Free from Guilt

by Pat Simmons

  She nodded her head without giving him a sideward glance.

  “The apostle Paul also begged folks to give their bodies to God as a living sacrifice …” Elder Taylor continued.

  “Can we talk after church? I really need you to forgive me.”

  “I do, Cameron,” she lowered her voice. “But, we need to do some soul searching apart from each other.”

  Cameron blinked. Even strong men are weakened by rejection. Dressed in her classy hat, Gabrielle appeared regal and acted as if she barely noticed him. He started to get up right then and leave when suddenly the atmosphere around him seemed to tremble.

  “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” The voice of God carried Psalm 46:10 through the air.

  He froze, feeling like a disobedient child being reprimanded. He had come to church with an attitude and was about to leave in the same condition. Closing his eyes, he tried to focus, but the preacher wasn’t saying anything he hadn’t heard before.

  Stuck in an emotional limbo, Cameron dared not move until after the benediction. Without saying another word to Gabrielle or anyone else, he made a beeline for his car. Leaving, his current mood was worse than when he came.

  Later that night in the coolness of his bedroom, Cameron recalled the experience at church. He doubted anyone else heard and felt what he had. Although he stayed to the end, his thoughts and heart were too tormented to get anything out of the sermon.

  For years, Cameron had been reading his Bible and the words never changed. Neither had his understanding. Maybe he was suffering from a pre-midlife crisis. How could that be when he had everything going for him? For whatever reason, his confidence seemed to be crumbling.

  Suddenly, a sense of defeat came over him. The feeling was foreign and highly distasteful. Driven to do something to combat his weakened state, one person came to mind. Cameron wasn’t one to mince words or bite his tongue, yet he was about to do something unfathomable to him.

  Getting up, he crossed the room to his dresser where his wallet rested and pulled out Philip’s card. Tapping in the numbers, Cameron wasn’t surprised when he got a voice mail greeting, but that didn’t deter him. He left a simple message and hoped Gabrielle’s brother would return his call sooner than later. At one in the morning to be exact, his cell phone chimed.

  “Cameron, I’m sorry for the tardiness of the hour in returning your call. The healing service ran long, but it’s God’s timing, not mine. Is my sister all right?” His voice sounded commanding like it was when he preached during the revival meeting.

  “Your sister is just as beautiful and sweet as ever. At least, that was before she threw me out of her apartment. She doesn’t know I called you, and I’d rather that you not tell her.”

  Philip didn’t respond right away. “Unless the Lord tells me otherwise, I can agree to that. Now how can I help you?”

  “I believe our difference of opinions about God is standing in the way of Gabrielle trusting my genuine intentions concerning her.” Cameron’s assumption was really based on what he read in her notebook. “I don’t like to discuss religion in a relationship, but it appears Gabrielle is forcing my hand.”

  Philip chuckled softly. “Good for her.”

  Cameron grunted. “Isn’t a man of God supposed to be neutral?”

  “I am. Please continue.”

  Cameron got comfortable on his bed. “She believes that salvation is a process. I don’t. The Bible says if I believe, I’m saved. Period. End of story.”

  “Dying on the cross was a process. It could have been instantaneous by the power of God, but Jesus followed every detail. Salvation is about detail. Your heart, mind, and body have to be in sync. Otherwise, your salvation is not complete without it. The Bible lists everything we need to do to be completely saved. There are no dilutions or other recipes,” Philip explained but not to Cameron’s satisfaction.

  “Complete? There are missing books of the Bible—the book of Nathan, the book of Shemaiah the prophet, the book of Iddo the seer, the book of Jehu …” Cameron was just warming up.

  “John 21:25 lets us know that Jesus did so many miraculous things that ‘the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written. In other words, God has given enough information for us to be completely saved. We don’t need to load ourselves up with more than what we have. Many of us can’t follow the instructions He’s already given us. Trust me, God’s burdens are lightweight compared to the yoke the world wants to put on us,” Philip said quietly.

  Cameron was ready to refute Philip, but the man struck a chord when he mentioned the yoke the world hangs around a man.

