Pulse of Heroes

by A. Jacob Sweeny

  Michelle did a lot of people watching too. She studied them in the bus stops or in the different cars driving by. The faces themselves didn’t look much different than the ones back home, but what was different was the way women wore their hair and the amount of makeup they applied. Over here, even the young women wore a complete makeup look that included foundation, blush, mascara, lipstick and eye shadow, while in the States it was mostly old women who did that. It made the Hungarian women look much older, she thought, and the fact that almost everyone she saw had a cigarette dangling from their lips probably didn’t help matters either. It was like a fashion statement or something, as if the Hungarians had never heard about the health risks of the nasty habit, and they seemed not to mind the stink of it either. Michelle rolled up her window, unable to take in any more of the acidic smell. It was like driving through an ashtray, she thought. Gross.

  The scenery became more pleasant again as the Andrews made their way outside the city limits. They crossed spacious farmlands and small towns. The air smelled fresher, and Michelle relaxed in the back seat listening to her mother describe how things hadn’t really changed since she had traveled out to Abony with her own mom and grandmother. Eventually, Michelle tuned her mother’s voice out and it took only a few seconds before she began thinking about Elliot again. What would he think if he knew how far away she was? ‘I miss you,’ she said to him in her thoughts, wishing he could hear her. A wave of melancholy swept over her. She still loved him so much, and she worried that she would never feel complete without him.

  Eranka was much taller than expected. Even in her ripe age, she towered over Michelle by at least four inches. She had waited patiently for them, and there were tears of joy in her eyes when they arrived. Eranka was the only one left alive from Michelle’s great-grandmother’s generation. She had two sons, who themselves had children and grandchildren, but some of them lived in Australia while the others had moved to London. Much as Eranka loved her boys, she had always been disappointed that she had never given birth to a girl, and neither had either of her daughters-in-law. For whatever reason, she had always taken a special interest in Michelle from the day she was born, keeping a little place in her heart for the young girl even though they had never met.

  Throughout the years, Michelle’s mom had sent Eranka postcards and short letters telling her about Michelle’s progress and, when Michelle was old enough, her mom would send Eranka some of her artworks and short notes written in large block letters. Eventually, Michelle took it upon herself to continue the ritual, and although her letters weren’t as intimate as Eranka had hoped they might be, she told her great aunt enough to make her feel that she was part of her life. Now Eranka in her summery dress had her still strong arms wrapped around Michelle. She hugged her so tight that eventually Michelle relaxed and let the moment be. It felt good, it was genuine and Michelle put her arms around Eranka as well. When they finally pulled apart, Eranka still held on to Michelle’s hands and looked her over from head to toe

  “You are very skinny,” she said, shaking her head. “Come, please,” she urged everyone, dragging Michelle along with her. They entered the small dining room that had an oval table covered with a crochet tablecloth. On the table there was a rose-shaped plate heaving with homemade cookies, and a beautiful samovar of silver and porcelain, ready to serve the warm liquid into an array of dainty teacups. Everyone sat down and enjoyed the treats, even Eranka. While sipping on the fragrant sweet tea, Michelle couldn’t help but think of Francesca back at home. She took joy in eating as much as Eranka did. Before leaving the states, Michelle’s mother had helped her arrange for a flower bouquet to be delivered on Francesca’s birthday. Michelle hoped that it would make her feel less alone. Eranka got up to clear the table while Michelle’s mother protested. In a feisty voice, Eranka ordered Michelle’s mother to sit back down.

  “I can still remember where my kitchen is, so don’t treat me like an invalid. And you are my guest. If you do work it will make me sad.” While Eranka disappeared into the kitchen, Michelle’s father teased her mother that she had just been completely demoted. Michelle laughed at the funny face that her mom made, and reflected that her parents were starting to act like small children. It was fun seeing them that way, and for the first time she imagined them the way they must have been when they were young and in love. Elliot. Michelle’s mind reminded her once again that her love was not with her. She sighed, loud enough for her mom to ask her if she was all right.

