by Mary Yarde
“Please…don’t,” Alden pleaded, while at the same time his hands rose up and held her face, negating what he had just said. He closed his eyes and leant his forehead against hers, sharing her breath. “Don’t do this, not with me. I am no good for you.”
“Tell me you don’t love me and I’ll let you go,” Annis whispered back. She had nothing to lose. If he told her he did not love her, it would make no difference to her heart; it would not make her love him less. She kissed him softly. “Tell me.” She kissed him again, longer this time, trying to coax a response from him. She smiled against his lips as she felt his hands shift in her hair, angling her head so he could take charge of the kiss. His tongue touched the seam of her lips and she whimpered at the sensation, opening her mouth to his gentle urgings. He touched his tongue to hers and she felt her legs give way under her. But it was all right, because his arms had wrapped themselves around her now, holding her against him as he deepened the kiss. Excitement bubbled up inside her; her hands reached up, gripping his head hard, maintaining the contact, and he moaned deep in his throat.
“Tell me,” she gasped against his lips when he let her up for air.
“You know I can’t tell you that.” He raised his head and looked at her. He took her hand and placed it on his chest. She could feel his heart pounding beneath his tunic, just like her heart was pounding. “My heart is yours. It has always been yours. You were not the only one who fell in love that day at my wedding. During the ceremony all I could think about was how I was marrying the wrong woman. I wanted it to be you. I so wanted it to be you.” His lips followed the curve of her face. His mouth found that sensitive spot just behind her ear that he had discovered at the market in Kent, and she cried out, her hands still in his hair, pulling him closer until only their clothes separated them.
His lips found her mouth again and he bent to pick her up. His arm hurt, but he didn’t care. He didn’t care about anything when she was in his arms. Knowing he had been a breath away from leaving her, his kisses turned desperate. She met his desperation with her own, until his kisses were all that she knew, all that she wanted. He held her tightly as teeth clashed and tongues touched, twisting around each other, loving each other. And then kissing wasn’t enough, wasn’t nearly enough. He carried her over to the bed, his mouth still on hers. Even as he lowered her tenderly to the mattress he did not relinquish her mouth, but went on kissing and kissing.
As he kissed her his hands reached for his weapon belt, undoing it and letting it fall to the side of the bed. He then reached for her shoes, while he kicked off his own. He slid down slowly over her, taking as much weight as he could on his elbows. He winced as pain shot down his arm, but he would be damned if he let a wound spoil this moment for him, for them.
“Are you all right?” she whispered, for she had felt him flinch. He ignored her question and kissed her again. His lips left her mouth and he traced a path along her jaw and down her neck. Dear God, how many nights had he dreamed of this? Too many to count.
He raised his head, gasping for breath as he did so. He needed to see her; he needed to know that she was sure that this was what she wanted.
“Tell me what to do,” he said, his breathing laboured, “because right now I can’t think. If you want me to stop, you have to tell me.”
“I don’t want you to stop,” Annis answered as she reached up and touched his face.
“You want this? You want me? Are you sure?”
Instead of answering, she tugged on his hair, pulling his mouth back to hers. He kissed her deeply and slowly as he settled his weight over her. Instinctively she arched towards him, wrapping her legs around him in a bid to get closer. She didn’t know what she was doing, her body was running on instinct, but she felt a great need to feel his skin under her hands, her skin under his. Did she want him to stop? What a stupid question.
She ran her hands down the length of his back, lifted his tunic so she could touch him. His breath caught and he became very still, and then he struggled out of his tunic and threw it carelessly on the floor. Her hands traced the raised scars on his back gently, and she could not stop the tears as she remembered the wounds and his pain, and how he would hold his breath in agony. He was holding his breath now, but not for the same reasons as before. He shuddered in her arms and her touch became bolder as she explored his body. She ran her hands down his uninjured arm, marvelling at his strength, and she felt joy, because this man, this beautiful, brave and wonderful man, was finally all hers.
Alden raised his hand and gently brushed a stray curl from her face. He looked at her so tenderly and with so much love that she could not have looked away from his gaze even if she had wanted to.
“I love you,” Alden whispered, and for the first time since her confession he smiled. “I’ve waited so long to say that to you. I was terrified you would not feel the same. I love you, Annis; dear God, I love you.”
“I have waited forever to hear you say it, and know that I do feel the same,” Annis replied with tears still in her eyes, but now they were happy tears.
Alden smiled again. “You are so beautiful. You take my breath away every time I look at you,” he touched her lips with his fingers to stop her from disagreeing, “and I don’t care what you think about that, you are beautiful to me.” He bent to kiss her again.
His hands were shaking as he slowly began to undress her. She felt shy at first and tried to hide herself, but he was having none of that and in the end, he made her forget that her body was not as perfect as Edmee’s had been. His mouth mapped the topography of her body, learning it. He left no place untouched or unloved. She was powerless in the face of such an onslaught to her emotions. All she could do was moan his name whenever his breath fell across her skin, and cling to him as if her very life depended upon him. She realised that she had not really understood what desire truly was, until now. However, when he reached her knees he paused, raised his head and looked up at her. There was mischief in his expression that Annis did not fully trust.