  “When was the last time you prayed and asked God to evaluate your spiritual growth and give you a grade?” Philip asked.

  “I’ve got this,” Cameron said confidently.

  “None of us have ‘this.’ The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 10:12 to be careful of falling. Especially if you think you’re too tough to slip, I might add.”

  As weariness set in, Cameron wasn’t up to decoding a parable. “I appreciate you taking the time to return my call.” He yawned.

  “Any time. God bless you.” He paused before saying, “Cameron, between you and me, your solid ground is like quicksand. You’re going down.”

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  You’re not the reason he was here, it’s about Me, God had spoken firmly to Gabrielle while she sat in the pew.

  Overcome with fear and shame, she repented on the spot. Instead of giving Jesus the praise for drawing Cameron to church, she had ignored his presence. Being too caught up in her acting role as the injured party, now Gabrielle felt foolish. When he left without saying goodbye, she didn’t even try to stop him.

  How could she call herself a Christian and hold a grudge? How could she love Cameron and not forgive him when he asked for forgiveness? All the hurt was because she wasn’t comfortable enough with him to say the things she had written down and secretly tucked away.

  Admittedly, she was insecure about loving Cameron. But should she give up on that love so quickly if he didn’t pass the Jesus inspection? The love of her heart had to surrender to Christ on his own accord.

  On Tuesday morning, with the self-inflicted torture too much to bear, Gabrielle swallowed her pride and texted Cameron: I’m sorry. Having so much more to say, she was still afraid to utter the words.

  If you trust in Me, I will chase your fears away, God spoke comfort.

  Gabrielle exhaled deeply and sent another text: I love you.

  His response was immediate. I love you too, babe. I’m running late, but minutes away from your complex with a white rose.

  She smiled. Before driving to Cameron’s house for the Fourth of July celebration, she had no idea of the distance he drove several times a week to bring her a rose. The man practically backtracked when he lived minutes from his job. Traveling to her North County location and back to the Central West End was a long trip.

  Thank you. I’ll be here, she texted. While waiting in her car, Gabrielle scrutinized her makeup.

  Minutes later, she looked up to see Cameron’s Audi drive past the unmanned front gate. He stopped at the street ahead of Gabrielle’s and chatted a moment with Talise’s mother-in-law. Sandra was in her car getting ready to take off for work. She also lived in the complex.

  Minutes later, Cameron headed in her direction and pulled his car beside hers. Shifting it into park, he got out and walked around to open her door. Extending his hand, she took it as he helped her out of the car. She stood in a daze. Wrapping his arms around her, she held on tight. Neither said a word. Reluctantly, Cameron finally set her free. After staring into her eyes, he handed her the rose and kissed her cheek.

  “I’ve got to get to my office, baby. I love you.”

  “Thank you and I love you too,” Gabrielle faintly whispered, as he slid behind the wheel.

  “I knew before you told me.” Cameron winked and drove off.
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  Sniffing the flower, Gabrielle grinned. Getting back inside, she buckled up and sighed a sigh of relief. They had survived their very first argument, and now they were back on track.

  The remainder of the week was heavenly blissful, with Gabrielle freely expressing her love in texts and phone conversations.

  One evening at his house, they had failed miserably when attempting to duplicate a Thai recipe. The culinary catastrophe ended with them ordering Chinese takeout.

  After dinner, it was rather late so she didn’t stay long. As she prepared to leave, Cameron insisted on trailing her home to ensure her safe arrival. There, in front of her building, they shared a loving embrace. Before going to bed that night, Gabrielle recorded his gentle stubbornness as a “wow” moment in her handbook.

  However, the following Sunday, her spirit plummeted when Cameron didn’t return to church. To her dismay, he had another legitimate excuse. His department was entertaining alumni and potential sponsors for the university that particular morning.

  When service was over, Gabrielle hugged and kissed Talise’s family before she headed to the parking lot.