  “She is just tired from the airplane. After she eats maybe you go take to sleep for a little bit?” Eranka said, walking into the dining room carrying a plate of cured meats in one hand and a plate of pickles and dark bread in the other. Michelle jumped up to help, but Eranka shooed her away too.

  “This is all too much, Eranka,” her mom said. “We had a late breakfast, and we just finished all the cookies, and now this? You’re going to feed us to death.”

  Eranka showed Michelle where she would be sleeping. It was a private bedroom, and she was grateful for that. Eranka’s farmhouse wasn’t big at all, and originally only had two bedrooms. But when Peti, Eranka’s oldest son decided that he couldn’t stand his younger brother Joska any longer, he built a loft style bedroom right under the gable. The stairs leading up there were very steep and there were no handrails. But Michelle didn’t care as long as she had some privacy.

  “Here, you take this for the bed,” Eranka said, handing Michelle fresh bedding. “I had my girl clean it from dust last week, but I want you to have fresh. I don’t go up, it’s too much danger with my legs.” Eranka looked down at her ankles and Michelle was shocked at the amount of swelling she had in her lower legs and feet. “It doesn’t hurt, just bad circulation in the blood. It goes in our family so you need to be careful and keep with sports,” Eranka added. Michelle thanked her and climbed the wooden stairs, carrying her large duffle bag on one shoulder and the linens in the other hand.

  To Michelle’s surprise the little room was quaint and clean. It had all wood walls but nothing dark or gloomy. There was even a large window that overlooked some of the land and what looked like a river beyond that. The bed was a twin size and had a sturdy mattress. Michelle spread the flowery sheets on the mattress in no time but it took her some time to figure out that the creamy crocheted blanket was actually a duvet cover and the blanket fit inside it like a letter in an envelope. Once the bed was made Michelle smiled at the old fashioned look of the lace ruffles and rosy prints, but it looked inviting. She let her body relax on the bed and closed her eyes; she even pretended not to smell the mothball odor emanating from the small chest of drawers.

  The next morning, Michelle found everyone in the backyard sitting on plastic chairs enjoying the sun. Michelle didn’t want to think about anything bad happening to her great aunt. She couldn’t help but notice that Eranka seemed strong and full of life. This, considering that she had told her mom she feared she wouldn’t make it till next summer. She probably just really wanted them to visit. When Michelle swung open the screen door Eranka smiled at her and told her that she had a job for her to do.

  “Oh?” Michelle asked and Eranka took two plastic bowls off the table and handed them to her. She pointed Michelle to a small garden in the back corner of the yard and told her that she needed to fill up both bowls with green beans. One was for dinner and the other was for the neighbor. Michelle happily went over to the garden. Eranka must love beans she thought when she saw the mess of bean bushes creeping up along the back fence. She crouched down and began snapping off some of the crunchy pods. Although she did eat a few herself, the bowls were filled in no time and just as she was about to get up and return to the house she noticed something furry under the plants. At first she was a little nervous but when she crouched down she saw that it was nothing but a fat brown rabbit. The animal didn’t seem scared of her, so she petted it and eventually picked it up and carried it towards the house under her arm.

  “Look how cute, Mom. It’s a ra
bbit and it’s not scared either,” Michelle said. But when Eranka saw the rabbit she became very angry and told Michelle to throw it over the fence. It belonged to the kids on the other side and it kept sneaking in to eat her vegetables. She even threatened that she would make soup out of him because he was so fat and had all her vegetables inside his stomach. Michelle nuzzled the little bun before she lifted him and dropped him on the other side of the fence. When she watched him hop away she was reminded of the time when Elliot lowered her down to the woods from the school wall. Was she just like the rabbit, a rabbit that returned even though it wasn’t wanted? Was she already soup?

