Pulse of Heroes

by A. Jacob Sweeny

  “Lets go back there,” Vilna said, pointing to a small grove of trees. Michelle happily agreed and the girls headed away from the crowd. They were obviously not the only people that had come up with the idea of peeing in the grove; even there they had to wait for a turn behind their tree of choice. Michelle had no problem crouching down and just had to make sure that she pulled her skirt far enough away from any accidental streams. But Vilna’s rubbery leather pants were so tight that she had to fight her way out of them, which was quite humorous because she was practically belly dancing trying to peel them off. Both girls burst out laughing, and Michelle had to pee all over again.

  When they emerged from the trees, Michelle suggested that they should get some water because Vilna seemed like she wasn’t too steady on her feet anymore. They began circling back to the kiosk, but suddenly Vilna stopped in her tracks and Michelle bumped right into her from behind.

  “What’s wrong?” Michelle asked, confused, but Vilna didn’t answer her; she just kept staring straight ahead. At first Michelle didn’t see what it was, just people milling about drinking and smoking, but then she saw someone who wasn’t doing any of that. It was a couple, locked in a passionate kiss. It took only an instant for Michelle to figure out that it was Adi that Vilna was staring at. She had no idea if Vilna knew that Adi was involved with another girl, but at this point that was a rhetorical question.

  Vilna was obviously very upset at what she was witnessing. Michelle gently tugged on her shirt, “Let’s go.” But Vilna didn’t move and didn’t say anything either. Only in her worst nightmares could Michelle imagine what the poor girl was feeling. If that were Elliot with another girl, she probably would have already lost it.

  “Adi!” Vilna’s voice shook as she called his name. Adi looked up from his kiss, his face a display of raw emotions; Michelle couldn’t judge which ones. He was thin and tall with blond hair shaved very close to his scalp. His tank top displayed a coat of arms of some sort, and his black jeans were tucked into his military boots. He was definitely good looking and Michelle could see the appeal, even if he wasn’t her type. The girl with him looked like a body double for Vilna, and when she looked up she grabbed on to Adi’s arm territorially. After a long quiet moment, Adi took the girl’s hand and walked up to Vilna who was obviously shaking. They said something to one another in Hungarian, and a second later he and the girl were gone.

  Vilna turned around and Michelle could see that she was crying. She watched her march to the kiosk and slam two shots of something before Michelle had a chance to protest. Vilna lifted her hand towards the bartender for another one, but this time Michelle physically forced her hand down onto the counter. Vilna’s face was contorted with pain.

  “He is engaged,” she said and burst out sobbing. Just then Vilna’s cell phone beeped and she read a text that obviously upset her even further. “Marika is not coming back with us,” she said matter-of-factly. Despite Michelle’s pleas, Vilna had another shot and about ten minutes later she was staggering drunk. The party was still going on full force as Michelle led her away from the crowd and back to the Audi. Vilna cried and cried, and all Michelle could do was hug her and share her pain.

  Vilna was in no shape to get behind the wheel in her condition, and Michelle didn’t know if she could find her way back to the city. She wondered if Vilna was sober enough to at least guide her? Michelle checked the time in the car and saw that she still had a couple of hours before she needed to meet her parents. Vilna slept for a little while in the car while Michelle watched her, but woke up about fifteen minutes later and vomited all over the dirt. “Oh Michelle, I am sorry. I feel so sick. Thank you for bringing me back to the car… I like you, you are very nice... and I am really sorry, for everything. You believe me?” Michelle told her not to worry about it and that she liked her too. But Michelle also told her that her parents would be very concerned if she got back late, and that they probably wouldn’t let her go to the festival if she were. Vilna moaned and sloppily pushed the buttons on her cell phone, throwing up again on the side of the car just as the person on the other end picked up the call. She coughed a bit and then returned to talk to whoever it was, which surprised Michelle because if she were on the other end of that call she probably would have hung up already. After a few brief words, Vilna ended the call and let the cell phone slide down into her lap. “My brother said you can drive his car, only if you know how to drive with a stick?” Michelle proudly announced that she had no problem driving a stick because she had been driving a Jaguar for months now.

