by James Kelman
My stomach was just sore and I was rubbing it. But he just reached and skelped me on the leg and I fell down and he waited for me to get up and he skelped me on the b*m.
Oh so you are listening to people's conversations. You wee sneak. Away out and play.
I was greeting. Oh but da I need the toilet I need the toilet.
You are just a wee sneak.
Oh Johnnie, my maw said, do not call him a sneak.
Well he is one, listening to people's conversations. If I catch him doing it again I will give him a good skelp.
So I was greeting. Oh but I was not doing nothing, I was not listening behind doors. I was just needing the lavatory and I was bursting for it.
Oh away out my sight.
I heard the plug getting pulled and Grannie Petrie Smith coming out. I did not want her to see me and just ran out. I hated that house and she was not a real grannie. I went away out and in the back garden and I just stayed in it. Then the wee bushes were there and I saw them. I creeped over and lied down on my side just lying along, and I done the lawy there on the dirt oh and the pee was on the dirt and coming closer and closer but I was still peeing and some pee went on my leg. It was just the worst. My clothes were dirty and my maw saw them. I went away out the road and just walked about. They did not know where I was and were waiting to go home on the train. My da was just looking at me.
My maw said it in a low voice, Oh Kieron hurry up, where were ye?
I gret. How come? I just started, it was horrible, them all there, my big cousins as well, just looking.
***
Big boys could be bullies and not just if it was brothers. A boy in my street got doings off people and he did not have a brother. He was the same age as me but just wee. Big boys punched him and it was not fair. One time a dog bit him. A boy set it on him. Boys done that. They shouted to their dog Get him boy, and the dog would chase him, or you if it was you.
They flung stones at that wee boy and it was not fair because he had nobody to stick up for him. A big bully hit him with a plank of wood and just laughed. I saw him. The wee boy was greeting and the snotters were coming out his nose. I was thinking if we could get the big bully, maybe we could. We could put him in a sack. Oh and just fling it in the midgie and when the midgie-men came they would take him away, they would put him in the dumps and all the seagulls would come and peck him. I said it to the wee boy that was getting hit, Oh if we grow up, we will just get them and give them a doing.
If I was a big brother I would have stopped that bully. I hated all the bullies. Big brothers were the worst. I just was wanting to hit them, just fight them and oh it was just maybe hitting them.
It was just all the big boys, if we could fight them. We said we were going to and went and got all the wee boys and I went to my grannie's street and up for Terry out my class. Come on out, we are going to fight the big boys.
Terry came. So then we went the next street to get our pal Ian and coming back Michael Lang was there with his pals, Catholics. I saw their faces but did not know them. Oh we will come with ye.
And we all were just laughing and oh just laughing, it just was good. We all came down the street and were picking up good stones. We took them out the back and planked them. Somebody said it to the big boys, if we were going to fight them.
Oh but they were not going to fight us, and they were laughing. Oh away ye go, wee lasses.
I made hatchets and two big big ones ye could swing. Ye just needed long sticks to make them and it was two hands to hold them. Big boys could not get close-in if they were trying to get ye.
We had our hatchets and stones all ready out the back and were waiting. But the big boys did not come, they were out the front kicking a ball about. So we just went to start it. We got their ball and kicked it away down the road. Oh what was that for, cheeky wee b*****ds.
So we flung stones at them so then they got angry and were just, Oh we will f*****g batter yez, you wee c**ts.
They chased us through the back close and over to the midgie but they were coming too fast and we were just getting chased everyplace. A big boy chased me but I just was able to lift a big hatchet to hit him but it did not work good. He chased me into the midgie but oh the head fell off the hatchet so it was only the stick left. I climbed up the midgie roof to jump up on the dyke but the big boy was catching my feet so I jumped away and there was a good boulder there and I flung it at him and then stepping back because if he was going to get me, but stepping into nothing and straight off the roof and landing smack into the ground crack my head. The big boy was shouting he was going to get me, oh get me oh and his eye was all bleeding, I saw it all and his face all oh looking at me but I was just could not get up oh and my head I could not get up, I was to get up. I could not.