  In the afternoon Michelle joined Eranka in the kitchen because she was told that she was needed to help make dinner, but in fact she didn’t do anything even close to helping. She watched Eranka cook and listened to her talk about how she had always wanted to have her own daughter. She asked Michelle if she wanted children, and although Michelle had never thought about it she realized that if things were right she would probably enjoy being a mom. Sadly she told Eranka that she didn’t have a boyfriend, her thoughts wandering to what it would have been like being married to Elliot. Would he want to have children again? Would he be a good father? Silly girl. Michelle got mad at herself for even thinking about such things. There was a knock on the front door and Eranka asked Michelle to go see who it was. It was a handsome boy, a bit younger than her, and he looked like he had been working outdoors because his face was brown and his clothes were dusty. When he saw Michelle he blushed and Eranka who had joined them at the door said something to him in Hungarian that didn’t seem too nice, judging by the way his face turned sour. He handed her a small bowl filled with eggs and Eranka gave him the extra bowl of green beans. Eranka left to put the eggs away in the refrigerator leaving Michelle alone with him.

  “Hi,” Michelle said to him smiling. She didn’t know if he spoke any English. The boy blushed again and said hi back to her, then turned around and began walking away.

  “Bye,” Michelle called after him, amused at her womanly powers. The boy, Edvard as Michelle learned later, turned around and waved goodbye to her before disappearing around the corner. Well Elliot, Michelle thought to herself as her self-esteem and ego got fed for the first time in a while, maybe she won’t be alone for too long. Maybe other guys were the magic cure-all for her broken heart. She must not be too bad if she could make a cute boy blush like that, she thought to herself as she straightened her back.

  In the morning everybody piled into the silver egg-shaped rental car because they all agreed it would be nice to have breakfast in town. Michelle watched the scenery of wet lowlands passing her by; large squares of greens, browns, and yellows. She realized that the water she had seen from the upstairs bedroom window was not a river, but man-made canals that supplied water to the various farms dotting the area. The town of Abony was very small, yet it boasted numerous churches of different denominations, each trying to outdo the other in architecture and grandness. Michelle liked the yellow and white Catholic Church because those colors represented peace and happiness to her. But even in this foreign land things kept reminding her of Elliot. On one of the small roads she saw an old dilapidated structure that still had fragments of gold painted stucco and fancy Roman columns holding up a triangular front gable. A chain link fence surrounded the building and the grounds were overgrown with weeds. “What’s that?” Michelle asked, pointing at the sad display. Eranka looked at the building and let out a long sigh.

  “That used to be a beautiful synagogue, but no more,” she added sadly.

  “Why not? I mean why doesn’t anybody fix it?” Michelle asked, confused. Eranka explained that the Jewish people had never wanted to come back. Most of the Hungarian Jewry had perished in death camps or in execution-style roundups.

  “Would you want to come back?” Eranka was talking about the Holocaust. Michelle felt a dark cloud descend on her soul and remembered Elliot telling her how some of his Jewish descendants had perished in horrible ways during those years. Had some of them lived in Hungary?

  Elliot considered himself to be Jewish. Israelite to be precise. He had descendants belonging to almost every religion in the world, but he himself had converted to the ancient faith thousands of years ago when he married his first wife. That was when he took on his Hebrew name and it felt natural to him. He has been Elliot ever since. Michelle had found the story fascinating, but it was still hard for her to deal with Elliot’s amazing devotion to his first wife. When Elliot felt Michelle’s insecurity looming beneath her thoughts, he shifted the conversation away from the past and concentrated on her own name.

  Michelle had always assumed that her name was French; ala ‘Michelle ma belle, sont des mots qui vont tres bien ensemble,’ but Elliot told her that it was actually Hebrew just like his, and that their names were related. His name meant ‘my God is lofty’, and was a variant of the name Elijah, and hers was a feminine version of the name Michael and it meant ‘who is like God?’ He told her that Michelle was an Israelite princess and she liked that a lot, although he conveniently failed to mention that he had known her personally. Michelle had felt so much more connected to Elliot after finding out that their names were almost the same. But now she felt so far away from him as she watched the bleak walls of the abandoned synagogue disappearing into the distance. She wondered how many physical miles separated them, and how many emotional walls had risen between them.

