Pulse of Heroes

by A. Jacob Sweeny

  Michelle showed no appetite for dinner. She sat at the table and played with her food, moving it back and forth from one side of the plate to the other. Her parents tried to cheer her up by letting her know that it seemed that they would be able to afford the Europe trip after all. Her father had taken on a couple of side projects and made out reasonably well, and with the Euro sliding downwards it meant that US dollars would be worth more in Hungary. Michelle tried to look engaged but her heart just wasn’t in it. When her mother couldn’t take the sight of Michelle’s mess of a dinner anymore, she lifted it out from under her in a quick swoop.

  “Hey, I was going to eat that,” Michelle said as her mom scraped the food into the garbage.

  “Michelle, I wouldn’t let you eat that. It’s disgusting!” Her mother was right. The meal had started as an appetizing display of rice, cooked carrots in ginger and shaved lamb steak, but once Michelle was done with it, it looked like baby puke. Her father was also upset, telling her that her mom worked very hard on the meal.

  “Perhaps you should make dinner if you don’t like the menu,” he said in an angry but controlled tone. Michelle was sorry and let her mom know that she didn’t mean to ruin dinner, it was just that she was stressed over school again.

  Michelle used the school excuse to get out of the house, supposedly heading to Samantha’s to study. But she kept walking with a different destination in mind. She was going to Hekademos Learning Center and she was going to let Elliot have it. She didn’t care how old he was or what tricks he could pull.

  Michelle stood in front of the large iron gates and looked at the black button next to the keypad. She was mighty worked up while walking, but once she was standing there she lost her momentum and her confidence sank. She started feeling embarrassed and ashamed at her own stupidity, wondering if anyone on the inside could see her out there pacing around like a fool. After all, the entire place was security tight and the cameras were everywhere. That thought alone irritated her enough, giving her the boost to push the black button. After pressing it, Michelle waited for a reply and when nothing happened she felt almost relieved. Oh well, she thought, at least she wasn’t a complete chicken and gave it a try. But just as she turned around to walk away she heard some static coming out of the small speaker, and then a voice; to whom it belonged she couldn’t tell.

  “Umm… this is Michelle. I was wondering if I could talk to Elliot?” Did she sound desperate? “If this is a bad time will you tell him that I stopped by?” Michelle’s heart was practically jumping out of her chest. It seemed like it took forever before she heard any response. She didn’t know that Rion and Haneul were inside, deliberating about what to do. The voice told her to come inside as the gates began to swing open. Oh God, Michelle thought, what has she gotten herself into now? What if Elliot was in there, livid? Once in front of the door she came to a standstill, too scared to knock. But not a second passed before the large door swung open to reveal Rion, standing there smiling.

  “Hello, Michelle. What a nice surprise. Do come in.” Michelle didn’t know what to say as she entered with Rion right behind her. “I hope you enjoyed that egg?” he asked with a laugh. Michelle’s legs began shaking a little bit. The living room was empty; she had a bad feeling and regretted being there. Rion asked her if she would like anything to drink but Michelle politely declined.

  “Michelle, I am sorry to be the one to tell you this, but Elliot is not here.” Rion looked straight into her, and it made her feel uncomfortable.

  “When will he be back?” Michelle asked in disappointment.

  “That’s the other thing, I’m afraid I don’t have that answer.” Michelle’s eyes grew large and sad and she looked very confused. Rion couldn’t help but think that she was as cute as a bug.

  “But… where did he go?” Michelle asked, her large eyes growing even larger. Rion asked her to sit down and although Michelle didn’t have any desire to do so, she knew that if she didn’t she would look even more a fool than before. Michelle pretended to be more at ease and asked Rion if she could have a drink of water after all. What she really wanted was a few seconds to herself so she could regain her composure. But that didn’t happen because Rion didn’t leave the room. Instead, Haneul came out of the kitchen with a tall glass of water and put it on the table in front of her. Michelle felt like she had been lured into a trap because it was obvious that Haneul had been listening to them from the kitchen.

  “I’m Haneul,” he said, holding out his hand to shake hers. Michelle shook it placidly. Rion sat on the edge of the low table in front of her and Haneul took a seat in an armchair to her left.

  “Michelle, Elliot left the country and there is no way of telling when he might be back,” Rion said in a sympathetic voice. Michelle wanted to scream really loudly, but instead took a deep breath and tried to act as calm as possible.

  “Oh, really. Well, I guess I’ll have to study for my Italian test by myself then.” Michelle had no intention of revealing her true feelings of pain, shock and anger. The guys looked at one another, both raising their eyebrows as they were obviously unaware that Elliot had the patience let alone the interest to do any studying with anyone.

  “He’s teaching you Italian?” Haneul asked in shock, as if such an idea was completely off the wall.

  “He’s not exactly teaching me. He’s helping me with my schoolwork because I fell behind when I…” Rion cut her off.

  “It’s really not our business what you and Elliot do when you are alone. It’s a shame that he left before you took your exam. I’m sure that is very important to you.” Michelle could tell that Rion was making small talk instead of really saying what was on his mind. She changed the subject, asking when exactly did Elliot leave?

