What Echoes Render

by Schultz, Tamsen

  Two hours later, Kit was still awake. She’d changed her ticket and added a layover in England rather than flying straight to Italy. She had also researched Isabelle Parker, the journalist, and e-mailed her own publicist to see about setting up a meeting with Ms. Parker while she was in London.

  The change to her schedule had been easy, but given that she was expected at a party in Rome on Friday and had anticipated arriving Thursday, she needed to move her departure up a day to give herself enough time in England. That meant she’d be leaving tomorrow rather than the day after. Caleb wouldn’t like that, but it’s not like he’d given her any warning that he was coming, so what little guilt she felt at not sticking around, she shoved aside.

  After finishing things up in her office, she’d taken a shower in an effort to quiet her mind and body. But it hadn’t worked. And now, at just after midnight, she stood alone in her room, in her pajamas, staring out at the winter night through her floor-to-ceiling windows.

  And it came as no surprise when, behind her, she heard her bedroom door click open and shut. Even without the soft sound, she would have known when Garret walked into the room. For good or for bad, it was just like that between them. Looking over her shoulder at him, she watched as he paused a few feet into the room and met her gaze.

  “Mini Me?” he said, his lips quirking into a shadow of a grin.

  “If the shoe fits,” Kit responded in the quiet of the night. He had showered and his hair still looked damp. He was in jeans again, with a white t-shirt and bare feet.

  “I’m three inches taller than your brother,” he said, coming toward her.

  She turned her attention back to the window. “Being a Mini Me is more a state of mind than a physical state.”

  He chuckled as he came to stand beside her but she didn’t feel much like laughing. He ran a finger down the side of her face, brushing her hair away from her profile. “I’ve missed you,” he said.

  She couldn’t deny the little hitch in her heart at hearing those words, but she didn’t want to go there with him. It would be so easy to turn into his arms and finish what they’d started all those months ago. But all the months apart had made her realize something—while her body might want Garret, the life he could offer her, that he could offer them, wasn’t one she wanted. So she changed the subject.

  “It’s for nights like this that I built all these windows,” she said, placing her palm on the glass pane. It was cool to the touch and the heat and moisture from her hand created a small ring of fog. She paused and watched as it disappeared. “There are maybe four or five nights a year when we have both snow and a full moon, and even fewer that are clear nights with new fallen snow,” she said.

  Kit kept her gaze on her little valley, letting the raw beauty of it seep into her soul. A fox trotted across the driveway several yards away from her house, then disappeared into the woods. The full moon hung in the dark sky, its light reflecting off the snow and casting the night into an encompassing kind of blue. And trees created shadows that fell in muted patterns onto a ground that looked blanketed with diamonds.

  “It is almost enough to make me believe in magic,” she said quietly as she let her hand drop.

  “Kit,” Garret said. He made a move that would bring him closer to her but stopped when she shrank away. The peace that had flirted with her as she’d looked out at the night vanished.

  “You’re upset,” he said.

  The funny thing was, she wasn’t upset. She had every right to be, but she wasn’t. She was something much worse; she was disappointed. Sad.

  She shook her head. “I’m not going to deny we have chemistry, Garret.”

  “Chemistry?” His voice was flat as he cut her off.

  “Yes, chemistry,” she repeated, then finally turned to look at him again. In the light of the full moon, she could see his blue eyes locked on hers. He didn’t blink; he didn’t so much as move a muscle. Then he seemed to take some internal deep breath and relax. His shoulders dropped an inch and a small smile played on his lips.

  “I read an interesting article on my flight here,” he said.

  His non sequitur caught her by surprise and she frowned in question.

  “It was about love at first sight. Do you know how many women believe in it?” he asked.

  Too many, she thought to herself, but she said nothing and just shook her head.

  “34 percent,” he answered. “Do you know how many men believe in love at first sight?” he continued.

  “A lot less,” she guessed, feeling cynical.

  “73 percent,” he stated.

  She simply stared at him for a long moment. He couldn’t possibly be telling her he was in love with her. They did have some chemistry—chemistry like she had never experienced with anyone else, but they had only spent less than two days together.

  She cleared her throat and looked away. “Well, it’s not the love at first sight that’s most important, it’s the love at the one-hundredth or -thousandth or ten-thousandth sight that really matters.”

  For a moment, Garret said nothing. Then he sighed. “I’m sorry I didn’t call. I could have,” he admitted. “But I wasn’t sure what I would say. Or if you would even have wanted me to.”

