Mixed Bags

by Melody Carlson

  “I wonder how Rhiannon feels about it?” asked Kriti.

  “That’s a good question,” admitted DJ.

  “Where’s Conner tonight?” asked Kriti after they took their plates and sodas over to a quiet corner and sat down.

  “I don’t know.” DJ looked around the room again. “I thought he’d be here.”

  Before long a couple of guys came over and reintroduced themselves. Then they invited Kriti and DJ to dance. Kriti happily agreed, but DJ felt unsure. What about Conner?

  “Come on,” said Garrison as he reached for her hand. “I don’t bite.”

  So, feeling somewhat dejected that Conner wasn’t there, DJ went with him. She wasn’t the greatest dancer, but thankfully the lights were low and the music was loud and lively, and she decided to just have fun with it. It made no sense to be uncertain about everything. Good grief, it was like she didn’t even know her own mind.

  But midway through the dance, she saw Conner arrive and her heart leaped. He seemed to spot her too, but when she waved at him, he just turned away and started talking to another guy. Well, this irked her, and when Garrison asked her to dance the next one, she decided to just go with the flow. Maybe it would give Conner something to consider. Maybe it would teach him for coming late…for not calling her once after their date.

  But she felt a little concerned when the song turned out to be a slow one and she found herself dancing very close to Garrison. But the next thing she knew Conner was dancing with, of all people, Taylor! And that just made DJ plain mad. Still, she tried not to show it, and when the song ended, she thanked Garrison and went over to where Conner was now standing with Taylor.

  “Hey,” she said in an even voice. “You made it.”

  He nodded. “Yeah, I got waylaid on the home front.”

  “Oh…” She didn’t know what to say now, and she could feel Taylor’s eyes on her, as if she was waiting for DJ to make a scene. Perhaps a scene that would humiliate DJ in front of everyone.

  “Looks like you met Garrison,” said Conner.

  “Yeah. I was getting kind of bored. It was nice of someone to dance with me.”

  “Yeah, nice.”

  DJ wanted Conner to ask her to dance now. She was even tempted to ask him, but for some reason, maybe it was pride, she could not. Still, she wanted him to do something to make it perfectly clear to Taylor that he really did like DJ, and that they were really a couple. But he didn’t. And he didn’t say anything either. They just stood there. Finally Taylor began making small talk and he responded. And that aggravated DJ even more. What was wrong with him anyway? How could he passionately kiss her one night and two nights later act as if he barely knew her?

  Suddenly, she felt seriously worried. Maybe he didn’t really like her. Maybe she had only imagined that he liked her. Or maybe their make-out session in Eliza’s backseat had been disappointing. Maybe he’d decided he just wasn’t into her after that. Or maybe he realized she wasn’t his type. Maybe he thought she was cheap and easy—sort of like what her grandmother had insinuated yesterday. And just like that, all her confidence seemed to evaporate. She felt more like a loser than ever. Not only that, but she felt lost. Dressed up like a Barbie doll, she had shoved her old image of being the athlete aside, and she had pushed her hurting friend away just because she didn’t fit in. And now, she realized that she didn’t fit in either. DJ felt cut off, alone, and totally rejected.

  “Excuse me,” she said, turning and walking away. She pressed her way through the crowd and went outside and stood on the deck that overlooked the ocean—the same ocean where they had experienced their first kiss. She took in several deep breaths and tried to reassure herself that everything was just fine. Perfectly fine. She told herself that at any moment, Conner would come out and join her. He would apologize and tell her that everything was okay. But he didn’t. Quite some time passed, and he never came out. Finally, DJ looked back into the house to see that the party was even livelier than before, and there in the middle of the room, Conner and Taylor were dancing again. She couldn’t see Conner’s face just now, but Taylor looked happy. She was laughing and smiling and totally victorious.

  That’s when something inside DJ just cracked. Like she could almost hear it breaking. And she felt the tears coming now, but she didn’t want anyone to see her like this. She knew she had to get away. And so she decided to go out to the beach. She took off her sandals and walked through the damp sand until she found a piece of driftwood. And there she sat and sobbed. As she sobbed, she was plagued with questions. Questions that had no answers and only seemed designed to torment her more.

