The Platinum Reunion (The Platinum Series Book 3)

by T V Hartwell

  Jake pulled back slightly so that he could look at her. He then held her face with his hands. “But it’s true. I was in love with you. I swear. I still am.”

  Amanda looked up into his eyes and then quickly broke her gaze, feeling a little embarrassed. She wiped her face with her hands. “Oh my God, I’m a mess. I need more tissue,” she said, sniffling.

  Jake let go of her and stepped over to the nightstand next to the bed to grab the tissue box. He held it for her as she pulled out several tissues to blow her nose and wipe her face.

  “I guess I should take a couple too,” Jake said, chuckling at himself as he pulled out a couple of tissues and then wiped his face as well.

  “Now you know the truth…” he said, “…the real reason why I broke up with you. At the time, I thought I was doing the right thing. I’d do anything for you, and I thought I was doing what I needed to do to protect you. I feel so stupid now for letting you go, but I didn’t know what else to do at the time. I felt so much pressure. They made the situation seem so dire and full of urgency. But I never stopped loving you, Mandi. You’ve been in my heart ever since. I haven’t been able to let go of you.”

  “I haven’t been able to completely let go of you either,” Amanda admitted. “I’ve tried. I’ve tried really hard but I miss what we had. That’s not to say that I’m not disturbed about your relationship with Kirby, because I am. I’m still hurt that you cheated on me and deceived me over the course of our entire relationship. But despite what you did, I believe in my heart that there was a bond we shared and that our love for one another was real. I know because I felt it, Jake. I did. I really did,” Amanda said, tearing up again.

  “I felt it too. I promise you, it was real for me too.”

  Amanda sighed hard. “Oh my God, I’m so confused right now. What does this mean, Jake? What does this mean for us? What are we going to do?”

  Jake stepped up to her and held her face once more. “It can mean whatever we want it to mean. We can do whatever we want.”

  Amanda stared into his eyes. “You’re still in love me, Jake?”

  “Yes, I am,” he said, gently stroking her cheeks with his thumbs. “Are you still in love me?”

  A single tear streamed down Amanda’s face as she paused to look into his eyes. “I am,” she conceded.

  Jake leaned in to kiss her lips. He kissed her softly, and then kissed her softly again, and again, and again. Each kiss was more earnest, lingering, and adoring than the one before.

  Amanda was tentative at first, but Jake’s persistent, soft, gentle kisses overtook her, and she threw all caution, resistance, and resentment to the wind. She allowed herself to succumb to his touch and affection. She leaned her body fully into his, wrapped her arms around his neck, and kissed him back eagerly.

  Sensing an emotional breakthrough and feeling the passion between them reemerge after lying dormant for so long, Jake pressed his tongue into her mouth. Amanda took it willingly. A chill rushed through her body when she did so, and it caused her to shiver with relish as she tasted him again, touched him again, and smelled him again. It was altogether so intoxicating, sensual, and comforting that it made her weak in the knees. She felt as though she would collapse into his arms at any moment. Overwhelmed with emotion and longing, she wanted more. “Make love to me, Jake. I need you. I want to feel you inside me again. I’ve missed you so much,” she cried.

  “I’ve missed you too,” he said before he pushed her chin up to kiss and lick it hungrily. Her fine, delicate jawline, her soft, supple skin, and her feminine, aromatic scent turned him on and made him long for her too. He wanted to bathe himself in her wetness once more. Jake walked Amanda back toward the bed until they both fell down onto it. When they landed, Jake cupped Amanda in his embrace, using his left arm, with her body partially underneath his. He touched and stroked her face with his right hand, then resumed smothering her with passionate, openmouthed, tongue-tussling kisses while intermittently sucking and licking her chin, jawline, and neck. On the brink, he was feeling it for his girl again as their passionate kisses intensified. The urge to strip and press his naked flesh to hers again was overwhelming. While still cupping her with his left arm, he reached down with his right hand to unbutton her pants. He wanted to slip his hand in to feel and massage her sex, to make her wet, to make her feel good, to daze her with sensual pleasure and bliss as he had done so often in the past. But then he stopped himself, leaving his hand on the first button for a few seconds, contemplating his actions. He then removed his hand from the button as they continued to kiss. Jake’s body wanted to seize on Amanda’s invitation, but his heart and head told him not to.

