Keeping Secrets

by Lisa Eugene

  “Um…” he swallowed with difficulty, taking my cold palms in his. “I know you’ve been having dreams about him, and I think part of it may be because you’re upset that you never got to say goodbye. Here’s your chance. I think closure is important, but if you think this is too weird, if you think I’ve totally stepped over the line, then—”

  My throat grew too hot and tight to speak, instead I reached up and swept a tender kiss into his mouth. I blinked back tears. This was probably the most amazing thing anyone had ever done for me. If anyone knew about closure and letting go, it would probably be Dex.

  “Put your gloves on. It’s cold. I’ll give you some time alone,” he said, swiveling his head around, looking for somewhere to go. We were surrounded by graves. He smiled, doing a swirly point to some of the farthest tombstones. “I’ll just be over there hanging with those guys.”

  I chuckled as he stepped away, then turned back to Jake. I thought I’d only need a few minutes, but when I opened my mouth, it seemed my heart poured out. When I stopped talking, it was fifteen minutes later, and surprisingly, I was laughing, laughing at a memory of Jake sporting a sloppy, white, foamy mustache after he’d finished his vanilla shake. With a deep breath, I said a final prayer, then found Dex.

  We walked back to the car, my gloved hand nestled in his big warm palm. There were no words to thank him for what he’d done. My heart felt lighter. My soul was a feather floating on the cold breeze.

  “How’d you find him?”

  “Through the hospital. His parents had left information about his service. I contacted the funeral home and they told me where he was buried.”

  “Thank you,” I whispered, surprised that he’d do all that for me.

  “I promise the rest of the evening is not nearly so morbid.” He sent me a sidelong glance. “Hopefully you’ll enjoy what I have planned.”

  “Sounds mysterious.”

  He laughed, but kept his eyes ahead and his lips sealed. I had a feeling Dex could take me anywhere and I’d enjoy myself.

  Half hour later, we moved through the heart of the city, it’s pulse throbbing around us. After parking the SUV, we wound our way around thongs of people at Madison Square Garden. The crowd was lively and gregarious, revved for a big basketball game as far as I could tell from the marquis. Dex had a hand at the small of my back as we skirted vendors and avoided scalpers.

  “Are we watching a basketball game?” I asked excitedly as he guided me onto a crowded escalator.

  His lips tugged in an easy grin. He divulged nothing, but his eyes twinkled with mischief. I pivoted on the moving stairs. We were face to face since I was on a higher step. I stuck a finger into his chest.

  “I guessed it, didn’t I? We’re seeing a basketball game!” I clapped excitedly, ignoring the curious stares of the people around us because I absolutely loved basketball. “I’m so excited!”

  He laughed out loud, both hands landing on my hips. I loved how he touched me, how he always found a way to keep us connected.

  “All right. Yes, we’re seeing a game,” he admitted with a chuckle. “It doesn’t start for about forty-five minutes, though. A client of mine is throwing a little pre-game party in one of the private rooms. I thought we’d go since we’re early.”

  “Cool,” I agreed, stepping off the escalator. The thought of seeing a game with him had me energized. No doubt we’d find ourselves rooting for opposing teams and taunting each other the entire evening. Fun.

  Dex’s client turned out to be a wealthy entrepreneur who was part-owner of one of the teams playing. I felt underdressed compared to the stylish ladies in the room, but everyone was laughing and having a good time. The room was luxurious, with a sumptuous buffet and artsy, contemporary furniture. I clutched the glass of champagne that someone had shoved into my hand when I’d entered the room.

  I stood next to Dex, still checking out the scene as he talked business with his client. Then I saw a man, a very tall man, walk through the door with an entourage trailing behind him. Not believing my eyes, I tugged discreetly on Dex’s sleeve. He was so engrossed in conversation that he didn’t seem to notice my efforts to get his attention.

  The man headed our way, and as he got closer, my heart rate grew more and more frantic. My jaw practically unhinged when he stopped in front of us. I had to tilt my head all the way back just to look into his smiling face.

  Holy shit! Freaking Marcus Johnson!

  My hands shook, my whole body vibrating with excitement. I’d thought Dex was tall, but Johnson beat him by several inches.