  The dirt road was scary enough. Unfortunately, the gears of the Audi were so tight that Michelle had to learn how to drive all over again. On the main highway, angry drivers honked at her and gave her the finger while Vilna yelled obscenities back at them. At one point Michelle had to pull over on a dark deserted road because Vilna had to throw up again. While that was happening her cell phone rang and she told Michelle to answer it. Michelle didn’t really want to because what was the point? She didn’t speak any Hungarian. “It’s my brother! It’s his ring. Pick it up!” Vilna yelled from behind the bushes.

  “Hello?” Michelle answered nervously.

  “Did you crash my car yet?” Haden asked her with sarcasm.

  “No,” Michelle said, hiding her annoyance. Haden asked her where they were but she had no idea. He then asked her if she thought she could make it all the way back into the city, and Michelle said that as long as Vilna told her where to go she should be fine. After a few stalls and a couple of missed freeway exits, Michelle finally pulled Haden’s car into a small parking space reserved for residents only. Vilna called to let him know that they got home safe, and he told her that he was just a couple of minutes behind them and that they should wait.

  The idea of seeing Haden again made Michelle a little nervous. He was obviously bad news, that she could see right away, but there was something about him that piqued her interest, something she couldn’t really describe. He was raw and refined at the same time, and his overconfidence reeked of sensuality. Maybe he wasn’t all that bad; he obviously cared about his sister. Michelle rationalized that the whole tough sexy act was just that, an act. She got out and leaned against the car while Vilna rocked back and forth on the curb with her head hanging between her legs; she was crying again. When blinding headlights pulled up behind them, Michelle couldn’t see the vehicle, but she heard the car doors open and close and then the headlights backed off, revealing Haden’s silhouette heading towards them. Vilna dried her tears and told Michelle not to say anything about Adi because Haden hated him enough already. Haden said something to Vilna and she stood up, yelling back at him, “Nem!” She was still pretty drunk, and stumbled over her 4 inch heels.

  “Keys please,” Haden said to Michelle, stretching out his hand. She gave them to him without saying a word, and watched as he walked over to where Vilna was trying to stand. She was tiny next to him, and he picked her up like she weighed nothing. He didn’t cradle her, but instead threw her over his shoulder and began walking towards the building.

  ”Are you coming?” he asked Michelle, but she wasn’t sure that that would be such a good idea. She told him that she needed to meet her parents in less than 45 minutes. But there was something more. Even though Haden was rather short with her, he gave her weird feelings, a mixture of fear and fascination. “I won’t bite,” he laughed while holding open the doorway to the apartment building. “You’re in Hungaria, NOT Romania!”

  Michelle slowly shuffled under his arm and entered the building. He told her that he was just going to put Vilna to bed, and then he would drive her to wherever she needed to go. Vilna burst out laughing out of nowhere and he placed her back down on her feet, asking her what was so funny, but she just mumbled something to herself and leaned up against him. Haden put one arm around Vilna’s back and lifted up her groggy head with the other. Vilna’s eyes hardly opened and he shook his head in disappointment. “You have brothers?” he asked Michelle.


  “Yes, one. Older,” she answered.

  “Don’t do this to him. We have our own lives. I was with a beautiful girl, and then out of nowhere to get a phone call like this from… it ruins the mood you know. You do, right?” Michelle didn’t say anything back. She was just glad it was dark because she was blushing. Was he trying to embarrass her on purpose?

  “What about you? Do you have a brother, or is Vilna it?” Michelle asked, trying to change the topic.

  “Brother. He’s dead,” Haden answered, his face contorted with pain. Finally, the chink in the armor that Michelle was looking for. “Don’t talk about him to Vilna. It will only upset her, right Veli? And with her mother gone… it’s all just too much,” he added protectively. Michelle apologized for his loss, but when she tried to ask about their father Haden got angry and brazenly told her that his father had left because of the brother. Michelle felt awful and apologized again, but Haden just looked at her sadly and walked down the hallway urging Vilna to keep moving forward. It all made sense. Michelle had always felt that there was something sad about Vilna, but she couldn’t put her finger on it until now. That was probably why she had lost so much weight, Michelle thought, remembering how sad she looked when she offered Michelle her larger outfits to wear. Must not have been that long ago, and Haden was still just as broken up about it.

