones. She hurt him terribly.”

  “Not half as much as the judge hurt her,” I said with a grin. “Bones is a good lad. I think I’ll give him a raise. Do you think it’d be an idea to give him a uniform as well; a red and white check overall or something? I think all the boys might wear a uniform. It’d give the joint tone.”

  She laughed. “Darling, I’m so glad you like your old gas station. There was a time—”

  “Forget it,” I said, taking her hand. “It’s fun, but it wouldn’t be fun without you.”

  “Honest?”

  I nodded. “If it wasn’t for you, I’d be still kicking around as a bum.”

  “I have an idea,” she said, looking at me out of the corners of her eyes. “Now, don’t say no until I’ve explained. How would it be if we opened a restaurant ? We could use the waste ground by the house. It needn’t be an elaborate building. We could serve meals out of doors. Barbecue cooking: chicken, steaks, spareribs, the way we know how to cook them, salad and things. I’d love to organize it all if you’d let me.”

  I stared at her. “It’s a terrific idea,” I exclaimed. “However did you think of it?”

  Her face brightened. “Oh, I wanted to help. I know I run the house, but I’d rather make some money. Shall we?”

  “We’ll find out how much it’ll cost to put up a suitable building first thing tomorrow,” I said, and we forgot our surroundings in the discussion that followed.

  After a while, I noticed Clair wasn’t concentrating. I looked at her, saw she was flushed, said: “What’s on your mind, honey? Got an attack of grippe?”

  She didn’t smile, shook her head, looked away. “Promise you won’t make a scene?” she whispered.

  “I never make scenes,” I said. “What’s wrong?”

  “There’s a man over the way who hasn’t taken his eyes off me since he came in,” she said. “He’s making me uncomfortable. Now, please …”

  I looked across the room, located a man in a white dinner-jacket sitting on his own. He had grey hair. There was nothing unusual about his heavy handsome face except a small puckered scar on his left check that had almost the effect of a dimple.

  I gave him the hard eye, and he immediately looked away.

  “Well, anyway,” I said, putting down my empty glass, “it’s time we had something to eat. If he really bothers you I’ll talk to him.”

  “You’re not to,” she said, walking across the bar at my side. “Those days are over.”

  The barman bowed to her as we left. She gave him a nice smile. I was very proud of her.

  The captain of waiters personally conducted us to our seats. The table he had reserved for us was on the edge of the dance floor. I noticed a num
ber of the men diners looked at Clair. She was worth looking at.

  We sat down. The antipasto was fine. There were salty anchovies bedded on a firm slice of tomato; scarlet peppers soaked in white vinegar; thin bologna sausages; fat white shrimps; transparent slices of ham, and celery stuffed with cottage cheese. We had two large dry martinis to go with it.

  Half-way through the meal, the man in the white dinner-jacket wandered in. He seemed to be known. People nodded to him as he stalked between the tables. He passed close to us, and gave Clair a long penetrating stare. She avoided his eyes. I scowled at him, but he didn’t notice. He sat a couple of tables away from us, waved to the waiter, ordered a Rye straight. He lit a cigarette, settled down to stare at Clair.

  “I think I’ll drop over and talk to that masher,” I said, suddenly very angry.

  Clair gripped my arm. “No, darling, don’t. It’ll spoil everything, and I’m having a lovely time. Please, let’s forget him. I don’t mind.”

  She began talking about the restaurant idea, but neither of us had much heart for it now. She was worried, and I was getting madder every moment.

  Then suddenly I saw her stiffen. I followed the direction of her eyes. Lydia Hamilton had just entered. She swept down the aisle between the tables before the captain of waiters could escort her, arrived at the table occupied by the man in the white dinner-jacket, sat down. He glanced at her in a bored way, waved to the waiter.

  “Now, perhaps we’ll have rest from that guy,” I said. “I’m sorry to see that dame here, but she won’t spoil my dinner.”