  Why was Conner treating her like this? When had everything changed between them? Or had she just been deluded that there ever was anything in the first place? What was wrong with her? Was she the hypocrite that Casey accused her of being? Had she sold out to fit in? Would she ever fit in? Would she ever be happy? And if she would never be happy, what was the point of trying? Maybe she should just walk into the ocean, swim out as far as she could possibly swim…and just let go. End this thing. She was almost ready to stand up when she heard a girl’s voice call, “Hey, you.”

  DJ turned around to see Rhiannon walking toward her. DJ quickly wiped the tears with her hands, trying to act normal, which seemed rather pointless. Who was she fooling anyway?

  “What’s wrong?” Rhiannon sat on the log next to her.

  “Nothing.”

  “Come on, DJ, you can talk to me.”

  DJ wanted her to leave. “Why aren’t you with Bradford?”

  “He had to go home. You know it’s a school night.”

  “Yeah, right.”

  “Kriti said you just disappeared. She thought it might have something to do with Taylor dancing with Conner. Want to talk about it?”

  DJ figured if there was anyone she could trust, it was probably Rhiannon. Besides it didn’t look like she was going away. And so she just dumped out the whole story. “I just don’t get it,” she said finally. “I thought he liked me.”

  “Would that make you happy?” asked Rhiannon.

  “Sure. Why wouldn’t it?”

  “I mean really, truly happy,” said Rhiannon. “Deep down happy.”

  “I don’t think that’s even possible.”

  “It is,” said Rhiannon.

  “Maybe for you.”

  “For everyone, DJ.”

  “Yeah, right.”

  “Here’s the deal,” persisted Rhiannon. “God made us with this empty space inside. We try to fill that space with all kinds of things that we think will make us happy. Like boyfriends or fancy clothes or doing exciting things. But in the end, none of that makes us happy. Sometimes those things will even make us more miserable.”

  “I do feel pretty miserable.”

  “I know. It’s because you’ve been trying to fill that space with the wrong things.”

  “So, what am I supposed to fill that space with, Rhiannon?” DJ turned and looked at her face, now illuminated by the moonlight.

  Rhiannon smiled, and DJ hated to admit it, but her face looked literally radiant, and happy. “Jesus,” she said simply. “You’re supposed to fill that space with the one who made you, DJ. Jesus wants to be your best friend. He wants to help you through the hard times. And he knows what you need to live your best possible life. And you’ll never get there without him.”

  DJ actually considered this for a long moment. Still she wasn’t buying. “It sounds too good to be true.”

  “That’s exactly what I thought at first too. But I’m living proof that it is true.”

  “I’ll admit that you do seem happy, Rhiannon, and it seems to work for you, but I don’t think it’d be the same for me.”

  “You’ll never know, DJ…unless you give Jesus a try.”

  “I wouldn’t even know how to do that.”

  “It’s simple. You just invite him into your heart.”

  For no explainable reason, DJ was crying again. And this time the sobs seem
ed to emerge from a place that was dark and deep within her. There was an ache that was more painful than just feeling rejected by Conner. It was even more painful than feeling rejected by her father…or losing her mother. It was a deep, lonely sadness that she felt would belong to her forever. And yet she knew she couldn’t endure it. She knew it would eventually devour her.

  Rhiannon put an arm around DJ’s shoulders now. “Want me to pray with you?”

  DJ just kept sobbing, but finally she nodded. “Yes,” she gasped. “I—I think I do.”

  “Okay,” said Rhiannon calmly. “If you want to invite Jesus into your heart, you just repeat what I say, or say it in your own words if you like. It doesn’t really matter how you say it, just as long as you mean it.”