  “Dex! Dude, is that you?” Johnson bellowed with a deep laugh.

  Dex turned, smiling brightly as he greeted my favorite athlete in the entire world. They shared a complicated handshake, then a brisk clap on the back.

  I almost busted a blood vessel. My eyes zipped back and forth between the two men, no doubt showing my shock that Dex knew him.

  “I didn’t believe it when I heard you were going to be here!” Johnson said. “You recovered yet from your last beat-down?”

  “I want a rematch.” Dex grinned, turning to me. “This is Alexa Kennedy.”

  I held out a hand, hoping I wouldn’t pass out before Johnson shook it. My entire body flamed hot, my eyes bulging from their sockets. I wasn’t even sure I could get my tongue to work.

  “So, this is Alexa.” Johnson shot me a friendly smile as he swallowed my hand in his.

  I tried to smile back, hoping I didn’t look like a crazed, demented groupie. Because I was.

  “I have something for you. I hear you’re a fan.”

  He turned and grabbed an item from one of the men in his party. He handed it to me and I almost peed my grandma panties. It was a signed, personalized basketball.

  “I’m a huge fan. Thank you,” I managed, noting that my voice sounded high and shrill. I looked to Dex, now realizing that he’d orchestrated this entire meeting. My heart went off like a firecracker.

  Johnson leaned in to me. “Now, if he starts spewing any crap about LeBron beating my records, you have my permission to kick his ass, got it?”

  I grinned widely, giving him a nod. Dex protested and they started a boisterous back-and-forth that I could tell was an ongoing source of sport for the two of them. Soon Johnson’s attention was usurped by another party and he moved on after giving Dex a hearty clap on the back and telling me to enjoy the game. I nodded mutely, staring starry-eyed at my signed ball like it was a five-carat diamond ring. I wondered vaguely if I could hang it on a chain and wear it around my neck. I was jumping for joy and percolating with energy, all the while still in disbelief that I’d met freaking Marcus Johnson.

  Dex and I were alone now. I turned to him, wide-eyed.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  He shrugged, the corner of his lips hiking up. “Because it wouldn’t have been a surprise if I did. I heard that he was going to be in town and I know what a fan you are.”

  “Oh, my God! You played with him?”

  Dex chuckled. “Yeah, you could call it that. I used to play some ball in college. I wasn’t bad, but not good enough to make a career out of it. I challenged him once to a game, not thinking he’d take me seriously. He demolished me over and over again. It was embarrassing, really,” he laughed. “And that was with the handicap.” He shot me a devilish wink. “I guess you’re right, Stats. He’s pretty good.”

  I rolled my eyes at his teasing and elbowed his ribs. I was having the most amazing time, and the best part of it all was that we were together.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Do not allow yourself to be distracted.

  Yes, Daddy.

  Love can only destroy you, only poison your mind.

  Okay, Daddy.

  Alexa

  By the time we got back to Dex’s apartment, it was well past midnight. We’d enjoyed the basketball game, and as I’d predicted had been on opposing sides. The evening had been filled with laughter, with teasing and taunting each other mercilessly whe
n our team scored. Both being super-competitive, it was hard not to, but unlike school, this was rigorously good-natured and gratifyingly fun.

  I was surprised to be still wide awake and humming with excitement at one a.m. Dex had to pry the ball, which I’d affectionately named Johnson, from my fingers, promising it would be safe in his living room. He led me down the hall to his bedroom, and I noticed that his apartment was immaculate. My skin warmed. I wondered if he’d cleaned up just for me.

  It was easy to forget just how wealthy Dex was. He never crowed about his worth or boasted about his possessions. If anything, he tended to understate his affluence, spending money on things that made him happy rather than seeking to impress others. It was only when I was in this amazing apartment with its cavernous space and panoramic views of the city that I was reminded of his wealth. Like the rest of the apartment, Dex’s bedroom was enormous. A giant, four-poster bed dominated the room, facing a wall with an equally enormous flat-screen television, two mix-matched dressers that looked like antiques, and one end table. That was it.

  He threw his big body onto the bed with a bounce, beaming like a kid.

