North Star

by Angeline M. Bishop

  “It’s not?”

  “No. Not having a boyfriend makes Mommy cry sometimes. And put cold spoons on her eyes.”

  “Nyla, I told you I have a difficult time sleeping. Lack of sleep makes my eyes puffy.”

  Graham noticed the color rising high on Caresse’s cheeks.

  “No, Mommy, crying makes your eyes puffy. We stayed up for New Year’s once, and your eyes didn’t get puffy at all. I remember.”

  “Okay, little detective,” Aunt Jacqui said, rising and taking Nyla’s hand. “It’s late. Say goodnight to Mr. Sheridan and Mommy. I’m going to put you two back to bed for the last time.”

  Nyla and Messina said their goodnights and hugged their mother warmly.

  “I’ll be up in a minute,” Caresse whispered as she kissed Nyla on the forehead. She watched as her aunt hurried her daughters up the stairs. “I’m sorry, I had no idea she would say that.”

  “Kids are unpredictable, but truthful.”

  “That is, until they become teenagers. Then they’re just unpredictable.”

  Graham hugged Caresse and kissed her softly. “I better go. I’ll call you.”

  “Okay.”

  As Graham drove away from Caresse’s home, he replayed Nyla’s question in his mind. The way she’d stared at him reminded him of the look Mr. Mason had given him last week. Two daughters, whose father will be going to prison, would be a lot to handle. And from the frown on Nyla’s face, she’d made it quite clear she was skeptical and didn’t take kindly to having her question avoided.

  He had to think. So much had happened in the past couple weeks. Maybe a few days away from Caresse was needed to clear his head.

  Chapter 16

  Many weeks later, Caresse sat on her bed reading the Sunday comic section with Nyla while Messina played in her jewelry box. She had said goodbye to her Aunt Jacqui and resumed their old routine and her caregiver responsibilities. It was hard to explain the accident of their honorary Aunt Yvette and the arrest of their father, but she did it...alone.

  She’d called Graham at work and at home, but he was always unavailable, so she stopped. She had been here before. A man would be interested until the reality of her children hit him square in the face, then he would walk away. But just because it had happened before didn’t make it hurt any less.

  What she couldn’t understand was his lack of empathy. He knew how much pain she’d been through, and he didn’t have the decency to tell her his feelings had changed. Last week, Mrs. Mason told her Graham didn’t seem like the type to walk away without a word. “He’s probably busy,” she exclaimed.

  “Mommy? When did you get this necklace?” Nyla asked as she draped the Tiffany star pendant around her neck.

  “Mr. Sheridan gave that to me a few months ago.”

  “You don’t date him anymore, do you?” Nyla asked as she glanced into her mother’s face.

  “We haven’t gone out in a while, but we’re still friends.”

  Before Nyla could ask another question, Caresse asked, “Hey, when was the last time we made chocolate chip cookies?”

  “Cookies!” they screamed in unison and jumped into her arms. “Can we make them now?”

  “Yes, let’s get in that kitchen.”

  It was a beautiful Saturday and one of the few times the weather was perfect for spending time outside. Graham watched as his sisters Janet and Laila spread newspaper across the picnic tables on his father’s massive deck. He hadn’t felt like attending a family gathering, but when his father, Nathan Sheridan called his children home, they came. No questions asked.

  Janet talked about the cookout preparations and directed the serving staff while Latrell and Jaiden tended the grill and Roland stocked the outdoor bar with ice.

  “Why don’t you stop torturing us and invite her over here? I bet Caresse and the girls would love an old-fashioned Sheridan barbeque,” Janet yelled to Graham as he sat watching his nephews swim with his feet dangling in the pool.

  “Caresse? Is that lady he’s dating?” their father asked as he adjusted the volume on his outdoor speakers.

  “The lady he was dating, Daddy,” Laila answered. “Talk around the office is he’s avoiding her calls. Coward!” she spat.

  “Stay out of it, La La.”

  “You’re acting like a jerk, Graham. You would think after what I went through with Malcolm, you would know better than to treat a woman like crap.”

