Keeping Secrets

by Lisa Eugene

  The tension in the room was stifling. No one wanted to be there. I quietly drummed my fingers on the arm of my chair. Finally, one of the women yelled out “fucking”. Laughter tittered around the room. Susan thought it was knee-slapping hilarious.

  “Intimacy,” Amy amended in her schoolmarm voice. She wrote the word on the dry-erase board behind her and had a careful dialogue with the woman who’d responded. Several times, the exchange got raunchy, spurring peals of laughter from the group. Amy had to constantly reel the conversation in. I didn’t know how she managed to keep a straight face and maintain a professional demeanor.

  “Very good. What else?” she moved on.

  More choking silence.

  “What about you, Laura?” Amy asked the dark-haired girl across from me.

  The group turned to Laura. She was younger than me, maybe in her late teens. My heart squeezed for her. She was painfully shy and suffered terribly from motor and verbal tics. As our gazes turned to her, her body set off like firecrackers. Amy was patient with her, but Susan was already yawning and fidgeting in her chair.

  “Any thoughts, Laura?” Amy prodded gently.

  The more people stared, the worse Laura ticked and grunted. A pink flush spread over her cheeks and forehead. My heart ached just looking at her.

  “Spit it out!” Susan urged, not hiding her annoyance. She reminded me a lot of Rhonda.

  Laura seemed on the verge of passing out from all the attention sent her way.

  “Friendship,” I blurted out. I wasn’t even aware the word had left my mouth until all eyes turned to me. Shit. My face grew hot, but at least Laura looked relieved she was off the hook. She sent me a tentative smile that reminded me of Jake’s. Their eyes were the same shade of blue.

  I never talked much in the group. Amy regarded me with a smile and drew me into a conversation. I nudged up my glasses and looked around the room, stammering as I started talking. Drawing in a deep breath, I thought about my friendship with Dex and the words came. Our friendship was a huge part of our relationship, probably the thickest thread that tethered us together. We’d become friends long before we’d become lovers.

  Later that day, I laid on my bed watching a mindless talent show—another group of kids looking for their big break. Dex had brought me a bunch of books, but I couldn’t get into any of them.

  A knock sounded on my door. I frowned. No one ever knocked here. Although I was in a private room, I only had a pseudo-privacy. People came in and out of my room freely, but it was still better than the ICU. I hopped off the bed and padded to the door. My brows drew up when I pulled it open and saw Laura standing on the other side.

  She waved.

  “Hi,” I said, puzzled. I shifted my feet when she just stood there.

  She peered over my shoulders, tiptoeing to see into my room.

  “Can I come in?”

  “Uh…,” I swiveled my head back into the room, wondering what she could find so interesting. I didn’t want to be rude, but I really wasn’t up for company. This was the first time I’d ever heard her voice. She usually spoke in a quiet whisper when a response was extracted from her in group. The longer she stood there, the more my resolve weakened. She had an expectant look on her face I couldn’t say no to.

  I pulled open the door and she walked past me. I watched as she looked around my room, poking into drawers and opening doors. Then she sat in the chair next to my bed and gave Johnson a long look. Picking up the ball from the table, she settled back in the chair and cradled it on her lap.

  Hmm…okay. I wasn’t sure what to say to her. She started watching the talent show, engrossed. Slowly, I made my way back to the bed. I tried making small talk, but she didn’t respond. I thought about calling for the nurse, but she wasn’t really bothering me. I shrugged and settled back against my pillow. She stayed for about a half hour. After setting Johnson back in his spot, she left as abruptly as she’d appeared. I shook my head, a little confused. I did notice, though, that she hadn’t ticked once while she was in the room.

  Dex

  I got nowhere with Dr. Leon. He’d already been to battle several times with Alexa’s parents. By the time I got to him, I could tell he was fed up. He’d been on the defensive from the moment I’d walked into his office. He didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know and he adamantly refused to divulge the identity of the person who’d tipped him off about the equipment in Alexa’s locker.

