Playing With Fire (Sweet Secrets #3)

by Taylor Henderson

  I nodded, biting my bottom lip as I stared up at him.

  Shane stayed between my legs for just a moment more before he moved to lie beside me. He reached to the ground where we dropped our shirts and grabbed mine, handing it to me. I shrugged it on, then lay back down next to him, facing him. I noticed now that the movie had ended, and the menu screen was on again. In the light from the TV, I could make out Shane’s handsome face.

  He cupped his hands around mine and held them between us as he looked into my eyes. “I’m willing to wait as long as you want me to.”

  I continued to chew on my bottom lip as I nodded again. After a moment, I said, “Thank you.” Then, without really even thinking about it, I added, “I’m a virgin.” It wouldn’t have been such a bad thing to blurt out, if it was true. I don’t even know why I said it. The words just fell out of my mouth. I didn’t want him to push me, but he wasn’t. He said that he would wait for me to be ready. I didn’t have to lie to him, but for some reason I did.

  I could hear my mom and Karlie’s voices in my head, and I didn’t want him to use me like they thought he would. Maybe I was subconsciously trying to find a way to keep him from hurting me, if that was his plan, even though it seemed like I was doing more of the hurting than he was. I was lying, and he had never been anything less than sweet to me. I just didn’t want to end up being one of Shane’s girls. I wanted to be his only girl.

  Shane squeezed my hands in his. “Don’t worry. I won’t make you move any faster than you want to.”

  “Okay,” I murmured.

  He moved one hand up to tuck my hair behind my ear. “I wanted to ask you something the other day when I came over. Before everything happened,” he said, hinting at the awkwardness of being caught in a make-out session by my mother.

  “Yeah?”

  He was quiet for a second, before he asked, “Will you be my girlfriend?”

  My mouth dropped open to form a small ‘o.’ I didn’t trust my voice to answer, so I just nodded my head furiously in response.

  He smoothed his thumb over my cheek and smiled so hard that I could see all of his teeth in the dim lighting from the TV. “Really?” he asked.

  “Really.”

  Chapter 11

  I leaned toward my laptop and smiled brightly as Lena returned to the screen. This was our first time talking in a while, and I was happy to see her. It was so strange not having her around all of the time, and having to schedule time to video-chat each other because of the time difference. She was also busy a lot with homework, friends, and life in general.

  “Where were we?” she asked, tucking her unruly hair behind her ear. She was wearing an oversized sweatshirt with my school’s name and logo on it. There was no doubt in my mind that it belonged to Carter.

  I furrowed my eyebrows as I thought about what we were talking about before she went to the bathroom. When it came back to me, I said, “Blake and Violet. You were about to tell me something about them.”

  She bounced her head hard as she nodded. Her eyes grew wide, and she slid closer to the camera. “Right. That’s it. Oh my gosh, you won’t believe what happened. I feel so bad for Violet.”

  “What?”

  “Guess,” she said, despite her previous statement that I wouldn’t believe what happened. If I wouldn’t believe it, then how could I guess it?

  I shrugged, and sighed. “I don’t know. Just tell me.”

  She shook her head no. “Guess,” she demanded.

  I pouted. “Violet’s pregnant?”

  Her laugh was loud, and instantaneous. “Yeah, right.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Just tell me.”

  “Okay,” she sighed, dragging the word out like I was forcing her to tell me. “Blake cheated on her again. That bastard.”

  I raised both eyebrows in shock. “Really? What? How? When?”

  Lena raised a hand to stop me. “He was sneaking behind her back to hang out with some girl from another school. She only found out because the girl tagged him in a picture of them on a date on Facebook.”

  I shook my head. “That’s ridiculous. Poor Violet.”

  “I know. She’ll move on, though. There’s this guy, Colton, who really likes her. She just doesn’t know it yet. She’s too busy trying to get over Blake.”

  “Wow.”

  “I know,” she mumbled. “Your turn now. Tell me something.” She propped her elbows up on her desk and rested her head on her hands, waiting.