  “Cool off before I throw you into the pool,” he snapped.

  “Do it, and you’ll find your balls on that grill!”

  “Ouch!” Latrell whispered as Jaiden laughed at the sight of Laila’s face glowing with rage.

  Graham ignored his siblings and returned his attention to his nephews playing Marco Polo in the water.

  Nathan watched the exchange and prompted Laila to tell the cooks to bring out the lobster and set up the side food dish station. Nathan Sheridan was a sixty-seven-year-old retired Navy man with the body of a forty-year-old. He loved participating in triathlons in the memory of his beloved late wife, Sharon. Her death years ago had been hard, but he refused to let the family fall part.

  He sank into one of the chaise loungers and motioned Graham to sit with him out of earshot of his other children. “So you decided she wasn’t the girl for you, huh? And I didn’t even meet her.”

  Graham rubbed his hands together and tried to avoid his father’s gaze. “I don’t think it’s going to work out, Dad. She has expectations I’m not ready for. I tried the ‘engaged to be married’ thing and you know the hell Infinity put me through.”

  “I thought they said this girl’s name was Caresse?”

  “It is, Dad.”

  “Then what the hell does Infinity have to do with this? I taught you better than to compare one person with another. If you don’t want Caresse, then avoiding her isn’t the answer. You need to talk to her.”

  “It’s too late for that. She stopped calling weeks ago.”

  “I guess you’re telling me these fancy cell phones you children carry don’t dial out anymore?”

  “Dad, you don’t understand.”

  “I understand everything just fine. You found a girl that made you happier than you have ever been in life, and she has to deal with her best friend’s accident, because of a selfish ex-husband, and losing her boyfriend, due to his selfish pride. If you ask me, I think you did her a favor.”

  “Dad?”

  “I mean it! Someone who gives herself so unselfishly should never be linked to a man that can only see the negative. And that’s what you’re doing, son. My sweet Sharon must be turning over in her grave.”

  Nathan rose from his seat and stared down at his oldest son. “I agree with you, Graham. You’re right. It would never work, and she’s probably better off without you. I’ll make sure no one mentions her name again. That’s what you always preferred when you’re done with a woman, right?”

  Graham opened his mouth to answer and then closed it when the ‘yes’ caught in his throat. His father nodded and headed toward his other children, who were all watching the exchange with varying degrees of interest. Laila’s arms crossed around her chest, and she nodded. Latrell, Roland, and Janet appeared sympathetic, while Jaiden could barely smother his laughter.

  His younger brother was right. He was a joke. He’d been chewed out by his father, a man he had the utmost respect for. And he deserved every bit of criticism. He had to make this right with Caresse, but how?

  Caresse helped her daughters pass out cookies and milk to the younger children attending the Sunday story-time hour at the Mason Center. After Sunday service at church, Caresse had promised her daughters they would drop off the extra cookies they baked. It was Mrs. Mason who made sure ice-cold milk accompanied their contribution.

  As happy children munched on cookies, Caresse and her daughters walked to the parking lot to head home.

  “Hey, girls!” a male voice yelled from the sidewalk. “How come I didn’t get a cookie?”

 
“Office Rick!” Nyla shouted.

  Messina extended a small bag with four remaining cookies. “Here, we have some for you.”

  Rick grabbed a cookie and nodded his thanks. “Thanks, ladies. So, how have you been, Caresse?”

  “I’m fine. The girls and I overdid our baking yesterday, so we wanted to bring the cookies to some of their friends.”

  “I’m sure Graham did his best to persuade you to bring some of these cookies to Psyche.”

  “Graham and I don’t speak anymore.”

  “What happened? You two looked like you were hitting it off.”

  Caresse placed the empty cookie containers and her children in her car. Messina and Nyla sang cheerfully as their Hanna Montana DVD drowned out her conversation. “Looks can be deceiving, I guess.”