  That last sentence was said more as a question. Would she have wanted him to call? The girly girl in her said yes, of course he should have called, but the woman in her, the woman who had her life figured out and knew what she wanted out of it—including what she did and didn’t want out of a partner, was a little bit glad he hadn’t.

  “I don’t know.” She answered what he hadn’t really asked. She knew her honesty hadn’t been what he had wanted to hear and it had hurt him. It was crazy to think that she could feel his energy change, but there was no other way to describe it. She wasn’t looking at him, hadn’t seen his expression, but still, she knew. She hadn’t intended to hurt him, but she wasn’t going to lie—not to him, not to herself.

  Gathering her strength, she turned to face him. She could feel the heat coming off his body and was once again struck by how easy it would be to just slide her arms around him. But she wouldn’t.

  “There is something between us, Garret. I’ve already conceded that. But what I want for my life isn’t what you can give and I’m not interested in asking you to change.”

  “Then don’t,” he said.

  She shook her head. “I’m not, Garret. The man you are is someone I admire and like and, yes, am attracted to. But don’t ask me to change, either. Sometimes love or lust or chemistry or whatever you want to call it isn’t enough. A wise woman I know who has been married for over fifty years once told me that it’s often not the big things that ruin a relationship but all the little things. And though I don’t doubt your sincerity, I’ve had enough people in my life like you, people that can’t or don’t talk about their work and that come and go as the job dictates, to know that it’s not what I want for my life.”

  She saw his jaw tick at that. But she needed for him to hear this. It wasn’t him she was rejecting, it was the kind of life he led, and she wasn’t about to try and change him. She’d been honest with him about that, too.

  “It doesn’t have to be that way,” he said.

  “It doesn’t?” she challenged. She couldn’t see any other way it could be. Garret led a life of secrets. A life that required him to be places within a moment’s notice. A life that didn’t allow him to share when he’d be going, where he’d be going, or why he was going, let alone when he might come back.

  “It doesn’t,” he insisted.

  “Fine, then,” she said. “What are you doing here?” she asked.

  Garret shrugged. “I don’t actually know. Caleb said he needed to talk to you and I came along for the ride because I wanted to see you.”

  “Where did you fly from?” she pressed.

  He gave her a hard look as he realized what she was doing.

  “How long will you be here?” She hated throwing these questions at him, but he had
to see her point.

  “I don’t know, Kit.” He didn’t like that she was pushing, but she needed him to understand.

  “And where will you go when you leave?”

  “I don’t know,” he bit out.

  “And how long will you be gone?”

  “I couldn’t say,” he managed to say, as his jaw ticked again from the tension.

  Kit paused as exhaustion suddenly overwhelmed her. Letting out a small sigh, she spoke. “I know, Garret,” she said, her voice quiet in the darkness. “I know you can’t say or don’t know. And I know you’re okay with living like that, but I’m not. So, as easy as it would be to lead you to my bed right now, I’m trying to be a grown up about it and put some value on what I want, what I really want for the long term rather than just what I want right now.”

  She felt the tension radiating from his body and knew this was as hard for him as it was for her, because she did believe he was sincere in whatever feelings he had for her. Which made it all that much more important to be honest about where she stood, about what she was feeling.

  “And I think you know as well as I do that if we end up finishing tonight what we started five months ago, it’s going to be more than a one-night stand,” she said. “We can’t cross that bridge and expect to be anything other than completely involved.”

  Even as she said the words, a sense of sadness swept through her. She’d half expected it, but it still didn’t feel good. And though she knew in her heart she was doing the right thing—she knew in her heart that now was not the time or place for her and Garret—she still felt the sting of loss.

  Maybe Garret felt it too, but his expression shifted from one of frustration to something infinitely more kind and intimate. He didn’t take a step toward her, but he did raise his hand and slip it under her hair at the nape of her neck. His thumb brushed across her jaw and she stood still under his touch. After what seemed like forever, he bent forward and softly, gently, brushed his lips against hers. For a heartbeat, she allowed herself to close her eyes and just feel him.

  Her eyes opened when he pulled back a few inches. He held her gaze. “I understand what you’re saying, Kit, I do. I even respect it. But this isn’t the last conversation we’re going to have on the issue.”

  She wasn’t sure what to say to that, but even if she’d had a response, Garret wasn’t going to wait around to hear it. He dropped his hand, turned, and walked away.

  For a long time after the door closed behind him, Kit just stood and stared at the place he had been.

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