by Mary Yarde
“I am sorry.” Annis did not know what else to say and what she did say seemed inadequate.
“I did not kill her, Alden. I swear to God, I did not.”
Alden felt the pressure from Annis’s hand on his chest. She turned and stared into his face. Slowly he lowered his sword.
“You will need a bigger army than this to defeat Wessex.” Alden said after a long, uncomfortable silence. He had been wrong, he could see that, although he was not going to apologise; his pride would not let him. “If I were you I would send ambassadors to Regia and Atrebatia. I am not sure about Dumnonia; Wessex must have had permission to travel through to reach Cerniw. Ask them for help and explain the situation. You need more men, believe me. I had almost a thousand at my disposal and it was not enough. He is too powerful. He slaughtered us and he is unforgiving. I surrendered, but it did not stop him harming my people or myself.”
“What did he do to you?” Natanleod asked.
“He had me lashed as a retribution for the men he had lost and sentenced me to death.”
Natanleod looked to his knight, who immediately mounted his horse and began to shout orders. “He lashed you?” He turned to Alden.
“Do you doubt my words? You can see the scars if you like.”
Natanleod shook his head. “You have no reason to lie.”
“You must delay him. Wait for Budic and, for the love of God, you must meet him on your terms, with a decent-size army behind you, and choose your battleground wisely. This may be the only chance you get to defeat him. He is desperate for that High Kingship and you know as well as I what desperation can do. Oeric has some notion that he can control him, which is why he is following him. He is wrong. Cerdic is the biggest threat to Briton since the Romans, and we all underestimated him. Remember, even Arthur fell when their armies met that second time.”
“Arthur’s throne was in trouble before Cerdic came.”
“That had nothing to do with my father.”
“I never said it did,” Natanleod snapped back. “Stop putting words into my mouth. I fought beside your father in battle against Arthur. I lost the throne of Orkney, which had been in my family since the Romans left. But, your father was a good man and if I had to live my life over, knowing the consequences of my actions, I would do exactly the same again. Arthur was the tyrant, not Lancelot.”
“You honour my father by your words and I thank you for them.” Alden sighed heavily. “He would not have lost Cerniw.” Alden spoke more to himself. He looked away, feeling the weight of failure lie heavy in his heart.
“He lost his estate in the Foreigners Lands. His entire household was massacred.”
“What?” Alden looked at Natanleod in disbelief. “He never mentioned that. I did not even know he had lands there.”
“Believe me; he had a lot of land there. I guess it was too awful to talk about, some things are better forgotten. I know I certainly have my share of demons from that time. Not that I was ever one of Arthur’s knights. I always disliked that bastard even when we were children, but I changed my name anyway. I did not want to be damned by association as my brother was.”
“I don’t believe you,” Alden said.
“You can believe what you want. When you get to Brittany, ask John. He will tell you the truth. He will tell you the whole story. But I warn you, it might not be what you want to hear. Your father, for all his good qualities, was no saint. He made mistakes like any mortal man.”
“I will ask him and if you have lied, I swear I will —”
“You’ll do what? Come over and cut my tongue out? God in heaven, I should have strung you up when I had the chance.”
“Stop it, the pair of you. We need his help, Alden,” she turned to Natanleod, “and you need his. He has fought my father’s army. Listen to him.”
“It is a terrible thing when a child turns traitor to her parents. Do you wish your father dead?”
“No,” Annis answered. “I want it all to stop.”
“Your father knows not the way of peace and so it will continue. Have you chosen your side, Annis du Lac? Because it will come to that.”
“Yes.” She looked back at Alden. “I choose him.” The look Alden gave her warmed her insides and she smiled.
Natanleod cleared his throat, feeling the lonely ache in his own heart as he saw their love for each other in their every action, every word and every look. “Then let’s talk.”
Alden took Annis’s hand and bought her to his side.
“Hypothetically speaking, how many men would you take to meet Cerdic?” Natanleod asked.
“Somewhere in the region of five thousand —”
“Five thousand?” Natanleod interrupted; staggered by the number Alden had just plucked out of the sky.
“At least. You combine Wessex’s army and Oeric’s and goodness knows who else’s. The numbers speak for themselves.” Alden said. “And for the sake of Briton, you must win.”
“Five thousand men?” Natanleod shook his head; he had almost three thousand marching with him today. He had thought that would be ample.
“Do you want to be lashed?” Alden asked, his lips twitching with amusement.
“Five thousand.” Natanleod said the number again, as if somehow saying it would lessen the total.
Alden nodded. “Five thousand.”
“And what would you do with these men?”
Alden smiled genuinely, his eyes sparkling. “I would send Cerdic back to Saxony where he belongs and Oeric straight to hell.”
15
Annis smoothed down the skirt of her luxurious blue gown, which had once belonged to Rheda. She wandered over to the window and stood, watching the sun sink over the horizon of the ocean. The tide was in, the waves crashing gently on the shore. Sussex was a beautiful kingdom and she could have been a mistress here. She frowned to herself; why she would even think such a thing was beyond her. She had made her choice and she knew it had been the right one.