  Then Rhiannon prayed a simple prayer. And DJ echoed the words after her. First she told God that she’d blown it and that she needed him to forgive her. Then she asked Jesus to come into her heart and to make her a new person. But, even as DJ repeated these things, she wasn’t entirely sure that this would work, or that it was even real. Still, she hoped that it was. She truly hoped that it was not just another dead end. She knew she needed something or someone to hold onto. She desperately wanted someone who was bigger and smarter—she wanted someone who really cared about her, really loved her, someone who could change things. Maybe it was God.

  “Amen,” said Rhiannon happily. Then she reached over and hugged DJ. “Welcome to God’s family, DJ.”

  DJ wiped her face with her hands again. “Really?”

  “Yes. Really. You are a sister in the Lord, DJ. Your life will never be the same again.”

  DJ took in a long, slow breath and to her surprise, she actually felt something changing inside her now. She wasn’t even sure how to describe this feeling, not exactly like happiness, but she did have a deep sense of peace…and hope too…like everything was going to get better.

  “Wow!” DJ turned to look at Rhiannon. “I actually feel different.”

  “I know.” Rhiannon was beaming. “That’s because Jesus is inside you. He’s filling up that empty space with himself.”

  “Wow!” said DJ again. She stood now, taking in another deep breath, almost as if to test whether or not this was real. “This is totally amazing—really, really cool.”

  Rhiannon stood too. “You’re a new person, DJ.”

  DJ nodded. “Yeah, it feels like a beginning, like life is about to get a whole lot better, like things are going to start making sense. Is that totally crazy?”

  Rhiannon laughed. “Only to people who don’t get it. Once you let God into your life, everything changes. Mostly you change. And, yes, things get better. But your problems don’t magically disappear. Instead, you become better at dealing with them, and that’s because you have Jesus with you. He will help you.”

  Now DJ threw her arms around Rhiannon and hugged her. “Thank you,” she cried. “Thank you so much!”

  “Thank God!” said Rhiannon. “It will be so great to have a sister at Carter House. I’ve been praying for God to send me someone. I was hoping it would be you!”

  “This is going to be a good year,” said DJ. And, although she had no idea where she would fit in, or if she even would, she had a feeling that it was going to be okay. Somehow things would work out. But as she walked back toward the beach house, she noticed Conner sitting out by himself on the stairs that led up to one of the decks.

  “Hey,” she said to Rhiannon. “You want to let the others know that we’re heading out? I want a word with Conner before we go.”

  “Meet you at the car in a few minutes,” said Rhiannon. Then, as if she understood the need for privacy, she headed up another set of stairs.

  “Hey,” said DJ as she cautiously approached Conner. “What’s up?”

  He looked surprised when he saw her. “Nothing.”

  “Mind if I join you?”

  He just shrugged, but she sat down anyway.

  “Did I do something to offend you?” she asked, thinking that it really was the other way around. He had been the one to offend her. Still, she figured this might at least get the conversation going. And, remembering the commitment she’d just made on the beach, she felt surprising hopeful. In fact, she thought perhaps God had the key to unlock this door and to help her to win Conner back.

  But he didn’t answer and just shrugged again, looking down and acting like a loose piece of leather on his flip-flops was the most fascinating thing on the planet. What was wrong with him?

  “So, I take it you don’t want to talk?” She was ready to make a break for it now. It was one thing to take some of the blame for how this was going, but Conner was acting totally uncooperative.

  “I don’t know what to say.” Now Conner looked up at her with those clear blue eyes, and DJ could see that there was something going on behind them. Almost as if he had been hurting as badly as she. But why? Why? Why? Why?

  “Just say something,” she pleaded with him. “Anything! Please!”

  He continued looking at her now, gazing at her as if he were seeing deep inside of her, looking at her with an expression that seemed to say he still cared. An expression that actually filled her with hope. Then he sighed and said, “You’ve changed, DJ.”

  She considered this. Did he know that she’d just given her heart to God? Was it that obvious? “Yes,” she said eagerly. “I have changed! Isn’t that great?”

  But he just shook his head and frowned. “I liked you better before.”

  “Before?” She tried to wrap her head around this. “Why?”

  But he was standing now. “I gotta get outta here,” he said abruptly.