“You are right, you do have big knees!” he teased. She punched him playfully and pulled on his hair none too gently, until he crawled back over her, telling her that he was jesting and that he loved her. And she wondered if anything could be more perfect than this moment.
It was still dark when he awoke. She was asleep, her head pillowed on his shoulder and her hand resting on his chest just above his heart. Dear God, what had he done?
As gently as he could, he eased out from her embrace. A stray lock of hair had fallen into her face and he carefully placed it back behind her ear. He smiled, remembering how she had moaned his name over and over like it was some sort of sacred hallelujah.
His smiled faded. He would have to marry her.
She would have to accept a man with no home and no prospects. His selfishness meant she would have to spend her life in poverty and she would grow to hate him because of it. Why didn’t he just walk away when he had the chance?
Their clothes were thrown all over the floor, a reminder of his great sin. He picked up his trews and put them on and looked towards the bed. She deserved so much more than him. She stirred, he saw her arm searching for his body and when she found herself alone she sat up, her eyes searching for him.
“Alden.” She whispered his name. When he didn’t respond she swung her legs out of the bed and stood up, bringing the blanket with her to cover her body. She could not help the blush on her cheeks and hoped he didn’t notice.
She had learnt from her mother to fear the marriage bed, but Alden had done nothing to make her afraid. Being with him like that had been incredible. He had made her feel desirable, beautiful, needed. For the first time ever, she had felt wanted.
She smiled to herself and bit her lip. He saw her smile and wished he had not. He shouldn’t look at her. She was too good for the likes of him, yet — he could not seem to look away.
“I love you.
Do you have any idea how much?” He held out his hand to her and she came forward and they sank down on the rug next to the remains of the fire.
“This is like being in a dream,” Annis said. “I’m scared I’m going to wake up and be back in my chamber in Wessex.”
“This isn’t a dream.”
“I wish we had done it sooner.” Annis slid her eyes from his, embarrassed by her own confession.
“I think we would be dead by now if we had. There’s no way I could have kept my hands off you. You would have distracted me beyond reason.” His kissed her then. She wrapped herself around him, kissing him back. Moment’s later he felt her butterfly-like kisses on his chest, her fingers gently tracing the raised scars on his back.
“Annis.”
Her mouth found its way back to his, and suddenly they were not so much kissing as devouring each other. Neither could get close enough, near enough. He had thought he had known what passion was, but it had never been like this. She made him burn. She made him whole. She was what had been missing in his life and yet until now, he had not realised it.
Abruptly, Alden tore himself away from her, breathing heavily, his eyes searching hers as if looking for some answers to an unspoken question.
“What’s the matter?” Annis asked, too shocked by passion to be hurt by his sudden rebuke.
He stood and walked with purpose towards the door. He loved her too much. Too much.
“Where are you going?”
He didn’t answer; instead, he picked up his sling and turned towards her.
“A scrap of material from a borrowed dress covered in my blood. Shall we bind our hands with this now? Because this is the life you have chosen. This was the life I did not want you to have. This is why I wanted to leave.”
Annis stood, gathered up the blanket and walked towards him. “Gladly, I’d gladly bind our hands together with a rag.” She held out her hand, unafraid of his anger, knowing it wasn’t directed at her but at himself. She refused to let him feel guilty about something that had been so absolutely perfect.
“Bind me to you. Do you think I care whether you are a king or a pauper, a freemen or a slave? I love you.”
“You don’t understand.” He turned away from her so she wouldn’t see the frustrated tears in his eyes. He flinched when she touched his shoulder.
“Look at me.”
Reluctantly he turned around.
“Budic is as much my enemy as Cerdic is,” Alden confessed. “My people…Merton…you…” Alden closed his eyes, but a single tear escaped from behind his lid. “I have failed you all.”
Annis pulled his head down to her shoulder. His arms wrapped themselves around her body and he pulled her tighter against him. Annis had never seen him like this; even when he had been tortured there was still an air of strength about him. This vulnerability moved her to tears, and made her want to protect him as he had protected her.
“You have failed no one, least of all me. You saved me. You are extraordinary, Alden. There is no one else like you.”
“You are biased.” His voice cracked as he spoke and she felt his tears against her neck.
“Maybe,” she smiled through her own tears. “But I know this: I am alive because of you. I mean, alive, alive. You woke me up and gave me purpose.” She ran her fingers through his hair. “We will go to your brother and we will take his army back to Cerniw, and you will win your lands back. You are a good man. Your people know that. And if they don’t, then it doesn’t matter, because I know what you are.”
He pulled back a little so he could look at her.
“Give me the rag,” Annis ordered softly.
He handed her the material.
“This symbolises us. Don’t you see? I love this rag, because it was from a dress that was given by a stranger when I had nothing. I had nothing. I was the enemy, yet you protected me, you cared for me, you ate my cooking…”
“About that…” He began, a small smile tugging at his lips, but she silenced him with a gentle kiss.
