Aimless Witch

by Shannon Mayer

  Then an image of my father chatting up the toddlers flashed through my mind. Could he have set the wolves on us? I didn’t want to believe it of him, but I couldn’t discount it, much as it felt like a knife to my gut. His way of doing things often left the innocents of the world shattered.

  I pulled myself together. “If Richard is right and the rumors of Immune children are spreading . . . that puts this entire caravan, all of the caravans out there in serious trouble,” I said.

  The possibilities made me uncomfortable, to say the least.

  Those kids didn’t deserve this life. Not to mention the fact that I couldn’t deny my role in creating this new world. In the past, I wanted so badly to try to set things right for those who remained. But all I’d done was watch them die while my magic was stripped from me.

  I could almost hear Rylee’s voice in my ear. What about the young, who had no champions? Who were just like you, Pam, fending for themselves in a harsh and cruel world?

  “I can’t do it again,” I whispered. “I can’t.”

  The truth was a deeper dig than all of that.

  Oka bumped her head against mine. “I feel your turmoil, and your confusion . . . and your grief, Pam. Talk to me.”

  I grabbed the edges of my cloak and hugged the thick material around me. I could use it to become essentially invisible, to slip into the darkness unseen when I’d still had my connection to spirit. Now it was just a cloak and a reminder of what I’d lost.

  She bumped my head again. “Pamela, I am your helpmate. That means not only do I keep you safe, but I help you work through things. Now . . . what exactly are we doing here?”

  “What?” Her question completely threw me off. Not because it hit on what I was thinking about, but because we never really talked about what we were doing. Survival, that was always our number one priority. Finding someone who could remove the bracelets, and maybe to help me learn more about my skills as a magic user.

  In three years, we’d found no one but humans and rogue supernaturals, all fighting to survive. None able to help.

  Aimless . . . I’d been aimless and running from the past for three years.

  Oka’s words echoed my own thoughts eerily. “We’ve been wandering for three years without any kind of goal other than to remove the bracelets. But where? Or maybe . . . maybe they won’t ever come off and that is something you have to consider.”

  She looked up at me with her big chartreuse eyes, waiting for an answer I didn’t want to give her. Saying it out loud gave it life and meaning. I wasn’t ready for that.

  I picked up speed, angrier than I should’ve been . . . because her question scared me. And I knew she’d pick up on that too. Shit, I needed to breathe.

  “I don’t know, Oka. Okay? I can’t believe that there is no escaping this prison,” I said softly, touching the bracelets.

  She patted my cheek and then jumped down, pacing along beside me. “No, not like that, Pam. I just wonder what you think your purpose is. I will follow you wherever you lead, you are my purpose. But what is yours? The bracelets, of course, but what else?”

  I threw my hands up in the air, knowing all along I was running already. “Well, join the how the fuck do I know club, cat. I’ve been asking myself that same question for a long time. And you know what, my purpose is not with these folks. It’s not with anyone. I can’t help them, Oka. I have nothing to offer but a pair of blades.” I pointed wildly ahead of us, not bothering to look to see if any of them were watching my interaction with my cat.

  Lies, you lie to yourself. The darkness whispered through my heart. You have magic, you are just too cowardly to use it.

  Oka snorted and shook her head. “I feel your fear, my friend. I could guess, but I’d rather you tell me why. Why are you so sure of those words that you fling about?”

  I stared down at her. “Because my life is not aligned with the humans. We learned that years ago. They die, remember? All too damn easily!” Not again, I wasn’t going there again.

  Blood everywhere, bodies at my feet . . . the last breath escaping Hank, cool against my cheek as tears leaked from my eyes . . . I pushed that memory away with a bitten back sob.

  That was a hell of a lot of nope. Not going there.

  Oka did not give up, though. “Those humans are not these humans. There are children here, Pamela. Children you can save. The others were lost before you ever stepped into the picture. They let Stefan in, you know that! And if these kids are truly Immunes, they are no longer just humans then, but closer to us supernaturals than the rest here would want to know.” She trotted alongside me, her tail straight in the air and the emotions that slid through her were full of certainty that she was convincing me. Smart-ass cat.

