by AJ Brooks
Cy’s arm moves so fast I can’t follow and he throws her three car lengths away before she stops on the pavement, breathing hard, staring him down.
All four dogs are snarling, but not yet advancing.
“Zarah? You wouldn’t happen to have that knife Curo gave you?” Cy stands tense, not taking his eyes off Serissa. I nod, fumbling through my pocket for the small metal blade.
“Zarah?” His voice rises a little and he holds out his hand. I nod again, but realize he can’t see me. A chill travels my body from toe to crown, and I shudder as my heart turns cold. Looking at the knife, it glows black and I stop breathing. Unfated.
I think back to Taylor and how she’d have felt pushed against that wall like that. No clue what was happening. So scared. I can’t bear to think of her like that. A surge of anger rips through the cold and my face settles into a glare. I close my eyes since I can’t see the creatures anyway, and Cy said they need eyes. A short primal yell escapes my throat as I adjust my grip and slam the tip of the blade into the brick wall as hard as I can, finally allowing my eyes to open.
A puff of black smoke erupts around me and both Cy and Serissa stop their stand off to face me.
That one was for Taylor.
A look of shock coats both their faces.
“Did you see it?” Cy backs up slowly only half looking at me. Serissa’s face is twisting as she reassesses what happened.
“No, I can feel them.” My fingers tighten around the knife. It’s not black anymore. Just red. Bright blood red.
“Feel them? As in it touched you? How can you see her but not them?”
I shake my head. “I feel them. Every being has a feeling. My mom, Taylor, Max, you, her... Everything has a feeling, I just have to listen. I don’t know why I can see her. Maybe because I saw her before? When I was...” high.
Cy stops and looks at me fully, his eyes swimming with questions. He opens his mouth when Serissa pulls a smile that chills me.
The feeling shifts. I scream out to Cy and throw the knife toward him just as Serissa snaps her fingers.
“Invado!” She speaks in a language I don’t know but Cassius does. He catches the blade and swings it out to a four-foot pulsing blood red piece of curved steel.
Two of the hounds go for him, two for me. But mine don’t attack. They corner me, and I watch helpless as Cy fights the beasts and Serissa advances on my prison. The dogs’ snarling, deformed heads are so close I can smell the rotting stench of them.
Serissa steps up close, and I press harder into the wall. She reaches out to my neck, and my body spasms. I’m frozen. Her fingers slide over my skin. Flashes come crashing down on me. Visions. But not just Dad this time. All of them. Every lifetime, beaten, abused, used. Does she know?
Serissa’s light touch sweeps across my collarbone as she grabs the necklace that still hangs from my neck.
I’m going to die.
Cassius will be fighting off demon dogs, and I’ll die.
“How thoughtful to have the protection of the gods.” She chuckles and looks up briefly, I don’t understand why. “He must care deeply for your soul to give this kind of protection. To go to his mother, nonetheless. You must have a soul worth protecting, yes?” She smiles and glances over her shoulder at Cy, who’s breathing hard.
“Zarah, don’t answer her,” he says and I cringe, watching one of those beasts tear at his arm with sharp teeth. He kicks it hard with his heel and brings the sword down through the demon’s shoulder blades. The howl of the hound boils through me and Serissa’s grip on my neck tightens. I hold my breath and resist the urge to practice my self-defense, which won’t help against her.
“What do you want from me?” I want to sound confident, but my voice shakes.
“Possibly everything.” She hums.
“Why are you here? Leave us alone.” I look her in the eye but they are stunning, dark, and fill me with ice. She uses her other hand to sharply turn my head away. She'll turn to stone if I look at her. Maybe I can use that.
“Leave us alone.” She mimics my shaking voice. “So weak.” She laughs and replaces the necklace to the hollow of my collarbone, her fingers smoothing it down and sending anger snaking out from her touch.
“I can't believe you're the one.” She taps the necklace. “I've been looking for you for a long time, my dear, and I must say.” She rolls the pendants in her fingers, and a sneer settles across her features. "You are rather...underwhelming."
I have never been so powerless, and my body begins to quake as fear washes through me. There’s so much coldness and hatred around her. And this close to me… It’s too much.
“Let her go, Serissa. It’s me you want.” Cy pulls my attention away from the wicked bitch and jagged teeth of her protectors.
“See that’s what I thought, too. So handsome, but not very bright, young stud.”
Cy’s eyebrows pull together and Serissa laughs.
I close my eyes, waiting for her to kill me, to break my neck with a gentle contraction of her fingers. But she doesn’t. Her touch is almost... affectionate.
"I'm not asking again, Serissa."
I can feel the condescension in her laughter.
Suddenly there’s a crunching sound, and I’m thrown to the side. My eyes snap open and the dogs are gone. It’s just Cy on his back and Serissa straddling him pressing him so hard into the pavement that it cracks beneath his head.
I fight the urge to scream. He’s not mortal. This isn’t hurting him. But the harder she presses into his skin the more frantic I become.
It’s me. She wants me. They all want me.
I see the knife on the ground between us. I scramble forward and grab it with both hands.
“Stop!” It all hits me in a rush. I press the knife to my neck and Serissa jumps back like it’s her neck on the line. “I’ll take me out of the equation.”
“What?” They both say at the same time. Her eyes flame with disbelief and anger and then something else.
“Go ahead, Zarah...” she purrs. “Take yourself from the equation. Please.”
Cy is next to me before I can blink, grasping the hand that’s holding the knife.
I tighten my fist, unsure if Serissa is bluffing.
“You can’t take your own life,” Cy murmurs into my ear. “Because that nulls the cycle. It’s giving up. You’d lose everything.”
“Ha,” Serissa says quietly, holding her dogs at the ready. “You stupid girl. You have no idea what you're doing.”
I loosen my grip on the knife, and Cy slides it from my fingers. Now I’m the one reassessing. The solution comes to me in a wave of fear.
I pull Cy’s wrist until the knife is back near my throat, carefully watching his eyes. “Then you do it. You kill me now. I’ll come back later. It’s okay, Cy.”
“Are you fucking insane?” Cy’s words are a rush of pained confusion but he’s not pulling away. He knows I’m serious. Even I’m shocked that I’m standing here willing to die at the hand of someone I love.
I love him.
I know Helena did, but I do too. In every life I’ve remembered him, and that’s not something that simply disappears. But it’s more than that. I’m falling in love with him as nothing but Zarah, too.
“I trust you, Cy. You were always there when I needed you, when I was hiding in closets, and now I have even more memories to add to the old ones. New good things to draw from in my next life. The good kind of memories. The ones that will keep me sane. You’ve never left me. You always find me. I remembered before. I’ll remember again. Let’s get this life over with now.” I jerk his wrist, pressing the knife to my flesh. "If you kill me now, she'll have to find me again. It will buy us time, Cassius." I nod to Serissa, whose face has twisted into something ugly and filled with rage.
Cy gasps again as he realizes that I might be right. If I die now it will take them years to find me again. Years to get whatever it is she so desperately wants of me.
Less than a second, one frustra
ted growl, and Serissa is gone.
Cassius’ body slumps and he drops the knife like it’s on fire. He grabs me with both hands, pulling me into his chest. “If you think for a moment that I’m going to have any part in what you just asked me to do, you’re wrong.” His hands run up and down my back, holding me close. “Scared the shit outta me. Don’t ever. I can’t lose you again.”
I’m dizzy and have to pull back, placing my hands on his chest.
“But, Cassius... It would have worked.” My body’s going numb at the thought that I was ready to die just moments before. “And you’re going to lose me again. Probably several times.”
He rests his forehead against mine. “I don’t think the Fates will look kindly on me murdering you. They might consider it cheating. If it stops your reincarnation cycle then I don’t want to risk it. I can’t risk it.” He grasps my shoulders as our gazes meet, not caring that his body turns rigid. He shuts his eyes finally, stopping the process. “I’m in love with you, Zarah. So in love with you. With all of you. Every one of you. Every part of your soul. I know I have to lose you more times. I just can’t be the cause. We’re not going to entertain this as a possibility again.”
“Okay.” Now I’m blinking back tears because I can’t believe this is how he feels for me. I can’t believe how easily I was ready to give up this life. “But it is just one life. I still have—”
“More. I know. Stop.”
I start to nod, but his mouth is on mine, desperate and unrelenting. I slide my arms around his neck, pulling us closer together and falling into the feeling of him. The world around us slows as if waiting for our moment to be over. I stumble back, pulling him with me until my foot touches his knife on the pavement, and the clatter of steel on pavement breaks us apart.
He watches me silently for a moment, absorbing me into his golden brown eyes. He reaches out sharply and pulls me into his chest, crushing me again with a hug that sends waves of comfort through my now shaking body. I wrap my arms around him. I can’t believe I just about slit my own throat. Brave or stupid, I don’t know, but I do know I’m not going out without a fight next time. I’m done with people pushing me around. I’m in control of this life. Of all of my lives.
“Serissa is never going to stop. It’s not even close to the last we’ll see of her. She’s only allowed out of the Underworld for three months of the year, but that means we have to survive another few weeks. We need a better plan. I need to chat with Mother.” Cassius kisses my cheek, letting his lips linger there for a moment. “We should get back to Taylor. Taking you to the Fates is one thing, but my mother doesn’t allow anyone but a god to be in her home. If we can get through the spring we can buy ourselves some time.”
“Your mother?”
“It’s not as cozy as it sounds.”
“That feels familiar.”
I slide under his arm, my body feeling weak, and we start up the sidewalk toward Max’s house.
XXIV
Cassius
I rub Zarah’s shoulders just outside Max’s apartment door and she leans forward to rest her forehead against my chest. Two hundred years I’ve been without this, and now I don’t want to leave her for even the few hours I need.
“We’ll figure this out. Promise.” But I am not sure who I’m convincing.
Her arms slide around my waist as I squeeze her tighter to me. I have no idea why she isn’t angry. At me. At the Fates. At the world. I’ve been angry for hundreds of years, never forgiving the things that have happened to me, first from the curse that had been put on me and then from the choices I made with Helena. But Zarah’s been through lifetimes of hell and still she trusts.
I gently push her shoulders back and try to smile. “You okay?”
She laughs a short small laugh. She is taking this better than Helena. Maybe she’s getting closer. Maybe her soul is getting stronger, which makes my stomach flip as I think about what she’ll endure in the next life and then the next.
“I have to go see Curo, and talk to my mother. I need you to make sure Taylor is with you all the time. There needs to be two of you in case you run into something.” I run my fingers up and down the back of her neck, across her jawline, slide my fingers through the hair at the nape of her neck. I can’t stop touching her.
“Yeah, you don’t have to worry about that. She’s kind of crazy. Wouldn’t leave me alone after the…” Zarah’s eyes go out of focus and she looks away.
“Good. Taylor, I mean.” I run my thumb along her jaw. “And please, Zarah. No crazy suicide missions at least until I get back.” I try to make it sound light and teasing but my heart starts hammering all over again. The pure willingness in her eyes to die to save us both proves she’s braver than I thought. Braver than Helena. She’d do it if she felt she had to, and the thought breaks me.
“I have to check on my mom. No crazy missions. I promise.” Zarah smiles and leans in to put her lips to mine before the door flies open and Taylor practically pounces on Zarah making her stumble back and catch her friend.
“Where have you been?” Taylor screeches and Zarah looks at me puzzled.
“Um, easy Tay, I’ve been gone like a few hours, no need to go stalker boyfriend on me.” Zarah tries to joke but Taylor’s mouth drops open, and I suck in a deep breath. Oh yeah. I forgot to mention this part.
“Zarah. It’s been six days. Six. Days. I’ve been worried sick.” Taylor is dragging Zarah through the doorway to Max’s place. Zarah is watching me with wide eyes.
Six days? she mouths at me and I shrug. Time isn’t the same in my world. It makes passing it much less boring when you never die.
“Okay, I have so much to tell you. You have no idea.” Taylor pulls Zarah fully into the apartment, ignoring me completely.
“Yeah, I think I have a pretty good idea.”
I don’t leave the doorway but I look away from Zarah, to Max. His face is set and serious. He doesn't look into my eyes, but somewhere just off to the side. He hasn’t forgiven me yet for the knife thing but he believes me. His eyes flick to the girls and he gives a short nod.
That’s one human trait I’ve always admired. How love for another can erase their mortality. Completely diminish their fear of death. I had the chance to die for love and I didn’t do it. But Mortals do every single day. No wonder Mother was so angry.
Max could have put us all out. Said no way. He barely knows any of us. Does it make him better than me? I don’t know. But he definitely has a strength I don’t have. A strength I didn't notice when he first became my assignment. But since we've crashed into his life, I've noticed a change in his demeanor. He looks less...lonely. Another thing I didn't notice at first. As I nod back to him sealing our silent pact to protect the girls, I know he’s not doing it for me. But I’ll take it.
< - - - >
My mother’s lips purse into a thin line but not a wrinkle or fold in her skin appears anywhere on her face. Her lack of expression lines always makes it hard to read her.
“I thought we’d been through this, Cassius. I do not have time to fuss over a mortal.”
“You don’t have time? Mother, we’re immortal. We have nothing but time. And she’s not mortal.” I throw my hands out because I’ve explained it to her more than once already.
Curo stands to my side and looks at his feet, because most men, immortal or not, cannot look her in the eye. My friend shakes his head, knowing my frustration is warranted. His presence helps me gather the nerve to argue with Mother because last time I defied her she cursed me.
“Do you remember what I told you when I stripped you of your status?” My mother stands and moves slowly across the large marble terrace, the sunlight casting shadows across her face and through her hair. Curo looks at her now and I reach my hand out to shove his head playfully to the side. He angles his awestruck expression to the ground.
If through a lover’s eyes we could see our true selves, we would see our weakness as strength. It takes a thousandth of the strength to say I lo
ve you than to move the sun just to make her smile, but using love to gain power, no matter the intention, is not love at all but lust in it’s most deceptive disguise. To seek the truth in love, one need only stand still and listen to the heart, for real love is finding the courage to turn in, with pure intent to project out. Until then young son, you are cast aside. Until you discover the truth in love you will only be half. Until you find the one that makes you whole again.
“Of course I remember. I repeated it to myself for hundreds of years. I still don’t know what it means.”
“Yes, you do, son. You are just not ready to stand still and listen.” Mother moves to me and places her hand on my cheek.
“You’re just as bad as the Fates.”
“You have to know when to hold on and when to let go, Cassius. That’s not something I can teach you.”
XXV
Zarah
Of course Taylor won’t leave my side, and Max adorably won’t leave hers. The weirdness I thought might be here isn’t, and instead is a barrage of questions I don’t know how to answer. