by Alexa Davis
I couldn’t help but think that should be me. But then of course, instead of looking at her like the elegant, beautiful woman she is, these people would be wondering how I dressed up a cage slut so nicely. She deserved to be with a man like Ethan, but I was just selfish enough that I wanted her to be with a man like me.
“Hi there.” I looked down toward the voice. It was Camille, a girl that grew up in the house next to us. I wasn’t home all that much, but when I was, Camille had been my go-to girl from the time I popped her cherry until she married an A.D.A. at twenty-one and started popping out babies. She was twenty-four now and last I heard, she’d just had number three.
“Hi, Camille. How are you?”
“I’m good,” she said. She surprised me by stepping close and actually rubbing herself against my arm. I glanced around the room, looking for her husband. “Vince is not here,” she said, reading my mind. “We’re getting divorced.”
“Oh no. I’m sorry to hear that.” I didn’t know Vince, but I was sure after three years and three kids, it had to be hard for her. Of course, that was not evidenced by the fact that her tits were now pressed into my suit jacket.
“Don’t be. He couldn’t keep his dick in his pants. Knocked up the nanny.”
“Oh, shit.”
“Yeah, oh shit about sums it up. He tried to pay her off to go away and have it in secret. She took the money and then came straight to me. I kicked them both out. I hope they’ll be deliriously happy together. I’m glad he’s gone.” She stood up slightly on her toes and whispered, “But I’m so horny. What do you say, Nick? How about we get together, for old time’s sake?”
Camille was hot, even after three kids. Tonight, she was wearing a short, burgundy cocktail dress with a black-lace skirt that flowed from the back down to her ankles. Her black stillettos highlighted a pair of sexy feet with toes painted the same color as her dress. Her highlighted, blonde hair was swept up off of her long neck into some kind of twist in the back and a diamond choker hung elegantly around it. Even with all of that, I wasn’t aroused, not in the least.
“Maybe, Camille, but not tonight. I have to be present and on my best behavior. Old man’s orders.”
She rolled her pretty, green eyes. “Since when do you take orders from your old man?”
I chuckled. She was right. Back when Camille and I partied together, I stole liquor from the old man and I fucked her in his bed when he was at work. I left the covers rumpled so he would know and while he was yelling at me about it, I smiled from ear to ear.
Now, I could see how immature it all was, but then it was the only way I knew how to get back at him for all of the wrongs I’d perceived him doing to me.
“Since he reminded me that his money paid for my lifestyle before I started making my own. I have to be good tonight, Camille, but like I said, maybe later.” I scanned the crowd again. This time when my eyes landed on Ethan, Karli was no longer beside him. I looked around again and didn’t see her. I forgot Camille was still there until she asked me,
“Who are you looking for?”
“Nobody. I was just seeing who was here. Excuse me for a minute, Camille, please.”
“Sure. Call me, Nick…” I was already three, big steps away. I headed out of the ballroom and down the short hall to the bathrooms designated for company. A woman stepped out as I approached and I said,
“Hey, is there anyone else in there?”
She looked at me like I was crazy. It wasn’t a multiple stall bathroom. It was huge, but it had a single toilet and sink. “No, just me,” she said.
I smiled at her and the look went from “this guy is crazy” to “this guy is hot.” I winked at her, thanked her, and once she was gone, I stuck my head into the bathroom. No one was there. I went back out into the ballroom.
Ethan was still alone, talking to the retired D.A. of Clark County. He was networking. It was one of the things my brother did well. His career was hugely important to him, and I didn’t doubt that one day he would hold the D.A. position.
I went around the outside of the dance floor and behind the bandstand to the French doors that led out to the gardens. As soon as I stepped outside, I inhaled deeply. No matter what was going on in my life, the smell of the roses made me feel better. It was like nature’s perfume. In one of his rare moments, Dad had told me about Mom planting the rose bushes when they first moved in. I couldn’t remember her, so when I wanted to feel close to her, this was where I came.
I walked along the cobblestone path that led through the dozens of multi-colored roses. When I reached the center where the hand-crafted bench, I found exactly who I was looking for. Karli was sitting on the bench, staring at the blood-red roses in front of her.
She looked up at me with a surprised look on her face. “Nick, what are you doing out here?”
I went over and sat down next to her on the bench. “Looking for you.”
“Why?”
I reached for her hand. She pulled it back. “Karli, how do you think it makes me feel to see you with my brother?”
“I didn’t know he was your brother.”
“I know, but it still hurts.”
“I thought we were just friends.”
I looked at her profile. She was still staring at the roses. I cupped her chin in my hand and turned her face up toward me. The strings of lights across the canopy covering the rose bushes from the weather lit up her pretty, hazel eyes. I wanted to kiss her, but I fought through that and said, “I agreed to be your friend because you said that was as much as I could get. I knew it was going to bother me to see you with other men, but I can’t even describe how it feels to see you with Ethan.”
“I don’t know what to tell you, Nick.”