  “And my magic?” I asked. “I can’t save them.”

  “You did today, without a stitch of magic. It’s why Rylee taught you to fight, almost like she knew one day you would need those skills more than ever.”

  Damn, she’d struck a chord and we both knew it. I frowned down at her and kicked a rock onto the side of the broken road. At one point before the Rending, it had been a highway by the looks of it, but now bits of concrete were scattered here, and the road was far from smooth. The fear and grief that drove my anger reared their ugly heads inside me, pushing me away from Oka.

  “You know what, you’re right. Let’s go. I made a decision, we’re leaving.” I said the words in a rush before I could change my mind.

  I snapped the cloak around me and walked out into the darkness, and I knew even if any of the humans had seen me, none of them would stop me. Not even Macey. She would use my departure to fuel her anger with the world and how unfair it had been to her. It would make her stronger.

  The only ones who gave me true pause in leaving were the kids. The thought of never seeing their sweet, innocent faces again almost brought my feet to a halt. Almost. They were safe in the Humvee.

  My grief-fueled anger forced my feet forward as I put space between me and the caravan.

  I couldn’t help them, just like I couldn’t help Hank, Susy, the first Macy or baby Sunshine.

  Screams rent the air, the elementals around me laughed and then I was racing to help my friends. Only I couldn’t save them.

  Once more I shook it away. No.

  “Where do you think you are going? Just going to walk into the bush with the other wild creatures? Going to just give up on this world, are you?” Oka called after me. Yeah, she wasn’t one to pull punches. Or paw swipes, I guess.

  She jumped up onto my shoulder from behind, but I didn’t falter as I strode away from the still-moving caravan.

  “Anywhere but here. Oka, I cannot do this again,” I whispered that last bit. I just can’t.

  She swatted my face with the pricks of her claws out to get my attention. “Pamela, let’s be real about our situation. One. The only people who could help you learn more at this point in your training, or free you from these damn bracelets are elementals, and given your parentage, I don’t think they’d be wild about teaching you and helping you get stronger. We know Raven can’t help you; likely he’s in deeper shit than us.”

  “Thank you for that astute observation, Captain Obvious,” I said dryly. Raven was not exactly well loved in the elemental world. Long and short, he’d done a lot of bad things in the name of trying to do the right thing.

  “Don’t get mad at me. I didn’t make your parents knock boots,” she said. “And I can feel the darkness in you acting up. I know you’re trying to hide it from me. You can’t give into it, Pam. It’s a magic that could eat you from the inside out.”

  I sighed as I veered off the trail, wanting some quiet after all the chaos and upheaval in my mind and heart. The farther I got from the caravan, the more the night closed in on me, on us. Owls hooted, and night creatures moved about in the underbrush, rustling here and there as I walked by the light of the moon, hidden from the eyes of the world for a bit. A pair of archies roosted in a tree to my right, their eyes locked on
Oka.

  “What would you have me do, then? Go back to Rylee and Liam? They can’t get the bracelets off any more than I can.” I thought about that for a moment when she didn’t answer me right away. I knew in my heart I’d always have a place with Rylee. She was the closest place to a real home I’d ever had, the closest thing to family. But going back didn’t feel right. Not now. Something kept my feet moving forward, aimless as I was, and I knew I had to follow that pull to wherever it led me.

  No matter how hard it was.

  “It’s not what I want, Pam, but what you need. Do you need to go back to her?” she said all cat-like cryptic.

  I thought again about going south to Rylee. No . . .

  “I don’t think it’s time for that yet. Home can wait,” I said absently as I approached a clearing between the trees where a small pool rippled and reflected off the trees around it. A picture of tranquility. I wondered if this was the source of the creek, knowing the wandering of my mind was an attempt to avoid the tough questions in front of me.

  The thought of home called to my heart, with its sense of safety, of being loved and appreciated for who I was. But I knew it wouldn’t be the home I remembered. The world was broken, and so was my home. I knew instinctually Rylee and Liam would be just as focused on survival as I was. And they had all their babies to consider.

  More than that . . . I wasn’t sure if they’d forgive me for my part in breaking the world with Lark. I could still see the hurt in Rylee’s eyes, could still see the lines on her face as she realized what I was doing.

  Despite the way Oka and I wandered with no real direction, there were very few options for us. I had to keep moving forward, searching for someone who could help me.

  I sat at the pool, curling my feet under me, and toyed with the water with a single finger, making designs and ripples that danced away from the tip.

  So many people had gone before me, so many who might be able to help if they had survived. If they hadn’t found their lives cut short. Larkspur. Milly.

  A little magic won’t hurt, and it could help you, I could teach you.

  Before I thought better of it, I stirred the water faster, working a bit of magic into it. A little magic wouldn’t hurt.

  A fog settled over the small pool, deepening to a dark gray. Oka sneezed, but I kept my focus, stirring a little faster, thinking about the advice I needed.

  Instinct pulled the magic from me for . . . whatever this was that I was doing.

  More, and a spirit will answer you.

  Slowly, I called up more of the magic, and the feeling of it slithering around inside of me was almost . . . happy. Happy to be used for something, anything. I meshed it with the fog, and the power thrumming through me delved deeply into the pool.

  “What are you doing?” Oka asked. “Pamela, not that magic, please.”

  I flinched as she moved to touch me. “No, I have to try, Oka and when you touch me the magic runs from me,” I answered, my voice thick as though I’d woken from a deep sleep.

  The fog shimmered with colors as a form began to condense. My heart leapt at the tall feminine figure that began to pull together. Larkspur, it had to be her.

  “Lark?” I reached a hand out to her.

  The voice that responded was a woman, but. . . “No, child. It is not Lark.”

  Of all the people I hoped would appear before me, Giselle wasn’t really the one I wanted. I wasn’t sure who I was hoping for, since Alex wasn’t in the spirit world anymore. But there she was, her face full of curiosity, and maybe some amusement. She’d been a Reader, someone who could see the future and tell you what would come for you. She’d been Rylee’s mentor, and I’d never met her in real life, but I’d met her soul before and she’d been unhappy with me then.

  “Veil breaker. Why did you call on me?” she asked.

  My guts clenched at that title, but I fought through the shame. Truth needed to be embraced. “That has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?” I said.

  Oka nodded, and her shock filtered through to me, but she said nothing as she stood at my side. She had never met Giselle, but she was likely picking up on my discomfort under the older woman’s gaze.

  Giselle just looked at me, her gray eyes inscrutable in the depths of them.

  “Are you not trapped then?” I asked.

  She smiled, her young and unlined face the only one I’d ever known. “The Veil is shattered, and spirits roam where they wish. But you called me here, so I assume you want to ask me a question other than what happened to the spirits of the Veil?”

  I cleared my throat, not sure how to start.

  “Like a bandage, just rip it off,” Oka prompted.

  Right. The first few words blurted out of me. “I need advice.” I held up my arms to show her the bracelets. “I’ve been bound, I have no magic.”

  She leaned in close. “Then how did you call me?”

  “The magic from my mother’s bloodline,” I said. “I . . . thought only a little wouldn’t hurt.”

  Giselle sighed. “You remind me of Milly. Reckless, willing to take chances.”

  I wasn’t sure I wanted to be compared to the witch who’d done so much damage to Rylee and had in the end been the cause of Giselle’s death. I swallowed hard and Giselle went on.

  “I can do nothing for the bracelets. A power far greater than mine will be needed to remove them. But the magic in the blood of your mother . . . it is dangerous and not to be taken lightly.”

  “So I can use it?” Hope flared.

  Giselle just stared at me, her face expressionless. “You can do whatever you wish, Pamela, but there is always a cost. I do not know what the cost will be to you.”