  The old fashioned phone was ringing when they all got back to Eranka’s. Michelle was excited that Vilna was calling because she wasn’t sure if she actually would. The girls were planning to go out to dinner with Marika’s parents the next evening, and wanted to see if Michelle and her parents could join them, after which the girls would venture out alone. Michelle was briefed that the cool places didn’t show any signs of life until well after 10 PM, so unless she wanted her parents to pick her up in the early hours of the morning she should just spend the night at Marika’s. Eranka protested immediately, warning that Budapest was filled with dangerous places. “She should sleep here,” she said matter-of-factly. Michelle marveled at the matriarchal Eranka. She was one strong, determined woman. To Michelle’s disappointment, her parents agreed with her great aunt and told her that they would go find something to do in town while Michelle was out with her new friends. They read in their tourist guide about a few late night jazz lounges that sounded interesting.

  The following evening, Michelle and her parents parked a few blocks away from the restaurant that Marika’s father, Mr. Farkas, had suggest they meet at. Although they invited Eranka to join them, she decided to stay home because the activities of the last several days had been a lot for the older lady. Michelle was nervous about her outfit; she hoped she would fit in rather than announcing to the entire city that she was a tourist. She wore a lime green paisley printed baby doll shirt that tied with ribbons behind her neck and around her back, and paired it with a ruffled white skirt that sat just above her knees. And since it was summer, she didn’t bother to put on any makeup besides her famous cherry lip-gloss. Her mother thought she looked great, but her father worried that she’d get too cold without a sweater. When they entered the restaurant Michelle immediately recognized Marika who was standing at her chair and scanning the large room. She saw Michelle and waved at her excitedly. At the table everyone made the proper introductions and got down to the business of ordering. Mrs. Farkas was a very pretty lady, Michelle thought to herself looking back and forth between Marika and her mom. They were definitely related, although the daughter was wearing quite a bit more makeup than the mother. The parents talked amongst themselves while the girls told Michelle all about the upcoming open-air festival. It was one of the highlights of summer and lasted for an entire weekend. Michelle was happy to see the grownups getting along so well because it meant her chances of going to the festival were fairly high. Mr. and Mrs. Farkas even decided to join Michelle’s parents at the jazz clubs later. When the meal was over and the w
aiter came with the bill, Michelle’s father insisted on paying for everyone, a gesture that made Michelle feel very proud. Michelle watched Vilna put a number of bills back into her wallet, and was impressed that she thought about paying for herself even though she was there without her parents. When Vilna noticed Michelle looking at her she gave her a sly smile and shyly said that she had enough money to pay her own way.

  As it turned out, Michelle wasn’t dressed anywhere near appropriate for where the girls were planning to go, so they headed to Vilna’s brother’s place to change. They hopped on a bus and after a few blocks they got off in front of a medium-sized Victorian apartment house. It was a beautiful building, but it looked a little dreary with all the smog stains turning the white walls an ugly shade of gray. Still, Michelle thought that she wouldn’t mind living there; it was cool. The small open cage elevator seemed a little scary, but Vilna assured Michelle that it was safe and only looked old. “You’re going to like where I live. It’s the penthouse,” she said, smiling. Michelle asked the girls how old they were. Marika was 18 and Vilna 19. “You’re the baby,” Vilna laughed as she jiggled the keys to the apartment’s front door. When the small wooden door swung open and they all entered, Michelle found herself staring at an amazing panorama of a beautiful lighted bridge stretching across the Danube River.

  “Wow!” was all Michelle could say as she walked over to the wall of windows.

  “Is the Chain Bridge, first bridge to build to cross the Danube,” Marika explained with pride. Suddenly loud music began blasting through various speakers in the house and Vilna returned hopping and dancing with a large grin on her face.