365 Days Alone

by Nancy Isaak

  Even Lily had a ‘battle assignment’. In her case, she would go with the other younger girls to where the pets were being kept. They would help carry (or herd) the animals into one of the nearby buildings. Four armed 11th graders of the Protection Detail would be there, who would then stand guard over all of them until the ‘stand-down alarm’ was sounded and it was safe to go out again.

  Probably because she was bigger than most girls—and so tough—Jude was put in the front lines, standing guard with many of the 11th and 12th graders from the Detail. It frustrated Jude, because she wasn’t given a gun like the older girls (of course, they didn’t know about the gun in her fanny pack). Instead, she was given a knife and a spear (film props scavenged from a nearby movie director’s house).

  Jay and I, meanwhile, were assigned to additional ‘supply protection’.

  Along with the regular guard detail, we were stationed in the main gym—behind locked and chained doors. Our job was to not only keep the enemy from breaking in and stealing our supplies—but also from any of our girls who decided to get sticky fingers while we happened to be on lockdown.

  * * * *

  Alarms came and went.

  Nobody ever did attack our school.

  The girls with the backpacks continued to move along the 101. If they asked to join our community, we never knew; they were always gone by the time lockdown ended and we were released from our defensive positions.

  Often Orla would speak to us after one of these incidents—giving us news of what was happening to the south and east of us. The ‘passing girls’ apparently brought tales of gang violence, brutality between neighboring communities, and packs of feral beasts that now seemed to be growing in size as they ranged ever closer.

  It made us realize how lucky we were to live in Agoura Hills.

  Where we would be protected.

  At least—that’s what Orla kept telling us.

  JOURNAL ENTRY #16

  We had Christmas today!

  Because it was a special day, Orla and the Council let everybody have a day off of work. Nobody had to worry about getting their food vouchers for once. We simply showed up and everybody got fed.

  For breakfast, we had our usual oatmeal—but this time, we had raisins and nuts in it. Lunch was a vegetable shepherd’s pie, which was really very tasty. Supper was bean tacos, with homemade french fries and a three-tier chocolate cake.

  (We took our chocolate cake back to Jude’s house. Then Jay opened the astronaut ice cream that we took from Jacob’s house and we added it to our cake. Needless to say, it was the best dessert ever!)

  * * * *

  Sophia and Reena held a special lunchtime mass at the theater for the religious girls. They called it “Keeping Christ in Christmas”.

  We were all invited to attend.

  I’m not certain how many girls actually showed up because, truthfully—we didn’t go.

  As far as our little family is concerned—it’s the end of the world, we didn’t have to go to work today, and it’s Christmas!

  Time for a little fun, instead.

  * * * *

  But last night—

  Just after Lily finally fell asleep, Jay, Jude, and I went into the attic and pulled out all of Jude’s Christmas decorations. She even had a fake Christmas tree, which we decorated and placed in a corner of the living room.

  Unfortunately, the only Christmas stocking available had Jude’s name on it, but we just turned it around and wrote ‘Lily’ on the other side with a big black Sharpie. Then we filled the stocking with tiny little toys and candies that we had found (appropriated) in the townhouses that we’ve been searching through.

  It was funny, too, because—even though we were all determined to make this a good Christmas for Lily—we had all also been secretly planning presents for each other. Throughout the night, as we were decorating the rest of the house, presents with each of our names on them kept showing up under the tree.

  * * * *

  I am obviously still not an adult—but having Lily has, in some ways, made me the next best thing. For the first time, I’m experiencing Christmas—not as a child—but as a ‘responsible older-person’.

  For once, Christmas isn’t about me anymore.

  It’s like I’ve moved on and—this year—it belongs to Lily. And watching Lily open her presents has made me both happy and sad.

  Because it makes me think of my mother.

  This must have been what it was like for her—when she watched me open my presents and I would burst into laughter and screeches of joy.

  In some ways it makes me feel ashamed. I now realize that, through all the Christmases I have spent in ‘wonderment’ over my own presents, how rarely I have concerned myself with how my own mother was receiving hers.

  It’s humbling.

  * * * *

  Dear Mom,

  Wherever you are—I’m sorry I was such a self-absorbed daughter.

  I love you and I miss you.

  To know that you are safe and happy would be the best Christmas present ever.

  Love, Kaylee.

  * * * *

  For her main Christmas gifts—Lily received some Judy Blume books from Jay, a make-up set from me, and some pepper spray from Jude. The three of us also gave her a combined gift—although, of course, it came from Santa—something that we’ve been working on secretly over the last two weeks.

  It’s a hidden pathway that Jay, Jude, and I have carved into the hedges behind the house. Running along and then through the back of the fence, the pathway comes out just in front of a small shed in Jude’s neighbor’s backyard.

  Inside the shed, we’ve put a beanbag chair, a miniature table and chairs, and a whole lot of toys (‘appropriated’ from the surrounding houses). There’s even a small doggie pillow for Pugly.