  “Oh, Gabrielle, I almost forgot. My mother-in-law said that she spoke to Cameron this week. I’m so glad things have turned around for you two.” Talise beamed. “Although I’ve mentioned to Sandra before that you two live in the same complex, she had forgotten until she saw Cameron in your neighborhood one morning. She asked for your number. I hope you don’t mind that I gave it to her.”

  Waving her hand, Gabrielle shook her head. “Of course not, any woman who could befriend her son’s pregnant ex-girlfriend has sound wisdom. I’m sure I can learn a lot from her.”

  “That’s right. We were friends first. She’s a tough act to follow and a gracious lady at that. Anyway, she’ll probably call you soon.”

  A few evenings later, Gabrielle arrived home from work later than usual. Talise’s mother-in-law was out walking her dog. Gabrielle honked and waved as she passed by. Instead of continuing the pathway back to her bungalow community, Sandra strolled toward the apartment area of the complex to greet Gabrielle.

  When they met up, the two women hugged. “I’ve been meaning to call you,” Sandra said.

  “And I’ve been thinking about visiting.”

  “You look like you worked forty hours in one day,” Sandra said with a concerned expression.

  Gabrielle mustered a weak chuckle. “They definitely got their money’s worth out of me today, and I make a lot of money.” Activating her alarm, she bent and patted Sandra’s pet. “If I could take a bath and go straight to bed, I would do just that. I’m too tired to eat, so you know that’s bad.”

  Frowning, Sandra hesitated before responding. “I made plenty of dinner. Why don’t you take your bath while I take this little beast back home? I’ll bring you a plate in about thirty minutes,” she said, poised to head home.

  “Thank you. There’s no way I’m going to turn down the blessing of free food.” Gabrielle grinned. “I’ll take a quick shower. How about twenty minutes? I’m in 2B.”

  “Deal.” Sandra agreed with a cheerful laugh, as she let her dog gallop ahead of her.

  Upstairs in her apartment, Gabrielle showered and changed in record time. The warm water gave her a renewed burst of energy. Several minutes went by when the intercom buzzed, and she hurried to answer it. With hunger pangs growing stronger by the minute, Gabrielle thought about the popular TV show Man vs. Food. “At this moment, the food has it,” she joked to herself, referring to the ridiculous reality show where the host, Adam Richman, tries to digest more food than humanly possible.

  She opened her apartment door to find Sandra bouncing up the two flights of stairs as though she was on a jog. They exchanged air kisses and Gabrielle accepted the food offering. Sandra complimented her apartment as Gabrielle showed her guest to the kitchen.

  Once they were seated, she didn’t waste any time uncovering the plate. There was more than enough slices of roast beef, mashed potatoes, and sweet peas. Her stomach growled.

  “It appears I’m right on time,” Sandra said, smiling.

  After saying grace, Gabrielle dug in while Sandra watched her in amusement.

  “So how are things between you and Cameron? We chatted briefly one day last week when I was on my way to work. Even though we’re not blood relatives because I never married a Jamieson, I treat him like a son. I’m so glad he’s attracted to a beautiful woman who loves the Lord.”

  Blushing, Gabrielle didn’t answer immediately. “Actually, things are wonderful now. We’re still working out the kinks in our relationship, but that man really loves me.” She paused a moment and took a deep breath. “I think he may be the one. Maybe I’ve been unreasonable with some of my assumptions about him.” Gabrielle slipped another helping of mashed potatoes in her mouth.

  Sandra squinted. “Unreasonable? In what way?” She leaned back into her chair, braced to listen intently.

  “Well, Cameron has been nothing but a perfect gentleman. He’s really sweet. I’ve been the one stressing about throwing caution to the wind and letting things happen naturally between us. Minus sex, of course. Let me throw that out there. God knows our hearts and …” Gabrielle grappled to verbalize her thoughts.

  Deciding to share openly, she continued. “We had a big fight. Rather, I yelled at him and ask him to leave. It seems like the only one God has a problem with is me and my treatment of Cameron. I guess the red flags I saw were a figment of my imagination.”