  “But what about—”

  Before she could finish her question, he leaned down and, cupping her chin in his hand, kissed her. “Bye, DJ.”

  And she just sat there trying to make sense of everything that had happened tonight. What had just transpired between them? And why was Conner acting so weird? Did he still like her? Or was that supposed to be a final good-bye kiss?

  But, strangely enough, she didn’t feel too freaked by all this. Somehow, she knew that it was going to be okay with Conner. One way or another, with God’s help, things would work out. She felt certain of that.

  This wasn’t the end…no, it was the beginning.

  Read chapters 1 and 2 of Stealing Bradford, Book 2 in Carter House Girls.

  1

  “I’m SOrry, BuT mY Car’s just not big enough for all the girls,” announced Eliza as they were finishing breakfast. She pushed a glossy strand of blonde hair away from her face and then took a slow sip of coffee. As usual, Eliza was stylishly dressed, her hair and makeup absolutely perfect, and she looked ready to make her big debut at Crescent Cove High today.

  “And I’ve already reserved my ride with Eliza,” said Taylor a bit too smugly. She too was perfection—at least on the surface. But DJ was well aware that looks can be deceiving.

  Eliza smiled at DJ now. “And I told Kriti she could ride with me too…which only leaves room for one more.” Eliza and DJ hadn’t really spoken since last night when they’d made their splashy entrance into Harry’s beach-house party together. A few hours and a lifetime later, DJ had left the party and driven all the girls (except Taylor and Eliza who weren’t ready to go) back to the Carter House in her grandmother’s car. They barely made it home before curfew, and DJ felt certain that the party-hardy girls, Taylor and Eliza, got back quite a bit later than that. Although, as far as DJ knew, Mrs. Carter hadn’t said a word.

  Naturally, this double standard aggravated DJ. Not that it was unexpected since her grandmother clearly favored those two, but it did seem a bad omen for the year ahead. Still, DJ was determined not to complain. Because today was not only the first day of school, it was also the first day following DJ’s amazing life-changing episode on the beach last night. And she didn’t want to blow it by getting mad.

  “School’s not that far away,” pointed out Rhiannon. “I don’t mind walking. That’s how I used to
get there.”

  DJ had walked to school last year as well. And she wouldn’t mind walking today, except that she had on a new pair of Michael Kors shoes—ones that Eliza had coaxed her to buy, telling her they would be perfect for the first day of school. Now DJ wondered if she should run upstairs and change them. Maybe she should change her whole outfit and go back to her old style of casual grunge sportswear. Although she knew that would upset her grandmother, not to mention Eliza.

  “I will drive the other girls to school today,” proclaimed Mrs. Carter with a loud sigh. DJ could tell that her grandmother was not pleased with this setup. Still, wasn’t this her own fault for boarding this many girls? She should’ve considered there might be transportation problems down the line.

  Eliza smiled at DJ now. “So, do you want to ride with us then?”

  DJ glanced over at Casey and Rhiannon. These two still looked like the Carter House misfits, although at least Rhiannon was trying. Casey, on the other hand, could clearly not care less. DJ briefly considered abandoning them to ride with Eliza—in the cool car. And maybe she would’ve done just that yesterday. But today things were different. She was different. And so she simply shook her head. “No, that’s okay, Eliza. I can ride with my grandmother today.”

  Eliza frowned. “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah, but thanks anyway.” DJ could tell that Eliza was not happy about her choice. And she suspected that Eliza had hoped to make a flashy entrance this morning, probably with Taylor on one side and DJ on the other—maybe with Kriti trailing slightly behind them like a handmaid. And, of course, Eliza probably hoped that Rhiannon and Casey, who did not measure up to her fastidious fashion standards, would lag somewhere far, far behind.

  “Well, I’m going up to put on my finishing touches,” said Eliza lightly. “And then I’ll be ready.” As if on cue, the breakfast table began to vacate. And before long, they were all on their way to school. The sporty white Porsche, with its three fashionable girls, drove about a block ahead, while Mrs. Carter’s more sensible silver Mercedes followed discretely behind.