Fated (Fate of Love Book 1)

by AJ Brooks

  My skin splits again as the cracks run ever deeper, threatening to break me into little pieces. I did this. I need to get to her. How did I not recognize my Helena until now?

  “Cassius?” Morta shoves the eye further into my face and I shrink back. “We wanted to talk to you because you need to stop. Stop messing with Fate. Stop trying to change the outcome. The more you mess with that girl, the worse it is for her.”

  “The Unfated are trying to kill her, Morta. I’m not going to let that happen. And you sent me to her.”

  All three of them stop abruptly and turn to me with eyeless blank stares. They’ll never own up to making Max my assignment, and putting me in Zarah’s path.

  “Fine. If Fate wants us to be apart. Fine. But I’m not going to let her die like that. I can’t. I won’t.”

  “That is your wish Cassius, then you are free to pursue it. But ask yourself this... Do you want to save that girl or do you want to save yourself over the guilt of Helena? The girl is going through her trial and you need to leave her be. Fate demands it.”

  “She what?”

  “Oh, for the sake of fate, Cassius. We aren’t all born this way. You were with Emilia as your mother. But we certainly were not. We have paid dearly for the responsibility to be Fate’s secretaries. Your mother paid her dues in a way that did not show her any love or mercy. Mortals have an extra price to pay because it was never meant for them to become like you. You interrupted her fate by what you did and now she must prove her soul to be pure. She must prove herself to Fate before she is granted her status.” Morta’s tone is pure irritation, like I should have known all of this and my jaw hangs wider, the cracks get deeper, my heart sinks lower with every word.

  How? I think it but I don’t dare say it the way Morta is holding that stick at me.

  “Oh now sister, don’t be so hard on the poor boy,” Nona speaks as she moves back to her spinning wheel and shakes her head like this is no big thing. “You know it wasn’t all him. That the girl had as much to do with her strange fate when she stole his arrow. We’ve talked about this. It was an accident of fate. A ripple. The anomaly will work itself out.”

  “A ripple? What’s a ripple?” I ask, but look over my shoulder. I’ve been gone too long. I need to get back to Zarah. But I also need answers.

  “What is that phrase the mortals use? That silly one...” Nona rubs her nose.

  “When the stars align... I think that’s the one.” Decima says from across the wide room hanging thread from the racks. These women never stop working. I’ve never noticed it before.

  “Ah, yes. It’s an event that happens that shouldn’t happen because everything is in the right place for it to happen. Yes?” Nona looks to her sisters who nod. My breath comes pouring out of me as if I’d been hit hard in the chest. The Fates don’t usually make a lot of sense, but this is a special kind of confusing.

  I rub my nose like Nona did and roll my shoulders, trying to work it out in my head.

  “So this wasn’t supposed to happen, but did happen because it should have happened?” I ask now rubbing my eyes vigorously with the heels of my hands and when I look up all three are smiling at me.

  “Precisely.”

  “That doesn’t make any sense at all, Nona. None. How does that help me?” I yell for the first time in 200 years and all three of them turn to me with shocked mouths.

  “We are the keepers of Fate, Cassius. We do not decide what she will do next. And you know full well that we cannot see the Unfated. The have no place on the timeline.”

  “So Zarah’s lives are like the ripple and she has to keep living them over and over until the ripple is smoothed out, until fate is back on it’s course again? Or until the Unfated eat her soul and she disappears from Fate altogether?” I don’t know where the horrifying words are coming from but they make sense as they bounce off my tongue. I hate them and I want to change them but they make sense. Which is a step forward at least.

  “He is smarter than he looks.” Morta grumbles like she is completely done with this conversation. “Sometimes.”

  I take a step backward toward the door. “Where is she?” I ask.

  I close my eyes. When I open them I’m in a different room. My head is spinning, my heart is hammering, my skin is cracking and crumbling. I need to get out of here.

  Zarah is curled up on a couch by the large fireplace. It’s still disorienting to see the Fates home as she sees it. I’ve never been in this room before. At first I think she’s sleeping but then her shoulders shake. Bouncing up and down with each sob that slice through me as I pick up on the sound. I’m at her side before the next heaving breath, and I scoop her into my arms.