  But the best thing about Lily’s ‘secret fort’—the entrance to the pathway is hidden. You have to go behind the hedges to actually find it.

  We did that on purpose.

  Because, even though we wanted the fort to be a fun-thing for Lily, it was also our intention that it could be used as a hiding place—for Lily and Pugly…or for any of us.

  * * * *

  Lily, meanwhile, had drawn pictures for all of us.

  For Jay, it was a drawing of one of her favorite star constellations. For me, it was a drawing of Jacob (slightly embarrassing, but it was the thought that counted). For Jude, Lily had drawn a picture of herself and Pugly sitting on Jude’s knees. It was kind of hilarious, because Lily had drawn tiny squiggly lines coming up from Pugly’s butt—as if he had just farted.

  Jay, meanwhile, gave books. Since she didn’t have access to Amazon—her selection, of course, was limited to whatever she could find in other people’s libraries.

  For Jude, that meant a copy of “It’s Perfectly Normal”—a kid’s book on sex education. I received “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance”.

  (Jude and I aren’t really sure what Jay is trying to say with her book selections. We think maybe it’s some sort of surreal statement on the absurdity of our life condition. That, or Jay just thought it would be really funny.)

  * * * *

  I gave Jay a little star-finder. It’s a plastic disc that you turn to find the locations of all the different constellations depending on what time of the year it is.

  For Jude, I was lucky to find one of those small multi-use knives. This one even came with tiny scissors, a toothpick, and a whole bunch of other blades whose function I couldn’t even begin to guess.

  * * * *

  When it was Jude’s turn to hand us her gifts—honestly—she became kind of shy. We’re all so used to Jude being tough and kind of mean. Yet, there she was—shyly handing us the presents she’d chosen for us, nervous that we wouldn’t like them.

  Truth is—Jay and I were both worried that there might be something disgusting under all that wrapping. After all, it was Jude. We were thinking that maybe she’d given us a stink bomb or hot pep
per toffee…something like that.

  Instead—what I got, was a framed photo.

  Jude had obviously taken it in Chumash Park—at the faux-Beatles concert—the one where she’d tried to beat the crap out of me. The angle was down low (so that was why she had been on the ground!) and showed kids hopping and spinning—their hair backlit from the sun, their faces filled with happiness.

  Including Jacob Riker…and me.

  I was in mid-hop. Jacob, meanwhile, had his back to me, yet his head was turned slightly in my direction. Perhaps he was looking at me…perhaps not.

  (I have decided that he was!)

  When I looked up at Jude, she was standing there, nervously chewing on a fingernail. “Just a stupid photo,” she mumbled.

  “No, it’s not,” I corrected her. “It’s a great photo! And it’s going above my bed—right next to my lovely new drawing from Lily.”

  Beside me, meanwhile, Jay was carefully opening her own gift.

  “It’s not fragile, Skipper,” growled Jude. “I just got you some curry.”

  Jay looked up at Jude, frowning. “Do you have any idea how racist that is?”

  Jude shrugged. “Not like anyone cares anymore.”

  With a snort of disgust, Jay ripped off the last of her present’s wrapping. “Ohmigod,” she cried out, when she saw what was inside. “Ohmigod!”

  There were tears in Jay’s eyes when she finally turned to show me what Jude had given her. I guess I didn’t get it, because all I saw was a bunch of Legos put together to form a kind of ‘space-gun-type-thing’.

  “What is it?” I asked.

  Jay ignored me, turning toward Jude instead. “Did you make this?”

  “Every girl needs her own sonic screwdriver,” said Jude, quietly.

  And then I got it…this was fangirl-stuff.

  (Apparently, Jude is into the “Doctor Who” television show, too. If you don’t know, the ‘sonic screwdriver’ is what the ‘Doctor’ carries—an amazing tool that can open up almost everything.)

  “I love it,” cried Jay, rising from her seat. “I absolutely love it!” She took two steps toward Jude to give her a hug.

  “Don’t even!” warned Jude. Then she turned and walked off into the kitchen.

  Jay looked over to me, grinning. “Why did we ever hate Jude?”

  “Because she was mean, pushed us around, and spit in our lockers,” was my answer.

  WHEN EVIL TRIES TO KISS YOU

  There became a normalcy to our life; wake up—breakfast at the high school—search through the townhouses—lunch at the high school—back to searching—supper at the high school—free until bedtime.

  Then it started all over again the next day.

  Frankly—it became stifling.

  And boring.

  Perhaps it was one of the problems of being an ‘internet-generation kid’ but—without our electronics—we just couldn’t figure out how to entertain ourselves. Board games and puzzles became played out; books were read over and over again.

  And, unfortunately, even though we lived next to some of the most beautiful wilderness areas in the state—because of the threat of the ‘beasts’—we couldn’t even go hiking.

  In some ways, it was even worse than being in school.

  Same old—every day.

  Day in…day out.