A maid knocked on the door and entered carrying a tray full of food. Annis thanked her; the maid smiled and then left her alone. Annis picked up the tray and sat down by the fire. She should have been hungry, but she wasn’t. She picked at the fish. It tasted exquisite, but she felt sick with worry for she had not seen Alden since they arrived.
Two knights and a small regiment of foot soldiers had escorted them back to Natanleod’s fort. Annis had ridden with Alden, for Natanleod could not spare another horse. Unlike Oeric’s, the fort was small, although well-defended, for it was surrounded by water, accessible only by a wooden bridge. Annis had closed her eyes tightly as they rode across the bridge, for it was old and creaked dreadfully, as if it were complaining about the weight of the horses and the soldiers. Below them, the waves were choppy and the water looked cold and unforgiving.
Once inside the courtyard, Alden had helped Annis to dismount. He had not spoken to her for the length of the journey; instead, he had been deep in conversation with one of the knights, a man of about his own age who went by the name of Lord Arland. He had allowed Annis to settle back against him as she tired from the journey, but apart from that, he had treated her as if she had not existed.
“We are going to find a boat. I’ll be back later.” He had not given her a chance to say anything in return, for he and Arland had fallen back into conversation. She was surprised he had even bothered to tell her, and then she chided herself for being childish.
Annis watched him leave. She would have liked to have gone with him, for she did not feel comfortable being left alone in a stranger’s house, especially since Natanleod had stayed with his troops; but he had given her no choice.
A maid, who was dressed immaculately, coughed and Annis spun around to look at her.
“This way, my Lady.” The maid’s face was full of curiosity as she bobbed a curtsy.
Annis self-consciously touc
hed her hair and she blushed in shame. What must the servants think of her, dressed as she was?
The maid’s eyes softened in understanding and she asked Annis to follow her inside again. The maid introduced herself as Bretta and had promptly ordered Annis a bath.
Annis put the tray aside. She rose restlessly to her feet, and headed towards the window again. Where was he? Lights were beginning to be lit around the small harbour farther along the beach. Annis leant against the window frame and took a deep breath of the fresh sea air. It was getting cold and she shivered. Reluctantly, she closed the window shutters and lit the expensive beeswax candles that Natanleod must favour, for she had noticed, when Bretta had given her a tour around the fort, that they were everywhere. The door opened and she turned, expecting to see the maid coming, no doubt, for the tray. Only it wasn’t the maid.
Alden stopped and stared. He had never seen anything so beautiful in his life. Her hair had been trimmed neatly and freshly washed; the gown draped across her figure as if it had been especially made for her. In the candlelight, she looked like an untouchable goddess from days of old. She was a different person to the one he had left dressed in peasant clothes.
“Alden.” She said his name and ran the few steps that separated them, flinging herself into his arms. “I thought you had gone on without me.”
He did not return the embrace. “We will leave first thing tomorrow.” He extracted himself from her arms and stood in front of the fire. He could not bear her to touch him, not when he wanted her so much, and seeing her dressed in Natanleod’s riches was an insult to his pride, as he had nothing at all to offer her. He had never been in such a situation; always he had been powerful, in control, and now he was to wait on the whims of his brother. No. He could not provide her with the life she was accustomed to. She deserved far better than what he could give her.
Annis folded her arms about her chest. “Have I done something wrong?” It hurt that he had rebuked her and she could not hide the pain in her voice.
“You are always doing something wrong,” he said back, trying for humour.
Instead of laughing, Annis reached for his hand, turning him so that he faced her.
“Alden? Are you well? Can I get you anything?”
“No, I am fine.”
“Have you eaten? I could — ”
“I have eaten. Do not fuss, Annis.” He stopped; he needed formality if he was going to keep his distance from her. “My Lady, I think we should discuss your choices.”
He offered Annis a seat. She sank down in it, her eyes wary; he had not addressed her as my Lady for a long time; and besides, her future was with him. There was no other choice. She watched as he took the chair opposite her.
“I made a mistake.” He got up from the chair, unable to stay still.
“You informed the cook that I could bake better than him?”
Alden choked on a laugh. “No, no, I would not make such a mistake; it is more than our lives are worth.”
Annis bit her lip; she had made the jest to avoid the inevitable. She knew what he was going to say. She could see it in his face.
“You want to leave me here?” She stood and tried to smile, pretending her heart wasn’t about to break. “You have had enough of my company.”
Alden seemed to find something rather fascinating with the plain rug on the floor. “You will be safe here.”
“Yes,” she agreed, “while Natanleod still has his lands, but what if my father bests him?”
“He won’t.” Alden looked up.
“Nothing is certain in war, you know that.” She tried to smile, only she couldn’t. This had been the moment she had been dreading. All his talk of the night before was just the ramblings of a man fearing death. He did not want to marry her and he had, after all, kept his side of the bargain.
