Touch

by Kris Bryant

  “No sweat, but now you have to tell me where we’re going.” I can’t stop from smiling.

  “Nice try. Can you follow us?” I hear the stress in her voice and it makes me sober up.

  “No problem. Let me grab my stuff and I’ll be in the lobby in a few seconds.” I shut off my computer and grab my keys and my bag. I doubt I’ll be back this evening and that makes me even happier. I show up just as the last parent steps onto the bus.

  “Why’s everybody early?” I look down at my watch. We aren’t even supposed to meet for another four minutes.

  “I think everybody’s just excited about today. Are you ready?” Gloria asks.

  “Sure. I’ll follow you.” I’m not about to mess with her. I can tell she’s still flustered. “Don’t worry about a thing.” She gives me a quick one arm hug and hops on the bus. I hustle to my car and pull up behind them. Even if I don’t know where I’m going, it’s going to be hard to lose the green and blue bus. Plus, I can always call Gloria. I turn down the radio so I can concentrate and follow.

  After about ten minutes, my palms start sweating. This can’t be happening. We take the exit I don’t want to take. We pull into the parking lot I don’t want to pull into. I park beside the bus and stare at the Bushnell Arena, the arena where the Gray Wolves play. This has Stone written all over it. There’s a knock at my window and I jump.

  “Come on, Hayley. We’ve got children to corral.” Gloria opens the door for me. I sigh and step out of my car, my anxiety bubbling up and threatening to spill out.

  “So this is the surprise?” I ask.

  “Sort of. Come on.” We head toward the entrance, Gloria leading the pack, me at the rear. I’d love to sneak away, but even with some parents helping, we’re lacking numbers. I have to stick around. We walk into a dim arena. Gloria points at a roped off area in the seats and we all sit down and wait. As much as I don’t want to see Stone, I’m starting to feel the excitement. The kids are smiling and happy. It’s hard not to get caught up in the moment.

  “Ladies and gentlemen. Are you ready for some fun?” We hear over the loudspeaker. Color lights flash and bob around the ice and the kids start yelling and screaming. When the Gray Wolves’ mascot takes the ice, they get louder and jump up and down. The mascot skates over to the kids and leans over the railing to high five them. He skates to a box on the ice and slides it to the kids. Inside are all Gray Wolves’ jerseys personalized for the kids and even the parents. I can feel my eyes sting with tears. All of this must have cost Stone and the team a fortune. I remember when Stone told me how much she admired these kids. Gloria hands me my jersey and sits down next to me. Instead of Sims, mine reads Doc.

  “Stone wanted to do this as a surprise for you and your patients,” she says. I almost cry right there. The jersey is too small to fit over my sweater so I take it off and put the jersey over my turtleneck.

  “This is perfect,” I say and quickly add, “for the kids.”

  “Oh, this is only the beginning,” she says. The lights dim down again and the loudspeaker announces some of the players. The kids go wild when Stone skates out. The music dies down and Stone and four other players skate over to us. I can’t make eye contact with her.

  “Who here wants to play hockey?” Stone asks. Every single kid raises their hand.

  “Parents and docs, go get fitted for skates if you want to come out on the ice. The kids get a special treat. We are going to use those.” She points to the mascot who returns with three ice sleds.

  “I’ll sit back here with the parents who don’t want to get out on the ice. I hope you go out there,” Gloria says. I turn to her. I’m not going out on the ice. I haven’t skated in years. “Go on. Go get fitted for skates. I’ll watch our stuff.” I can’t say no to her. I’m sure she thinks everything’s great with Stone and I’m just as excited about this as the kids are when, in reality, I want to sneak out the back door and run away to Alaska.

  “I don’t really need to be out there, do I?” I hate that I already know the answer.

  I sigh and follow one of the players who is taking some parents over to the practice rink to be fitted for skates. Thank God I’m wearing thick socks. I remember always needing the padding around my ankles on roller blades and ice skates. The attendant hands me a pair of size eight skates and tells me to make sure they’re snug enough. I head back to the other rink, dreading the thought of having to spend time with Stone. Just when she wasn’t always on my mind.

