God Still Don’t Like Ugly

by Mary Monroe

  Jade sniffed, rubbed her nose, and gave me an indifferent look. “I don’t care,” she mumbled, returning her thumb to her mouth. Rhoda frowned and gently thumped the side of Jade’s head with her fingers, causing Jade to flinch and smile at me. “It’s nice to meet you, Annette. Mommy told me all about you.”

  Rhoda’s husband Otis was standing across the room talking to Pee Wee and Vinnie. Tall and undeniably trim, Otis was aging gracefully. A few faint lines on his forehead and a few strands of gray hair at his temples gave him a distinguished look. Bushy black eyebrows framed his slanted black eyes; his teeth looked unnaturally white next to his deep-chocolate skin. When we were still teenagers, Pee Wee looked like a dog-faced scarecrow next to Otis. Now, Pee Wee was just as handsome as Otis. Otis smiled and waved to me. I smiled and waved back. Pee Wee looked in my direction, one hand in his pants pocket, his other hand holding a glass of wine. There was a surprised look on his face. I could only imagine what was going through his mind seeing me talking to Rhoda after all of that stuff I’d told him about her killing folks. My eyes locked with Pee Wee’s. When I realized he wasn’t going to be the one to look away first, I did. I returned my full attention to Rhoda.

  “Where’s your son Julian?” I asked Rhoda.

  “He’s away at school,” Rhoda replied, smiling proudly. “The same military school in Huntsville, Alabama, that my daddy attended and he’s first in his class, too. Some people say my boy reminds them of John Kennedy, Jr.” Rhoda beamed. Then she sniffed and pushed Jade’s hair back from her face. “Children are such a blessin’. So, Annette, are you married or what?”

  “No. I came close but things didn’t work out. I’m still looking for my Mr. Right. I’m not sure if I ever want to have kids, though. I enjoy being footloose and independent,” I said stupidly. Other than my clandestine romps with Pee Wee and my new relationship with Daddy and Lillimae, my dead-end-ass job was the most exciting thing I had going.

  Rhoda could have seen through me with her eyes closed. She gave me a knowing look. “Bein’ married and havin’ children hasn’t interfered with my independence one bit. You won’t believe how havin’ a family will enrich your life. Look what it’s done for me.” Rhoda leaned down and covered Jade’s cheek with hungry little kisses. “And my husband, oh girl, the man just gets better and better each day.” She leaned close to my ear and whispered, “If you know what I mean.” Rhoda winked and then said loudly, “I am so blessed.” Finally, she let out her breath and smiled broadly.

  I couldn’t tell if Rhoda was as uncomfortable as I was but I was surprised when she motioned me toward the couch, pulling Jade by the hand with her. Even on such a sad occasion, almost every man present was looking at Rhoda, admiring her beauty.

  Before I could join Rhoda on Jean’s couch, I had to weave my way through the crowd to the bathroom to empty my bladder. When I returned to the living room, I had to refill my wineglass. It was going to take a strong buzz and a lot of nerve and luck to get me through the rest of this evening and my unexpected reunion with Rhoda.

  The day seemed to be getting darker and darker.

  CHAPTER 58

  “S

  o. Are you back in Richland to stay or what, Rhoda?” I said. I sank down as gracefully as I could on the couch next to her.

  Rhoda’s daughter stood off to the side, giving me guarded looks with her arms folded on the arm of the couch.

  Rhoda nodded and cleared her throat. “Oh, I’d had enough of Florida with all those big-ass grasshoppers gettin’ tangled up in my hair and that blazin’ sun wreakin’ havoc on my skin. And I hope I never see another lizard again as long as I live.” Rhoda paused and brushed off Jade’s dress with her hand. “I talked Otis into movin’ back up here. He’s the foreman down at the steel mill on Patterson Street, you know.” I listened while Rhoda brought me up to date. She ran a licensed childcare center out of her house and P. had been one of her charges. She had met Jean through the Antonosanti family and that’s how they had become friends. P. had been Jade’s closest little friend. Rhoda’s father, the undertaker, had retired. He and her mother had moved to New Orleans to be closer to Rhoda’s ailing maternal grandmother. The other relatives, her white uncle Johnnie and his sister Lola, who had lived with Rhoda’s family in the house across from mine, had both returned to Alabama. An electrical problem had caused the fire that had burned the Nelsons’ house to the ground.