  “Caresse, can I say something?” Rick asked as he finished his cookie and motioned her toward the rear of her car. “I’m not sure if Graham is emotionally ready to handle a ready-made family. When he was with my sister, they never talked about having children. And to tell the truth, my sister was adamantly against it.”

  “Graham wants children, Rick.”

  “Apparently not, Caresse.” He took her hands into his. “I don’t want to cause you any pain, but it’s better to know this now than when you’re a few months away from marrying, like my sister was. You’re better off without him.”

  “You couldn’t wait to move in could you?” a loud voice growled as footsteps sounded behind them.

  When they turned around, Graham stood inches from Rick’s face.

  “Speak of the devil,” Rick said as Graham yanked Caresse’s fingers from his grasp. “We were talking about you. Do you want the play by play or the condensed version?”

  “What I want for you to do is get lost,” Graham fumed.

  “I’m sorry. That’s your specialty, not mine. Right, Caresse?”

  Caresse yanked her hand from Graham and turned to Rick. “I don’t want anyone fighting in front of my daughters, so please walk away, Rick.”

  Rick tipped his head. “Out of respect for you, Caresse.”

  As Rick went back into the center, Caresse shook her head and started to enter her car. Graham placed a hand on her door, preventing her from closing it.

  “What? What do you want now?” Caresse cried. “You’ve avoided me for weeks and now you show up and try to act like you really care about me. You’re rude and callous, and I don’t know why I thought I was ever in love with you.”

  Caresse felt heat flash to her face. Had she really said that out loud? The stunned expression on Graham’s face and the silence coming from the backseat confirmed that she had.

  “We need to talk,” Graham said, using the same no nonsense tone she’d heard him use with his employees.

  That wouldn’t work on her. “Oh, how convenient for you, after days, I mean weeks of no contact, you waltz back into my life, and I’m supposed to be accommodating and happy about it. Sorry, Mr. Sheridan, I didn’t get that script.”

  “I know I was wrong, but—”

  “You made it very clear, I was the only one feeling anything and now that you scared Rick off, you can go back to acting like I don’t exist.” Caresse tugged on the door, forcing Graham to release his grip. Blood roaring in her ears, she practically squealed away from the curb. No man was worth what Mr. Graham Sheridan had put her though.

  Graham blew out the breath he’d been holding. He’d had that coming. He’d suspected Caresse would be mad, but she was downright furious. Man, his gut hurt and his chest was tight. But it was his own damn fault.

  Caresse had called and emailed him, and he’d refused to answer her. He’d acted like his feelings and emotions superseded her own. He had to make her see what a fool he’d been, maybe share that he had his own inner demons to wrestle with, and that loving her was making them rear their ugly heads.

  He thought about the first time Caresse had sat on his desk and agreed to work on the Mason article with him. She’d smiled and flirted with him because she knew she had no intentions of loving him. But he’d made up his mind to gain her trust, her body, and her love, and once he’d had all three, he’d thrown them back in her face.

  Could he have picked a worse time to be such an ass? Caresse’s best friend, Yvette, was recovering and her ex-husband was in jail, but he’d decided to add more salt to the wound by breaking her heart. I wasn’t thinking straight, he thought as he got into his car and drove out of the parking lot. I guess I wasn’t thinking at all.

  Graham thought about his father’s words. Was he capable of loving someone as unselfish as Caresse? He didn’t know, but he needed to dismiss the anguish of watching her drive away. The raw pain in Caresse’s eyes had proven he had failed, and Nyla’s angry stare from the backseat of her mother’s car during their exchange cut him to the core.

  Later that evening, Caresse sat at her kitchen table sipping a mug of warm of warm milk as she reviewed the photos Diane had sent of the girls’ vacation. The house was quiet since the girls had been put to bed hours ago. She knew she should be in bed, too, but seeing Graham had shaken her. She hadn’t intended to ever tell him she loved him, but seeing him made everything that was raw and unfinished bubble to the surface.

  She tried not to cry in the car, but her shaded eyes didn’t hide the truth from Nyla. She was a smart girl, and Caresse could tell that she partly blamed herself for scaring away Graham. Caresse reassured her that wasn’t the case, but with no explanation from the man himself, the words rang hollow.