  “What’s wrong?” Amanda asked, sensing the sudden turndown in heat between them. She was more than willing and ready to submit her body to his manipulation and didn’t understand why he wasn’t proceeding.

  “Nothing. I just want to hold you in my arms. I want to savor this moment. I don’t want to rush.” Jake played it off as best he could, and it appeared to work. As they lay there together in silence, taking a break from their rapturous make out moment, Amanda eventually turned over on her side, allowing Jake to spoon her from behind. He held on to her tight and thought about the moment.

  He wanted to make love to her but knew that she was upset, emotional, and vulnerable. It wouldn’t be fair to her, he thought, if he wasn’t truly ready for the aftermath—her expectations, needs, and desires going forward. As he held her in his arms, he questioned his intentions. Was he truly prepared to commit himself and win the battle for her heart again? Was this truly about love, or was it about his ego and taking back what he felt had been stolen from him? Was it about settling a score with Rick? Was it about showing Adam that he owned Amanda’s heart always and forever and could have her despite Adam’s very best efforts to sway and woo her? Deep down Jake knew that it was a combination of all of the above. He loved her and could still see himself being happily married to her, but his ego was all wrapped up in it too. On top of that and perhaps most of all, he had just been with Kirby, and two-timing was no longer an option. Jake had made a personal vow to never do that again. And since he wasn’t prepared to promise even to himself that the nature of his relationship with Kirby would end from that moment henceforth, Jake concluded that having sex with Amanda was out of the question, at least for now.

  Chapter Forty-Two

  Amanda eventually fell asleep, cuddled in Jake’s arms. She awoke a little more than an hour later when Jake attempted to reposition himself. He had closed his eyes but hadn’t fallen asleep. The whole time he just kept watch over Amanda until his left arm felt stiff and numb under her body weight. He tried to move it discreetly without waking her, but it didn’t work.

  Amanda rose up, slightly dazed. She placed her hands to her forehead and then wiped her eyes. How long was I asleep?

  “For about an hour or a little more. It’s almost six o’clock,” Jake said as he sat up beside her.

  “I can’t believe I passed out like that…for over an hour,” Amanda said, surprised.

  “You probably needed it…to help you relax and calm down.”

  Amanda’s mood had shifted somewhat after waking up. She no longer felt needy, wanting Jake to make love to her, but instead felt growing bewilderment and disbelief. She had questions for him.

  “I don’t know what to do, Jake. I can’t believe this happened. I can’t believe my own father did this to me. I don’t know if I can ever face him again. What an incredibly shitty thing to do. It’s just so unbelievable. I mean, how could anyone even believe the story he told? Multiple personality disorder? I don’t even know what that looks like. It’s something you only read about or maybe see in a movie or something. Anyone who’s known me for any length of time should’ve been skeptical of such a ridiculous story. Considering how long we’d been together, I honestly can’t believe you fell for that. And I can’t believe that you didn’t come to me.”

  “I wanted to. I should have. I allowed mys
elf to get played,” Jake said, shaking his head in disappointment at himself.

  “But why? Why didn’t you challenge him?”

  “I was skeptical initially, and told him that it couldn’t be possible and that I saw no sign of you having an alter ego or anything like that, but he was so insistent and grave and serious.”

  Amanda snickered and shook her head in an almost ridiculing way.

  Jake became defensive. “He’s your dad, Mandi. Who am I to contradict him or challenge him about something like that? You really expected me to say, ‘Rick, you’re lying. You don’t know what you’re talking about.’ I mean, if anyone other than your parent came and told me the story, I wouldn’t have believed it, but it was your parent. It was your father. And then he got Mike involved, which was very clever. I trusted Mike like I trusted my own father, and with the two of them telling me this together, I had no reason whatsoever to believe that they would make up such a story.”