  Gloria applauds me as I make my way onto the ice. Stone and two of the other Gray Wolves are carefully pulling children around on the sleds. Their smiles couldn’t be any bigger. Each sled has a hockey stick and the kids take turns trying to hit the pucks. The children who can’t use the sticks are riding shotgun in the sleds. Every single person is having a great time except me. I carefully step onto the ice, avoiding all eye contact. I plan on staying in the back until somebody needs me.

  “Doc, come on over here.” I look up and for the first time, make eye contact with Stone. Her eyes are warm and her smile is hesitant, but genuine. It’s hard not to smile when all of the kids are looking at Stone like she’s their hero.

  “I’m not great at skating.”

  She crooks her finger at me. I hate that she’s so charming. I’m mad at her. I’m angry that she can act so cavalier. She broke my heart weeks ago and now she’s acting like we didn’t have sex ten different ways or share tenderness. Hell, I even cried the first time we slept together. No, now she’s playful and fun and it’s as if the relationship between us is a happy one. I almost slip down the side of the wall I’m leaning on when she heads my way, her eyes steady on me. She stands a foot from me. I have to look up at her.

  “Come on. Let’s put aside our differences for these kids, okay? I want them to have a good time. Show them that you aren’t afraid.”

  “You understand that I’m completely pissed at you and if it wasn’t for my boss and these kids, I would have never pulled into the parking lot.” I deliver this with a fake smile.

  “Yeah, I told Gloria you probably wouldn’t want to attend if you knew. I know you aren’t going to like this, but I had to confess to her.”

  “What? You told Gloria about us?” I’m embarrassed and even more upset.

  “We can talk about it later, but yes, in a roundabout way,” Stone says.

  “We can’t talk about it later. Now I’ve got to do damage control and pray that I don’t lose my job. How could you? I was ready to forget about all of this and pretend we didn’t even happen.” I know my voice is getting loud. She reaches out and gently holds my upper arms.

  “Please, Hayley. I have a lot to say and I know now isn’t the time. Let’s put that on hold just for a little bit. Can we please talk later? I promise I won’t blow you off and be an ass. Again,” she says. I look into her blue eyes and I know she’s telling the truth. She’s vulnerable. My icy walls crack a bit. I nod curtly. She gives my arms a quick squeeze and skates away. “Okay, Davis, apparently Miss Hayley needs some encouragement. Want to help get her?” He nods and Stone pulls the sled around and heads my way. I swallow my ego, my heart, my feelings, and push off the wall to meet them halfway.

  “Miss Hayley, you can skate.” He sounds disappointed that he isn’t coming to my rescue after all.

  “I still need your help, Davis. I haven’t skated in a long time. If you stay near me, I can reach out to you if I start to fall.” I’m actually impressed with myself. Even though my skates are tight and already rubbing against my ankles, skating feels pretty good. This makes me appreciate Stone and her desire to be back on the ice even more. Davis high fives me and I almost fall. I quickly grab onto the sled. “See? I told you I needed you.” He laughs and Stone chuckles. I still can’t look at her. I’m having a hard time keeping my emotions in check. I wish Gloria would’ve told me what we were doing today. I could’ve emotionally prepared myself. Of course, I probably would have figured out a way to get out of this trip. Now that Gloria knows the
history, I’m surprised she was okay with it. I should be mad at her, but I feel like I owe her an apology, too. This whole thing is fucked up. Thank God it’s Friday and I can hide for the next two days of my life. I just need to get through the next two hours.

  I take a moment to skate over to Brittney and Kenna who are sharing a sled. It’s their turn to hit pucks. Emily, the Gray Wolves’ starting goalie, is carefully pulling their sled. She pulls them closer and closer to the goal. Stone skates over to play goalie while the girls take shots. The first few attempts, Stone blocks and everybody boos her. On the fourth one, she dives well in advance of the shot and the goal is wide open. Brittney steadies the stick and gently knocks the puck in. Our entire group screams and yells. The smile on her face couldn’t be bigger. I can’t help but applaud and celebrate, too. As much as I want to dislike Stone right now, it’s really hard. This is so good for the kids’ morale and their healing process. Today is Stone’s way of telling them that they can do anything they want to.