  As Caresse rose to place her empty mug in the kitchen sink, the doorbell rang. She glanced at the clock. A little after ten. She tightened the belt on her white terrycloth robe and walked to the door.

  Graham stood on her doorstep wearing a tan Sean John polo shirt and dark blue jeans.

  Her heartbeat spiked. She folded her arms tightly under her breasts and jauntily cocked her head to the side. “What are you doing here, Graham?”

  “I would like to talk to you. Can I come in?”

  Caresse stepped forward and closed the door behind her. “If you have anything to say, it would be best if you say it out here and go.”

  Graham locked his hands together behind his neck and nodded complacently. “Okay, I guess I deserve that.” He walked back down her front steps, sat, and gazed up at the star-studded sky. “The last time I gazed up at these stars was that night we danced under them on my friend’s estate. Do you remember?”

  Caresse leaned against her doorjamb. “Vaguely. That’s official black history. I live in the present now.”

  “I’m sure you do, Caresse, but I’ll never forget that was the night I knew I had fallen in love with you.”

  Caresse clenched and unclenched her right hand as she avoided looking at his back.

  “I didn’t intend to walk away from you. I wanted a few days to get my head together, but then a couple days turned into a couple more, and before I knew it, too much time had passed, and I thought ending our relationship was for the best.”

  “If that’s what you think, then why are you here?”

  “The day before I saw you at the center, I was up all night thinking about what my father had said about me being selfish. I honestly never looked at my actions from your point of view, so I decided to apologize.” He turned to look up at her. “But you weren’t home, so I drove to the center, and when I saw Rick holding your hands in his, something in me just snapped. It was like someone dumped cold water on my head.”

  Graham reached for her hand. “The image of someone else making you smile and laugh made me sick to my stomach. I love you, Caresse. I always have and always will.”

  He loved her? Had Graham really said he loved her? Caresse accepted his hand, then covered her tearing eyes with her other trembling one. “Don’t! I won’t fall for another game, Graham.”

  “I’m not playing a game, sweetheart. I do owe you an explanation, so all I ask is that you hear me out.”

  “Yes.” Caresse removed he
r hand from his and crossed her arms firmly under her breasts. “You do owe me an explanation. And it’d better be good.”

  “I have to admit I’ve always doubted if I could be a good husband and father. As a child, I would watched my father’s naval career take a toll on my mother. Even when he was home, he was always yearning for his next assignment, instead of enjoying his time with his family. I guess I made up my mind to not fully commit to anyone until I could put my family’s needs above a career.”

  Her throat constricted. “So you wanted my body, and once I, or the people who loved me, demanded more, you choked.”

  “I’m not proud of it, but yes.”

  “And what do you want me to do now?” Caresse tore her gaze from his pleading eyes. He couldn’t get off that easy. These past couple weeks had been hell. “Thank you for sharing?”

  “No, I want you to forgive me and take me back.”

  “So you can hurt me again? Or are you craving a woman in your bed?”

  “What we had wasn’t like that!”

  “Great assessment from someone who walked away!” Hot tears of frustration poured from her tired eyes. “When I needed you the most, you showed me your backside, so how can I trust you after that?”

  Graham rose from the steps and stood in front of her. “You can let me rebuild that trust and spend the rest of my life showing you how much I love you.” Graham got down on one knee and pulled a simply beautiful four carat, princess cut platinum engagement ring from his pocket.

  Caresse froze, shocked by his declaration and amazed by his proposal. Was this real? Could she dare trust him? Risk her heart again?

  “Will you marry me, Caresse? I can’t go another day without you in my arms.”

  She covered her face with her hands and shook her head as her anger and heartache began to dissipate. “I’m scared.”

  “I am, too, but I’d rather live my life with you than without you. Forgive me, and become my wife.”

  His final words tore at her last resolve. “I’ll forgive and marry you, Graham, on one condition.”