  The darkness in me laughed softly, mocking Giselle’s words. She knows nothing.

  “Ask her the rest,” Oka prompted.

  She was right, I’d not expected much else when it came to the bracelets. I looked to Giselle. “This broken world is . . . not what I thought it would be. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing. I’m pulled on all sides. Who do I protect? The supernaturals? The humans? Just me? I have no direction, and it’s . . . it feels like it is slowly killing me. I can survive, I know that. But is that all there is?” I rambled, I could feel it, and yet couldn’t stop the flow of words. “I’m having trouble finding my purpose now that I’m here. Away from the others.”

  Her eyes softened. “Your lot is not an easy one, Pamela. There are more forces in play than even you realize, and you will be a catalyst for change as Rylee so often was.” Her eyes drifted closed and she held a hand out to me. I lifted my own hand, mirroring her, and placed it over her ghostly palm. There was a tingle of cold between us, energy flowing from me to her, giving her strength to see what she needed to see.

  She drew a slow breath and let out through her nose as if meditating. “Your path is forged by the sun and the wind, by the elements in your blood even though you cannot touch them right now. Follow their call and you will find your place in this broken world the Destroyer left for you.”

  Oh, fantastic. A riddle, just what I was hoping for. But really, what else did I expect from the seer? She’d never given anyone a straight answer.

  I kept my hand over hers. “Giselle, I want to learn. I want to know how to protect the people I love from the horrors that the Rending has made. I want to be strong enough to not falter again, to not fail those I am trying to protect. There are new creatures rising. Beasts I know didn’t exist before I broke the Veil. They look . . .”

  “Broken?” she offered. “They are. They are not of the world you knew, Pamela, but of the world as it is now.”

  I stared at her and she stared back. “How can I learn more?”

  “You’ve abandoned those you love to fend for themselves in this shattered world of horrors, as you called it, to learn. May I suggest you stop looking for someone to teach you, and start teaching yourself?”

  It was a slap in the face, and a hell of a lot more potent than Sage’s little parlor trick
, and it echoed what Raven had said to me so long ago. Oka sucked in a sharp breath and let out a low growl.

  “You go too far, spirit.” She hissed the last word.

  Giselle’s eyes flicked to the little cat. “No, Pamela needs to hear this, and you, little familiar, know I speak truth. No one else would say it. They would coddle her because she was the child we all loved. She is a child no longer, there are no skirts to hide behind.”

  Her words stung, but she was right. There was truth in them.

  That didn’t mean it was time to go home to Rylee. “Giselle, you know Rylee and Liam don’t need me. They have each other, they have Ophelia and Eve, and the babies.”

  Slowly, Giselle smiled at me. “You won’t be a teenager much longer, Pamela, and I actually doubt you’ve been one for years. In age perhaps, but not in heart. Your age is a shield you hide behind. Now it is time for you to stand taller than ever before. Take responsibility for your choices and live the life that resonates with your heart. Your heart is what should lead you, always.”

  My eyes welled up and then fluttered closed. “I don’t want to get hurt again, Giselle. Rylee . . . I don’t know how she lost so much and kept going.”

  She sighed. “I will only say this once, Pamela. Stop comparing yourself to your mentor. She is one of a kind. As are you. The strengths you have are different, but they will carry you if you let them.”

  I slowly opened my eyes. “People have died. Ones I was trying to protect.”

  Her eyes were sad. “People die, Pamela. Every day. Especially now in this world.” There was no condemnation in her words.

  Shit, I wanted to protect the people around me. I wanted to help, not run away. But I was afraid of the cost to my already battered heart. Oka butted her head against my leg in a silent support.

  Giselle slowly withdrew her hand. “Your path lies to the east, Aimless Witch. You’ve seen the darkness in this world, and in your own heart, and both are growing. It stalks the humans that remain. You are either the child that Rylee taught, or you are not. This is the last chance you have to follow her training or forge a different path.”