  “I remember. I remember it all. I can’t take it anymore. I don’t want it anymore. I want to go. Take me out of here.” She hiccups and I hug her tighter, standing with her in my arms. This is the second time I’ve carried her, hysterical, from a situation she shouldn’t have to be in.

  “Where do you want to go, Zarah. I’ll take you anywhere.”

  She buries her face in my neck. “I want to go somewhere no one will find me. Even for a little while. I want you to run away with me.”

  My lips press into a hard line and an unfamiliar burn prickles behind my eyes. We need to get Curo and go back to Max and Taylor. We need to come up with a plan to fight the Unfated. I need to talk to my mother and convince Curo to help me prove Serissa is guiding the monsters, leading them to Zarah. But the pain in Zarah’s voice pushes all that to the side. I need to grant her wish.

  I carry her to the edge of the meadow to a flat stone wall and I place my hand there, knowing where I want to go. The stone slowly dissolves and I continue down the torch lit path until blinding sunlight makes Zarah recoil deeper into my embrace.

  I squint into bright noon sky until my vision adjusts. The breeze is cool and the sun is hot. The smell of salt and soft crash of waves flood me and for a second I feel relief. Zarah pushes away from my chest and looks at me as I set her on her feet. She takes a deep breath and sweeping gaze of sandy beach and palm trees as far as the eye can see before her wide eyes find me again.

  “Cassius, where are we?”

  “Where no one can find us.”

  XXIII

  Zarah

  I take a deep breath in and my head clears. Clear. No more memories accosting me in flashes and pictures and feelings. No more warped god reality.

  “No twenty questions?” Cy asks as he attempts a smile.

  “No.” I shake my head. “All that’s gotten me is confusion.”

  “Did they tell you?”

  “They told me a lot.” I try to laugh as I sit down and start unlacing my boots.

  Even if we’re just in the warmth for a little while, I’m going to take advantage of it. I’ve only been on beaches in the northwest US, and they don’t exactly promote bare feet.

  “But did they tell you the purpose. Of all your lives.”

  “To become a god? Yeah, they told me, but that was the least of my concerns.” I kick off my boots and slide off my socks letting my eyes close. The sun is too divine to give up. “I’ve lived eight lifetimes, Cassius. All the memories crashed in on me as they were speaking. All at once.”

  “If you pass these trials you’ll be a god. You know that means that someday you’ll live forever. Like me.”

  My heart pounds as I turn to face him. I was so focused on the past, the future never occurred to me. “Forever?” The word suddenly carries so much more weight. Forever.

  “Forever.” He sits next to me in the sand, sliding his own shoes off. “And it wasn’t cryptic, or spoken in riddle, which means Fate wanted us to know exactly what we’re facing. This is bigger than anything I’ve ever known.”

  I look at him, wondering why he’s wearing this faint smile and distant eyes. I raise an eyebrow.

  “At least we know Fate is on our side.” But inside I’m reeling.

  Our new knowledge gives me some added hope for the future. We alrea
dy knew we were in danger. Maybe the Fates were right. Maybe my human brain can’t comprehend what they were trying to tell me. I have the ability to be like Cassius. A god.

  Yeah. Definitely too much to process. Even after I’ve seen what I have, it’s hard to believe Cassius is what he is.

  “You okay?” he asks.

  I have no idea how to answer so I stay quiet. I stand up and strip off my shirt, leaving me in my bra, but as the waves lap up on the beach, I’m fairly determined to get in the water.

  “No one else is here?” I glance over my shoulder and smile at the stunned look on Cy’s face. He may be a god but he’s still a guy.

  “Just us.”

  “Perfect.” I slide off my jeans and run for the water. He's still in shock behind me so I shout over my shoulder. "You coming?"

  In seconds he's running breathless next to me. In swim shorts that must have come from nowhere.