The big boy was there and I was seeing out at him, then up to the sky. Nobody was there. Then voices were there. It was just the sky and if my maw got me and if my da, if she told him, when he came home, he would just get me, he would just oh if he did, he just would.
I was sleeping.
Then there he was, my da, oh it was him, he was not at sea but home on leave.
A boy told Mattie and Mattie told my da and here he was. He kneeled down on the ground to lift me up and carry me, he carried me across the back and up the stair. He was talking to me. Oh Kieron ye are going to be alright, ye will be alright, do not worry do not cry, and other things, I do not know what.
We were in the house. My brother was there. My da was angry at him and then to me, Oh but you are a silly wee fool, oh if ye do not look out, broken noses and oh silly wee fool if you are climbing up on that midden do not ever climb up on that ever again, just never ever ever do it oh if ever I catch you oh it will be so much the worse.
My maw was at her work. My da took me to the hospital and I was walking and Mattie there too.
Oh my da hated waiting. My wee boy's arm is broke. The people all were looking at me oh poor wee boy. But we were just to sit. Oh Mr Smith the nurse is coming.
He hated waiting and it was ages. Ye just had to sit. But out came the nurse to get me. Oh who is this boy, we know this boy, oh his arm is broken. Oh poor Kieron.
And she took me ben the room. Then there was the big boy that I flung the brick at. He was with his maw and sitting beside a stretcher but he was not on it. His head had bandages.
I was into a wee room and the nurse was looking and my da was rubbing my head.
So it was a stookie on my arm. The bone would get better. If it knitted. The bone was knitting. The stookie was round it to keep it straight and if it was straight it knitted. They tied a white sheet in a sling round my shoulder and elbow. I was to keep my elbow in the sling and if I did not the bone would not knit.
When we were walking home my da stopped at the chip shop and got bags of chips. I could not hold mine. I had to just eat out his and Mattie's. Up in the house my grannie and granda were there and I was to write my name on the stookie but it was the wrong hand and I could not write. My da got me to do it, he held my hand with the pen then got my fingers to do it the right way. Everybody was laughing.
Then da and granda wrote their names on it but my maw and my grannie would not. Matt did not want to write his name on it. I would have let him. My da said to do it, so then he did.
Me and him were in the same bed and he was banging my arm. He did not mean it. I woke up with it happening. I was kept off school. My da went back to sea and I went to my grannie's till my maw came home from work. I had books from the library. When I went back to school people wrote their names on the stookie. The lasses laughed. Ones that I liked were there and I wanted them to write their name but they did not.
Yer fingers poked out the plaster but not enough so ye could write. Ye were not supposed to do anything except sit at the desk and listen hard to what the teacher was saying. Ye tried writing with yer left hand. My granda got me to try. Ye gripped the pencil tight but yer fingers could not work it.
I could run but not fo
r playing football. It was too sore. I took my elbow out the sling so my arm was hanging down. My fingers fitted into my trouser pocket but it was too sore.
When the stookie got taken off my arm was skinny, white and blue. Oh it is Rangers. My granda said that.
He showed me exercises. He pushed my fingers back and forward. Then I was to hold his fingers, if I could grip them, just tight as tight then slack then tight then slack. Other things. And holding stones. My granda had special stones and all smooth. He was good at sharpening and he did all knives and scissors. He did it for the women up the close. I saw a woman when I was going up the stair. Oh take this knife to yer granda son.
He had the stone and just rubbed the knife hard and being careful with it. He showed me how to, and it was special stones that were good for it. He kept them in a drawer and I was not to take them out the house. I was to hold them and squeeze them then slack and then squeeze. My grannie said he was not to, it would not be good but he said it would be good and I needed to get back to my drawing. He knew about all exercises because of his training, he did all the training. My grannie said, Oh I will take the boy swimming that is the best thing. You can just come and watch.
