by Q. B. Tyler
It’s after the ceremony and I’m searching for her in a sea of burgundy gowns after being inundated with parents and teachers wanting to thank me for everything as well as apologize for my loss. I finally spot her across the grassy field talking and taking pictures with Kate and a few of her friends. She’s still holding the flowers I gave her this morning that she insisted to bring with her. I’m happy I was able to put her in better spirits this morning after she broke down again over her mom not being here today.
She’s been much more willing to show her feelings to me and has cried a few times over the past week. I just held her in my arms as I tried to heal her heart. Things have been shifting between us and neither of us are acknowledging it. I think we think if we don’t acknowledge it, it doesn’t exist.
I tap her shoulder and when she turns around, I’m disappointed that I can’t see her eyes that are hidden behind her dark sunglasses. She straightened and then curled her hair to give it subtle waves instead of the curls I’d come to love. She’s unzipped her gown revealing the strapless white dress underneath that makes her skin fucking glow. I wrap my arms around her and squeeze her. “You did it, baby.” She beams under my praise as her bottom lip finds its way between her teeth and she presses down, sinking her straight white teeth into the flesh.
Her arms find their way around me just like she’s been doing every day and she squeezes back. “I couldn’t have done it without you too, you know.”
I smile at her words because she and I both know her mother pushed her harder than anyone. And even though she slacked off some her senior year, she worked her ass off the other three years.
“Take a picture!” Kate squeals before snatching Stassi’s phone and standing in front of us. I see Stassi’s grandparents in my periphery and I wave them over to join the picture, mostly so I don’t have all of these eyes staring at me and my stepdaughter turned…friend…take a picture together. The three of us stand around her, smiling from ear to ear as Kate takes a bunch of pictures of this perfect moment.
“Stassia.” A deep voice penetrates our happy moment, and when I look towards the source, the person I see makes me see red.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I snap and Kate’s eyes widen before a giggle leaves her lips. When I shoot a glare at her, her mouth snaps shut and she puts a hand over it.
He ignores me and continues to walk towards Stassia with a bouquet of white flowers that look to be three times bigger than the yellow—which by the way is her favorite color—roses I’d given her this morning.
He’s dressed in gray linen pants and a black polo shirt, and I spy a watch that cost probably more than three months of my salary sitting on his wrist. For a second, I can’t ignore the flare of jealousy that spikes that he’d be able to give her more than I could.
“Mi-Micah. You came?” Her words confuse me. Had she invited him?
“Of course, I told you I would.” He smiles as he hands her the roses. I chance a glance at my in-laws who look less than impressed and I’m grateful to my mother-in-law, Pamela, for speaking the words I want to.
“Baby, you invited him? I wish you’d told someone.” She looks at me in question and I shake my head, alerting her I had no idea.
“I’m her father—” Micah starts and my father-in-law, Dwight, interjects.
“I wish you’d stop saying that like it means something.”
“Papa…” Stassia starts and her grandmother pulls her into a hug and away from Micah.
“She’s eighteen,” Micah states like all of us aren’t more than aware of her age.
“I don’t care if she’s one hundred and eighteen,” my mother-in-law snaps. “I’ll protect her as long as I’m alive from someone like you. Someone that will hurt her just like he hurt my baby.”
“I’ve explained what happened with Angela, and I hardly believe this is the place for this conversation.” He looks at Stassia’s friends who are no more than a few yards away pretending to look busy so that we don’t know they’re eavesdropping. “Stassia asked me to be here, and so I am.”
Stassi seems uncomfortable and when she looks up at me, she looks almost like she feels guilty, though I can’t understand why.
“I…thank you for coming, Micah.” She nods and smells the flowers that look bigger than her. She looks at her grandparents and then at me, and to my shock, Kate’s voice infiltrates again. “Stassi, some of the other cheerleaders want pics. Let’s go!” Kate grabs her arm and pulls her out of the tense group of adults and I watch Kate wrap an arm around her neck and squeeze her as they walk away.
