Alaskan Adventure (Destination: Desire)

by Crystal Jordan

Chapter Nine

  This was it. In less than twelve hours, he’d lose her forever. They’d be docked in Juneau by morning, then the passengers would disembark and scatter to the wind. Cruise over. And he’d be alone. No more Anne. Ever. Pain seared his soul at the thought.

  They walked hand in hand, taking an evening stroll on the deck. A final stroll. He didn’t know if he could do this—lose her. But how could he convince her to give everything up and be as irresponsible as she thought he was? The task seemed impossible, but facing the looming end of their temporary relationship meant he had to try or regret it forever.

  “Anne.”

  “Yes?” She swung their entwined fingers between them, though she was quieter than normal. He wasn’t sure if it was because of another ugly phone call from her mother, or if it was because they’d be parting. He knew which he was hoping for.

  How the hell did he broach this topic? Subtlety wasn’t his strong suit. “You’re leaving tomorrow.”

  Wow. Smooth. He cringed at his own triteness.

  She cast him a sideways glance. “I’m aware.”

  “I’ll miss you.”

  There, that wasn’t a bad opening line. Now he just needed to keep that up and not blow this.

  She seemed to freeze for a moment. Then a huge breath whooshed out of her. “I’ll miss you too. I’ve had a great time. I knew this trip would be amazing, but you took it to the next level.”

  “I’ve had a great time too.” He swallowed, nerves jangling. “I hate the idea of losing this thing we have.”

  Some tender emotion crossed her face, longing mixed with something he couldn’t pinpoint. But hope welled inside him.

  “Anne, maybe we could—”

  The blaring ring of her cell phone cut him off.

  She winced. “I’m sorry. I really have to take this.”

  Frustration strangled him as he watched her dig her phone out of her hoodie’s pocket. His teeth clacked together as he shut his mouth. Damn it.

  He knew her mom was supposed to pick her up from the airport tomorrow, and had bailed out an hour ago. Something about a beauty consultation. From her conversation, he learned Anne had always had one of her friends on standby as a backup plan. It saddened him that she counted on her mother not to come through for her. He wanted to be the one who could be there for her in the future. He wanted her by his side, but he had to make her agree with him on that point or it didn’t really matter what he wanted.

  “Thanks so much, Julie. You’re saving my ass.” Anne heaved a sigh. “I’ll see you soon! Love you too.”

  After she hung up, he asked, “Crisis averted?”

  She made a face. “My mother is a living, breathing crisis. So, it’s always best to have a Plan B, C and D to work around her.”

  “Living with her can’t be good for your mental health.” He squeezed her hand. “Are you sure you want to go back to that?”

  “No.” She shook her head, and his heart leapt. Was she saying what he thought she was saying? But no. Of course not. She went on, “You’re right, it’s not good for my mental health to be locked in the same house with her. After the wedding, I’m going to quit hinting and just tell her I’m selling the house. I can do just as well in a one bedroom condo or cottage, and she’s the one piece of baggage I won’t be packing up and taking with me.” Her chin firmed. “These last few weeks, being around you and your parents, made it so very clear how unhealthy this has become. It has to stop. She’s going to have a meltdown on a level I haven’t seen since my dad filed for divorce, but I survived that, so I can survive this.”

  “I think that’s a good decision. I wish I could be there to have your back when she blows.” He met her gaze seriously. “Sometimes it helps to have an outside perspective.”

  “Offering to referee for me?” Her laugh gurgled out and she shook her head. “No, I can handle this. It won’t be easy, but I’m strong enough to deal alone.”

  He had no doubts she was strong enough, but he’d hoped she might see that they were stronger together. As a team, they didn’t have to carry the load alone. Life had weighed pretty heavily on her shoulders for a long time. He’d be happy to help, if she’d let him.

  “I wasn’t implying you couldn’t deal with it alone, but maybe you shouldn’t have to.” He pulled her into his arms, resting his forehead against hers. “I want to keep—”

  “Anne! Gabe!” Bridget and Mark came around the corner.