  Vilna was in her bedroom crying, and when Michelle peeked in she saw Haden bent over Vilna’s bed. He was saying something to her and she tried to push him away. But Haden wouldn’t budge and instead hugged her warmly and petted her forehead. Vilna was quiet after that, and just as Haden straightened back up Michelle walked away. The intimate scene between brother and sister was too much for her. Would Toby do the same? She missed her brother. Would they hold on to one another if their parents were gone? Michelle pushed the frightening thought away.

  She walked around the living room looking at the many impressive black and white prints that hung on the walls. A few seconds later, Haden entered the room and startled Michelle, asking her if she liked the particular photo she was looking at. Michelle studied the image of a river rock surrounded by moss and small leaves, which had such an amazing array of gray hues that they almost looked like they were in color. Concentrating on the image calmed her racing heart.

  “Yes I do. It’s very peaceful.”

  “Why do you say that?” he wanted her to explain as he searched the vast emptiness of the refrigerator.

  “I don’t know. Because it feels like the stone is not affected by the passage of time. The moss and the fallen leaves in the water are all moving, but the stone stays there to see it all. It doesn’t move. Peaceful.” Michelle turned to Haden, her nose up in the air. He didn’t say anything, just fished out a couple of green olives from a nearly empty jar and popped them in his mouth. He chewed them while he studied her. Michelle felt uncomfortable and was forced to turn her eyes elsewhere, but she didn’t want him to know. “Did you take it?” she asked in a cool voice.

  “Yes. All of them,” he answered, not showing an ounce of emotion. Michelle wanted to know how come there weren’t any photographs with people in them, and Haden told her plainly that people didn’t really interest him.

  “When you see an image of a person it’s like a lie because it’s not really them… but when I look at that tree or that rock they have no secrets, and everyone in this world has secrets.”

  “Hmm, ok that’s a little strange,” she said after a while.

  “What’s so strange about that?” he asked, sounding a little uncomfortable. “I’m sure you have your own secrets like everybody else.” Michelle thought about her secret and her heart hurt. But she pushed the feeling away by focusing on the fact that she was in the company of a gorgeous and talented guy, so things couldn’t be all that bad.

  “And are you the only one without secrets?” she asked with a sly smile.

  “I’m an open book. Ask me anything.” Haden smiled back. Michelle thought for a while and asked him why he was so mean to Marika. He told her that he wasn’t being mean, just honest.

  “Just because I might have had her once doesn’t mean I want her again.” Michelle’s face was instantly on fire and she turned away from him. That was a little too honest even for her. Well that sealed it; she would never think of him as potential for anything.

  As Haden backed the Audi out of its parking space he asked Michelle how come she didn’t have a boyfriend with her, a question that made her shrink inside her skin a little. She answered with a question, “How do you know that?” Haden told her that Vilna had told him while they were back at the house. “Why would she tell you something so personal like that out of the blue?” Michelle asked, feeling a little miffed.

  “Because I asked her,” Haden replied without an ounce of modesty. If he was trying to make her feel uncomfortable again, or if he was paying her a compliment, Michelle just couldn’t tell. “Don’t worry. I promised Veli that I wouldn’t touch you,” he said, taking both his hands off the steering wheel and raising them in innocence. Michelle immediately grabbed the wheel herself. “Not unless you want me to,” he laughed as she nervously maneuvered the car.

  “Please don’t,” Michelle’s voice begged him. Haden shook his head and put his hands back on the wheel.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” He was still grinning.

  “You didn’t. I just almost, well, me and my girlfriends kind of crashed really bad. I don’t like playing around like this,” Michelle said, thinking about how far away she was from home.