  Amanda sighed and then began to cry again as she spoke. “I don’t know. You were put in an unfair situation. I recognize that. I just wish you would’ve fought more—fought more for me, fought more for our relationship. It just seems like you acted so quickly. I mean, you could’ve just refused to go along with what they wanted you to do. You could’ve kept what they told you to yourself and been like, fuck it, I’m going to marry her anyway.”

  “I thought about doing that—”

  “Then why didn’t you?” Amanda asked with agitation in her voice.

  Jake sighed and tried to search for the right answer, but he was having a hard time coming up with one.

  “It just makes me feel like you didn’t truly love me enough. That it wasn’t worth it for you to dig a little deeper before you decided to end everything. But then again, you had this thing going with Kirby the whole time we were together, so I guess you never truly had real love for me as much as I’ve tried to convince myself that you did.”

  “Amanda, I did love you. I still love you. Having a sexual relationship with Kirby while I was with you was wrong. But I had made a choice, and my choice was to be with you, to be married to you, to be your husband. I acted on impulse, and it was self-indulgent and very selfish of me to be with you and Kirby at the same time. I can’t apologize enough for what I did. I know that saying I’m sorry will never be enough. But before we were supposed to get married, I told Kirby that it was over and that we couldn’t be sexual with one another anymore. In fact, we’d gotten into a big confrontation over it. Of course, I should’ve told him that a long time before, but he knew that I was trying to break things off with him and that I wanted to be committed to you and spend the rest of my life with you.”

  “But what would’ve happened? What would’ve happened had you married me? Would your relationship with Kirby have been any different? Would it have changed?”

  “Yes. It would have. I wanted it to change.”

  “You wanted it to change. The question is would it have really changed?”

  Jake didn’t knee-jerk answer her back again. He remained silent and looked down blankly at the bed.

  “You can’t even answer the question,” Amanda said accusatorily.

  “Amanda, I had every intention of being faithful to you—”

  “Well, I’m glad that was your intention, Jake, but given your track record prior to breaking up with me, I’m not convinced that you would’ve succeeded.”

  Jake shook his head, rubbed his face with his hands, and sighed. She had a point. What could he say?

  “You said earlier that you’re still in love with me, and you told my mom that you wanted me back. But where do things stand now between you and Kirby? Are you still no longer friends with him?”

  Jake sighed and looked away for a second before answering her. “We actually reconnected recently and have become friends again,” Jake said as if admitting guilt to something.

  Amanda stared at Jake intently. She could read from his body language that he was covering up something and not being fully forthcoming. She nearly blurted, “Are you sleeping with him again?” but didn’t. The answer was written all over his face, and she didn’t want him to lie to her again, nor did she want him to acknowledge what she’d already suspected. At that moment, Amanda knew that she and Jake were through and would never be lovers or mates again. She felt anger. “How could you come here and say you’re in love with me and still be fucking Kirby?” she wanted to scream at him but didn’t. It didn’t matter. This was where Jake was and had been stuck for a long time—caught in the middle of a love triangle of his own making. Only he could understand and sort out the how and why of it all, she quietly conceded to herself. This wasn’t her battle to fight. It was his.

  Amanda continued to stare at Jake, who appeared despondent, not meeting her gaze. As they sat there in silence for a few moments, Amanda sensed that there was shame, embarrassment, even self-loathing in Jake about his feelings for Kirby. It was as if he was deliberately suppressing his happiness about their rekindled relationship in order to prove that he still had desire to be with her. In that instant, her anger at Jake turned to sadness for him. She felt this need to help him, to switch out the hat of scorned ex-girlfriend with that of simply friend.

  “Jake,” Amanda said to summon to his attention.

  He looked up at her with sadness in his eyes.

  “I have a question to ask you, and I want you to be completely honest with me. I want you to tell me the truth. Okay?”

  “Okay,” he said softly.

  “You said that you’re in love with me…but are you also in love with Kirby?”

  Jake stared blankly and didn’t answer her at first.