  I chewed my bottom lip to keep from smiling. “Well, Shane asked me to be his girlfriend a few days ago.” I still wasn’t over it. I had a little bubble of happiness in my belly.

  Lena’s face lit up. “Really? That’s so great.”

  “I’m so happy,” I replied, smiling so hard my cheeks burned. “I really like him.”

  She nodded. “I know you do. He likes you too.”

  “Yeah, I know he does.” I wanted to tell her about what happened at the party, but I bit my tongue.

  Lena noticed instantly that I wasn’t saying something. “What’s wrong?”

  I shook my head. “Nothing is wrong. It’s just, we were at a party on Halloween and this girl Shane used to hook up with came over and kissed him. He pushed her away, but it made me really angry.”

  “I would’ve been pissed,” Lena said.

  “Oh trust me, I was. I got over it, though. It wasn’t his fault.”

  Lena looked concerned. “Shane may be a jerk to girls, but he’s not stupid. He wouldn’t hurt you like he does other girls because you’re different and even he knows that.”

  I smiled softly. “You’re just saying that because you’re my sister.”

  Lena furrowed her eyebrows and frowned slightly. “That’s not true. You’re special, and you are my sister, which proves even more that he really likes you. He’d be an idiot to ruin things with you. If he messed things up with you, then he would also be messing things up with Carter.”

  I shrugged, thinking about what she said. She was right. He wouldn’t get into a relationship with me of any kind if he didn’t think it was going to be serious. Hurting me would ruin his friendship with his best friend. I never really thought about it like that before. “How are you and Carter doing?

  She looked happier instantly. “We’re doing great. I miss him so much.”

  “Not more than me though, right?” I questioned, raising an eyebrow.

  “Of course not,” she replied, shaking her head.

  I smirked. “Good,” I said, raising my chin. “He misses you too though, just so you know. Poor guy looks sad whenever he isn’t texting you.”

  She sighed. “I’m jealous you get to see him.”

  “You should’ve stayed here.” I knitted my hands together in front of me, wishing she was here and that we were having this conversation face to face. I didn’t know when the next time would be that I saw her again, and it just made the aching pain of missing her grow stronger.

  “No, Carter and I will be fine. We can make it through a year. I have faith in us.” She shifted positions and rested her chin on one palm. “I wanted to come back here. I think I’m going to look at colleges in San Diego, though.”

  I perked up at the thought of that. “Think Dad would move back if you did?”

  She shrugged, but I didn’t miss the hopeful glint in her eye. Not even through the slightly pixelated screen. “I hope so. I told him and he said that it sounds like a good plan. I told him about Carter too, and he’s happy for me. I also think he’s happy that we’re thousands of miles away from each other too.”

  I laughed, just imagining Dad’s face if he knew about Shane. He actually knew Carter. “Don’t tell him about Shane then,” I chirped.

  Lena rolled her eyes. “Yeah right. I’ll leave that fun task to you.”

  I groaned jokingly. “How is he doing?”

  “He’s doing well. He got a promotion at work, and seems happy. You should call him, he misses you.”

  I bit my lip and nodded. “I will. I mi
ss him too.”

  Lena raised an eyebrow and regarded me for a moment. She looked almost skeptical. “Just for the record, he isn’t mad at you.”

  I rubbed my arm and looked down. I didn’t know how she knew I thought he was mad at me for choosing to stay in California, rather than coming back to live with him for the school year. “Okay,” I murmured.

  Her eyebrow was still raised when I looked back up at the screen. “So you’ll call him? Seriously?” she verified.

  “Yeah, I seriously will.”

  “Good.”

  Chapter 12

  The sound of the duct tape unrolling was loud as Mom taped up my final box of things to move to John’s house. Most of her boxes were already moved over, but I still had a few things left in my room that needed to be packed up. Now that we were finished, I felt a sense of calm fill my body. I still had things left at my dad’s house in Virginia, but I was a lot less stressed now that all of my things were going to be split between two houses rather than three. I was more than ready to start unloading all of my things into my new room at John’s house. Maybe I could also stop referring to it as “John’s house.” Now it was going to be my house too.