  Another interruption. Gabe suppressed a growl. Anne stepped back, then tugged him along to meet the other couple.

  Bridget gave her a quick hug. “I wanted a chance to say goodbye to you both. There’s a special van coming to get us in the morning, so we don’t have to hassle everyone else with my bum leg and crutching around.”

  Mark shook Gabe’s hand, adding, “Plus, our flight’s pretty early. We’d have to run to catch it if we rode with the regular passengers. No problem on a normal day, but Bridget isn’t up to her normal speed.”

  “We wanted to thank you both for all your help the last couple of weeks.” Bridget hobbled over on her crutches and hugged Gabe next. “You were both my heroes.”

  “Tell your boys I said goodbye.” He popped a kiss on her cheek, making her grin and blush.

  She glanced at Anne. “The cute one kissed me.”

  “Me too.” Anne winked back, and Bridget giggled.

  “All right, honey.” Mark set a hand on his wife’s back. “You’ve apparently had too many pain killers tonight. Time for bed.”

  Bridget laughed, caught his shirt and pulled him in for a loud, juicy smooch. “I love you, Mark. You’re the best hubby ever.”

  “That’s better.” He grinned, and the two turned to return the way they’d come. He glanced over his shoulder before they disappeared. “Oh, hey. I saw your parents coming this way.”

  “Great.” Gabe waved them off, and then turned to Anne. “Want to head back to your cabin?”

  Desire sparked in her gaze. “I thought you’d never ask.”

  He proffered his hand, and she took it. He reeled her in and dropped a soft kiss on her mouth. She suckled his lower lip, and need fisted within him. He wanted her, now and always. She rested her head on his shoulder for a moment and sighed.

  “Come on.” He urged her toward the stairs, the ones furthest away from where his parents had been sighted. He loved them, but he had a mission tonight, and more interruptions would not be welcome. They weren’t leaving early tomorrow, so there was plenty of time left for goodbyes. However, there wasn’t much time left for privacy between Anne and him.

  She followed without protest, her fingers squeezing his tight. A few minutes later, they stood beside her bed, finally alone in her cabin, the door locked securely behind them.

  Now to get this conversation on track.

  But she planted her palms on his chest, hooked her foot behind his ankle and shoved. He bounced against the mattress, his breath bursting out in a surprised laugh. She came down on top of him, straddling his hips. She arched into him, rubbing her sex over his through their pants. Dipping down, she nipped and sucked her way up the side of his throat until she bit his earlobe. Molten heat flowed in his veins, pumping through his body. His heart began to pound, his breathing speeding. His cock was an iron bar, chafing against the constraints of his fly. He bracketed her waist with his hands, not sure if he wanted to bring her closer or push her away. He had plans that didn’t include nudity yet. Her fingers found his nipple and twisted, and his logic short-circuited.

  So much for serious discussion. It would have to wait until they were done. Hey, maybe post-coital bliss would be a better frame of mind to talk anyway.

  He tugged at the bottom of her shirt, and she leaned back to let him yank the garment over her head. They wrestled each other out of their clothes, kissing and biting every inch of skin that was bared. Moans broke f
rom their throats, sweat slicked their flesh and shudders wracked their bodies.

  Often their coupling was wild and fast and fun. This time he wanted to slow things down. He slipped his fingers into her silky hair and pulled her downward. He covered her mouth with his, licking his way between her lips. She sighed, twisted her torso back and forth, rubbing her breasts over his chest. The feel of her fired his blood the way no one else had ever managed. He loved her so fucking much. She was strong and soft, smart and adventurous, funny and thoughtful, beautiful inside and out. Everything he’d ever wanted in a woman.

  He stroked his palms down her back, savoring the satin warmth of her skin. If this was the last time he’d touch her, he wanted to glut himself on the experience. He wanted to remember every single second of this.

  When she jerked away abruptly, he blinked. “Wha—?”

  “Condom.” She fumbled for his discarded pants, yanked out his wallet, and pulled out the rubber he kept there. Within seconds, she had him covered, grasped his shaft and guided his cock to her entrance.