  “Jake, please tell me the truth. Be honest with me. Be honest with yourself.”

  Jake remained silent for a moment more, and then he sighed, and without looking at Amanda, he spoke. “Yes, I am.”

  “So tell me…right now…at this moment…who are you more in love with, me or Kirby?”

  “I love you both the same. It’s so hard,” Jake bemoaned as he covered his face with his hands.

  “You can’t have us both, Jake. You can’t do that anymore. You have to choose.”

  “I know…I know that I can’t have you both. But I told you, though…I had chosen you, to marry you.”

  “That was back then, last summer. I’m talking about right now. Who do you feel more connected to? Who are you more drawn to emotionally? Who are you more attracted to? Who do you want to make love to more than anyone else? Who makes your soul sing? Him or me?”

  Jake evaded the question. “I…I just want to be married and have a family. That’s what I want, and I want that with you like I did before.”

  “But you can’t have that with me…not when you’re equally in love with someone else. No matter how much you love me, Jake, I don’t think being with me and marrying me would be enough to help you overcome your feelings for Kirby. You can’t use me like that. You can’t use me to try to suppress your attraction to Kirby or to men in general. That wouldn’t be fair.”

  “I know it wouldn’t,” Jake admitted.

  “Then stop forcing yourself to feel like you need to be with me or with any girl, for that matter, if what you really want right now is to be with Kirby. Do you know if Kirby is in love with you too?”

  “Yes, I do know. He is in love me. He came out to me and told me that last summer, right before we were supposed to get married. That’s why he broke up with Laren. And after everything we’ve been through these past few months, he still wants to be with me.”

  “Have you thought about being with him in a real, committed relationship?”

  “I’ve told him in the past that if I was ever going to be in an openly gay relationship, it would only be with him,” Jake said with a chuckle, feeling lighthearted at the thought.

  “Then what’s holding you back?”

  “It’s just not how I saw myself…you know, being with another guy. I mean…I have nothing against being gay—�
��

  “But, Jake, you are gay. Don’t you see?”

  “But I’ve never thought of myself as being fully gay because I’m still attracted to girls too. I had even been dating this chick back at work up until pretty recently.”

  “Okay, fine. You’re bi. At the end of the day, the label—gay, bi—is irrelevant. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that you’re in love with another guy. That love is real and it’s mutually felt. Embrace it. Explore it. You and Kirby have known each other for so long. Your love and affection for one another has never died. It just seems to keep growing stronger and stronger. And….” Amanda paused for a moment, becoming overtaken suddenly with emotion. She began to cry as she continued to speak. “And even though a part of me wishes that we had the same intensity of feeling for one another, I realize that we don’t anymore. I’ve been holding on to you in my heart, hoping against hope that we could find our way back to each other, but I realize now, more than ever, that I have to let you go. Let you be free to be who you truly are. Free to be who you want to be. Free to be yourself without the pressure of trying to meet the expectations of others. I feel like you need to hear this from me.”

  Jake broke down too. “Oh, Amanda. I’m so sorry for everything I’ve done. I feel so bad and guilty. I feel that everything you’ve been through, all of the pain you’ve experienced, it’s all my fault. I was such a coward, breaking up with you, and then I caused you to lose our baby. I cheated on you with Kirby and hid from you these feelings I’ve had about my sexuality. I’ve put you through so much, and I just want to make it up to you. I want to make it right. I want to make you happy. You deserve to be happy and so much more.”

  “But so do you, Jake. I don’t need you to make me happy. That’s my job. And don’t blame yourself for everything that’s happened. You were put in a very bad positon. Although I wish you had reacted differently, we more than likely would’ve been forced at some point down the road to confront this issue about Kirby anyway. I am confident of that. But you deserve to be happy too and to live in your truth. You shouldn’t be afraid to explore your feelings for Kirby in a more open and honest way if he’s who you truly want to be with right now. Even though you’re not willing to admit it, I know that you’re more attracted to Kirby and have a stronger emotional attachment to him. And that’s okay. It really is. Embrace it, and stop running from it. Stop running from Kirby.”