  “Did you have a fun first date?” he asked, and although he was wearing a careless grin, I had a feeling my answer meant a lot to him.

  I took a minute to respond because just saying yes would not have sufficed. Finding Jake, the basketball game, meeting Marcus Johnson—it was all so surreal. It was hard to put into words how deeply Dex filled me, how he’d become the best part of me. He must’ve understood because he reached out a hand, and I latched on to it, sinking a knee into the bed as he slowly traced his thumb along the back of my hand. Another connection. So much conveyed with a touch. My chest filled, just from looking down at him.

  Dex. My best friend. My passion. My heart.

  With a jerk of his arm, I lost my balance and toppled on top of him. He laughed and rolled us over so he covered me, his weight balanced on his elbows. I loved the feel of his big, hard body, the unambiguous reality of his presence.

  “It was the best first date I’ve ever had,” he confessed, kissing one side of my lips, then the other.

  “You just enjoyed seeing me fall speechless in front of Marcus Johnson,” I joked.

  “True. It’s not often that you’re speechless,” he teased.

  I opened my mouth to contradict him, and he laughed out loud before seizing my lips for a bruising kiss. His laughter died in my mouth and was resurrected as a deep, soulful groan. My arms wound around his shoulders. I marched my fingers through his thick waves, loving the silky texture of his hair, the press of him against me, loving everything that was distinctively Dex.

  He sat up and tugged his shirt over his head. My gut clenched at his beautiful, broad chest and shoulders hewn to chiseled perfection. Although shorter, his hair still fell across his forehead, giving him a playful look. But there was nothing playful in the way he was looking at me.

  Watchful eyes smoldered with heat. His square jaw fixed with purpose. He removed my glasses, placed them on his night table. Shifting back, he licked his tongue along the seam of my lips. I felt the gentle bite of his teeth against my chin before he made his way slowly down my body, pushing up my sweater as he descended. I shivered at the little nibbles he left along the way.

  Cool air prickled my belly as the fabric drifted up. His lips feathered lightly across my abdomen, warming the skin. A tremor shook through my muscles, cascading over my entire body. The sweater inched up higher, now just under my breasts, exposing more skin. I was on a seesaw, bopping between heady desire and burgeoning anxiety.

  My fists clenched so tight that my nails punched painfully into my palms. Expressing a shaky breath, I cleared my throat.

  “Dex.” I ran my fingers over the top of his head, stilling him. “Um…let’s turn out the lights…” I squeezed my eyes shut. “Please…”

  Silver eyes stared up at me, deep, probing. This was probably the most serious I’d ever seen him.

  “Stats? Do you trust me?”

  I nodded without hesitation, my throat swelling. His eyes smiled and he dropped a kiss on my naked belly.

  “Can we turn off the lights?” I had to ask again, because I couldn’t bear to see that smile vanish if we kept the lights on.

  He shook his head and that surprised me. He must’ve registered my reaction, and perhaps the worry that was making my face tight. Crawling up my body, he stretched out next to me. Balancing his head on his elbow, he stared down. His palm stayed flat on my bare belly, tingling points on my skin.

  “The lights stay on, Stats,” he stated simply, and I chafed at his autocratic tone. He softened his words with a brush of his lips across my lashes, first one, then the other, then he braced his head again and tethered our gazes.

  “I want to make love to you. I want to fuck you and give you pleasure. And I want to see every reaction on your face and your body as I do it. You are so beautiful and sexy, it’s ridiculous. Call me a greedy fucker, but I want it all, Stats. All of you. That’s just who I am. I want to experience it all, taste it all, see it all, and feel it all—with you. And I can’t do that in the dark.”

  Hmm…well then. I almost bit through my bottom lip. I didn’t know whether to cry, to jump him like I’d done in the car, or to call this whole crazy thing off. I just stared, dazed and speechless, breathing hard because his words sent a hard spasm working through my pussy. As if I needed more proof, he took my hand and placed my palm over the front of his pants, curling it around the hard length of his shaft.

  “Do you see what just looking at you does to me? Honestly, I’ve wanted to have you like this for months—in my bed, beneath me, riding me—and I won’t hold back.”