  It was strange that I was going to be living in a home with my mom and her boyfriend. Obviously he was much more than just a boyfriend—he’s the father of her youngest children, after all. I don’t quite know how best to refer to him. For now, he was just John to me. Maybe eventually he’d be my stepfather.

  I practically shuddered at the thought of that word. My dad was across the country, and I was here, moving in with a new father figure. It seemed wrong, like I was betraying him. I knew that logically I wasn’t, and even Lena told me that he wasn’t mad at me, but I felt like I was doing something wrong. After Lena and I video-chatted the other day, I called my dad the very next night. He sounded so happy to hear from me, and we spoke for a while. For the first time since my decision not to return to Virginia, we actually spoke about why I stayed. Normally when we talked we just went over the basics. “How’s school?” “How’s work?” Then we promised to talk soon and hung up. This time I apologized for not coming back, and he said that he understood why I didn’t. He missed me though, and hoped he would be able to see me soon. I sure hoped so.

  Mom lifted the box she’d finished taping up and let out a loud groan as she carried it toward the door. “Ella,” she said, “grab that last box, please.” She gestured with her head to a cardboard box that sat on top of my naked mattress. The room was bare to the bone, and all that was left was the furniture. It looked so sad without all of my stuff brightening it.

  I lifted the box from the bed and flipped off the light switch as I left the room. I adjusted the box in one arm and pulled the door shut with the other hand. It felt like I was closing the door on the past and taking a step into my future. In a week I would be celebrating my first Christmas with the twins, and I would hopefully be completely unpacked and moved into my new room.

  I held the box tightly to my chest as I descended the stairs to the foyer. The front door was propped open, much to my grandma’s dismay, so we could load the car more easily. I followed Mom to the trunk of her car and placed the box inside. John had given her one of his cars so she could get around easier. Once we were finished in the house, Mom went back to lock up, and we got in the car to head to our new home.

  As Mom backed out of the driveway, she glanced over at me and gave me a nervous smile. Her hands gripped the steering wheel so tightly that her knuckles flushed white.

  “You all right?” I asked, eyeing her hands and her pursed lips.

  Mom nodded and let out a breath of air that she was holding in. “Yeah,” she answered, flicking her eyes to me as we rolled to a stop at the end of the street.

  I raised an eyebrow skeptically. “What’s wrong?”

  She pressed on the gas a little too hard and the car jumped forward. As I held onto the door handle, I wished that I had offered to drive.

  “I’m just nervous, that’s all,” she answered after a moment. She let out a shaky laugh. “Crazy, huh?”

  I shook my head no, although I didn’t really understand why. “Why are you nervous?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe because this is a huge step that John and I are taking. It’s different when I was just spending the night there occasionally. Now I’m going to be living there. Both of us are. It’s huge.”

  She was right. It was a pretty big step for them in their relationship. “It’ll be fine.”

  “I know, but what if we get tired of each other since we’ll see each other every day?” She looked worried, and her forehead was scrunched up just above her eyebrows.

  I laughed lightly, shaking my head. “You guys won’t get tired of each other. John loves you, and you love him.”

  She chewed on her bottom lip as she nodded. We drove the rest of the way in silence. When we turned onto John’s street, Mom said, “You’re right. I’m being irrational.”

  I held my forefinger and my thumb an inch apart as I said, “Just a little.”

  She let out a breathy laugh. When we got closer to John’s house, instead of stopping, she drove past it. “I’m going to go around the block.”

  “Don’t want our moment to end?”

  She nodded, her hands still clenching the wheel. “Just not ready yet. I will be in a bit.” She glanced over at me and forced a smile. “Are you nervous?”

  “No,” I answered a little too quickly. “Maybe just a little.”

