Last Gentleman Standing

by Jane Ashford

  Five

  Elisabeth left orders that she be allowed to sleep late the next morning. Thus, when she was awakened at seven by an uproar downstairs, she was annoyed. But as the volume of the noise grew progressively higher, she became alarmed and got out of bed, pulled on her dress, and went down.

  In the entry, she found chaos. The hall table had been overturned, and a vase of flowers shattered, leaving broken crockery, water, and bedraggled blossoms littering the marble floor.

  But this alarmed Elisabeth less than the piercing shrieks issuing from the library. She heard Anthony’s voice shouting, “Down, down, sir. Where are your manners?” And she had a sinking feeling that she knew the origin of the trouble.

  Her fears were confirmed when she entered the room. Growser had arrived. But the plump little lady standing on an armchair and swiping at him with her umbrella was a stranger. Anthony, on his knees, had seized the dog about the neck, but Growser continued to bark and try to jump up on the chair. Obviously, he thought this great sport. Elisabeth hurried forward.

  “He’s only trying to be friendly,” said Tony to the lady on the chair, who’d stopped shrieking now that the dog was being held. “He thought you were playing. He’s not at all vicious, I promise you.”

  “Tony, who let that dreadful animal into the house?” asked Elisabeth. “I am sorry, ma’am. I hope he hasn’t hurt you.” She put out her hand to help the lady down.

  Eying Growser, she climbed off the chair. She made some attempt to straighten her hat, which had been knocked askew in the excitement. “Oh, dear, no,” she replied. “I was just a bit decomposed, and only for a moment, you know, out of surprise. He is an excessively energetic animal; I feared he would injure himself. I am sorry to arrive so early. I expect that is what put him out, for no one cares to have guests arrive before breakfast, of course. Though you mustn’t consider me a guest, of course, or indeed treat me as one, for you know I wish to help in any way I can. I stupidly took the first stage and reached London at six. Can you conceive of it! Who would wish to get to town at such an hour? And what to do with oneself? Excessively discountenancing. With my bag and all. I couldn’t stay in the street, and the tea shops were all closed, except one, indeed, which I passed, but it didn’t look at all the thing, you know. So I was forced to come along here; I must have seemed quite fictive to your watchdog when I was let in so early. Such a splendid idea, a watchdog. My father always wished for one, but the first he had chewed his carpet slippers to shreds, and the other attacked the parlormaid, so there was nothing for it but to…” She became aware of the blank expressions of the two young people. “You are Elisabeth, I know,” she continued equably. “I should recognize you anywhere. Such a sweet child you were. I’m your cousin Lavinia, you know.”

  “Oh,” replied Elisabeth. “I did not know…I wasn’t sure…” The abrupt appearance of this talkative little lady had left her speechless, and she surveyed her new chaperone with some misgivings. Cousin Lavinia was small, scarcely reaching Elisabeth’s shoulder. But she was very plump, and her rotundity was accentuated by the dressing of her gray hair, which radiated in curls all around her head. Her face was also round, and merry.

  She suffered Elisabeth’s gaze with equanimity. “Second cousin, I should say,” she continued. “For, of course, it was our parents who were cousins. Our grandfathers were brothers; mine was the oldest of the family and yours the youngest, which accounts for the difference in our ages, you see.” She began to look a bit anxious as Elisabeth continued to stare.

  “Lavinia Ottley, you know,” she said helpfully. “You did receive my letter?”

  “So it was Ottley,” murmured Elisabeth vaguely.

  The lady peered at her. “Ottley, yes. I came as soon as I got Mr. Tilling’s letter. Such a polite gentleman, everything that was proper. He said he would send a cheque for traveling expenses, but I saw no need to wait for that.”

  Elisabeth noticed now that Lavinia’s gown was quite shabby and worn and her expression worried. “You must pardon our welcome; I’m not quite awake yet, I fear. Tony, take Growser to the kitchen at once. And tell Cook to send up some breakfast for me and Cousin Lavinia.”

  “Oh, my goodness,” said Lavinia. “Please don’t go to any trouble on my account, though I admit I am rather hungry. I set out so early, you see. But you mustn’t…of course you’ll be having your breakfast now in any case, I suppose, so that…”

  “I will indeed,” interrupted Elisabeth firmly. “Come into the breakfast room and have a cup of tea. It will do you good after your fright. Run along, Tony, and tell Cook we require a pot of tea immediately.”

  “I would, Cousin Elisabeth, gladly,” answered Tony. “The thing is, the cook won’t have Growser in the kitchen. It seems to upset her no end, though all he did was sniff at the joint left out in plain sight on the table. Any dog would do the same.”

  Feeling harried, Elisabeth put a hand to her forehead. “Well, put him somewhere else, then. In the back garden.”

  Grumbling a little, Tony went out, pulling Growser with him. Elisabeth led the way to the breakfast room. When they were seated and a pot of tea had been brought, Elisabeth smiled at her companion. “Now we shall be more comfortable,” she said. “I’m sorry your welcome was so unorthodox. I returned to town only yesterday, you see, and I’ve had no time to see Mr. Tilling or look over my letters.”

  “Oh, dear,” answered Lavinia, “then you had no notion I was coming. I should have waited for a reply. I precognated it somehow, but I was so eager to come,” Tears started in her eyes, and she began to rummage in her reticule for a handkerchief.

  “Oh, pray, do not…” began Elisabeth.

  “Ninny!” interrupted her cousin, with seeming rudeness. “Oh, what a complete ninny! How could I be so bird-witted?”

  “What’s the matter?”

  With a tragic expression, Cousin Lavinia pulled a crumpled envelope from her reticule and held it up between them. “My letter to you,” she explained. “I never posted it. What a shatter-brained creature I am.” She shook her head sadly.

  Unable to resist, Elisabeth burst into laughter. Her cousin didn’t seem offended, but smiled vaguely and encouragingly, then joined her. When Ames brought in the breakfast tray, he found the two ladies very merry, and he beamed at them approvingly. “Good morning, miss,” he said. “We have some sausages today.”

  As they began to eat, Elisabeth asked where her cousin had been living, hoping that her request for a chaperone had not overset her arrangements.

  “Oh, dear, no,” replied Lavinia. “I haven’t a sou, you know, and I was living as cheaply as possible at a reverential hotel on the seacoast. Not one of the fashionable resorts, you understand. I did a bit of sewing and took in some pupils to earn my living. My father always insisted that I receive the very finest instruction in evolution and deportation, so I was able to give some of the local young ladies a hint as to how to go on.”

  Elisabeth maintained a look of polite interest with difficulty.

  “But I only just managed, I don’t mind telling you. So few girls wish to be properly educated these days. I think it scandalous. So, I was very glad to receive Mr. Tilling’s letter.” She looked up from her plate. “Not that I mean to force myself upon you, my dear. If you decide we do not suit, you need only say so.”

  “Oh, I’m sure we shall,” answered Elisabeth quickly. Though she did indeed have some doubts on this score, she hadn’t the heart to squash her cousin’s obvious happiness. “You must tell me something about my mother’s family, Cousin Lavinia. I know almost nothing about them.” And the older lady launched eagerly into the history of the Ottleys, a subject in which she apparently had a passionate interest.

  Lavinia and her brother William were the sole representatives of the current generation, it seemed to Elisabeth at first. Her cousin’s narrative was none too clear. She realized her mistake when Lavinia continued, �
��I am the last of the Ottleys now, of course. If only William had not been killed at Salamanca, the family name might have been preserved.” She sighed.

  “He was in the army, I collect?” asked Elisabeth.

  Her cousin nodded. “A colonel, my dear. And he died a hero’s death. But that is really not any compensation, is it?”

  Elisabeth was about to agree when Belinda appeared. Anthony soon joined them, after having been forced to tie Growser in the mews behind the house. He’d already breakfasted, but he was easily persuaded to eat something more. Both of the young people seemed to like Cousin Lavinia, though they obviously found her rather odd, and some of Elisabeth’s doubts were quieted.

  “Cousin Elisabeth,” said Belinda, “are we to go shopping today?” The girl looked at her hopefully.