Oh I will come.
My granda said that but he did not.
***
I knew how to swim now and grannie was taking me. I ran up the stairs to get her. Their house was up the top flat. I bent down to see through the letterbox. My granda came to the door. Who is it?
Me.
But he knew it was me, laughing to grannie. Oh there is the boy Vera no escape now.
The swimming baths were the busiest on Saturdays and the noisiest ever ye could get. My grannie gived me a look when she saw all the people. Her eyes went big and from side to side. Oh Kieron, but she did not blame me. She went up the stair to the ladies' changing cubicles and I went to the boys', then was into my trunks and out in the pond swimming about.
But where was she? She still did not come. I swam and swam for ages. If something had happened. I did not know. How come she was not there? I done more swimming, diving down to touch the bottom. I was good at underwater swimming. I learned it before I could swim on the top. Down at the deep end big boys were diving for stuff. They chipped a penny out to the middle then diving off the side and staying underwater till they picked it off the bottom. The men attendants did not bother so all the boys diving, it was great, except ye had to watch out if the penny was too near the deep end because people were diving off the dale, and if they landed on top of ye, their arms would have smashed into ye, if they would break their arms or what if it was head to head, them diving down on top of yer head like that yer heads would both be smashed, ye would be dead, they would just crack. Heads cracked, and it was like eggs. Then the blood all spilling and it would be into the water, and it would be yours. Then my grannie, if she saw ye and ye were just lying there on top of the water or else sinking to the bottom, maybe ye would, if ye cracked yer head, so what would happen then? If ye might be dead so ye were away to Heaven or else Hell, and then yer grannie seeing ye. Oh poor wee soul, he is my wee grandson, oh poor wee boy if he is dead.
Where was she? She still had not come out the ladies' door. I was swimming for ages and she still had not come out. And ye could not see her up at the ladies' changing cubicles, then seeing the clock, then the divers up the dale. I was going to do it again. I tried it once and hurt myself and I had not tried it again. No many wee boys done the dale. It was my head I hurt, my arms were not straight out right so the water smacked it and it was just like the worst punch or else if it was a hammer, just plohhhh, plohhhh, and I was coming up and up and I got on the rail, my hands on it, I just held on a minute till then I went up the steps onto the side and into the showers and was just dizzy and sat down at the wall. Matt was there and he saw me. I just sat there. After I got up I went to my cubicle and sat on the wee seat and did not go back in the water, and then my face felt hot.
I wanted to dive it again. It was just to get it right and yer arms the gether and straight out. What some boys did was go steps at a time. Ye started from the second step and so on till ye reached the top. I could do the steps. It was only the dale. I needed to try it again. But no the now, no with my grannie. Then I saw a wee boy. He climbed the steps right up. He saw the dale was clear, took a wee run and dived straight off. I had not seen a wee boy do it like that before. He was weer than me and his swimming was just like splashing about. Then he done it again, just ran up the steps onto the dale and dived right off. He was dripping wet too so ye thought he could slip but he did not. And he did not hurt his head. Maybe I could. Yer hands had to be touching. If they were too apart the water smacked ye. I was shivering. Sometimes it was cold. Oh but I wanted to try it. Who was that wee boy with?
His pals. If it was his grannie or his brother they would not let him.
The dale was empty I could just run up. Ye could go on the dale just to look. Ye had to watch it if somebody came and bumped ye.
Oh but I wanted to do it. But what if my grannie saw me?
Where was my grannie? Maybe if something bad had happened, I wanted to go and see but could not because it was through the ladies' door and ye could not if ye were a boy, if they saw ye it was just dirty, ye were trying to see them so if they had no clothes on. Some boys tried to look. I did not. Ye were trying no to. They came down from the upstairs. They had their cubicles round the upstairs, a railing went round the edge.
