Love Always, Damian

by D. Nichole King

  He slips the straps off my shoulders until the purple lace falls away. I’m nervous, being this naked in front of him. After Lia was born, I became self-conscious of my post-baby body.

  But the soft grin tugging at Blake’s lips as his eyes drift over me washes the fear away.

  “God, Elizabeth, you’re beautiful,” he murmurs.

  I swallow. I should value the words more than I do. He’s giving me the confirmation that I have nothing to worry about. With him, I’m safe.

  Then why don’t I feel safe?

  I push through, molding my lips to his. Willing myself to feel for him the way I want. To reciprocate his affection.

  Blake’s palms cover my breasts, and I arch into them. My eyelids fall, giving myself over to him.

  I squeeze my eyes closed as he works down my stomach. He slides a finger under the elastic of my pants, and I’m trying hard to relax and not think. On instinct, I raise my hips so he can glide the rest of my clothing down my legs.

  I’m completely naked now. I open my eyes to study his expression. His gaze sweeps over me, and I see nothing but reverent appreciation.

  I love it and hate it. Want it and despise it for all the wrong reasons.

  I prop myself up on my elbows to watch as Blake runs his palms up my legs, pausing at my knees. My breath hitches when he gently pushes them apart.

  I’m so cold, so vulnerable, so exposed.

  Blake undoes his belt and the sound has me aching for him. Damn my indecisive body and mind!

  I stare at him, taking in each move, each ripple of muscle as he steps out of his jeans and boxers. He rolls on a condom and gets back on the mattress. On his knees between mine, Blake grabs a hold of my hips and scoots me closer. Touching as much skin as he can, he moves down my legs and tucks them behind him.

  Fingertips skim over my stomach, his warmth absorbing into me and lighting me on fire. His thumbs flick the tips of my nipples. At the sensation, my elbows give out and I lay down flat on the mattress. He kisses each one before working his way up.

  I’m panting with anticipation. All of my most sensitive parts are on high alert, blood filling the crevices in my body until they’re swollen and scream out with eager pleas.

  I can feel Blake between me, his head teasing my opening. I want so badly to rise up and meet him, but he presses his weight down on me, pinning me to the mattress.

  “Blake,” I whimper.

  “Baby,” he breathes.

  He lifts up a little, and as he does, I spread my legs wider. God, I want him. Need him. I bite my lip, eyes locking onto his coffee-colored ones. They’re alive with a passion my body longs to satisfy.

  And maybe it’s not just my body.

  Maybe it’s me?

  Blake pushes into me, and I don’t hold back the moan that spills out of me. O.M.G. Amazing.

  I circle my arms around him, my fingers digging into the taut muscles of his back. I cling to him, trusting him all the way. Blake’s mouth finds mine again, the scent of wine still on his breath.

  I’m in the moment. Not thinking about the past or the future. Only right here, right now.

  Blake makes love to me. He knows it’s been awhile, so he doesn’t rush. He takes his time, building me higher and higher. Gathers me in his arms and holds me through it.

  Oh God, I’m close. So close.

  I squeeze my thighs against him, rising, rising.

  I can’t breathe. My lips quiver.

  Blake senses where I am. He presses me closer as he thrusts faster.

  Faster.

  Faster.

  And I can’t take it anymore.

  My whole body shakes as I let go, clinging so tightly to him. I bury my face in the nape of his neck.

  “Oh baby,” Blake murmurs into my ear as he releases.

  I’m still coming down off the high, so I don’t respond. Still on top of me, Blake holds me close, both of us winded. A few minutes later, Blake pulls out and gets up. He kisses me on the forehead. “I’ll be right back.”

  A moment later, I hear the shower turn on.

  That’s when the haze lifts.

  Oh no. What did I do?

  In a daze, I swing my legs over the side of the bed. I’m not sure how I feel, but it’s definitely not what I’d expected. I should be happy—elated even. But I’m not.

  I’m—

  Empty.

  I dig out a pair of shorts and a tank top from the dresser, throw them on, and crawl under the covers. My gaze floats to my cell phone sitting on the nightstand.

