by Kelli Walker
What a treasure she was to this world.
To me.
“You’re different,” I said.
She scoffed and shook her head, but I grasped her chin and turned her gaze slowly back towards mine.
“You are,” I said. “You captured my attention. From the first night I heard you sing. Joanna, I couldn't give a shit less about classical music. About the symphony or the opera or any of that stuff. But you changed that the night I heard you sing. I can’t explain it and I don’t expect you to believe me, but it’s true.”
I cupped her cheek and was surprised when she nuzzled into it.
“I’m not going to lie to you, I don’t think I can be the father this child needs. But that doesn’t mean you’re going to do this alone. We both agreed to something that night, just like I agreed to run with Slate the first night I protected him on a drug run. And the consequences of that night are both of ours to deal with.”
“I don’t want you to deal with us, Robert. That leads to resentment,” Joanna said.
“I could never resent you,” I said.
“You don’t know that.”
“Here’s what I do know. I do know I can always keep you safe. I do know I can give you whatever you and this child need. I do know I can provide for you and support you in whatever dream you decide to pursue, whether I agree with it or not.”
“I don’t feel very safe right now,” she said.
“That’s going to be fixed soon. I have part of my security team on their way to Chicago right now. They’ll be here within the next couple of hours and they’ll make sure you stay safe.”
“What about you?” she asked. “Will they make sure you stay safe?”
My hand fell from her cheek and wrapped around her hand. I felt her fingertips caressing my skin. Trying to comfort me even though she was the one that needed comforting. How had this woman dropped into my life? How in the hell did I deserve the compassion she was showing me?
How the fuck was I going to repay her for making me feel I was worth the sunlight on my face?
“Slate isn’t going away. Not until I resolve things with him.”
“I don’t like the sound of that, Robert.”
“I have to resolve my problem with him for you and our child to really be safe,” I said.
“But what about you? Who’s going to keep you safe?” Joanna asked.
“I always seem to find a way to come out on top. There’s no reason to doubt that now.”
“Robert, what are you going to do?”
But all I did was get up and head for the kitchen.
“Are you hungry?” I asked.
“Robert, answer my question,” Joanna said.
“I need you to trust me.”
I turned around and took her in as she stood from her chair.
“If you trust me, I can promise you will be safe. You and our child. But if you don’t trust me-- if you can’t-- then the only way I can protect you is by not telling you. Because the less you know about all of this, the better off you’re going to be.”
“Robert, what are you talking about?” she asked breathlessly.
“You need to eat,” I said. “How does a bowl of soup sound?”
Joanne
I pulled the covers up to my chin as my bowl of soup sat steaming on the bedside table. I wasn’t hungry. I wasn’t in the mood to talk with anyone. The only thing I wanted was to lay in bed, close my eyes, and wake up when this nightmare was over.
I clutched my stomach and curled up as my phone rang in my pocket.
“Hello?”
“You sound like shit.”
“Lacey?” I asked.
“Who else would it be? Where are you? A bunch of us are staying in and eating tons of pizza.”
“How did your celebrating go?” I asked.
“A blast. But everyone kept asking where you were. I told them you weren’t feeling well since I wasn’t sure if you were going to tell anyone about… well, you know.”
“I don’t think I’m going to be coming to the pizza party.”
“Nauseous still?” she asked.
I felt tears crest my eyes as I rolled over onto my back.
“No, not nauseous,” I said.
“Joanna, what’s wrong? Where are you?”
“I’m at Robert’s,” I said.
“Who’s Robert?”
“The guy from New York. The man who got me pregnant?”
“Wait, he’s in town?” she asked. “Hold on a second. Back up. Start… from wherever the hell you need to start from.”
“The night of our performance in Chicago, he was there. At the opera house.”
“Wait. Don’t tell me he was the guy causing all the commotion backstage.”
“That was him,” I said.
“That man gave Barry a fucking heart attack. What the hell did he want?”
“To know why I wasn’t taking the stage. He wanted to make sure I was okay.”
“So he tried to barrel through security? Joanna, does he know?” she asked.
“Of course he does. He popped out of nowhere and I couldn’t not tell him.”
“So, what? You’re holed up playing house?”
“Not exactly.”
“Define that, please.”
“Apparently Robert has a rough past. Someone who isn’t very happy with him right now,” I said.
“You’re hiding something from me.”
“I really don’t want to talk about all of it,” I said breathlessly.
“Then give me the highlights. I’m worried about you now.”
“I’m with Robert at the place he’s staying in Chicago until it all gets sorted out. He’s got a security team here and says it’s to keep me safe.”
“So this big bad rich man’s got a security team keeping you hostage somewhere in Chicago. Joanna, is he holding you against your will? Do I need to call the cops?”
“I promise you, it’s nothing like that,” I said. “I’m just overwhelmed. I’m having a hard time processing everything. I’m so tired all the damn time and my plans for the next three or four years changed on a dime. I don’t know where to go from here.”
“Is someone trying to hurt you?” Lacey asked.
“I don’t think so. I think they’re trying to use me to get to Robert. Or something.”
“But you’ve got people around you to keep you safe.”
“I do.”
“Then, even as confused as I still am, it sounds like he’s doing whatever he can to protect you. Does that mean he’s sticking around for the baby?” she asked.
“He says he is.”
“Do you not believe him?”
“Lacey, I’m in a penthouse apartment that overlooks the whole of Chicago with a man who has a friend from his checkered past who’s trying to get to me so he can leverage our unborn child against Robert. And I’m still not even sure I’m getting that right. I don’t really know what to believe right now.”
“Do you feel safe?”
I sighed and rolled over onto my eyes. My teary eyes fell onto the doorway of the bedroom. There was a guard standing out in the hallway, his shadow looming over the shining floors of the apartment. I could hear Robert shuffling around in the living room. Talking lowly to himself, or possibly on the phone. I closed my eyes and allowed his rumbling tones to waft over my ears. They sank into my bones and relaxed me into the bedsheets.
“I do,” I said. “I feel safe.”
“Then believe that,” Lacey said. “But I want you to text me where you are. I want to come by and see you. I wanna look this guy in the eyes and give him the rundown on what happens if he fucks over my best friend.”
I smiled as I sat up in bed.
“I can do that. Once I get the address myself. And even saying that out loud makes me feel crazier than I already do,” I said.
“No one said your life wasn’t dramatic. You keep in touch. I’m texting you every damn hour, and if you don’t respond I’m calling
the cops.”
“Sounds like a fair trade. I’ll text you soon.”
I slid from the bed, ignoring my bowl of soup. I walked past the security guard and found my way into the living room. Robert was sitting with his laptop on his thighs, typing away as he immersed himself in whatever world was unfolding on the screen. I walked over and sat on the edge of the kitchen table, my back straight and my eyes focused.
I waited until he looked up at me before I spoke.
“What’re you doing?” I asked.
“Work doesn’t stop for anything,” he said.
“I talked with Lacey.”
“I never did ask you how that meeting of yours went.”
“I’m honestly surprised you remembered,” I said.
“It was important to you, so it’s important to me. Did Lacey get the job offer or something?”
“The gave it to me, but I passed it to her.”
I watched Robert’s brow furrow with confusion.
“I thought you said you were taking it no matter what.”
“As much as it pains my fiery ego to admit it, you were partially right,” I said.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t hear you,” he said with a grin.
“I’m not saying it again. If my nausea and this chronic exhaustion is any indication of what’s to come, I won’t be able to tolerate ten-and-twelve hour rehearsal days. And I want to be the best mother I can be. Maybe that comes with being raised by a terrible one, but I don’t want to start off my relationship with my child by putting my own wants up against his or her basic needs.”
Robert sat his laptop beside him and reached out for my hand.
“I’m here for you. To support you through all of this.”
“And I appreciate that,” I said as I took his hand. “So there’s something you can do for me.”
“Name it.”
“I talked with Lacey and she wants to come see me. She’s worried and I don’t blame her.”
“Then tell her to come on,” he said.
“I don’t know the address of where I am.”
Robert and I laughed together as he shook his head.
“Of course you don’t. Pull up a text message and I’ll type it in for you,” he said.
There was something in the way his eyes lit up when he laughed. I rarely saw him smile, but when I did I caught sight of that boyish charm. I didn’t see a tough and egotistical businessman with the world at his feet. Rather, I saw a young boy robbed of his youth who was enjoying his life finally for the first time. It sparked a fire in my gut that raged throughout my body. His touch was electrifying, but it was his smile that was comforting.
Reassuring.
He typed in the address of where I was and I sent it off to Lacey. I tossed my phone onto the couch, then I drew in a deep breath.
“Do you have any plans for dinner tonight?” I asked.
The grin that crossed his cheeks made my heart flutter in my chest.
“I don’t. What did you have in mind?” Robert asked.
“I want to cook you dinner. To repay you for the dinner you cooked for me,” I said.
“You don’t have to do that. I’m perfectly capable of cooking for you since you’re so tired.”
“I didn’t realize I’d phrased that as a question.”
“Seems that your exhaustion doesn’t dampen your fiery spirit,” he said.
“I’m going to go look in the kitchen and see what there is to cook. Meet me at the table at six.”
I watched a curious smile slide across Robert’s face. I stood up from the coffee table and took a step towards him. I bent forward and cupped his head in my hands, then pressed my lips to the top of his head. His hands rose and grasped my hips, his fingers making small massaging circles across my aching joints.
The two of us were in a strange place for any person to sit.
So the least we could do was make the best of it.
Robert
This woman was a mystery. One minute, she was a confident and playful person, and the next she seemed small and vulnerable. I couldn't figure her out, and that drew me closer to her. I opened up my laptop and sent off a few more emails, trying to make it seem as if it was business as usual.
But I knew it wasn’t.