  I submerge myself in the crystal clear, ocean water. The coolness washes over me, cleansing me of the fear and confusion still trying to cling to my thoughts. I push to the surface, lungs burning and breathe a deep breath of tropical air. I need this.

  Cassius stands waist deep, the water lapping around his hips, backlit by what looks like a late afternoon sun. I trail my eyes up the lines in his stomach to the perfect angle of his collarbone, landing on his full lips. His face is still serious and it irritates me. He brought me here to forget, but I know he won’t let it go if I don’t answer. I stand up and wade through the water to him.

  "What is it?" I try to be nice, but I don't want to talk right now. Not about fate or gods or anything I didn’t know was real until a day ago. I just want to be here with him. Touch him. Inhale as much of this pure fresh air as I can before reality calls us back.

  “How do you let it all go so fast?” he asks, confusion lacing his voice. "How do you just accept what’s been done to you? How do you...” His voice breaks. “How do you not hate me right now?"

  “If I hold on to things, I have to have a place to store it.” I place my hands on his chest and try to show everything I feel in my expression. “I have lived in hell again and again... I have no room in my heart to store all of that. I have no desire to waste the space inside me with hate and guilt.”

  His face falls. “I—”

  “Don’t you dare say you’re sorry again.” I shake my head not knowing how to make him understand. “I swear I take a deep breath and my anger fades. My experiences still shape me, how crazy I feel, how I flinch around people, but so much of the time, the frustration slips away. Like the tides, only they never really come back.”

  He cups my cheek in his hand, wiping a drop of water from my cheek with his thumb. “You’re an incredible kind of girl, Zarah.”

  And an actual, real smile breaks out across my face as I back deeper into the water. “Yeah?”

  “Yeah.” He steps forward.

  “How incredible?” I tease as I continue to move away, the water now lapping around my waist. This is me and Cy now. Zarah and Cassius. No one and nothing else gets to be here with us.

  He reaches out impossibly fast and brings our bodies together. I wrap my legs around his solid waist. My nearly bare chest against his and my stomach against his, and he doesn’t feel weird or intrusive or any of the things I was worried about when I was with someone again.

  “God-like,” he whispers. His fingertips slide along my thighs, and then his lips touch mine, salty and perfect.

  < - - - >

  The sun is hot on my face and Cy’s fingers rest through mine as we both lie on our backs in the hot sand. We spent what felt like hours swimming and looking for excuses to touch each other, and to kiss each other. My lips on his neck, his shoulders, his chest…

  “I think at some point we need to decide what happens when we get back.” I say the words, but they feel almost empty here, like that place can’t exist. Seattle and Crystal and Taylor all feel so far away.

  He sighs. “We know what happens. Or part of it. I can’t protect you without drawing attention to you, and you can’t live Zarah’s whole life on the run...”

  He trails off and we’re both thinking the same thing. I still have lifetimes of enduring and escaping the Unfated. The same sadness weighs heavy on his face, and I’m sure he’s thinking of Helena’s life.

  He really doesn’t have that let it go type personality. Which might be why he’s so interested in mine.

  “It was both of us that chose. You know that, right?”

  “But I–”

  “I took your arrow, Cy. I took it and I stabbed myself and set this all into motion.” It’s me resting my hand on his cheek this time. Needing his eyes on mine.

  “Which you wouldn’t have done if I’d chosen you above myself.”

  “Maybe. But then we wouldn’t be here.”

  “I don’t know how to deal, Zarah. The idea of you in that kind of situation again…” Her rubs his forehead. “More lifetimes...”

  “But it’ll be different.”

  “How?”

  “Because you’ll know. You won’t lose the memory of me, and you’ll find me. Somehow. And you’ll help me. You think you’ve failed me, but you’ve been the only constant. Through every life you’re there.”

  The silence between us is long enough that I know he’s sinking again into his own thoughts and worries.

  “What if I can’t? What if all I do is put you in danger like I did this time?”

  “Cassius.” I turn to face him. “I trust you. You can. And if you’re not supposed to, then you won’t, and—”

  “Now you sound like them.” He sighs.

  “No guilt. Okay? Just moving forward.”