  Damian.

  This wasn’t how it was supposed to work. Oh God, my heart hurts. The gaping hole is wider, not smaller.

  Not gone.

  I grab my phone to view my last call—to Damian’s cell. His picture lights up on the screen, deep blue irises looking back at me and a sexy little grin teasing his lips. I snapped this a long time ago on one of those rare occasions when he seemed happy.

  We were outside in his backyard. We’d just gone swimming—actually, we’d just had sex in the pool—and decided to sun dry on the deck. His hair stuck straight up, and it was damn adorable.

  Under the hot sun, though, I’d shivered.

  “You cold?” he asked.

  “No, I—don’t know,” I answered. Then I shivered again.

  “Come here,” he said.

  In my black two-piece, I laid down beside him on the lawn chair that definitely hadn’t been designed for two people. But I didn’t care. The closer I was to him, the better.

  My back to his stomach, I didn’t notice when he stuck his hand in the pitcher of ice tea behind him then slid it under my bottoms. He grabbed my ass, an ice cube tucked into his palm.

  Oh boy!

  “Cold. Cold. Cold!” I jumped up and danced around, digging the ice out of my swimsuit. “Damian!”

  “Now you’re cold,” he said, laughing.

  I glared at him, considering a sweet payback.

  Smiling seductively, I sauntered toward him, making sure to work my hips the way he liked. “You are so naughty.”

  He shrugged, sitting up in the chair. “Whatcha going to do about it?”

  I straddled his lap and leaned down to kiss that smirk off his face. His fingertips trailed the neckline of my swimsuit until he found the clasp at the back of my neck. But by that time, I already had the pitcher of ice tea.

  “This,” I answered, and poured the whole thing on his head as I gracefully dismounted from his lap. I stood back giggling.

  Damian sat there, wiping ice tea from his arms and bare chest. He flashed me a devilish grin before he leaped up and tackled me to the grass.

  On top of me, he slid the hair from my face. “I’m impressed, Elle. I didn’t realize you were that cold.”

  Even now, under the blankets, the memory sends little shivers up my spine. I lived for those moments. For those little tastes of true happiness.

  The shower shuts off, and I set the phone back on the nightstand. Wearing only a towel, Blake walks back in, grinning at me. I smile back because it’s what people do.

  Naked, Blake joins me under the sheets and holds his arms out for me. I slide in beside him, letting his warm skin cover mine.

  His lips press against my temple. “I love you, Elizabeth,” he whispers.

  I have no reply.

  Chapter 18

  Damian

  The sound of high-pitched screaming jolts me awake. Ripped from my sleep, I throw back the blankets and jump out of bed, searching for the source. It takes me a second, but I recognize the little voice piercing my ears.

  I jog the few the steps to Lia’s bed. She’s sitting up, her favorite blanket clutched to her chest.

  I kneel down and reach for her. “Hey. Shhhh. It’s okay. It’s okay.”

  Cuddled up against me, she nods, but she’s crying. “I—I—I—”

  “Shhh,” I say again to soothe her. It’s what my mother did whenever Liam or I had a nightmare.

  “I had—a—a bad—dream,�
� she sobs.

  “It’s all right. You’re all right.”

  “I dreamed Mommy came back and took me away, and I never saw you again.”

  Her words cut through me. The last few weeks have gone by so fast, and the only times Lia’s not with me is when I visit the cemetery. I kept Cassie’s phone number, but I haven’t called. I’ve been wrapped up in my time with Lia—I haven’t needed to call her.

  I don’t talk to Ellie at all when she calls anymore. I taught Lia how to answer my cell and how to hang up, cutting out the middleman between her and her mother. Lia’s never said Ellie’s asked to speak me, so the arrangement works well.

  Back to the way it was between Liam’s old girlfriend and me after she left—other than the fact I sleep restlessly because I’m wondering what she’s doing and with whom.

  I guess Cassie didn’t completely fuck Ellie out of my head.

  “Lia, Lia. That won’t happen, okay? I won’t let that happen,” I tell her.