  The waiter served the broiled steak. It looked very good. For a while we ate. Then I looked up suddenly. The masher was at it again. His half-closed eyes were probing Clair—X-ray eyes.

  I looked at Lydia Hamilton. She was on to him. Her face was hard, furious.

  “We’re going to have some trouble,” I said to Clair in an undertone. “That dame’s crazy enough to start anything.” I thought it best to warn her.

  The words were scarcely out of my mouth when Lydia smacked the man in the white dinnerjacket across his face. He wasn’t expecting anything like that, and he nearly fell off his chair. The sound of the smack cracked through the big dining-room. There was a sudden hush, then Lydia’s strident voice shrilled, “Take your eyes off that whore.”

  I found myself on my feet. Clair hung on to my sleeve The grey-haired man cursed Lydia in a loud clear voice, calling her about six’names that are not usually mentioned by handsome men in white dinner-jackets. Then he drew back his fist, punched her in the face.

  Lydia fell out of her chair, blood from her nose ran down her chin. People stood up, craned their necks. A woman screamed. The captain of waiters began a slow, cautious walk towards the scene.

  The man in the white dinner-jacket stood over Lydia. He continued to curse her; then he drew back his foot to kick her. I jerked my sleeve free from Clair’s clutch, jumped towards him.

  There was a sharp crack of gunfire. A spurt of flame came from Lydia’s hand. The man in the white dinner-jacket coughed” once, twice, folded at the knees. He went down. I grabbed the toy gun out of Lydia’s hand. She clawed me down the face with her free hand. I pushed her away, stood back. She stared up at me, her eyes becoming sane again.

  “Hello, Hick,” she said. “Why couldn’t you keep your cheap floozie where she belongs?”

  I turned from her, looked down at the man lying on the floor. I decided she wouldn’t be able to buy herself out of this jam.

  3

  Believe me, when a Hollywood movie actress takes it into her head to shoot her boy friend in a swank night club, all hell starts popping.

  As soon as it was discovered that the man in the white dinner-jacket was dead, everyone made a dive for the doors. But the captain of waiters was one jump ahead of them. The doors were closed, and the thickset man from downstairs stood with his back against them. He grinned evilly at the crowd, flexed his muscles, invited anyone to try to pass him. The crowd decided that after all they weren’t in a hurry to leave.

  “Will you all please take your seats?” the captain of waiters said smoothly. “The police are on the way, and no one may leave without permission.”

  People went back to their tables, leaving Lydia alone with her dead. She stood over the body, a serviette held to her bleeding nose. She was still drunk enough not to realize that the man in the white dinner-jacket was dead. She kept stirring him with her foot, saying, “Get up, you swine. You can’t scare me,” but she was beginning to sense the jam she was in, and her voice was going off-key.

  It took the police six minutes by my watch to arrive. They came in: three plain-clothes men, four in uniform, a doctor, a photographer and the D.A.’s man.

  They went to work in the usual efficient way policemen go to work. It was only when the doctor signed to a couple of the uniformed men to cover the body with a table-cloth that the nicklc dropped in Lydia’s befuddled mind. As they draped the cloth over the body, she let out a screech that set everyone’s teeth on edge.

  “Okay, sister,” the Homicide man said, tapping her arm. “Take it easy. It won’t get you anywhere.”

  She looked wildly around the room: saw me.

  “It’s all your fault, you—” she screamed. “It was you who spoilt my lovely car.”

  People stood on chairs to look at me. The Homicide man gave me a hard stare. I sat there, looked back. There was nothing else I could do. It was a pretty nasty moment.

  Lydia suddenly made a dive at me, but the cops grabbed her.

  “Get her out of here,” the Homicide man said as she began to curse. Even his face registered disgust.

  Things quieted down when she had gone. The Homicide man came over to me, asked where I figured in this.

  “She’s crazy drunk,” I said. “I don’t figure in it at all. I only grabbed her gun.”

  “What’s this about her car?”

  “We had a little accident this morning. There was nothing to it.”