“It supported your arm when you needed that support, like I will support you. I will be on your side, even when the world is not. It has endured. As we will endure, be it in poverty or in riches. I’m not going anywhere, where you are not.” She smiled. “I love you, Alden du Lac. Bind our hands.”
He took the rag from her and looked at it for a moment. “I have never met anyone like you,” he said in awe. “I don’t deserve you.”
“No you don’t,” Annis said, but she was smiling.
“You are sure?” he asked, his eyes rising back to hers.
“I have never been surer of anything in my life.” She held his hand, entwining her fingers with his. He looked at her for a long time, trying to see doubt, and then he inhaled deeply and laid the material over their hands.
“There are no witnesses,” Alden said.
“I trust you. Handfast and binding. Forever.”
“Forever,” Alden echoed and then he brushed his lips with hers. She sighed his name as he deepened the kiss, and the rag fell to the floor as he picked up his wife and carried her back to bed.
16
It was bitterly cold, for the morning tide had brought a strong wind with it. Alden held out his hands and helped Annis down from her horse. She slipped on a patch of ice almost immediately.
“Careful,” Alden said, as he kept her from falling over.
She looked at him as he adjusted the rich wool cloak that one of the servants had given her this morning, and again he felt a sense of guilt. She should always be dressed in clothes such as these; she should have servants bowing to her every whim.
“You are thinking too much.” Annis spoke softly. “I love you and nothing is more important to me than that.”
He gave the briefest of nods and then tried for a smile. “There is nothing more important.” He echoed her words. He blinked and then his face transformed and the confusion and guilt slipped away.
Annis found she could breathe again. Her chest suddenly felt lighter. She feared his guilt, feared what it would do to him, to them.
“Dear Lord, it is cold.” Alden said as he tucked her hand securely in the crease of his elbow. “Let’s find that boat, Lady du Lac.”
“That sounds good.”
“Believe me, you might not think so when you see the boat.”
“I wasn’t talking about the boat,” Annis answered, smiling up at him.
It took a moment for him to comprehend what she was saying. When he did, he didn’t smile. “My name’s the only thing I have to give you.”
“You give me so much more than that. But I like it; it makes me belong to you.”
“We belong to each other,” he said frankly.
There were several boats rising and falling on the tide, straining against the thick ropes that tied them to the jetty. Along the beach, there were many other vessels, pulled up high, away from the tide line. The horizon was obscured by a deep sea fog; and above them gulls flew, calling to each other mournfully.
Annis followed Alden up two short steps and on to the jetty. The jetty was constructed of trunks of trees and was slippery underfoot. Annis held tightly to Alden’s arm, afraid she would slip and fall into the frothing water. Alden gave her a reassuring glance and held tighter to her hand.
One of the boats had been pulled up tight against the jetty. As it rose and fell with the tide, its side scraped the edge of the platform. Just looking at it made Annis’s stomach feel queasy.
The captain, in thick woollen clothes and a face so full of hair that it was hard to tell his age, came up to them and bowed, somewhat clumsily. He turned and looked at his boat. “She’s ready when you are,” he stated, puffing up his chest in obvious pride.
Annis looked at the boat with trepidation. It was an open vessel, with nowhere to shelter. Gingerly she stepped onto the boat
, holding on tightly to a young boy, who had offered her his arm. The young lad smiled cheekily at her and then ran off, ducking under the sails and getting in everybody’s way.
“Be off with you, Brand,” the captain yelled. “My youngest son,” he stated, shaking his head. “He’s a might too young to be sailing with me yet, but he is determined.” He shrugged in hopelessness.
The boat swayed underfoot and Annis was glad when Alden found her a place to sit down. She watched as he jumped back on to the jetty and then he disappeared from view. Annis pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped the cloak as tightly as she could around her and closed her eyes. A thick blanket which stank of fish, was unceremoniously dumped on her.
“You’ll be needing that,” the captain said, smiling at her. “It’s going to get a smidge colder. You’ll not be able to feel your toes when you get to your destination.”
“Thank you,” Annis said, which made the captain’s smile widen even further, even though neither of them could understand the other, for Annis did not speak Briton and the fisherman did not speak Latin. She tried not to show any disgust on her face as she pulled the fishy blanket around her.
Annis had nothing else to do but watch as the sailors prepared to set sail. She tried to see where Alden was, but it was as if the dock had suddenly awakened, for it was now teeming with those who lived their life by the sea. She listened, wishing she could understand the language that was being spoken. She tried to imagine what they were saying by the looks on their faces. One man dropped a heavy barrel on his foot. He hopped on one foot as he cradled the other, and he yelled a string of words that Annis took to be some sort of obscenity.
Alden jumped on to the boat; he did not seem at all deterred by the rocking of the vessel as he made his way towards her. “Are you all right?” he asked as he sat down beside her.
“I am extending my vocabulary,” Annis informed him.
Alden frowned, not understanding, and then he heard the fisherman swearing and cursing the barrel and everything else that was in the vicinity.