  Instead, he spent most of the time spouting rhetoric about integrity, ethics, and his duty to uphold the principles of the medical school. Bullshit. His responses sounded rehearsed, which just confirmed my suspicions that there was more behind Alexa’s expulsion than met the eye. I decided to follow my gut, to go to the source.

  I stood outside the hospital, waiting. February had rolled in with one snowstorm after another that covered the city with a white, icy blanket.

  I rubbed my palms together, and then blew a warm breath between my fingers. I’d been here a half-hour already. I was freezing, but I wasn’t leaving until I got what I came for.

  A few minutes later, I saw Rhonda exit the hospital. She walked with another student, laughing and talking excitedly. She was wrapped tight in a wool coat, a backpack dangling from her shoulder. I stepped away from the pole and blocked her path. She stopped, then startled briefly before recognition glittered in her eyes. A slow smile crept across her lips as she stared up at me. The student beside her jabbed an elbow into her side, grinned and then whispered something I couldn’t hear before walking away.

  “Well this is a pleasant surprise, handsome.” Rhonda lit up. She took a step toward me, claiming my personal space.

  I wished I could’ve wiped the smirk off her face. I stepped back. “There’s not a damn thing pleasant about my being here.”

  She cocked her head. “Yet here you are. I assume this is about Alexa.” She tsked, giving a somber shake of her head. “So sad. It appears she’s lost her mind. There’re all sorts of nasty rumors going around.”

  I’d bet Rhonda was enjoying the turn of events.

  “Please tell her how sorry I am that she got expelled,” she continued in her syrupy tone. “But honestly, I wasn’t surprised that she couldn’t cut it. It’s a lot of pressure.”

  Her voice was void of compassion, sneaking out of the smile on her lips as she spoke. I studied her face, getting that odd feeling again that I’d seen her somewhere before.

  “Quit the shit, Rhonda,” I said angrily. “Everyone knows you’re the one who put the stolen equipment in her locker. You sabotaged her so you could be valedictorian.”

  She lacked the scruples to look offended by my accusation. She barked out a laugh, but anger brewed in her eyes. “I didn’t plant that stuff. I wasn’t anywhere near the ward that day. Besides, she was never any real competition.”

  “Alexa would’ve been chosen, and you know it.” Recalling my discussion with Tina at the medical school Christmas party, I said, “She has much better clinical skills than you do.”

  Her lips thinned. Her breath frosted in the cold air. She was getting pissed. Good. This was better than the smug look she’d greeted me with. Maybe in her anger, she’d slip and reveal something.

  “She’s also much smarter than you are,” I goaded. “You were afraid of losing to her.”

  “Fuck you,” she snapped. “That ugly little bitch was lucky to get this far. She couldn’t hack it here. This school is competitive. She was out of her league. You do what you have to do or get stomped on. That’s how it works! And no one sends their boyfriend to fight their battles!”

  I wanted to hit her. If she had a dick, I would’ve. Hard. Her obnoxious words made my fists hurt. Instead, I took a deep breath and schooled my face.

  “You’re no better. You send your parents to fight your battles.”

  She rolled her eyes. “My father spoke to the board only because he was appalled when he’d heard about the theft. He wasn’t about to continue to support a program that allows stu
dents to get away with stealing and sabotage.”

  I clenched my teeth, anger swelling my chest. I’d had a feeling the school board had been manipulated. Alexa never had a chance of them reconsidering or even launching a thorough investigation. Her parents’ petitions would fall on deaf ears. The school wouldn’t take a chance of losing a major benefactor who threatened to withdraw his support.

  Even if Rhonda didn’t plant the stolen equipment herself, she definitely had a hand in setting up Alexa, of that I was certain. Dr. Leon had said someone else had tipped him off. Who would be willing to ally with Rhonda?

  Snow was starting to fall. I was so enraged that the flakes practically sizzled on my skin. I stared down at the woman in front of me. Disgust twisted around my spine.

  “What are you doing with her, anyway?” she scoffed. “I’m sure you have plenty of women falling all over you. Spare yourself the trouble. She’s a basket case.”

  I gritted my teeth and leaned forward, my voice harsh, rising above the wind.