That’s a good friend if I ever saw it.
“You should go,” I speak up.
“What, are you jealous or something? What is your issue with me?”
“That you hurt the woman I love and you’re going to do the same to her daughter. Angela left me with a responsibility I am not going to take it lightly.” I take a step towards him and Micah takes one as well.
“She’s not yours.”
“The hell she’s not,” I growl back. “She doesn’t need you, Micah.”
“And what, she needs you? A pathetic widower that’s trying to hang onto the memory of her mother through her? She’s not Angela.” He yanks his sunglasses from his face and points a finger towards me. “Maybe you should go. Since you’re the only one here not related to her by blood.”
“That doesn’t mean anything,” Pamela states. “He’s her guardian. Something that Angela and Stassia both stated. Angela died while Stassia was still a minor. While she’s eighteen now, Dominic has been more of a father to her than anyone, he deserves to be here. You do not,” she barks. “If she wants you here, fine, but I’ll be damned if I let you stand here and insult the man that was here when you weren’t. Sit your ass down and be quiet or don’t come around.”
“Did you honestly expect we’d welcome you with open arms given everything we know about you?” I ask. “Do you honestly think Stassia, who’s a very intelligent woman would just let you assume that dad role? It’s not that simple. That title is earned. She doesn’t trust you and neither do we.”
Stassi rejoins us and I’m pleased to note that she stands next to me. “I didn’t mean to cause such a thing.” She lowers her face sadly and shakes her head. “This is my graduation day; this should be about me.”
“It is, honey,” Pam speaks up.
“No, it’s about my birth father, who I called while I was under the influence mind you, and didn’t even expect to come.” She looks at Micah. “You said you were busy and then I didn’t hear from you.”
“I said I would move some things around and that I would be there. I never said busy, Stass.”
“Already in the running for that father of the year title, I see.” I shoot daggers at Micah, hating that he even insinuated to Stassi that he wouldn’t be able to make the most important day of her life thus far.
“I really threaten your sweet little place in her life, don’t I?” Micah growls and Stassi takes a step forward.
“You can’t. No one can replace Dominic in my life. That’s what it seems you aren’t getting. I don’t need a father. I thought you wanted a shot at being in my life. I thought we could be friends at first, and maybe one day, years down the road, we could talk about a more familial place in my life. But the spot of father is spoken for.” Stassi is visibly shaking at this point so I pull her back into a hug.
Micah runs his hands down his pants and shakes his head. “Congratulations again, Stassia.” Without another word, he turns on his heel and walks away.
Her head moves off of my chest and watches him walk away with a devastated look on her face. “Well, it’s not the first time he’s walked away from me.”
* * *
“So, I was thinking about heading to Charleston this weekend. Go to the house? We’ve been cooped up in here since the start of summer and I think we both deserve to have some fun.” Dominic decided years ago that he wanted us to have a beach house, a place we could go eve
ry summer and unwind. Somewhere not too far, but far enough that it was truly a vacation when we made it down there. I stopped going two years ago because I cared less about the quiet beach and more about throwing a party since my parents would be out of town.
“You want me to come with you?” I look up from my Kindle. It’s the third book I’ve read this week, but seven years late, I finally decided to see what all the fuss was about Christian Grey. Three books and three sleepless nights later, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’d definitely let him take me for a spin in the red room of pain. Marriage, though? Eh, pass.
“Yes, Stassia I do. I don’t want you alone in the house.”
He can’t be serious. I sit up and stare at Dominic from across the room. “Now you don’t trust me? You know I’ve been throwing parties while you’re gone for a while now. Now that I’m eighteen, suddenly I need a babysitter?” I’ll admit my tone has a bit of sass, especially when we’d been doing so well…at least until my graduation when Micah showed up. I wasn’t expecting Dominic’s reaction. I especially didn’t expect him to react so coldly towards me. He’s barely spoken to me all week, only to ask if I’m hungry and to let me know when he’s leaving the house. It’s strange considering everything that happened prior to my graduation. It couldn’t be that he thought I wanted Micah to take his place in my life? Right? I mean I made that clear that day.