  Because of the boredom, Orla and the Council decided to put on a New Year’s Eve party; or maybe the Foxes just wanted to have some fun themselves.

  Whatever the reason—I’m sure they came to regret it.

  * * * *

  Yaz and Peyton were in charge of putting together the New Year’s celebration. It was being held in the smaller gym and—along with a few of the younger girls—they had spent a good couple of days working on the decorations and the music.

  Yes, there was to be music!

  It certainly wasn’t going to be the Staples Center concerts that we were all used to—but, at least, it was music. Some of the band girls would be playing their instruments, while the few choir members we had would sing. There was even some talk of a rap freestyle battle later on in the evening.

  (It didn’t happen—for what will become obvious reasons.)

  * * * *

  Sophia Rojas, meanwhile, was to be responsible for the refreshments.

  Instead of our normal dinner, Sophia was planning a buffet-style meal. Tables would be set up all along one side of the gym, covered in a variety of plates and dishes.

  (Now you have to remember that Sophia was cooking without the benefit of dairy products or electricity. Anything that she made, she did it over an open flame. We were all constantly amazed with what she managed to come up with—Sophia was a true ‘master chef’.)

  * * * *

  Because there would be no adults around—and because rules were a little twisted in this strange new world—we were going to be allowed alcohol!

  Some of the more religious girls like Reena were, of course, offended that alcohol would be served, and had decided to boycott the event.

  It would be kind of me to say that they had been missed—but I’d have been lying.

  * * * *

  It was exciting getting ready for the party. For a while, things seemed almost normal…almost.

  Like with Christmas, Orla and the Council had given us New Year’s Eve off. Jay, Lily, and I used the free time to go total girl.

  We spent hours getting ready.

  (Of course, when you have to warm up your bathwater, pot-by-pot, over a backyard fire, you kind of need hours. Not to mention how long it takes to dry your hair!)

  After our baths, the three of us went back to Jay’s and my townhouse and raided the closets for pretty outfits. Even though there weren’t going to be any boys at the party, all three of us were still determined to look good!

  * * * *

  Lily was fun to dress—kind of like Jay and me having our very own little, living doll. We eventually settled on a pink silk sari from Jay’s closet, with gold thread braided throughout. On her feet, Lily wore tiny gold slippers and on her arms—over fifty gold bracelets!

  Our little doll looked absolutely adorable.

  And the pink really made her blue eyes pop!

  Which, of course, reminded me of another pair of blue eyes…sigh.

  * * * *

  Jay decided to completely embrace her inner-fangirl for the party.

  She wore jeans, a long-sleeve button-down shirt, and suspenders. In her dad’s closet, she found a red bowtie, which she added to her costume. Then she tied her long hair back in a braid and tucked it inside her shirt, so it looked like she had short hair.

  Over all of this, Jay wore a long dark jacket that reached almost to the ground. The final detail went into the jacket’s inside pocket—Jude’s homemade sonic screwdriver.

  Throughout the evening, girls would ask Jay who she was supposed to be; Jay’s response would always be the same. “Exactly!”

  (If you didn’t get it—Jay was dressed as “Doctor Who”. If you did get it—you’re probably grinning. )

  * * * *

  I decided to wear a dress from my mom’s closet. It was one that I had always admired and that my mom had refused to let me anywhere near, because it was so expensive—a green silk Valentino that my father had brought back from Paris for my mother’s 50th birthday.

  The dress hung down from an empire waist, scalloping down to mid-calf. It had a high neckline and long sleeves. Its back, however, scooped down to just this side of naughty.

  Since I was already in my mother’s closet, I also took her slinkiest ‘f-me’ pumps and a pair of gold fist-sized hoop earrings. A Claddagh ring from my own jewelry box completed my ‘ensemble’.

  * * * *

  Jude wore a clean pair of jeans and a black t-shirt.

  * * * *

  When we arrived at the gym for the party, Amelie and Shawnee immediately rushed up to gush over Lily’s sari. Moments later, the three of them hurried over to where the rest of the younger g
irls were giggling and chattering away in a corner.

  At a table nearby, I noticed Peyton sitting by herself, drinking a bottle of beer. She seemed to be watching Amelie closely, the expression on her face solemn, almost angry.

  I immediately looked around for the other Foxes but—except for Yaz who was repairing a ripped streamer at the far end of the gym—Orla and Tray were thankfully nowhere to be seen.

  * * * *

  Speaking of Yaz—although she took part in most activities, she rarely spoke to anyone outside of the Foxes’ circle. None of us knew exactly where she lived—except that it was in one of the houses that was rapidly becoming known as the ‘Foxes Compound’, or simply—the ‘Compound’.

  She seemed to have recovered from her ordeal quite capably. There was always a smile on Yaz’s face and she was quick to laugh. But as far as we knew, Yaz had still not spoken to anyone outside of the Foxes about exactly what had happened to her as she made her way to Agoura Hills.