  “Alexa has more intelligence, warmth, and beauty in her little finger, than you have in your entire skanky-ass body.” I walked away, then turned back after a few paces. Her face was bright red, her jaw loose with indignation. “Oh, and by the way, she also gives excellent head.”

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Dex

  I had to cool my head in the waiting room before I went in to see Stats. She didn’t need me hauling my anger into her room. I’d been replaying my conversations with Dr. Leon and Rhonda over and over again, trying to find some solution, some way of giving Stats back her dream. She’d worked too hard to have her career end like this. Becoming a doctor was her passion. It would be great if she could have that dream back. She would have a future to grasp hold of, one that might strengthen her desire for recovery.

  I’d suffered many confusing emotions after her attempted suicide. A major one was that I hadn’t been enough—that our love hadn’t been enough to sustain her. I know I’d walked out, that I’d fucked up, but if she’d succeeded, there would’ve been no hope at all for us. That potential finality was the most distressing.

  She’d said over and over that her actions hadn’t been about me. I got that. She was ill. But I couldn’t help that nagging kernel of insecurity. I had her diamond ring at home. I kept it in its box at my bedside. I hoped that one day our love would be enough.

  Still deep in thought, I walked into her room. Stats was sitting on the bed watching TV. My steps faltered when I saw the young lady sitting in the chair next to her bed. She was lounging with the basketball in her lap. I was even more taken aback when upon seeing me, she stood suddenly. She placed the ball on the table, and without a word quickly shuffled past me.

  I turned to Stats, my brows raised in question.

  “New friend?”

  Her gaze stayed on the door the young lady had just vanished through. “Hmm…sort of. That’s Laura. Next time I’ll introduce you. She’s kind of shy, but very sweet.”

  “I see,” I nodded, closing the distance between us. My mind focused on her welcoming smile and the warmth in her eyes. Everything else floated away. Her hair was down today. She didn’t wear it that way often. It was long, curling loosely past her shoulders. She wore blue sweats, her bandaged wrists peeking out from beneath the cuffs. The sight still jarred me. I sat beside her, feeling a sort of peace settle in my chest as I looked into her eyes.

  Us. Together. It felt perfect. Nothing could rival that truth. Henry had said I’d been spared in the crash because we needed each other. I believed that.

  I scrubbed my thumb across her plump bottom lip. A smile edged into my voice. “Should I be jealous that you’ve found a new friend?”

  Her eyes twinkled and she caught the pad of my finger with a soft nip of her teeth. The tiny sting caused my cock to twitch hard in my pants. It didn’t take much for her to get me hard these days. I think the temptress knew that. She smiled coyly.

  “I suspect my new friend might be lacking in several key areas. You have nothing to worry about.”

  My lips stalled inches from hers. Her warmth engulfed me, flooded my body.

  “Good,” I whispered before claiming her mouth. The kiss was demanding, needy. I curled my tongue around hers, eager for her taste. Her moan vibrated through me, pitching me to a full, painful arousal. The small measure of privacy we had wasn’t enough. This room was Grand Central fucking Station. Apart from hot, tantalizing kisses that chased me home to jerk off, and furtive, tormenting touches, we hadn’t been able to do much. Some days I left the hospital and headed straight to the gym just to work off my frustration.

  I sank my fingers into her soft hair, holding her head so I could eat her up. I took possession of her mouth, swiping long licks and biting her bottom lip. My palm covered her breast and I groaned from the heavy weight and the feel of her hard nipple pushing into my hand.

  “Dinner time!” The call came from the door. It flung open and an orderly skipped in with the meal tray.

  Stats and I broke apart, panting heavily. Shit. My dick throbbed and ached like a bitch. Desire was palpable between us. The orderly kept talking, commenting affably about the snow outside. Stats and I stared at each other, our breaths suspended in longing. Her cheeks were beautifully flushed, her lips red from the bruising assault of my teeth, deliciously lovely.

  She smiled and thanked the orderly. I wanted to wring his neck. Oblivious of my discomfort, the man stood at the foot of the bed and reported the weather forecast for the upcoming week. Stats started to eat, shooting me a furtive smile. She knew what was going through my mind. She knew I wanted to cut the guy’s tongue out with the plastic knife. I couldn’t help but laugh, too, at the poignancy of our nonverbal communication.