  The loudspeaker announces lunch and everybody heads back to the seats. The second level has opened up a kiosk where they are offering hot dogs, hamburgers, fries, pretzels, ice cream, and soda. I’m starving so I head up there and grab a plate.

  I sit down with Brittney and congratulate her again on her goal. I’m so happy the kids are talkative because I really don’t have a lot to say. My emotions are physically draining. This is so much easier. Let them talk and I can sit back and not think about things. It’s hard when Stone’s this close though. She is two tables away being worshipped by the kids and their parents.

  After lunch, it’s going to be the parents and the Gray Wolves playing a little exhibition game. I draw the line there. I will not be a participant, I will only be a spectator. There will be two Gray Wolves and three parents on each team. Gloria, the kids, and I are going to be the cheerleaders eating popcorn and yelling with our mouths full. Even though I’m only here because I was tricked, I’m actually having fun. But it’s only a matter of time before I have to have serious talks with both Gloria and Stone and that puts a damper on my mood.

  Chapter Thirty-eight

  “At some point, we should talk.” I slide next to Gloria who grabs my hand and squeezes it.

  “I think we’re good. I hope today wasn’t too upsetting for you,” she says.

  “You’re not mad?” I ask.

  “What should I be mad about? Stone explained everything to me.”

  “So you know nothing happened while she was a patient and that we also aren’t seeing one another now. Our relationship is over.”

  “Well, I don’t know about that. You two just need to talk.” She turns to the group. “Okay, everybody, say goodbye. We need to get back to Elite.” She turns back to me. “Since you drove separately, why don’t you stay longer and talk to Stone?”

  “Wait a minute. Did you plan this? The bus really isn’t full, is it?” I ask. She shrugs and waves as she walks toward the exit with the group. I believe I’ve just been duped.

  Stone walks over to me and sits down after saying goodbye to her teammates. “I’m glad you stayed behind. I want to talk and I need to do a lot of apologizing.”

  “You were the biggest asshole to me.” My voice sounds a little too shaky, a little too emotional right now so I take a deep breath to steady myself. I still can’t look at her.

  “I know and I’m very sorry. I need to explain myself better,” she says.

  “How could you let somebody like Alison dictate your own feelings? Were they so weak for me to begin with?” I try to mask my emotions, but I know I’m failing.

  She reaches for my hand, but I don’t let her take it. “You have to understand something. You’re my first attempt at a real relationship. I don’t know how to love somebody. I don’t know the steps to take and I’m vulnerable. I think I’m doing everything wrong. When Alison showed up that night, I was taken by surprise. She professed this need for you that I thought I could never compete with. She was very convincing. I’m sorry I let her get to me.”

  I finally look at her. “Why didn’t you talk to me?” I wipe away the first tear.

  “Because I’m a jerk and figured the easiest way was to cut all ties. I shut down when my feelings become too much for me to handle. I know that’s a horrible excuse. It killed me to hurt you. It killed me. But I thought that was the best for you.” She reaches out for my hand again.

  I remain stiff, but I don’t pull away from her. “You really hurt me.”

  She stands up and pulls me up so that I’m practically in her arms. “If you give us another chance, I promise to make it up to you. At least think about it. I know this is a lot to digest at once.” She kisses my forehead and holds me until I lose some of my stiffness. I don’t want to make this easy for her. This emotional up and down has been so hard for me. “I have to go and get ready for the game tonight. Please say you’ll talk to me later.” She tilts my chin up so that I have no choice but to look at her. “Please.”

  “Call me this weekend when you have time.” I won’t kiss her. I’m not even going to hug her. This is a big step for me.

  “I’ll take it, Doc.”

  * * *

  Can I come over after my game on Sunday?

  I look at the clock. It’s almost time for the game to start. I fall back on the couch, completely exhausted from today. It was good, then bad, then good, then scary, then good. It’s almost seven and I’m seriously considering going to bed. If I agree to see Stone on Sunday, I’ll have two days to clean up and prepare myself emotionally for her.