  “I am so grateful that the good Lord had removed us all out of that house before the fire,” Rhoda said, a wan smile on her face. “If He hadn’t, I probably wouldn’t be standin’ here talkin’ to you right now. I feel so blessed.” Rhoda patted my arm.

  I nodded. “I do, too.” I paused and cleared my throat. “Where is your brother Jock?”

  Rhoda’s older brother Jock had sustained some serious injuries in Vietnam. He had spent some time in a veteran’s hospital afterward. Battle fatigue, a mental condition common among men who had been injured on the battlefields, had changed Jock forever. Except for sex, Jock could no longer function as a normal man. The trouble he encountered once he had been released from the veteran’s hospital had included him impregnating the white girl in Florida that Rhoda had claimed she killed, more than five years ago.

  “Oh, he’s in New Orleans, too. One of the reasons Daddy retired was so he could devote more of his attention to Jock.” Rhoda paused to take a sip from her wineglass and to adjust her hat. “I had a little chat with your mama a few minutes ago. She sure does look good, considerin’ the rough life she’s had. She told me about your stepfather’s passin’. I’m so sorry.”

  “Thank you, Rhoda. Daddy King was a wonderful man and I’ll never forget him and all he did for Muh’Dear and me. He left the Buttercup and his house to Muh’Dear.”

  “So I heard. Well, your mama deserved all that and more. She damn well earned it.” Rhoda screwed up her face and continued, “Even after scruuuubin’ floors and all the rest of the shit she did, she still looks like a queen. I’m glad to hear that she’s finally livin’ like one now. Women like her are livin’ proof that you can’t keep a good woman down. Especially a good Black woman. You and I were so fortunate to have strong family foundations. We’ll never have to worry about life beatin’ us down. Will we?”

  I shook my head, but I kept what I was really thinking to myself. The way I saw it, life had beaten me down a long time ago. “I sure hope not.” I smiled. I gasped when Rhoda surprised me with a hug. “I am so glad to see you again,” I said, my voice trembling, sweat rolling down the back of my neck. I really was glad to see her. When I tried to embrace her back, she stiffened and pulled away.

  In a raspy voice, Rhoda told me, “I’ve missed you, girl.” She slid away a few inches and sniffed, fresh tears on her face. “I prayed we’d at least see one another one more time. You were the first and only real girlfriend I ever had. I am so happy to see you again!” she squealed, pinching my arm.

  I never thought I would see the day that Rhoda would be so humble in my presence. It pleased me.

  “I’ve been thinking about you a lot, Rhoda,” I said, holding back my tears.

  “I…I was nervous about approachin’ you at first. I didn’t know how you would react,” Rhoda admitted in a low voice.

  I sighed. “You don’t have to be nervous on my account. I’m the same Annette you grew up with.”

  “I hope you are,” Rhoda said firmly. “I really hope you are the same Annette I used to know.”

  It seemed so eerie, but appropriate, that a funeral had brought us back together. It was ironic that somebody’s death had driven a wedge between Rhoda and me. Now another death was responsible for our reunion.

  I had missed not having Rhoda in my life. Other than Pee Wee, she was the only other person I could tell my deepest, darkest secrets. It gave me great pleasure to announce to her, “My daddy’s here and so is one of my half-sisters.” I looked around the room trying to locate Daddy and Lillimae. They were both standing across the room in front of Scary Ma
ry, along with several other guests as Scary Mary held court. Her mouth was moving fast and she was waving her hands like she was directing a symphony.

  “Uh, that’s him with the plate in his hand. That heavyset woman next to him, that’s my sister, Lillimae.” I pointed Daddy and Lillimae out to Rhoda.

  Rhoda shaded her eyes and looked from Daddy to Lillimae, then back to me, pursing her lips and widening her eyes. “I was wonderin’ who they were.”

  “Uh, my sister inherited her mother’s coloring,” I said.

  “She sure did.” Rhoda laughed but covered her mouth and stopped when she saw the serious look on my face.

  “But she’ll tell anybody in a hot minute that she’s Black,” I said proudly.

  “I can see that your daddy was a good-lookin’ man in his day,” Rhoda remarked, giving my daddy critical looks. “And your sister, she looks a lot like you,” Rhoda exclaimed, turning to me.