  He took out his note-book, asked me my name. I told him Jack Cain. My middle name was Jack, anyway. I gave him my address, went into details about the Cadillac, said nothing about the man in the white dinner-jacket trying to mash Clair. I guessed it would come out at the trial, but I wasn’t going to help unnecessarily.

  “Any idea why she shot the guy?” the Homicide man demanded.

  I shook my head. “I wasn’t watching them,” I lied. “He suddenly punched her, began kicking her. I went to her help; before I could reach the guy, she shot him.”

  “Okay,” he said, eyeing me over. I could see he wasn’t entirely satisfied, but he had a lot on his mind. “We’ll be needing you again.”

  I said all right, and could we go now?

  He sent a cop out to check the licence tag on the Buick. The cop came back, nodded.

  “Okay, you can go,” the Homicide man said. “Stick close.”

  We made our way out of the dining-room. Eyes followed us. It was nice to get into the lobby. The captain of waiters had Clair’s wrap ready. He dropped it over her shoulders, said he was sorry our evening was spoilt. He sounded as if he was really sorry.

  The cigarette girl was standing on a chair, trying to see into the dining-room. Her nakedness had lost its charm for me. She eyed me curiously.

  Clair was white and silent. She stood waiting while the check girl found my hat. The peachbloom pyjamas seemed tawdry, out of place in the tense atmosphere. I cursed Patrolman O’Brien. I decided I must have been crazy to have taken a recommendation from a cop.

  “Just a second, sweetheart,” I said to Clair, took her chiffon scarf, put it around her head, fixed it so it all but hid her face.

  She regarded me with scared eyes. “I don’t—”

  “Yes, you do,” I said. “The press are lurking outside.”

  I took her arm and we went down the stairs. It was only days after that I remembered I’d forgotten to ask for a check. The captain of waiters either forgot too or else he felt he couldn’
t ask payment for such an unsatisfactory evening.

  As we stepped into the street, four men came hurrying towards us. I grabbed Clair’s arm, rushed her to the alley.

  The men hesitated, stopped, stared after us.

  “Get in,” I said, jerking open the Buick door.

  A flash-light exploded in our faces. I shoved Clair into the car, turned.

  A little guy was standing near me, a press camera in his hand.

  “You’re the guy who grabbed the gun?” he asked. “Jack Cain, ain’t it?”

  “Not me,” I said, edging towards him. “Cain’s still in there.” I grabbed his camera before he could guess what I was at, whipped out the plate, dropped it on the sidewalk, trod on it.

  I handed him back the camera.

  “You punk!” he exclaimed. “You can’t do this to me.” He set himself for a swing, but I gave him a quick push, sent him staggering, got into the Buick.

  I shot out of the alley.

  Clair wanted to know why I had said I was Jack Cain; why

  I had smashed the photographer’s plate. She sounded very scared.

  There was no point in keeping it from her any longer. I told her about Lois Spence telephoning me on the night before we left Paradise Palms. I gave her an idea what Lois had said.

  “I’m not kidding myself,” I said, watching the road unreel beneath the head-lights. “Those two are dangerous, vicious. That’s why I ducked out of sight. Maybe I was a fool. I should have put you somewhere safe and gone after them. Now we’re stuck. This case is going to get a hell of a lot of publicity. We’ll be in the papers. As soon as Lois knows where we are, she and Bat will start something or my guess is all wrong. That’s why I gave a wrong name and smashed that plate. It’ll give us a little time to make up our minds what to do.”

  “I know what I’m going to do,” she said in a steady voice, “I’m not giving up our home for them. I’m not scared as long as you’re with me.”

  It was what I hoped she would say, but for all that, I had an uneasy feeling that our spell of peace was coming to an end.

  4

  We read in the morning’s newspaper that Clem Kuntz, the shrewdest criminal lawyer on the Pacific Coast, was handling Lydia Hamilton’s defence. I expected he’d call on us. He did.