  “He left early Monday morning, right after Devin got back. I drove the two of them to the airport myself,” Haneul answered. Michelle’s ‘cool’ act was fading quickly. The area between her eyes and forehead bunched up as she thought of all the possibilities as to why Elliot would leave like that without telling her. Did he have the trip planned already? Did something happen and he had to leave in an emergency? Did it have to do with her? Whatever the case, Michelle felt hurt and invisible. If Elliot cared about her at all, even as a friend, he should have let her know.

  “Where did he go?” Michelle asked again. She had no idea that her voice would sound so shaky and upon hearing it her cheeks became warm. She got up off the couch telling them that she had to go home. It was obvious that both of them felt sorry for her, but being that Haneul didn’t like emotional anythings, especially if it had to do with Western women, he too got up and shook Michelle’s hand, telling her that it was a pleasure to meet her, and disappeared upstairs in lightning speed before Michelle even got the chance to say goodbye. Rion watched Haneul pull his disappearing act with much amusement, but he definitely didn’t intend to still be smiling when he turned his attention back to poor Michelle.

  “I’m sorry about that,” Rion said, wiping the grin from his face. “Don’t let him fool you. Haneul is quite the ladies’ man, but he finds Western women baffling.” Michelle blushed all over again and Rion burst out laughing at her expression, even though he did everything within his power not to. “I’m sorry,” he finally said once he saw that Michelle looked as if she might start crying. He cleared his throat and approached her with what he considered to be his mature fatherly voice. “Michelle, I don’t know how much Elliot told you, or if he told you anything at all about us… or this school.”

  “He told me enough,” Michelle said, folding her hands together and shifting her weight back onto her left leg. She wasn’t going to let him make fun of her anymore. Now that was the attitude, Rion thought to himself. That’s what attracted Elliot to her; it was suddenly so obvious. She wasn’t just a quiet little mouse. Elliot had never liked passive women because there was no challenge or mystery to them at all. Their kind found it so easy to be with anyone they fancied, and after a while it became quite a bore. Elliot had on
ce said that having a woman that said yes to everything was like being alone, and this girl here in front of him didn’t seem like a ‘yes’ woman at all. But she was young, way too young, Rion thought, especially if Elliot wanted her to remain her own person rather than becoming a reflection of himself. Rion couldn’t help but wonder if Elliot had already lain with Michelle. That was the surest way to get a young girl to grow up to be a ‘yes’ woman. Young women were so easy to control.

  “What?” Michelle asked, feeling that Rion was measuring her in some way.

  “Nothing. Nothing at all,” he said to her, clearing his mind of the not so G-rated image he had in his head. “I was just wondering what you meant by saying that he told you enough.” Michelle tried to fill Rion in about what she knew.

  “That’s it?” Rion asked.

  “Should there be more?” Michelle asked back, as confused as ever.

  “No, not really,” Rion lied. He guessed that if Elliot hadn’t told her about what had happened in China and why he had been forced to leave, then it was obvious that he shouldn’t mention it either.

  “You still didn’t tell me where Elliot is?”

  “Elliot and Devin flew to Asia. China to be precise.”

  “China!” Michelle yelled, “and you don’t know when he’s coming back?” Rion apologized.

  “None of us do. Elliot had to take care of certain things. And to be honest, he could be gone a week or a month, or even years. I’m sure by now you understand that time passes differently for us.” Michelle was crushed. She swallowed hard and apologized to Rion for coming there in the first place. Rion felt really bad for Michelle, but he also knew that Elliot always acted with reason, so who was he to pass judgment on him for not telling the girl that he was leaving.

  Michelle shut the door behind her as quietly as possible. She didn’t realize that she had been at the school long enough for it to turn dark. But she thought that it was better that way; no one would see her crying while she walked home. How could Elliot be so cold, she thought? And what was she supposed to do? Wait for him when he might not come back for years, if at all? Michelle hugged herself while walking. The evening breeze was chilly and she hadn’t brought a sweater. In a most bizarre manner the light breeze began picking up speed and it became windy. A small tornado of dust and leaves began spinning in front of her legs and Michelle stopped to stare at the rotating dust with concern. She then felt a presence behind her.

  “A rather small thrill, I know, but I didn’t want to alarm the neighbors with a real tornado,” Rion said smiling.

  “What do you want?’ Michelle asked, hoping that the dark concealed her tears. Rion told her that he didn’t think she should be walking alone at night.

  “But there are streetlights on the main road. I’ve lived on this street since I was born; it’s very safe.” Michelle resumed walking. But Rion kept up with her anyway, telling her that he didn’t mean to sound so callous at the school, but that he thought telling her the truth was better than circumventing it, even slightly. Michelle told him that she appreciated that because the last thing she wanted to do was play the fool.

  “Listen, Elliot is not a bad guy. He’s got a good heart. I mean, we are family, him and I, by marriage at least…”

  “He’s married???” Michelle asked, stopping in her tracks. Now Rion could tell for certain that she had her heart set on Elliot. And that he had obviously failed to discuss any of his previous relationships with her.