  She pursed her lips. “I never even stopped to ask you how you feel about the move.” It was like her statement was a spoken realization. “I am so sorry, honey.” She reached over and patted my knee before returning her hand to the steering wheel.

  “It’s fine. I would’ve told you if I didn’t want to move. I’m excited. I really like John. Living at his house will take some getting used to, but we’ll get used to it in no time. Besides, I really love the twins, and I want to see them every day.” I’m also really happy that she’s happy, but I didn’t say it, not wanting to bring up any memories of how unhappy she had been until recently.

  Mom’s face lit up at the mention of Taylor and Cammie. “Yeah, I’m ready to live with them too. Like a real mom.”

  “You are a real mom.”

  She nodded her head. “I know. It’s just…it was difficult not being around during their early memories. I’m happy I can be with them now.”

  I smiled, leaning back in my seat. “Me too.”

  We rounded a corner and came back to John’s street. As we neared the house, Mom said, “I’m ready now,” and pulled into the driveway. We sat there for a while before we got out and began unpacking, just staring up at this house that was now our home. Spending the night here a few times was different than living here. The room that I slept in was now my room. I would have my own space inside this house, and I could invite my friends over. I would watch my little siblings grow up here, and in turn I would do some growing myself. A week from now I would be spending my first Christmas with my mom, John, and the twins.

  As I sat there, staring up at the single family home that held so much hope for my future, I wondered what it had in store for my mom and John. Hopefully it involved a bright future with a lot of happy memories.

  Chapter 13

  Christmas carols floated throughout the house, along with the smell of freshly baked cookies. My mom and I got up early to bake sugar cookies and make a huge breakfast in honor of our first Christmas in our new home. Thanks to John, the living room had been cleared of all boxes a few days before and we were able to put up our tree and decorate it together last night. We were late for decorating, but we still had a good time doing it. Taylor and Cammie even participated. Taylor sat on the floor near the tree, chewing on a stuffed ornament, while Cammie spent her time drooling on our stockings.

  Now we were all sitting in the living room, preparing to open our gifts. John was holding Cammie in his lap and sitting on the couch, whi
le my mom was sitting on the floor close to the tree with Taylor in her lap. I was next to her, with my laptop open in front of me.

  This was a Christmas of firsts. Not only was it the first time I was spending it with the twins and John, but it was also my first time not spending it with Lena and my dad. I really missed them a lot. Lena and I had come up with the idea that we should video-chat while we opened our gifts—that way we could be together in a sense.

  My laptop trilled as I called Lena. When she finally answered, I almost screeched in excitement. Her face took up the screen as she leaned in and shouted, “Merry Christmas!”

  “Merry Christmas!” I yelled back. John and my mom echoed my words.

  Lena’s red hair was straightened, and she had a pair of reindeer antlers perched on top of her head. When she leaned out of the screen, my dad’s face came into view.

  “Merry Christmas, Dad!” I yelled, leaning into the camera.

  His lips stretched into a wide, toothy smile. “Merry Christmas, sweetheart!”

  Lena slid the camera back and adjusted the screen so they both could be seen. “Who goes first?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

  “Me!” I chirped, making my mom and dad laugh. Ever since we were younger, I always wanted to go first opening my presents. Lena and I both liked watching each other open gifts, so we started taking turns so we could watch the other.

  My mom dug around under our beautifully lit tree and handed me an immaculately wrapped present. She was always really good at wrapping presents. My dad, on the other hand, was not. He was excused from that task this year, since all of my gifts were either mailed here, or he sent my mom the money and told her what to buy.

  This one was from my dad. I took in its long rectangular shape and tried to guess what it could be, but I only drew blanks. I held the box up to the camera and smiled before I undid the ribbon first, then tore through the wrapping paper like a wild animal. I knew instantly that Lena had helped him pick out this gift. I knew before I even took the top off of the shoes. Inside was a pair of brown leather riding boots. They had a shiny, gold clasp on the outside of each ankle, and were gorgeous.