That railing was higher than the dale. Ye could stand on it and dive off. People said that. Except if ye crashed on the ground below Ye would have to fling yerself way out to miss it. But what if yer feet caught on the edge? Ye would just break them.
Then my grannie was there in her costume, walking slow out the ladies' door her arms down straight and no looking anyplace, her shoulders going a wee bit side to side. She wore her cap. The women all wore their caps, so did the lasses except if they were wee.
She did not see me, only in front of her feet. All boys and wee lasses were running about and ye had to be careful they did not bump into ye. I was waving to her. She saw me but kept walking to the steps at the shallow end. That was what my grannie done. She walked down and started swimming straight away. A lot tested the water, if it was too cold, they went a wee bit at a time, flicked up the water on their body till it got warmer. Some went back to the showers for a heat. My grannie did not, she went down the steps and stood on the bottom and then was swimming straight away. She done breadths and not lengths and did not put her head under the water.
My grannie was a good swimmer. I swam beside her but she went ahead. She was slow and I was fast but she beat me, except she did not race me. I raced her. She did not talk and kept her mouth shut tight so the water did not go in. After a wee bit she climbed out and that was her. I waited a wee while longer then I went out too.
I got dry and my clothes on and waited outside for her. It was ages till she came. There were steps up to the swimming baths' door. The next one along was for the steamie. Women went in there to wash all their laundry and clothes. It was heavy stuff to lift. The women carried it in baskets and prams but some could not lift it up the steps so boys helped them up the steps. The women paid them. The boys that done it knew each other and did not fight. But if ye went near the steps and they did not know ye they swore at ye or else just stared and if ye did not move they smacked yer head.
These boys were old. They got the money off the women and played a game for it against each other. They chipped the coins against the wall, and the one that got the coin nearest lifted all the money. It was a lot of coins lying there and all shouting and laughing, no much fighting. All the boys smoked, they gived each other draws of their fags.
***
In a backcourt a building had fallen down. Men shifted away the big stones and all stuff. Along from it was big jumps and high-up dykes. Mattie and his pals went here. He did not like me coming because I would just fall off. But I would not fall off. Oh away and go with yer
own pals!
But my pals did not go to the big jumps. If he was not there I still went. The big boys let me. Ye climbed up on the midgie roofs to start. Then ye reached over to a wall, and that wall was the dyke. Ye climbed on to the top of that.
The dykes were big walls made of bricks. They split the backcourts. It was them or spiky palings. Ye climbed up on the dykes so ye could walk them. There was spaces in the wall where yer feet could get grips. Bricks fell out. That made the spaces. Ye got in yer hands and feet. If ye could not manage to the top big boys helped ye. Ye got yer hands up as far as ye could then the big boy just pushed ye till ye got yer elbows on the top, pulled yerself up. Ye got yer knees on it and balanced. Ye stood up bit by bit and with yer arms out, steadying, then coming up a wee bit more and so more and more and then ye were up and if ye could stand, that was you and ye were standing, yer arms out, and ye could bring them in slow and slow till ye were just standing and could look down and if a big boy was seeing ye. Oh he is up.
That was you.
The top of the dyke was for walking or sitting. If ye were on one and wanted to help somebody up ye could not. It was not wide enough. We just walked along and saw all the big jumps and if there was good buildings to climb.
Some dykes were not good for walking. They had tiles at the top that came to a point, or were round. The round ones were okay, ye could walk along them, ye just had to walk in the middle. The pointed ones were no good. We called them pointed. Tiles sloped against bricks to make that point and all went along in a line so it was like a tightrope. Ye tried to walk it. Ye put yer feet on the sloping tiles beneath the point. Ye bent yer legs and took wee toty steps. Some could do it but no for long. It was just for a laugh ye done it. If ye slipped and fell it was between yer legs and ye had to watch it. Oh my b**ls. People shouted that.