I knew what I wanted her to tell me. I wanted her to tell me that she’d never see Ethan again. I wanted her to tell me that she wanted me as badly as I did her. I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want her. If Ethan ended up with her instead of me, I was afraid of what it would do to the relationship I had with the only family member I care anything about.
I decided that truth was better than regrets. “I want you, Karli. I don’t just want to fuck you. I want to take you to places like this and show you off. I want to work-out with you and cuddle on the couch with you. I want to wake up on Christmas morning and have breakfast with you before we exchange gifts…” She reached up and put her fingers on my lips.
“Nick, I think I want all of those things, too.”
My heart sped up. I felt everything open up inside of me like I’d just taken a hit of an inhaler. “Really?”
She nodded. “But I just can’t believe that would be possible with you. I told you before that I like you and I think it’s obvious that I’m sexually attracted to you, but that’s not enough, Nick. I don’t want to date a fighter. I don’t want to date a man that lives his life on the run from fans and the tabloids. I don’t want my boyfriend’s face and body hanging naked all over the city I live in.”
I wanted her, badly. But I didn’t think I was at a place where I was willing to give up my career – the only thing I was really good at – to have her. Living with the consequences while training with her father would be hell. At least if I didn’t have to see her all the time, I might be able to find other ways to occupy my mind.
“Even if I promised that I only want to be with you, Karli? I mean, would it matter who else wanted me as long as I was faithful?”
“I think you telling me now that you would be faithful would be like lining a table with candy bars and telling a child they have to look at them every single day, but never touch them.”
“You don’t trust me.” It wasn’t a question. I could see it in her eyes. The guys that she’d been with in the past must have done a number on her.
“It’s not specifically you I don’t trust, Nick. It’s guy’s like you. It’s the lifestyle itself. Let me ask you this: have you ever been faithful to one woman?”
“No, but I’ve never been in a committed rel
ationship, either.”
“I don’t want to be your trial run,” she said. She pulled out of my touch and stood up. “I should get back inside.”
I nodded, and she waited like she expected me to say something else. What else was there to say? I couldn’t prove I’d be faithful unless she gave me a chance, and she didn’t seem willing to do that. Fuck my life.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
KARLI
I got into the limousine when the party was over already feeling hung over. My head was fuzzy and my thoughts were all jumbled, but I doubted it had much to do with alcohol. I hadn’t drunk enough to even get a good buzz going. Nick was what had done it.
First, that talk we had…it should have made me feel better, but instead, it made me feel like shit. I clearly told him why I couldn’t date him and although he’d looked hurt at the time, he came back inside not long afterwards and drove my point home.
He was slamming down one drink after the other and every time I saw him, it was in the center of a menagerie of females. He was on the dance floor several times, too – each time with a different woman. It had clearly taken him no time at all to get over me, and as much as I knew that should make me feel relieved, it didn’t. Instead, it made me feel sick to my stomach to see him holding those other women close as they danced, or to watch how they all wanted to touch him as they talked. Each time I looked at him, he was flashing his dimples at one of them; I wanted to scream.
I did my best not to let poor Ethan know that I was distracted by his brother, but when the limousine dropped me at home, I knew that I hadn’t succeeded. He walked me up to the door as I said,
“Thank you, Ethan. I had a great time.”
He smiled, and I tried so hard not to think of his brother when his dimples creased. “Good; I did, too.” He took my face in his hand and I thought about when Nick had done the same thing earlier. I had wanted him to kiss me so badly I could taste it. He didn’t, though, and now neither did Ethan. Instead, he looked into my eyes and said, “I like you a lot, Karli, but I don’t want to be a stand in for my brother.”
“Oh no, Ethan! That’s not what you are.”
“I don’t think it’s a conscious thing on your part. But, anyone that had eyes this evening just had to look at your face and know how much you want Nick. The same look was on his face every time he looked at you. Let me tell you something, Karli. In the twenty-four years that I have known my brother, I have seen lots of women look at him the way you do, but what I have never seen is him look back at them the way he looks at you. I saw something in him tonight that I’ve never seen before, and I never even knew existed. Nick probably had no idea it existed, either, until you came along. I think you would be good for him.”
“First of all, I’m sorry, Ethan. I didn’t realize that I was so obviously mooning over him. Second of all, I really like you, too—”
“But you’re ten times more attracted to my brother.”
I nodded. He deserved the truth. “I don’t know why. I don’t want to be with a fighter. I want someone with a nice, safe occupation like…”
“Defending murderers?” he asked with a crooked little smile. He was so handsome and sexy and smart…why couldn’t I want him the way I wanted Nick?
I smiled, too. “Yeah, like that.”
“He’s a good person, Karli, and he’s smart and funny. Did he tell you he graduated third in his high school class?”
I didn’t think Nick was stupid, but third in his class pointed toward academically gifted and that did surprise me.
“No, I didn’t know that. It doesn’t change the fact, though, that he’s in this very high profile position that just seems to feed every narcissistic fiber in these men’s bodies. To this day, I honestly believe that my last boyfriend loved me. The temptations were just everywhere, though, constantly. It was too much for him and he thought he could taste some of that forbidden fruit and I’d never know. The night I caught him only made me wonder how many times I hadn’t. I don’t want to live like that. It would just chip away at my self-esteem and right now, I like myself.”