  My heart was full and his words spilled over inside me. My need for him was unbearable, a fiery elixir flowing through my bloodstream. I tightened my grip on his cock and caressed the outline. Dex cursed and crushed a wet kiss on my lips.

  “We’ll go as slow as you like, Stats. Just trust me,” he whispered against my lips. “Trust the honesty of my words and my actions. Always.”

  I acquiesced with a jerk of my head and eased up to take his lips with mine, tasting the sincerity and emotion in his words. He bit gently on my mouth, then dusted kisses along my chin, neck, and across my collar bone. I moved so he could pull my sweater over my head, trying to ignore the flutters in my stomach. He unhooked the front clasp of my bra, then sat quietly, gazing at my body. My eyes squeezed tightly shut. My muscles knotted beneath skin I was sure was flaming red. In my head I heard nothing by screams, echoes of warnings.

  Heat surrounded my nipple, followed by a wet swirl of his tongue. Pleasure ignited every nerve ending. My breath hitched at the careful slowness and delicate reverence of the touch. Dex did the same to the other breast, just using his mouth and tongue to coax my body into submission. Shudders rippled through me in slow motion. Soon I was breathing heavy and pushing my shoulders off the bed, my nipples hard and aching for more. Instead, he blew puffs of air on my tight peaks, tormenting the puckered flesh. The sensation was so good it was killing me, yet my body felt incredibly alive, every touch vivid. I kept my eyes closed, floating in sensual darkness behind my lids. I panted, waiting for more.

  Dex grounded out my name. “Stats, your breasts are beautiful. Your nipples are so hard and ripe, your skin so soft.” He stamped kisses all over my abdomen. “Roll over.”

  I froze, my muscles clamping down. An unbearable pressure started building behind my eyes, and I strained to hold back the sudden onset of tears. Taking a deep breath, I rolled to the side, shrugging off my bra, and exposing my back to him. My heart squeezed the moment I felt his body still behind me. I knew where his gaze was.

  I felt it on the ugly burns on my sides and hips. I knew he took in the puckered skin and raised, welted flesh. Tears leaked beneath my lids. Shame glided through me, sprinkling revulsion in its wake. I wanted to throw up. I wanted to run. My body tensed with the motion, then I felt the softest kiss land
on my spine, then more flocked around it, spreading like gossamer wings all over my back, my sides, my hips. The noise inside me hushed to a whisper. Tears choked my throat, a throat too full for words.

  “All of you is beautiful.” I heard Dex’s quiet voice. His words were a beam of light shining through me, lighting up all my dark places.

  The bed dipped and I rolled back over. He kissed my lips and smiled before hopping off the mattress. I opened my eyes, fascinated by his undressing as he quickly shoved his pants down his hips. His cock sprang forward, thick and engorged. Beautiful. Dark hair dusted his muscular thighs, and his long legs were strong and athletic. Desire swirled in the center of his eyes. Desire for me. Me! The thought set fire to my blood.

  “Come here.”

  I blinked, not sure what exactly he was asking. He leaned forward, taking my hands and pulling me to sit at the edge of the bed. The sway of my breasts was a gentle weight, and they were so sensitive that even that slight movement was pleasurable. My hands trembled, sending that sensation rippling along my arms.

  I tried to block out everything but him, leaving room for only Dex in my head. I could almost believe his words, believe I was beautiful, but I knew that right now his compliments and candid appreciation were fueled by passion and need.

  He stood in front of me, and again I marveled at how unabashed he was in the nude. His beautiful cock jutted just inches from my face. I reached up to touch him, and he intercepted my hands, bringing them to his lips. He smiled, laugh lines crinkling the corner of his eyes.

  “Hands down.”

  I wondered what he was up to as I returned his smile, but obediently I lowered my hands. He flicked my hair behind my shoulders, leaving my chest exposed. Reaching down, he palmed my breasts. Sensation took over. I moaned and pushed into his hands, a fevered pulse pounding my flesh as my lids slid shut.

  “Your body is gorgeous, Stats. Your breasts are perfect,” he whispered, squeezing them gently. “They feel amazing in my hands. Perfect.”