  “It’s like I’m falling for you all over again,” he says. “Like we have history, but the longer I’m around you the more it is now. You and us. Zarah, and...”

  “Why me?” I ask, wondering if I want to know. “This whole situation has been a huge pain in the ass. Why me?”

  Cassius rolls onto his side to face me. “Because you balance me. Perfectly. Even when I first met Helena, she was brave where I was weak. And then in other areas, I pushed when she was afraid. I think it’s finding that person who you know will make you better. Or maybe even the best version of who you are. You, Zarah, have done that more than anyone else. I don’t think you can understand how much you’ve changed me.

  “Where we failed before... Helena and I... was that we were both selfish. Both stubborn and unable to see beyond our own desires. That’s what caused the ripple... like my mot–” His face pales and then he presses his lips together and pushes a shy smile.

  “And Cy waxes philosophical,” I tease. “So, now you’re agreeing with me. That a feeling is enough.”

  “Is it enough?” The concern on his face makes me certain he’s asking more than his question. He’s asking about him. If I still want him, as Zarah, the way he wants me. His concern is overwhelming in its own way because he’s worried.

  “It’s everything.” I lean forward and he bridges the gap, sliding our lips together and filling me with more happiness than I ever expected to feel.

  “I’d like to warn you that I’ve been kind of an arrogant prick for most of my existence, and mourning my idiocy over Helena for the rest of it.” He chuckles as his lips find mine again.

  “And you shouldn’t have mourned her, Cy.” I push on him and he lets me roll him onto his back so I can straddle him.

  He takes my hands in his as I stare down at him. The guy who could be my forever after another...who knows how many years. Too many to process. I have now. I’m going to focus on now.

  “I’m not mourning anyone. I’m enjoying her very much right now.” He pulls me down to kiss along my shoulder and neck. My jaw, my cheeks, my nose, back to my lips tugging it lightly between his teeth. He leaves no exposed part of me unattended to.

  “I’m hoping to cling to these memories as hard as I can for my next life so I can paint us together here.” I smile with r
aw lips, and he tries to smile back but the unspoken tugs at us both.

  Time to get back.

  < - - - >

  Seattle feels harsh and cold after our time at the beach, but also necessary. I’m refusing to allow the weight of what I learned rest on me yet.

  Cassius squeezes my hand and I grin as I look up at him again. “Remember when my sisters, or her sisters.... or... I’m not sure how to have that thought, but—”

  “Helena’s sisters?” Cassius offers with a smile.

  “Helena’s sisters.” I grin again. Like an idiot. Like I’ve seen other people do when they’re with someone who fills them up the way Cassius fills me.

  “You were saying something?” He elbows me and I elbow him back and the dirty sidewalk is suddenly the most perfect place in this world.

  “Yeah. There was that day when they caught you in the barn, and you were trying to make it look like—” We turn the corner to my house and frigid cold washes through me. Not her. Not again.

  “Well. Isn’t this adorable.”

  “Serissa.” Cassius’ jaw clenches.

  My fists tighten as I hold my ground next to him, but Cy puts his arm in front of me to shield me, and I relax, taking a half step behind him. I’m not stupid. She’s a god and probably a thousand times stronger than me.

  I look up at Cassius for some measure of explanation but his eyes are locked on hers.

  And then I see the dogs. Four of them, standing guard between us.

  “I see you’ve brought your pets.” He pulls in a breath as he folds his arms.

  “I see you’ve brought yours.” She gives me a quick glance.

  I step forward to speak but stop.

  “Pulling out the claws already?” Cy tries to sound bored.

  In a flash Serissa’s nose is two inches from Cy’s and I scramble back until I’m against the brick wall.

  “Are you ready to fight for her Cassius? Because that’s what it’ll take. We all know you’re more of the roll over and mope about it sort.”

  He shakes his head.

  “Don’t try and look so relaxed. You think I didn’t notice your mother stepping in and lending out her jewelry? You think I don’t see what’s between you? You're so predictable, Cassius, that I don't even need to understand Fate to see you.”