  “Oh, yes,” answered Elisabeth. “I daresay we shall shop for several days together before we even begin to purchase all the necessaries. I’m worried about Tony, however. I don’t know where to direct you,” she said to him. “I haven’t the addresses of any tailors.”

  “Oh, I shall manage that,” replied the boy airily. “I shall stroll nonchalantly down Savile Row until I see the place I want.” He grinned.

  Elisabeth gave him a satirical glance. “We must also call at the agency to find a maid for Belinda and a valet for Tony. You will require a maid as well, will you not, Cousin Lavinia?”

  As Lavinia began to deny all desire for such an extravagance, Anthony whooped. “Shall I have my own valet?” he cried.

  Elisabeth looked at him with amused perplexity. “Is that not the usual thing?” she asked. “My father had one. I thought it was customary.”

  Anthony hastened to assure her that it was so; Belinda asked when they might go out; and Lavinia continued to beg her not even to consider hiring her a maid. Elisabeth sat quietly amid the rising babble, unsure whether she wed to laugh or fall into despair. How had she become the head of such a clamorous household, she wondered to herself?

  An hour later, she had regained control. Tony had set off on his own in search of a tailor, while the three ladies were preparing to go to Bond Street. Elisabeth had convinced Lavinia that she must accept some new gowns, but only by promising not to procure her a maid.

  The shopkeepers and modistes of Bond Street were overjoyed to receive such free-spending customers at this slack time of year. Elisabeth tried to keep track of the dress lengths, gowns, and accessories they purchased, but finally she gave it up in despair and left all to Belinda. The latter entered into this expedition with a knowledge and gusto far beyond that of her older companions, and the decisions she made were always correct. In every shop, she soon earned the respect of the most starched-up clerks, for she never hesitated to express her opinion, and she knew exactly what she wanted. Thus, she chose several subdued, but elegant, outfits for Lavinia, staying chiefly with lavender and other quiet colors. For Elisabeth, she picked a number of dresses in cambric and sprig muslin for daytime and found a dress length in blue to match her eyes. And when Elisabeth saw the evening dress Belinda had chosen for her, a pale yellow satin with an overdress of figured lace, all objections died on her lips, and she followed meekly as Belinda led them on.

  The girl ordered few dresses for herself, but purchased a number of dress lengths. She maintained, when pressed, that her own designs were superior to those she’d been shown, and Elisabeth could not argue with this. Belinda’s skill was quite amazing. The ladies arrived home laden with packages, even though most of their purchases had been sent, to find Tony reclining on the sofa in the drawing room impatient for his tea.

  Elisabeth was too tired to do more than hope his taste equaled his sister’s. She vowed that she would seek out Mr. Tilling and try to delegate some of the work ahead to him.

  When she set out for Mr. Tilling’s office early the following morning, Elisabeth was accompanied by her new maid. This tall austere lady was about forty years of age, as nearly as Elisabeth could tell, with iron gray hair and a manner that made her new mistress quake. As they walked along together, Elisabeth glanced at her nervously.

  Ketchem caught her change of expression and raised her eyebrows almost imperceptibly. “It’s good to step out of the house, isn’t it, miss?” she said. “One never knows when that beast will be about with his nasty threatening ways.”

  “I collect you mean Growser,” replied Elisabeth. “I’m sorry you’ve taken such a dislike to him.”

  Ketchem lifted her chin. “I wouldn’t stoop to have any feeling about a mongrel such as that,” she answered somewhat haughtily. “But I will say that it’s not the sort of animal belongs in a townhouse.” She sniffed. “Or indeed any respectable person’s house. What people will think, I cannot imagine.”

  At this, Elisabeth’s own eyebrows went up. “They may think what they please,” she replied rather coldly.

  “Yes, miss,” continued Ketchem, “as I’m sure they will.”

  Elisabeth was glad to reach Mr. Tilling’s office. The solicitor acknowledged Ketchem’s presence with an approving look, which Elisabeth answered with a laughing grimace. While Ketchem was being settled downstairs and offered tea by the respectful and nervous young clerk, Elisabeth followed Mr. Tilling up to his office. Once seated, she immediately began, “Mr. Tilling, you must come to my rescue. I am about to fall into a decline.”