Ethan nodded. “I can’t argue with that. I will say that my little brother is one of the most loyal people I’ve ever known in his other relationships with friends and family. But, that’s as much of an argument as I’m going to put up for him.”
He smiled, but his eyes looked sad as he said, “You do know that I can’t continue to see you, knowing how my brother feels, right?”
I smiled back at him. “Yeah, I know. Thank you, Ethan.”
He softly touched his lips to mine. “Thank you, Karli. If you ever want help with any of your school work or you’d like to grab lunch or something, call me. I’d like for us to be friends.”
“Thanks, Ethan. I will.”
I felt better after talking to him. Dating him would have been so unfair, considering I couldn’t make myself stop thinking about his brother. Dad was asleep when I went into the house, but Kevin was still up and sitting in the dark in the living room.
“Hey, Kevin.”
He looked surprised like he hadn’t even heard me come in. “Oh, hey, Karli.”
“You okay?”
“Um, no. Not really.”
I went over and sat down next to him. “What’s wrong?”
He made a face and said, “I probably shouldn’t tell you this.”
“Me? What does it have to do with me?”
He sighed. “Well, earlier tonight I went out with some of the guys from the gym. When I got home, I didn’t see Charlie anywhere in the house but the door was unlocked so I went looking for him to make sure he was okay. I started to open the garage door and that’s when I heard him talking. He was saying my Mom’s name. I know I shouldn’t have, but I eavesdropped in on the conversation.”
I raised an eyebrow. “So what were they saying that has you so upset and worried about me?”
“I don’t know how much you know about your dad when he was younger. Nobody wants to think bad things about their parents.”
“Kevin! Just tell me what’s going on.”
“Your father and my mother were talking about me…being his biological son.”
My mild headache was beginning to feel like a thousand drumsticks beating on things in there all at once. “My dad said that you’re his son?”
“Yeah, he was telling her to stop worrying, that he wasn’t going to tell me. Mom made a fuss when Dad suggested I come out here. It got me thinking about the last time you and Charlie visited us in Philadelphia; do you remember that?”
“Yeah, I was about fourteen at the time, I think.”
“Yeah, and I was eleven. I never told anyone this, but I walked in on them kissing once during that trip. Dad was at work, and you and I were supposed to be watching that hockey game at the park; remember?”
“I do remember the hockey game because…well, I remember it.”
He nodded. “I know you had a thing for that goalie, Mark. Anyways, do you remember I had to run home and get my jacket? I was freezing, and I’d left it at home on top of my bed?” It was beginning to come back to me.
I nodded and he went on. “I went in the back door. The house was quiet and I thought that was weird since Charlie and Mom were both there when we left. I heard a noise in the bedroom and my over-active imagination had a robber in the house and them tied up with guns to their heads.
“I tip-toed down the hallway and stopped dead in my tracks when I saw them. My mother’s shirt was on the floor, but she was still wearing her pants and bra. Your dad was kissing her and he had his hands on her butt. I never told anyone because I was embarrassed about it. But this, Karli…what if this whole time the man I thought was my father wasn’t and this other man that I looked up to was nothing more than a cheater?”
He seemed to forget that cheater was the man I looked up to my whole life. My Dad. I felt sick. If this was true, my own father was proof that these glorified jocks could not be trusted.
That last time we were i
n Philly was his last fight. Women had always been all over him the way they are with Nick. I used to hate it even when it was my father they were throwing themselves at. But he never let on in front of me that he was a player, and even if he had been, he was single at the time. But Kevin’s mom wasn’t, and my dad was his dad’s best friend since college. I hate thinking the man I loved so much was capable of that kind of betrayal. I’d rather hope Kevin misunderstood what he heard…and what he saw all those years ago.
“What do you think about taking a DNA test before we tell anyone anything? We can buy one at the drug store and Dad’s DNA is all over this place. If it’s negative, he’ll never have to know.”
“Okay, but if it’s positive, then what?”
“It’ll take a few weeks to come back. If it’s positive, then we’ll deal with it, Kevin, together. Okay?”
“Okay. I’m sorry to bring you into this. Maybe it’s a moot point anyways, you know? I’m nineteen years old, almost twenty. My dad was a good dad and all I ever knew. What would I even do with this kind of information?”
I was thinking the same thing myself. “Why don’t we wait and not worry about it until we get those results?” I told him. “Let’s keep this all between us until then and let’s promise we’ll sit down and talk about it then before either of us talks to Dad. Deal?”
“Yeah, deal.” Poor kid looked like a nervous wreck. I didn’t blame him. I was nervous, too. I had put my father on a pedestal all of these years. Now I was faced with the prospect of being the one to knock him off of it.
I woke up Sunday morning with a sense of dread for two reasons. One, I’d promised Kevin that I would buy the DNA test and two, I promised Dad I’d help out at the exhibition fight. I was strangely both looking forward to seeing Nick and not looking forward to it. That didn’t make any sense and my brain and heart were both in turmoil.