  She glances up at me, the nightlight brightening her eyes. “Can I sleep with you?”

  I don’t even stop to consider. “Come on.”

  I kiss her head before I pick her up. She cradles her blanket and sticks her thumb back in her mouth. As I carry her to my bed, she leans her head against me. She nestles in, and I hold her closer.

  I lay her down on the mattress, her thick blonde hair spilling out over the pillow and tiny bare feet sticking out from under the sheet. While I tuck her in, her eyes fall closed and stay closed.

  I round the bed and get back in, facing her. Both of her hands are by her face, her blanket held in her fists. Moonlight flows over her. She’s so precious, so innocent.

  She reminds me of Ellie when she sleeps, except for the thumb. I smile as a memory rolls through my mind. I don’t recall why I woke that night, but when I did, Ellie had her head on my chest and one leg woven around mine. Blonde hair tickled my nose.

  At first, I wanted to push her away. We had sex, period. Cuddling afterward wasn’t part of our deal.

  Yet I didn’t make an effort to move.

  She sighed in her sleep, snuggling closer to me, then her arm draped over me and rested against her face, like Lia’s is now.

  “Damian,” she murmured.

  “Yeah?” I answered.

  She didn’t reply.

  For a long time after Mom and Liam’s accident, neither of us slept well except when we were together, so I decided not to disturb her. She looked so peaceful, and sprawled out over me, she even kept me warm.

  After that, whenever she turned to me in her sleep, I let her. By the time morning rolled around, she’d always be on the other side of the bed.

  I’m still staring at my daughter when her thumb pops out. Her lips twitch, and her dimples expose themselves.

  It’s crazy to think how Ellie and I did this. Together.

  Two broken people created this amazing, special little person.

  I scoot closer to her, fold my arm around her tiny body, and sleep better than I have in a long time.

  ~*~

  Leslie has the week off, so Lia’s hair has been a tangled disaster every day, which sucks because tomorrow is Thursday, and we’re meeting Dad for dinner. Lia can’t go to a nice downtown restaurant with bird’s nest hair.

  “How the fuck?” I pause the YouTube video and rub my temples.

  “Daddy!” Lia says.

  “Sorry. How the…crap?” I correct myself.

  I study the picture, wondering how it’s the twenty-first century and YouTube still hasn’t given me the option to play these tutorials in slow motion. I slide the cursor back ten seconds and watch again.

  And again.

  “Daddy!” Lia whines, impatient.

  “One more time,” I say, analyzing the way the chick’s fingers hold three pieces of hair at the same time.

  “How’s it going, man?” Dylan asks, walking into living room. He peers over my shoulder. “Dude, what are you watching?”

  “I’m trying to figure out how to braid hair,” I say.

  “I didn’t peg you for the cosmetology type, but whatever floats your boat.”

  “You’re an asshole,” I mutter.

  “Daddy!” Lia exclaims.

  Oh right.

  “Sorry, I meant…” Asswipe? Dickhead? Fucktard? “Fart face.”

  Lia giggles, so the ridiculous insult is good enough for me.

  “Come here and make yourself useful,” I tell my lingering roommate. Then I say to Lia, “Turn around.”

  She happily obeys and gives me her pink brush. Even though she’s gotten some of the tangles out by herself, it’s still ratty. She holds her head to keep it steady as I tug the brush through her hair. I swear, she has as much as Ellie does now.

  “Why don’t you take her to a salon tomorrow?” Dylan suggests.

  “Don’t have time. As soon as I get off work, I have to buy her a dress and be at the restaurant at 6:15 sharp. Now, hold this.” I pass him a small chunk of hair and check the YouTube video again.

  I cross my two strands. Trade one for Dylan’s. Then repeat.

  “Okay, okay. I think I get it,” I say.

  “What about the rest of the hair?” Dylan asks, pointing to my laptop. “See how she’s adding it as she goes?”

  “Shit.”

  “Da—”

  “Crud,” I say.

  She nods smugly.

  I brush out what I had and start over, consulting the tutorial after each move I make. This time, I add sections of hair to the strands Dylan and I hold.