  Mr. Tilling smiled but made no pretense of believing this obvious bounder. “What is the trouble?” he asked.

  “There is simply too much to do,” replied Elisabeth. “Horses to buy, valets to hire, a huge reconstruction project to oversee in the country. And Mr. Tilling, have you met my cousin Lavinia?”

  Her expression was so comically woebegone that the solicitor laughed. “I have not yet had that pleasure. Indeed, I had no notion she’d arrived in London. Is something amiss with her?”

  “Oh, no, I believe not. She’s only a little, eccentric. I take it she has been living alone for some time?”

  He nodded. “Since her father died about ten years ago, I understand.”

  “That may account for it.”

  “What is the problem? Is she not respectable? I was assured…”

  “Not that,” put in Elisabeth hurriedly. “It’s rather difficult to explain.”

  Mr. Tilling frowned. “You need not have her, you know. We can as easily find someone else.”

  Elisabeth smiled wryly. “I couldn’t turn her out after offering her a home so much superior to the one she comes from. I don’t object to having her, but I’m uneasy about taking her into society with us when Belinda comes out. People might find her, ah, strange.”

  “From what I’ve heard,” laughed Tilling, “that might be said for many members of the ton. However, perhaps you will find other chaperones for Belinda once you make some acquaintances in London.”

  “Perhaps,” answered Elisabeth. “In any case, I mustn’t burden you with problems you can do nothing about.” She grinned. “Particularly when I came here to hand you a number of others.”

  He bowed his head. “I am at your service.”

  Leaving the solicitor’s chambers almost an hour later, Elisabeth was quite pleased with herself. She’d arranged that Mr. Tilling would watch over the reconstruction of Willowmere, or send an agent to do so, send round some prospective maids and valets for her cousins to interview, and investigate carriage builders, so that she might call on the best and order a vehicle. This left only the question of horses, and Elisabeth had a notion that Tony might be of help in that area.

  She arrived home meaning to ask him about it, but when she walked into the hall, she heard shouting upstairs.

  “He’s at it again, miss,” said Ketchem righteously, “just as I foretold. We won’t have one quiet minute in this house until that animal goes.”

  Elisabeth turned to Ames, who was just shutting the front door after them, with a pained question in her eyes.
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  “Yes, Miss Elisabeth,” said Ames. “Miss Belinda is rather upset with Mr. Tony, being as Mr. Tony’s dog has chewed up her pink muslin.”

  “Now it’s muslin,” put in Ketchem. “And the dear knows what he’ll be into next. None of us is safe.”

  Elisabeth sighed and rubbed a hand across her forehead. “How did it happen, Ames? Do you know?”

  “Not precisely, miss. Cook is of the opinion that the animal devoured the rope Mr. Tony tied him with so as to break into the house.”

  Ketchem shook her head. “Just as I said,” she repeated.

  The corners of Elisabeth’s mouth began to twitch. “Growser’s teeth must be uncommonly strong,” she said.

  Ames agreed blandly. “I believe he demonstrated their efficacy on a large beefsteak the kitchen maid left out last evening.”

  “Good money wasted, and the cook nearly had a fit of the vapors then and there,” added Ketchem.

  “Wretched animal,” laughed Elisabeth.

  “I venture to suggest a chain, miss,” said Ames, “always supposing you don’t wish to send him to the country.”

  Elisabeth sighed. “Tony would rebel.” Ames signified his agreement by his silence. “Well, I suppose I must go up to them.” The sounds of the quarrel had not abated during this time. Indeed, they’d increased.

  As Elisabeth started up the stairs, Ketchem was heard to murmur, “Boys,” in accents of loathing.

  When she entered the drawing room, Elisabeth found a red-faced Tony facing Belinda belligerently. “The horrid creature should be shot,” Belinda was saying. “He’s a menace to everyone in the house.”

  “Much you know,” replied her brother inelegantly. “Cousin Lavinia said that it is a very good idea to have a watchdog.”

  “A watchdog? That animal is no more a watchdog than I am. He’s too stupid.”

  “Stupid! He’s not as stupid as a scatterbrained female who…”