“Thank you for everything you did, Your Majesty.” Her voice did not sound like her own; it sounded too formal. Staying with royal etiquette, she curtsied low. “Thank you for delivering me to Natanleod safely, although it wasn’t quite what I had in mind when I rescued you from my father’s axe.” If her heart were not breaking so, she would have giggled at the irony. As it was, she knew she had only moments left before she shamed herself and burst into tears because it felt like something precious and irreplaceable was dying inside her.
Alden did not answer. He knew her and he was not fooled by her attempt at valour. Still, she had her pride; he should leave her with that.
But there was one more thing he had to do before he left. He reached for her hand and opened her palm, raising it to his mouth; he kissed her gently and then, almost hesitantly, he closed her fingers over his kiss, just like he had done years ago. “Goodbye, my Lady.” He walked over to the door, his hand on the latch.
“I need to tell you something.” There was desperation in her voice, panic.
He paused, although he did not dare turn around.
“What do you need to tell me?” he asked, his voice rough. He should not have stopped to listen to anything she had to say; he should open the door and leave, but he was selfish and wanted to prolong the last moment he would ever have with her.
“Last night, you asked me why I saved you from my father’s axe and I said it was because I thought I was in love with you.” She took a deep breath. “I lied.”
“You lied?” Alden struggled to speak the words, his throat tight with restrained emotion. Disappointment and pain ripped through his body in equal measures. It was better this way, he told himself. It was better that the love be one-sided. That he would be the only one left in pain. He reached for the door handle again.
“I lied.” She inhaled deeply. “Can you remember the first time we ever saw each other?”
He remembered every moment. “It was just before I married Edmee. You had flowers in your hair,” Alden said. He closed his eyes tightly. He could not stand any more of this; it was like being tortured all over again, so he opened the door, he had to escape. “I need to go, Annis. We don’t need to do this.”
“I fell in love with you that day.” Annis spoke quickly. “And I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I dreamed of you every night, with no exception. I tried not to; I told myself the situation was hopeless, that you were married and even if you were not, you would never want me the way I wanted you. But, I couldn’t help myself,” she paused to take a deep breath before she continued. “When my father told me I was to marry Natanleod, the first thing I thought of was you. How could I marry another man, be another man’s wife, when it was you I wanted, and only you? And then my father took his army and marched away, I knew not where. A small part of me wished he would die, and it was wicked of me to think that, but I knew I could not marry Natanleod and if my father died then there would be no one to make me. But he came home victorious, and I learnt he had waged war on Cerniw and you were in the dungeons being beaten by Draca. And I couldn’t stand it. So you see, when I said I thought I was in love with you, I lied, because I was in love with you. I am in love with you. And it doesn’t matter if you leave me here, it doesn’t matter if we never see each other again, because my love for you will not change or lessen because you are not in my life. It is part of me and I cannot separate myself from it or from you.” She bit her lip to stop herself from saying more and waited for Alden to say something in return.
Alden remained silent and he still did not turn to look at her. She had given him everything, all the secrets of her heart. As the silence continued she realised she had been right from the beginning; he did not want her, not then and certainly not now. “You can go now if you want. I have said all I needed to say,” she said finally, defeated.
Instead of leaving, Alden’s shoulders slumped and he closed the door. His hand slid away from the door handle. He stared hard at a knot in the wood-grain of the door for a long moment. “Do you really want me to go?” he asked, his voice strained. And he
remembered that she had once asked him the same thing.
“No,” Annis answered, “I don’t want you to go. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You are the missing part of my soul.”
Alden closed his eyes and breathed deeply. She had won. Cerdic had captured his lands and now Annis had conquered his heart. The battle was over. Yet he did not speak. He opened his eyes and continued to stare hard at that door.
“Alden, please say something,” she begged, her voice breaking. She could not bear his silence and she could not see his face, so she had no idea what he was thinking.
He reached behind his neck slowly and unknotted the sling, letting the frayed strip of material fall to the reed-covered floor. His arm fell to his side and he stretched out his fingers, awakening them. Slowly, ever so slowly, he turned and leant back against the door and looked at her.
“I told you that you had a choice. Natanleod would make a better husband than I, despite his faults. I am not —”
“I am not in love with Natanleod and I never asked you to be my husband.” Annis raised her chin defiantly, for her words were very bold.
Alden pushed off the door and walked slowly back towards her. Annis held her ground, wondering at his intention. His eyes were unreadable. She took a small step back, but he stopped her with a gentle touch of his fingers to her cheek. He paused and looked deep into her eyes before tangling his fingers in her shorn hair, pulling her forward so her body was almost touching his. He narrowed his eyes and shook his head ever so slightly.
“You would have me…without marriage?” he paused, his eyes clouded in confusion.
“It is thought you are my lover anyway —”
“But it is not true,” Alden interrupted. “Annis, it is not true.”
“It doesn’t matter. I love you. I have always, always, loved you and I always will,” Annis whispered. She raised herself up on tiptoes and daringly kissed him. Her lips brushed the corner of his lips and they both gasped at the contact.