  “You’ll like them,” I said firmly, smiling shyly. “They’re good people.”

  Nodding, Rhoda sniffed and rubbed her nose. “You want us to rescue them from Scary Mary? Your daddy looks like he’s in some serious pain.”

  “No, that’s all right. He looks like that most of the time,” I replied, holding up my hand. “They seem to be enjoying whatever it is Scary Mary’s babbling about this time,” I snarled, then laughed so hard my chest ached.

  Rhoda let out a disgusted sigh. “Scary Mary hasn’t changed and never will. Still upstagin’ everybody else. Let them enjoy her latest dog and pony show. I can meet them later.”

  “We’re having dinner later on tonight at my house. Muh’Dear won’t be there, but my daddy, my sister, Pee Wee, and I am sure Scary Mary and her girls will be there, too. You, Otis, and Jade are welcome to join us if you’d like. I still live in the same house on Reed Street.”

  “I’d like that very much, Annette.” Rhoda gave me a warm look and excused herself.

  As soon as Rhoda walked away, Muh’Dear strutted over to me and started whispering, “You didn’t tell me that that girl of Frank’s was white. And Lillimae is such a dainty name. I had a sweet cousin named Lillimae.”

  “Lillimae looks white, Muh’Dear. But she’s as Black as we are.” I leaned closer to Muh’Dear and said gently, “Do you think she looks like me?” I was surprised that nobody but Rhoda had mentioned this already.

  Muh’Dear sighed, gave me a thoughtful look, and nodded. “I guess she do. But you way prettier. And she ain’t missed too many meals, neither. That girl got hips as wide as the Mississippi.” Muh’Dear laughed and slapped my shoulder. “And what’s up with all them rings on her fingers? She tell you?”

  I nodded. “When she was a little girl she had a crush on Ringo Starr.”

  “Who?”

  “One of the Beatles. He wore a lot of rings so Lillimae started wearing a lot of rings.”

  Muh’Dear gave me a puzzled look and shrugged. “Whatever. I guess that wasn’t as bad as Pee Wee runnin’ up and down the streets wearin’ that Beatle wig when he was a young boy. I’m glad you didn’t do nothin’ silly when you was a child. We can thank Brother Boatwright for that, may he rest in peace ’til we get there. He kept you under control.”

  “He sure did,” I snapped, almost biting my lip. Muh’Dear didn’t notice the sarcasm in my voice. Just thinking about that old rapist made my blood sizzle and my flesh crawl.

  “Anyway, I just had a lovely chat with Lillimae and she’s such a nice girl. Loves her some collard greens now. Since hardly nobody else is eatin’ much, she only ate one helpin’. Poor thing. I’m goin’ to cook her a whole pot of greens to eat by herself before she goes back to Florida. She’s so much like you, praise the Lord. I’m surprised Frank done such a good job raisin’ her by hisself. Where is the rest of his half-breeds?”

  “Amos and Sondra are in the army, stationed in Germany,” I said flatly. My head was still reeling from my encounter with Rhoda.

  Muh’Dear gave me a dry look and shrugged her shoulders. “I noticed Frank still like my cookin’. The food I brought is the only thing I seen him eat so far. I told him and that white girl of his to come by the restaurant for dinner before they leave.” Muh’Dear sniffed and raked her fingers through her hair. She cackled. “And I don’t know why Frank was so surprised to see me still lookin’ as good as I do. It ain’t no secret about Black women agin’ better than white women. I’m glad he see that now. Of course, your half-white half-sister Lillimae havin’ Black blood, she won’t wither up as quick as a real white woman. I bet that hag over there by the window in that wheelchair is younger than me.” Muh’Dear nodded toward Jean’s great grandmother, still weeping and babbling. “I’m goin’ to go up to Frank and make sure he tastes them hush puppies I brought. When we was together that man ate hush puppies like they was peanuts, poppin’ them in his mouth a handful at a time.”

  My chest tightened and I gave Muh’Dear a sharp look. “You haven’t said anything about the way Daddy looks.”