James was panicking and too much work was falling on his shoulders. Every hour I had an email from him, asking me all sorts of questions I should’ve been there to answer. We had projects that were about to launch and investors who were relying on me to deliver on products that would net them hundreds of thousands of dollars.
Yet I was in Chicago. Trying to figure out how the fuck I was going to save this life that had been dropped into my lap.
I lost myself in emails and balance sheets and company reports until the smell of chicken filled the room. I looked up and saw it was almost six. Fuck. I’d worked four solid hours without so much as stopping. I put my laptop up and walked down the hallway, then leaned against the doorframe to take in the scene.
Joanna, barefoot with an apron around her body, walking around the kitchen.
Cooking dinner.
With a smile on her face.
“Hope you like stuffed chicken,” she said.
“What’s it stuffed with?” I asked.
“Grape tomatoes, two different kinds of squash, and a bit of grated cheese. I also made a honey and apple cider vinegar glaze to top it all off with.”
“I didn’t know you could cook. It smells delicious.”
“There’s a lot you don’t know about me.”
“I’d like to change that,” I said.
“Then take a seat. I’m almost done roasting the vegetables in the oven.”
I sat down at the table she had already set and watched her work. I enjoyed having her here. Around me the way she was. Despite our circumstances and how quickly things were changing, I enjoyed the ride I was on with her. Dinner smelled wonderful and Joanna was relaxed, and as she sat down in front of me I could tell she was finally at ease.
Well, she was getting there.
“What’s your favorite thing to eat?” Joanna asked.
“A good steak always works for me,” I said. “You?”
“A big salad. With red peppers and mandarin oranges and those crunchy noodle things.”
“Crunchy noodle things?”
“I don’t know what they’re called,” she said. “But you put all of that together and drizzle some Asian Sesame dressing on it? Oh. It’s heaven.”
“Sounds like an easy thing to put together. Maybe I’ll make that for us the next time I cook,” I said.
“I would say it goes well with a decent white wine, but that isn’t something I’ll be touching for awhile.”
“Since we’re on that topic, how have you been feeling?” I asked.
Joanna shot me a look and I bit back a chuckle.
“Besides overwhelmed, frightened, and confused?” she asked. “I’m doing okay, shockingly enough.”
“No nausea?” I asked.
“Not that I feel is brought on by the pregnancy. But this exhaustion. It’s gotta go. I feel like I could sleep all day and still sleep eight hours a night.”
“From what I’ve read, that seems pretty normal.”
“From what you’ve read?” she asked.
“I can admit when I don’t know much about something. I don’t know what your body’s going to be going through, so I’m reading up on it.”
“You are?” she asked.
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“I don’t know.”
I studied her face as she took a bite of her chicken.
“Wow. This turned out better than I expected,” Joanna said.
“Do you always underestimate yourself?” I asked.
“I don’t have an ego, if that’s what you’re asking. You’ve got enough for the both of us.”
“Because I’ve proven I deserve it. I built a multibillion dollar company without making one shady financial move. I’ve changed
the way businesses look at technological security and my product hasn’t even hit the market yet.”
“Then if that’s the measuring stick, no. I haven’t earned an ego,” she said.
“I think you have.”
“No, I really haven’t.”
“Joanna, you built a performance career based around one of the most archaic forms of entertainment that still thrives in our society. You blow the roof off opera houses that would swallow anyone else. You’re sitting in front of a man whose child you’re carrying without knowing much of who he is or what he does, and you passed that career onto your best friend because you wanted a chance to go after the one thing you wanted more than your own musical career. Yes, my songbird. You’ve earned an ego.”
Her eyes connected with mine and I felt something warm underneath the table. A softness lying against my leg. It hooked around the back of my foot and drew my leg nearer to her body before it was encased within the warmth of a strong set of calves.
I set my fork down and reached out my hand, watching as her fingers slid into my palm.
“You’re really staying,” Joanna said.
“I really am.”
“Why?”
“Why not?” I asked.
“I don’t know.”
“Then ask what you really want to ask.”
“I don’t follow.”
“I’m a businessman. I can see it in your eyes. There’s a question you want to ask me, but won’t. So ask it. I’m giving you permission.”
I watched her draw in a deep breath before she parted those pouty little lips of hers.
“Why do you call me songbird?” she asked.
“Not the question I was expecting,” I said with a grin. “But I’ll take it.”
“What question were you expecting?” she asked.
“The one I usually get is, ‘how is that going to fit?’.”
“No you don’t,” she said with a smile.
“‘How can you keep going like that?’”
“Stop it,” she said, giggling.
“‘Are you ever satisfied? Don’t you hurt?’”
“You’re insane, Robert!”
“‘Why won’t you let me cum? I can’t take it anymore!’”
Joanna’s hand covered her mouth as she fell apart in a fit of giggling. I watched her cheeks flush with excitement as her smile burned so brightly it hurt my eyes. She threw her head back, allowing me a greedy look at her long, beautiful neck. She was holding her stomach, her head shaking as she tried to calm herself down.