  “No, he’s not married anymore,” Rion said, assuring her with a kind smile. “But at one point in our lengthy journey he was married to one of my great grandchildren, wait, no, my great great grandchild. But that was a long time ago.” Michelle hated the image of Elliot with another woman so she didn’t say anything. After a few moments of walking quietly, Michelle asked Rion what she was like. Rion wasn’t sure that it was a good idea for them to be discussing Leta, but Michelle kept insisting, promising up and down that she was aware that Elliot had been married before, and she was just curious.

  “Was she very pretty?” Michelle asked even though she knew the answer.

  “Yes, of course she was. She was my blood,” Rion said proudly, after which his mood changed. He told her that Elliot’s marriage to Leta ended up in a horrible tragedy, one that sent Elliot into a deep despair. “Leta died at a young age,” he added, looking at Michelle seriously.

  “I didn’t see Elliot for almost 1500 years after that, and that’s a lot even by our time frame.” Michelle sensed Rion’s sadness, and despite feeling jealous she felt bad for bringing up the subject. She apologized for asking, but Rion wasn’t listening, and continued telling her that once he and Elliot reconnected he found out that Elliot had not remarried in all those missing years. “Not until recently, when he married Xander’s grandmother. Elliot is still carrying around a lot of pain. He has many issues,” he warned Michelle. “We used to be close but we don’t talk much anymore. I have no idea really how he’s doing, and that’s one of the reasons that it didn’t surprise me that he didn’t tell you he was leaving. He is very conflicted about relationships.” Michelle became visibly upset once more and Rion decided that he had said enough. Once the light coming out from her parents’ bedroom window was visible, she thanked Rion for walking her home and convinced him to let her know if he heard anything from Elliot. Rion responded to her in perfect Italian and Michelle turned around in complete surprise. “I said, if you need, I can help you prepare for your Italian test. Anyone at the school could; we all speak Italian fluently.” Michelle smiled at Rion’s generosity and told him that that would be great, but only if he really didn’t mind. She didn’t want him to pity her.

  Once in bed, Michelle lay awake thinking about the things that Rion had told her. She had so many questions in her mind. Could Elliot really be that damaged, emotionally out of reach because of something that happened over a thousand years ago? Michelle wondered about Leta… what did she look like? Why did she die at a young age? Michelle found herself feeling jealous of the effect that this Leta’s death had on Elliot’s heart, even though she knew that she was being silly and childish to feel jealous over a poor woman who died so many years ago. Another question that swirled in her head was whether Elliot could love anyone the way he loved Leta, or if that kind of love only happened once in a lifetime. But what if that life goes on forever, is it still the same? She wondered where Elliot went after Leta passed away and what did he do during all those years? It was obvious that Rion knew Elliot well, and perhaps spending time with him was not that bad of an idea. After all, he did leave the door open for her to come back. He told her to call the school and leave him a message if she needed help in her studies, and that was exactly what she needed to do. She must. Michelle felt a terrible hunger for any information about Elliot; she wanted to know everything there was to know. This dedicated determination was something new to her. She had never felt like that before and was aware that she was changing. She was thinking about the world differently and her entire concept of the people in her life was changing. They were still out there, but she, although still in their world, was living on the edge between two different worlds that were related to one another and even interacted, but were at odds on the concept of time.

  The anticipation of summer vacation was infecting everyone in school, everyone except Michelle. The arrival of May was just another marker, an additional point of reference to Elliot’s long absence. By this time Michelle had made peace with the fact that Elliot left because of something very serious, but deep inside she feared that he hadn’t come back because of her. Nothing took the sting away from feeling irrelevant. She missed him and thought about him more and more. When she told Samantha that Elliot had left the country and no one knew when he’d be back, Sam wasn’t impressed at all, and told Michelle that she needed to forget him. The upcoming Junior Prom was another situation that Michelle refused to think about, even though Samantha kept insisting that Michelle would regret it if she didn’t go.
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br />   “Tim has been hinting about asking you to be his date, even as friends. He just wants you to give him a chance. I know it,” Samantha said, almost begging. Michelle told her that she did care about Tim, and that was precisely why she thought it wouldn’t be fair to go with him just as friends when he had feelings for her and she was pining over another guy.

  “But Elliot isn’t here! Are you going to skip on everything in your life?” Samantha asked in frustration. Michelle didn’t know what to say. She wanted out, to leave the scene. She refused to be confronted by her own weaknesses. So she told Samantha that she just couldn’t think about the Prom at that moment because she was still failing Italian. Michelle walked away, leaving Samantha standing in the school’s main hallway.

  That afternoon Rion told the guys that Michelle would be coming over to study, and although no one seemed to find anything wrong in that, there was still the hovering question if doing so was proper. But at the same time, all Elliot did was to take her on a nice drive or two, nothing more. When Michelle showed up at Hekademos Kahl greeted her warmly, telling her he was very happy to see her. He put his hands on her shoulders and gave her a small squeeze, saying that it had been too long since they all had dinner together.

  “What dinner?” Haneul asked.

  “When Ando cooked the abalones. Oh, that’s right, you guys weren’t around that night,” Kahl answered. Both Rion and Haneul looked at Ando, who looked up from the magazine he was reading and shrugged.