  Muh’Dear gasped and raised her eyebrows, an amused look on her face. “I was tryin’ not to!” she snapped, blinking rapidly before she shook her head and let out a deep sigh. Her voice rose sharply. “He look older than Methuselah and uglier than Uncle Remus, Mr. Bojangles, King Kong, and the Tar Baby put together.” Muh’Dear paused long enough to catch her breath. “And he got more lines on his face than a corduroy jacket.” She slid a strand of gray hair off her face. I was tempted to remind her that she had just as many lines on her face as Daddy had on his.

  I shrugged and ran my tongue across my bottom lip before I spoke again. “I guess you just answered my next question.”

  Still looking amused, Muh’Dear asked, “And what question was that?”

  “I was just wondering if…if Daddy still excited you. I remember how affectionate you and him used to be when I was a little girl….”

  Muh’Dear cussed under her breath and gave me the most disgusted look that she could come up with. She narrowed her eyes into slits and spoke through clenched teeth. “I’d rather kiss a cobra on the lips. That sucker couldn’t turn me on with a monkey wrench.” She started to laugh so I didn’t know how serious she really was.

  I was exasperated and I didn’t try to hide it. Since Muh’Dear was having so much fun tormenting me, I wanted her to know how I felt. I gritted my teeth and rolled my eyes at her. “You didn’t say anything mean to Daddy, did you? I hope you didn’t. Not with a priest up in here.” I held my breath and waited.

  With a twinkle in her eyes, Muh’Dear told me, “Girl, I know how to behave.” Then she let out her breath and pursed her lips, a thoughtful look on her face. “But I still ain’t forgot what he done to us.”

  I looked at my feet. “Daddy’s not that well. I’m glad he’s got Lillimae. She takes real good care of him,” I offered.

  Muh’Dear giggled; I frowned.

  She stopped giggling and cleared her throat. “And I hope I live long enough to be as big a burden to you,” she said. A serious look suddenly appeared on her face. “I didn’t mean that the way it sounded. I know you’ll always be there for me, too.” She squinted her eyes so hard that her pupils crossed as she waited for me to respond.

  “Why wouldn’t I be?” I mouthed. I exhaled when Muh’Dear rubbed my back and gave me a quick smile before she pranced across the floor to a spot next to Daddy and tapped him on the shoulder. There was a look on his face that I could not describe. He didn’t look surprised or annoyed, but I couldn’t tell if he was glad to be facing Muh’Dear or scared.

  With all of the gloom in Jean’s house, a warm feeling came over me as I watched my parents greet one another with a hug. I smiled for the first time since walking in Jean’s door that day.

  It was just a shame that it took funerals to bring out the best in some people.

  CHAPTER 59

  R

  hoda didn’t make it to my house after the gathering at Jean’s. But Muh’Dear, Pee Wee, and Scary Mary and her entourage did. I didn’t know what Muh’
Dear and Daddy had talked about at Jean’s house. But they must have had a pleasant conversation because she sat right next to him on my living room couch.

  My parents were not acting loud and ugly, they were not scowling, and they were not rolling their eyes at each other. However, they did look uncomfortable and they were the only ones in the room who had not removed their coats. Muh’Dear’s hands were cupped in her lap and her legs were crossed at the ankles and her face was as stiff as a mask. Daddy’s arms were folded and his eyes looked as unfocused as a newborn baby’s. I moved closer so I could hear what was going on. At about the same time, Pee Wee plopped down on the arm of the couch next to Muh’Dear and whispered something in her ear and a broad grin appeared on her face. Whatever it was Pee Wee said to her, it must have been interesting enough for her to share with Daddy because she leaned over and whispered in his ear and he grinned, too.

  I had always been able to count on Pee Wee to lighten my load. Tonight was no different. He steered Muh’Dear and Daddy into conversations so neutral (sports, his barbershop, politics) that there was no way they could step on one another’s toes. My fear that they would lock horns had almost dissipated.

  “White folks sure don’t grieve the way we do. Did y’all see how that Vinnie and the rest of them wops was drinkin’?” Scary Mary said, speaking in a low voice even though no white people were present.

  “Them dagoes don’t like to be called wops,” Muh’Dear insisted with a nod, looking at Daddy like she needed a confirmation from him. Daddy looked like he could have been knocked over with a feather. His face remained expressionless as he blinked and nodded.

  “Anyway, I didn’t see none of them dagoes shed a single tear.” Scary Mary continued, “Us, when we have a funeral, we boo-hoo for a straight week.”