A sigh comes from deep in his chest, letting me know that his irritation is building. “It’s not about that. Quite frankly, if I knew that’s what you were doing, I’d be glad to leave you. But you’re not yourself. You haven’t been out since graduation. You don’t even see Kate.”
“I’m sorry, my mother died. Forgive me for not jumping to go to the mall and cruise for guys.” I scoff and move off the couch with every intention of leaving the room, but he grabs me by my forearm, stopping me in my tracks. His grip is firm but not painful, and I’m amazed at how his large hand completely wraps around my arm. I look up from his grip into his blue eyes that don’t look angry despite my asshole comment.
“I wasn’t saying that, Stassia.” He shakes his head and loosens his grip on my arm. “I’m just saying, I don’t want to leave you here alone…and I don’t necessarily want to be alone down there either. I was thinking maybe you could bring Kate? Or a few of your friends? I’ll stay out of your way, I promise.” I’m used to the Dominic that consistently goes round for round with me. A man that is equally stubborn and combative and always has to have the last word. I’m not used to this man that is practically walking on eggshells around me. That doesn’t completely bulldoze over me when I don’t want to do what he wants.
I mean it might be nice to get out of the house. What am I doing here that I can’t do in South Carolina? “Can I think about it? I’ll…talk to Kate.”
“Of course.” He finally lets me go, with a nod. “You let me know.”
I stifle a yawn before taking a long sip of my coffee. I could barely keep my eyes open because Dominic wanted to get on the road at the obscene hour of three a.m. and it is now two fifty-five a.m. I practically begged to fly instead of making the eight-hour trek, but Dominic said the drive would do us good. I’m already dreading the drive, especially since Kate managed to get herself grounded two days ago for sneaking her boyfriend into the house and letting him stay overnight in her room. Dominic even got involved, asking her parents if maybe they could let it slide and ground her when we got back. He argued that it had been a hard year for me and I’d like my best friend around. Kate’s mother is a close relative of the anti-Christ, so naturally, she said absolutely not before hanging up on Dominic.
So, now it’s just me and Dominic, which is fine. I don’t feel like having to entertain anyone anyway. Kate was the only person that would have been fine with a chill weekend. Any of my other friends would be rallying to get me drunk or trying to find guys to party with. I just want to be still. Lie on the beach, read a few books, maybe eat my weight in seafood. There is this hole in the wall taco bar just on the edge of the city that has these spicy shrimp tacos that can change a person’s life. I’m also hoping that things can go back to the way they were between Dominic and me. A time when we were truly getting along and leaning on each other for the support we both need.
“I’m sorry it’ll just be us,” he says as he loads my suitcase into the car and I climb into the front seat, along with a blanket and a pillow.
“It’s fine, just don’t expect me to keep you company on this drive until at least seven a.m.,” I joke.
“That’s fair. Your mom used to sleep the first few hours too,” he chuckles and his words are like a shot straight to my chest. I swallow, not wanting to start the day like this. My eyes immediately find my feet and the fresh white polish on my toes. Focus on something else, Stass. Literally anything else. As if he can hear my thoughts, I hear him break through the emotions swimming in my head.
“It’s okay to talk about her, Stassi.” He clears his throat. “It’s the only way we are going to survive this…so we don’t get swallowed up by the grief.”
“What’s there to say that hasn’t already been said? I need to move on.”
He nods and I turn away as devastation covers his features. “Unfortunately, Stass, this isn’t something that you’ll be able to move on from easily.” I look up, wondering where this morose piece of wisdom is coming from when our eyes lock. “The pain will lessen, but it’ll never completely go away. Losing a parent…a parent you were close to at that, changes you. You’ll feel their absence in every move you make for years. You can’t ignore or avoid this grief, Stass. You have to learn to live with it. To cope.”