  “Wonderful! And I let you drive my car?” Haden asked contemptuously, shaking his head. “You still didn’t answer my question,” he said when Michelle didn’t answer him.

  Haden pulled the Audi into a small street and made a quick U-turn before parking outside the restaurant. The little street was totally deserted and the only movement outside was the warm steam rising and hissing from beneath the car’s engine. Michelle thanked him for the ride and started to open the door. “So what’s your answer? Do you want me to touch you or not?” he asked. Michelle looked at him angrily, but it was hard for her because she was a sucker. Why did he have to be so good looking? While staring intently into her eyes, Haden placed his hand on Michelle’s thigh. She immediately jumped in her seat but there was nowhere for her to go in the small sports car, and the door was still locked. What a pig! Didn’t he just get done telling her that he did it with Marika, and on top of that wasn’t he with some other girl mere hours ago? Who does this arrogant bastard think he is? But, Michelle could feel herself falling into Haden’s honest and bewitching lustful eyes, and the warmth of his large hand on her cold thigh felt reassuring.

  Michelle was utterly confused by the tremendous overload of contradictory emotions she was feeling all at once. She had not found herself in a situation like this one before; she didn’t even think it was possible. What would Vilna think? And what about Marika? Was Michelle turning into a slut if deep inside she wished that she didn’t know anything about Haden’s other escapades so she could just give in to his charms? Did all this mean that she didn’t love Elliot anymore?

  “I know what’s going on in your head,” he said as Michelle watched his hand travel a little further up her inner thigh. Even Elliot hadn’t touched her like that. “It’s ok if you want me to,” he breathed into her neck. Michelle began shaking, then in a quick move pushed Haden’s hand away. “That’s all right,” he said, shaking his head. Michelle curled up into the corner of her seat and looked outside the window. She was doomed. No! Not those damn tears! Why do they have to come out of nowhere? She took a deep breath and the tears dissipated from whence they came.

  “I still love him,” she told Haden with forced conviction.

  “Ah, yes. That so-called boyfriend, oh wait, ex-boyfriend of yours. I don’t see him here. Does he call you? You think he’s pining over you somewhere too? You have no idea how we men operate, do you? Here, why don’t you call and ask him,” Haden flipped open his
cell phone. But Michelle wouldn’t take it. Her tears returned to their regular launching pad. “Wait, don’t tell me. You don’t know how to reach him?” Michelle felt the tears rolling down her cheeks. “Listen,” Haden said more gently, “You’re pretty, you’re in Europe, and you’re going to let life pass you by on account of somebody who left you? He’s a fool, believe me.” Michelle wiped her face as Haden continued. “Your business. I’m not going to tell you how to live your life. But we both know you hesitated when I touched you, and to hesitate means that you had to think about it. I’ve been with many women Michelle. And I don’t care if you stare out that window all night. You can’t look at me because you’re scared that I’ll read the truth in your eyes. Well guess what? I don’t need to read anything. I know.”

  Michelle couldn’t believe Haden’s self-righteous rant, acting as if he knew everything about her. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the green paisley shirt that Michelle had worn earlier that evening. He buried his face in it, inhaling deeply, then dropped it into Michelle’s lap. “Veli said to give this to you.” Michelle was speechless. Haden’s cell phone rang and the unexpected sound startled both of them. He checked the caller ID, then smiled to himself and flipped the phone open. Michelle heard a woman’s voice on the other side of the conversation and Haden was saying something to her that made her laugh. She had a melodious laugh and Michelle imagined her, beautiful and tall, probably very sophisticated. Was she waiting in bed for him? It was quarter till three in the morning. Was that where he was headed after dropping little girl Michelle back off with her mommy and daddy? Michelle’s anger was building up inside of her and she didn’t even know why, really. Maybe it was because just a few minutes ago she’d had a chance with this gorgeous Hungarian and she blew it? Or maybe it was driving her crazy that Haden had no problem talking to some other woman in front of her after he had just tried to get fresh with her? What a pervert! She couldn’t take hearing him and that woman cooing over one another so she stepped out of the car to wait for her ride.