  “I see.” Sandra nodded. “Gabrielle, you’re a smart lady. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be my granddaughter’s godmother and Talise’s good friend. But you’re still a woman who is falling for a Jamieson, like I once did. Sometimes when we blink, we miss the red flags, so keep watching and praying.”

  Gabrielle rested her fork on the table. “What are you saying? Is there something I need to know? Is that why you wanted to call me?”

  Sandra nodded.

  “Okay,” Gabrielle said slowly with an uneasy feeling coming over her. “Go on. You know Cameron better than I do.”

  “Don’t be so quick to give the Lord a deadline and throw out the red flags. Be ready in season and out of season to answer to God for whatever decision you make in your heart before you allow it to happen. Ask yourself, are you really convinced of his commitment to his Christian walk?”

  A small voice within Gabrielle responded no, especially after he was a no-show at church this past Sunday. Even if his excuse was legitimate. Personally, she had flat-out informed her colleagues that she could not work on Sundays because of church attendance. As a condition of employment, the board of directors could either take it or leave it. After assessing her résumé and qualifications, they gobbled up her offer.

  “I’m saying this for a reason. Around the time he first started dating you, Talise mentioned that she hoped he would go to church more often. Now that he’s fallen in love with you, Gabrielle, with gentleness and respect, persuade Cameron why Jesus should be his first love. You may be the person God is depending on to reach him and get the job done. Remember what the Scripture says, ‘Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.’”

  Gabrielle recognized 1 Peter 3, although the exact verse escaped her. She sighed and her eyes misted. “Now I feel like I need to go back to square one with Cameron and keep him at arm’s length.” She slumped in her chair.

  Sandra reached across the table and patted her hand. “We can never go back, especially when someone has a piece of our heart. Take this as your mission from God. Cameron wants you, and a man has been known to lose his mind over a woman. In his case, he will gain a stronger walk with the Lord. Your assignment is to draw him closer to Christ.”

  “That’s easier said than done,” was Gabrielle’s only response. If Philip’s preaching didn’t increase Cameron’s appetite for the Lord, then she was clueless on how to do it. Yet, recalling Titus 2:4, Gabrielle couldn’t disregar
d any of what this spiritually mature woman had just shared with her.

  Before Sandra left, she prayed with Gabrielle that God would give her sound judgment with Cameron. Alone to release her emotions, Gabrielle had a good cry. Why had it seemed like her happiness was tangible when it was slowly disappearing before her eyes?

  In her heart, Gabrielle knew God had sent Sandra with nourishing food to satisfy her hunger. Now, she also understood that Sandra had come with something even more meaningful. Her words of wisdom were like a spiritual dessert, reminding her that Christ’s love was more valuable than the love of a good man.

  “God, I’ve known Your love all my life. I’m asking You now for a good man, who puts You first, to love me.”

  Cameron had a hunch that something had spooked Gabrielle a few nights ago. When he asked her about it, she declined an explanation for her latest mood swing. She was withholding her feelings again. Why?

  Considering how upset she had become after he read her notebook, he decided not to push her. One thing he had learned about Gabrielle Dupree, she was tough on the outside and tender on the inside. That’s why his arms would always be open to cuddle her whenever she needed him.

  On the other hand, Cameron was just as guilty of hiding things. He hadn’t told her about his conversation with Philip. When the two men spoke, he discovered that Gabrielle’s brother was an engaging partner, if he wanted to discuss ideology. Smiling, he thought of his own brother, Parke, who was always prepared for a spirited debate as well.

  Recalling their talk, Philip’s point of view had been sufficiently thought provoking. Plus, speaking with him privately was a matter of pride for Cameron. He found it more appealing to go through the back door when it came to the discussion of religion. There were no third party witnesses who would be aware of his doubts about God.

  Tonight the conversation with Gabrielle was short and to the point. Cameron called to inform her of the news that he had booked their flights to Alabama. They were going to the Jamieson family reunion together. Before they said good night, Gabrielle had asked him to pray for her. Caught off guard by her request, Cameron recovered quickly and said, “Bless my sweetheart, Jesus.”