  “This is witchcraft,” I conclude.

  One hour and ten braids later, I think I’ve done a halfway decent job. It doesn’t quite match the one in the tutorial, but it’s better than what Lia previously had. Dylan barely helped on the last one. My daughter’s exhausted though, slumped in her chair with her hands over her head.

  “Are we done yet?” she asks through a yawn.

  “Yep, babygirl. Go put on a swimming suit and let’s get you in the tub.”

  Lia skips off to dress for her bath, and I head to the bathroom to run the water. I scoot the toys away from the drain. Weeks ago, I gave up putting the things in the box under the sink. It’s easier to just shove them all to one side when I shower than deal with a tired Lia whining about picking them up every night.

  I dump a third of the bottle of bubble bath in. She loves her bubbles, and I figure the more soap, the cleaner she gets, so it’s a win-win situation. Except we go through a bottle every three days.

  She dances in, carrying a couple of ponies. Tonight’s suit has a tutu, so she stops and does a ballerina twirl.

  I applaud her and she beams. She does another one before she climbs into the bathtub.

  “Here, Daddy,” she says, giving me a pony.

  “Rainbow Dash,” I say. I’m not asking because I know them all now. She’s the fastest flying pony in all of Equestria. Holding the pony in the air, I make her whizz back and forth over Lia’s head.

  I can’t believe I’m doing this.

  I do though, because this is great. Better than I ever imagined.

  “Rainbow Dash!” Lia makes Pinky Pie say. “Come down! It’s party time!”

  Our eight weeks together are almost over, and I have no idea what I’m going to do after that.

  This little girl has changed my life.

  ~*~

  Ellie

  I have nine days left in the land down under, and I can’t look Blake in the eye. Not after last night when he told me he loved me. The silence was deafening.

  But how could I answer that?

  I’ve been in love twice in my life: with Liam and Damian.

  And what I feel for Blake isn’t love.

  I wanted to love him. God, I wanted to so badly. Stupidly, I thought last night would throw me overboard from like to love. Except all it did was strike me with guilt.

  I couldn’t sleep, thinking about the way I used Blake. How I just did the same thing Damian did
to me!

  I’m such an idiot.

  I shouldn’t have agreed to this relationship with Blake until I knew for sure I was over Damian.

  The wind whips through my hair. I left it down for this very reason. We’re going farther offshore than we’ve ever been, and I’m grateful for this time to think. Most everyone else, including Blake, is in the lab below deck. Only a few of us remain to catch the scenery and fresh ocean breeze.

  Miles and miles of water stretch out in every direction. The huge expanse between sea and sky is so distinguishable out here. It’s like the universe is reminding me how big it is and how little I am.

  I sigh, tucking hair behind my ear. It comes free a split second later.

  “Elizabeth?”

  My head snaps in the direction of my name. Blake’s standing there, hands in his pockets. He pulls them out and motions to the spot beside me. “May I?”

  “Yeah, of course.”

  This morning when he woke up, he didn’t kiss me before he headed to the gym. In fact, this is the first time he’s spoken to me since his admission.

  He sits and gazes out over the ocean. In total Blake-style, he cuts straight to the chase. “I didn’t mean to put you on the spot last night. It was too fast, and I’m sorry. I’ve had some time to think, and I, uh, don’t want this to get in the way of what we have. I can’t take back what I said, but I’m glad you know, even if you’re not there yet. I respect that.” He reaches out and brushes the back of his hand down my cheek. “I’ve waited this long. I can wait longer.”

  The sudden urge to be honest with him overcomes me. “What if I never get there, Blake? What if…” I can’t finish. We’re in too deep, and I don’t want to hurt him.

  Blake frowns, still caressing my face. “I’m here for you, Elizabeth. Whatever happens, I’ll be here.”

  I nod. Something tells me I’ll be putting Blake’s promise to the test.

  Chapter 19

  Damian

  I’ve never paid attention to the little girls’ stores at the mall, but holy fucking hell! I’ve never seen so many frills and shit in my life.