  I take a deep breath before I answer her. After your game?

  Yes, please. I can bring dinner, too.

  I wait several seconds before answering her. If I agree to this, I’m opening myself up to get hurt the same way. If I don’t, I have to walk away from Stone for good. I can’t keep doing this. Yes. What can I say? I’m weak.

  Thank you.

  I don’t hear from her the rest of the night. I check the score online and find out the Gray Wolves won the game six to three with Stone scoring half of the goals. I’m proud of her. She’s having one of her best seasons ever. I think the injury really put things into perspective and she discovered an even greater love of the sport. Maybe this weekend I should study a little hockey, I mean, especially if we’re going to try to make this work.

  The rest of the weekend is spent cleaning and organizing. Even though I tell myself we aren’t going to have sex, I wash my bedding and all of my delicates. Even if I wear practical clothing, I’m going to have something sexy on underneath. I call Rachel who encourages me to at least give Stone another chance. She knows I was upset, but also knows I cared a lot about Stone. By Sunday morning, I’m pacing. All of my laundry is done, I’ve dusted, vacuumed, scrubbed, and polished every single inch of the house. I still have four hours to kill, but I’m too wired to nap. I force myself to sit down and read the latest lesfic romance. If I can’t have it in my real life, I can at least read about it.

  I jump when I hear my phone buzz.

  Are you still good with me coming over later? It’s Stone and it’s after five. I must have fallen asleep.

  That’s fine. What time are you thinking?

  Is six okay?

  That will give me about forty-five minutes to get myself ready. Yes.

  I jump up and head straight for the shower. I won’t have time to dry and curl my hair, but a nice long, hot shower will do me good. I can’t believe I fell asleep for so long. I decide to wear jeans and a long sleeve button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled to my elbows. I put my hair in a messy bun and forgo socks. This is casual. This is how my Sunday would be even without Stone. I turn on the fireplace for added warmth. It’s gas, but functional and gives the room a nice glow. I sit down and wait.

  I hear a car pull up and my heart starts racing. I can feel heat spread inside of me as I wait for her to knock on the door. It’s a quiet, hesitant knock. I put my hand on the door and take a deep breath before
I open it.

  “Hi.”

  I melt at her crooked smile with the faint dimple in her left cheek. “Come in.”

  She hands me a giant bag of takeout. “I’ve got two more things to carry in.” She disappears down the stairs and returns with a heavy plastic tub. She carefully sets it down.

  “Can I open it?” I ask. She holds up a finger and leaves again. “What are you doing?” I can’t see out in the dark so I head to the kitchen to serve dinner. Smelling the food makes me realize how hungry I am. I turn around to find Stone behind me, her coat zipped up all the way. “Can I get you something to drink?” She has the weirdest look on her face, but the cutest smile. I can’t help but smile, too. “What? What’s going on?”

  Stone gasps then giggles. She unzips her leather coat, reaches inside, and pulls out the tiniest gray and white kitten with eyes as blue as hers. “If we’re going to start over, I don’t want you to be lonely on the weekends I’m not in town. Apple will keep you company when I can’t. She’s very sweet and lovable. I think she’s perfect for you.”

  “Oh! She’s beautiful. You named her Apple. It’s perfect. She’s perfect. Thank you so much.” I can’t stop the tears in my eyes or the smile on my face. I take Apple and she reaches up to play with a strand of my hair. Without thinking, I lean forward and kiss Stone.

  “So does this mean you’re going to give us another chance?” She’s serious.

  I hold her chin and bring her lips close to mine. “Do you promise to always talk to me before you do something that alters this relationship?” She nods. “And promise to trust me over any of my ex-girlfriends or ex-fiancées?”

  “Oh, my God. How many do you have of each?” That actually makes me laugh.

  “Only one ex-fiancée and four ex-girlfriends.” I hold up my hand when I see her start to count hers. “I don’t need to know. Ever. This is a clean slate. From here on out. No excessive flirting, no phone numbers, just us. And Apple. Is that okay?”