“Fine, I’ll cope. Can we go now?” I rest my head against the pillow that I’ve propped against the door. “Let me know when you stop for coffee.”
The hum of the engine starts a few moments later, followed by what I assume is a playlist he made for the trip. I can expect a healthy list of everything from Johnny Cash to Cardi B. I don’t think we’re even out of my neighborhood before the first few notes of a Marvin Gaye song lulls me to sleep.
The next time I open my eyes, the sun is blazing despite the cool air circulating the car. I grab my phone from where it’s charging and note the time reads just after eight. I’m surprised I slept this long in this position, but I chalk it up to not having slept the night before. I look over at Dominic who looks surprisingly…hot. I wouldn’t be surprised if my eyebrows touched my hairline with how wide my eyes are at the moment. He’s wearing a baseball cap marked with his alma mater, backwards, allowing some of his onyx colored hair to peek out the bottom and the sides. Wayfarers cover his eyes and a smile tugs at his lips, assumedly due to the song playing as he’s moving with the music. He must have stopped while I was sleeping because he’s now wearing basketball shorts revealing strong, muscular legs thanks to living on the golf course during the summer. I rake my gaze up his body and the black v-neck t-shirt that seems to be even tighter than usual around his biceps.
Damn. He looks like a college student or grad student or whatever. He looked nothing at all like my stepfather, the man that wore a suit five days a week and business casual on the weekend.
“Have you been working out?” I blurt out.
“Look who’s awake!” His voice is way too chipper for eight a.m. and I instantly regret not just going back to sleep. “Are you hungry? We can stop for coffee if you want. We are making excellent time. Should be there in about two and a half hours.” He rambles and my eyes move to the console where I spy a Red Bull and a coffee, and an empty can in a bag at my feet.
I wince and lift the bag that also has an energy bar wrapper before tossing it to the back seat. “Maybe you should lay off the Red Bulls, speed demon.”
“A lot on my mind; I guess it gave me a bit of a lead foot, but that’s why I like to leave early.” He smiles.
“What’s on your mind?” I ask even though I know exactly what it is. What’s been on his mind for the past two months and maybe wha
t’s been on his mind the last week. I nod in response and lower the visor to check my face but immediately regret it. I am in desperate need of some lotion and mascara and to fill in these brows. Stat. I rub a hand over my face and through my curls that thankfully feel pretty manageable. I pull them up into a bun on top of my head anyway and grab my sunglasses from my purse. “I wouldn’t mind stopping to stretch and get some breakfast.”
“Cracker Barrel okay with you?”
I scrunch my nose to showcase my slight disgust. “Do I have a choice?”
“Come on, don’t be such a snob; it’s the only place for breakfast that isn’t fast food for the next sixty miles. Unless you want…” He smirks and I put up a hand, stopping him from finishing his sentence.
“Don’t say it.”
“Waffle House.” He snickers and shoots me a smirk.
I cringe. “Didn’t I say not to say it?” I’ve been traumatized by that place ever since I got food poisoning five years ago. I spent the whole time in Charleston throwing up my entire soul and have vowed not to set foot in a Waffle House ever again.
He chuckles as we take the exit for Cracker Barrel and within minutes, we are pulling into the parking lot. I stretch my arms to the sky the second I get out of the car and bend over to touch my toes hoping to work out any kinks that may have formed in the five hours I was asleep. When I stand up, I notice Dominic staring at me.
“What?” I ask and look down at myself. “Do I need to change?” I’m wearing yoga leggings that I know highlight my ass and curves and a short-sleeved crop top but not one that reveals that much skin.
“No,” he shakes his head. “I was just…” He puts his hands on his hips. “Let’s go in.”
We head inside and are seated quickly given that it’s still pretty early and I’m grateful for the coffee already on the table. “Thank God.” I reach for the coffee pot when Dominic beats me to it and flips over my mug to pour me a cup. I raise an eyebrow at him. “You’re being awfully nice to me after you’ve basically ignored me for the past week. Are we reverting back to how things were before?”