  Finally, he left. I took off my jacket and watched Alexa eat as I put a lid on my libido. We talked about her therapy session that day and I was secretly thrilled to see her finish her meal.

  “How did things go with Dr. Leon?” she asked, sipping from a can of Coke. Not diet, I noted. I’d never seen her drink anything that wasn’t made with artificial sweetener.

  I took a moment to collect my thoughts, not sure how much of my evening I wanted to disclose.

  “Regrettably, I didn’t make much headway.”

  She took another sip, lowering her lashes. I caught a glimpse of disappointment before she looked away. It was a knife in my belly.

  I cleared my throat and broached the subject that had been on my mind. “We should hire a lawyer. I think you should threaten the school with legal action. That they’d respond to.”

  A delicate wrinkle creased her forehead. “I don’t have the money to do that. My parents are tapped already with my medical school bills, and God knows what type of healthcare bills I’ll incur from being here.”

  “I can take care of it.”

  “No!” She said firmly. “Absolutely not. You’ve already done enough. I can’t allow you to do that.”

  My jaw firmed with anger. “It’s no big deal. Stop being so stubborn.”

  She opened her mouth to speak, then seemed to reconsider what she was about to say. Her gaze moved out the window to the swirling drifts of snow. I waited, holding my back stiff.

  “Dex,” she said softly. “You’ve already done so much for me. I feel like all I’ve done is taken from you, emotionally and mentally. I won’t do it financially.”

  Feeling frustration swell in the pit of my stomach, I shoved my fingers through my hair. “That’s not the case—”

  “I don’t want to argue.” She pushed away the food tray and shifted onto my lap, placing a finger against my lips. Butting her forehead to mine, she sighed deeply. “I want us to enjoy the time we have together. I miss being with you.”

  “I miss being with you, too, but—”

  Her lips silenced mine. She feathered kisses across my mouth and face with slow, arousing brushstrokes. Mounting desire warred with my frustration.

  I pulled away. “Promise me you’ll thin
k about it.”

  She nodded, recapturing my mouth. This time she added ardor to the kiss, gripping my hair as she sweetly ravished my lips. I was lost, so desperate for her, that my body shook with restrained hunger.

  She stood and took my hand, tugging me off the bed. I quirked a brow but kept my mouth shut. This was one of those moments in a man’s life when intuitively he knew it was best to just shut up. I couldn’t help my chuckle when she pulled me into the small bathroom.

  “What is it with you and bathrooms?” I asked when she closed the door and leaned against it facing me. She took off her glasses and placed them on the sink.

  “None of the doors here lock.”

  I’d noticed.

  “But,” she continued. “At least if anyone comes into my room, we’ll have some time.”

  The look on her face could only be described as pure mischief. I loved it.

  “My last room check was right before you got here,” she grinned. “So, I figured…”

  Seems we were both figuring the same thing. She hadn’t gotten all the words out before my lips were on hers again. I plastered my body against hers, eliminating the space between us. I kissed her slowly, delighting in the pressure of her lips on mine. I reached under her sweatshirt to cup her breasts. The supple warmth filled my palms and my thumbs traced across her beaded nipples. Her gasp pushed into my mouth.

  Her heart beat steadily and something inside me rejoiced. It split me open with a humbling humility. We all like to think we’re in control, but we’re fools if we do. When we’re stripped bare and reduced to pure emotion, we’re nothing but fragile beings bouncing around in chaos, simply looking for another soul to cling to. I was happy to have her here. Alive. I would never have recovered from losing her.

  I planted kisses over every inch of her face then pulled back to look into the deepest blue of her eyes.

  “Alexa…” Her name rolled off my tongue like a prayer. “Alexa Kennedy, I love you.”

  I kept telling her because I didn’t just want her to hear the words. I wanted them to become a part of her, for her to believe in them. Her lips curved in a slow smile. My heart kicked in my chest. This girl seriously did things to me.