  His hips arched and she pushed down, and then he was deep inside her. Her walls clamped around him, and he groaned. “Oh God.”

  “Wouldn’t I be a goddess?” She flashed a jaunty smile.

  “Oh goddess,” he replied obediently. Then swept his hands up her back, curved his fingers over her shoulders, and slammed her down on the base of his cock.

  “Gabe!” She cried out, her knees snapping tight to his hips. Lifting and lowering herself on his dick, she rode him hard. Her nails sank into his chest, and the pleasure-pain that sizzled through him made him push her faster. She kept up with him, her eyes locking with his, and he saw the rising tide of ecstasy on her expression that would soon drag them both under.

  She leaned back on her hands, bracing herself on his thighs. The new angle was amazing and her pussy clenched around him. Her grin made his heart cinch, and a gurgling little laugh escaped her, the sound pure joy. “I love this, Gabe.”

  “I love you, Anne.” It took him a split second to realize she hadn’t said the same thing he had, and the look of utter shock on her face told him she’d noticed the difference too.

  Well, hell. If he was in for it, he might as well go all in.

  He flipped her on her back and drove into her at exactly the speed and rhythm he knew would make her wild. He hooked his arms under her knees, drawing her legs high and wide. She moaned, her back arching. He ground his pelvis into her clit, giving her friction and deep penetration, the way she liked.

  Her pussy clenched around his dick, the precursor to climax. He could tell she was close to the very edge. Her gaze never left his face, and he’d swear he could see love reflected back at him. Her mouth formed his name, but no sound emerged.

  He was acutely aware of all she didn’t say, but the dam had broken within him, and he couldn’t hold the words back. “I love you, Anne. I love you.”

  “I love you so much.”

  Every time he said it sent pleasure spiking straight to her brain. The moment was amazingly perfect, but a sob ripped out of her. Ecstasy twined with agony within her, her mind, emotions, and body all vying for dominance. He continued driving into her, and he knew exactly how to touch her, how to thrust into her to hit her G-spot. The physical won the war, a riptide that dragged her under. Incoherent sounds of rapture escaped her mouth and she moved her hips with his, racing him for climax. He forged into her again and again, seeming determined to meld them together, body and soul.

  He jutted deep, the rough hair at his groin rubbing her clitoris. Groaning, he shuddered with completion. “I love you.”

  “Gabe, I—” Orgasm tore through her, ripping the words away. Then there was only sensation, only the sweet, hot bliss of satisfaction. Her inner muscles milked the length of his cock, and she rocked up into to him to push the feeling higher. She never wanted this moment to end, didn’t want to face what tomorrow would bring, so she clung to the pure happiness she had in his arms. He reached between them and stroked a thumb over her clit, which set her off like a firecracker. She screamed, tingles rippling over her limbs as she bowed in a hard arc against the bed, every inch of her lighting from the inside. She simply imploded, and nothing would ever be the same again.

  He collapsed to the mattress beside her, and she shivered in the aftermath of an experience she couldn’t contain. It was too much, too good. She didn’t even know how to react. She lay there staring at the ceiling, trying to internalize what she felt.

  Nothing but the sound of their ragged breathing broke the silence in the room for long, long minutes afterward.

  “You’re not going to say anything, are you?” His spoke quietly, and the lack of censure in his voice made guilt spike through her.

  Swallowing, she licked her lips. “I’m not sure what to say.”

  His breath rushed out in a pained laugh. “I guess that says it all, doesn’t it?”

  She cringed, tears pooling in her eyes. “Gabe, there are a lot of reasons why we wouldn’t work out as anything other than a vacation romance. Our real lives just wouldn’t mesh.”

  After sitting up, he looked down at her. “How do you know that without even trying?”

  Did he realize how much that question hurt? How much she wanted to try, but couldn’t bear the idea of them hating each other in the end? Which would happen when she was forced to live with someone else who didn’t hold a secure job, and he was forced to deal with someone who had such a huge problem with his life choices. “This was only ever supposed to be an affair. That’s all!”

  “Maybe that was all it was supposed to be, but that isn’t all it is.” His expression was utterly serious and sincere. “This is a relationship. You can break up with me if you want, but don’t lie to yourself about what you’d be doing, about how much you’d hurt me by walking away. Or about how much it’s going to hurt you to cut me out of your life.”

  She felt as if she’d been sucker-punched, and all she wanted to do was sob with the pain tearing through her soul. Her voice emerged a harsh whisper, “That’s not fair.”

  “Life isn’t fair. I didn’t think I’d fall for you, but I did. You thought this would be easy, strings-free sex, but it isn’t.” He glanced away, as if he couldn’t bear to look at her. “Can you honestly claim you’re just going to go on your way tomorrow, whistling a merry tune, and never think of me again except as the man candy guide you scored with?”

  Had other women treated him that way? Probably. She hated that he thought she was in the same shallow category. She couldn’t let him believe that, even if it might be easier for both of them if she broke it off with that kind of no-going-back sharpness.

  “No,” she said, pushing herself upright and grabbing a pillow to cover her nudity, though she felt more stripped bare than she ever had in her life. But that was what love did sometimes, wasn’t it? Stripped you defenseless and then kicked you while you were down. “I didn’t…I don’t think of you that way.”

  “So I do matter to you? This was more than an easy lay?” His green gaze pinned her in place, his expression so open and vulnerable that she couldn’t lie to him, even if logic told her she should.

  “Yes,” she rasped. “This was more.”

  Much, much more. It just couldn’t last. She had to cling to that bitter truth for all she was worth, because she wanted to dive into his arms, confess every feeling she had for him, and gamble on them working it out. But that kind of gamble wouldn’t pay off.

  He shifted on the bed to face her fully. “Anne.”

  “Yeah?”

  “I’m going to lay it all out for you. You like blunt honesty, right?” He took a breath. “I think you should also quit your teaching job and become an outdoor guide. You’re a natural.”

  A high-pitched laugh ripped out of her, and she knew it emerged a little hysterical. She laughed until she had tears in her eyes, until s
he had to brace her hand against the bed to keep from falling off the side. “Oh my God. Oh my God. That’s funny.”

  “I wasn’t kidding,” he said stiffly.

  “It was funny because one of my friends suggested the same thing.” She straightened and wiped her eyes. “Seriously, knowing how my mom is, can you imagine me being able to deal with that level of uncertainty? I’ve lived hand to mouth, praying I was able to cover all the bills so my sisters could eat better than ramen, and I might have a drama llama style meltdown if I had to do that again. No, I’m sorry. That nuts. That’s a cruel joke, not a hilarious one.”

  He seemed to pale under his tan, but his jaw firmed. “You hate being a teacher.”

  “I don’t hate it.” Yeah, she sounded far more defensive that she probably should. Which was telling, wasn’t it? She hugged her pillow and curled her toes into the sheets.

  “You wanted to be a forest ranger.” He poked a finger at her.

  Her chin rose. “Life doesn’t always give you what you want.”

  “You hate the idea of going home.” His gaze dared her to disagree, to lie to him or herself. “I can feel the dread oozing out of you, and it’s gotten worse the closer we’ve gotten to Juneau.”

  Direct hit. She sucked in a breath, wincing. She clenched her fingers into the pillowcase. “That’s more about dealing with my mother than my work, and you know I’m planning to sell the house and move away from her.”

  “I don’t buy that,” he stated flatly. “It’s also about not wanting to go back to a job you don’t love. Life is too short to live it unhappy.”

  “Life is too long not to have a retirement pension,” she fired back.

  He arched an eyebrow. “Is that your only worry?”

  “Don’t even go there, Camper Guru,” she snapped. “My worry is founded in solid facts. I’ve seen how being an unreliable spaz can fuck up your family. I’ve seen how it’s a struggle to make ends meet. I do not want to be a burden on my younger sisters when I’m too old or injured to keep working. Then I’ll be penniless and worthless. I would never do that to them or to myself.”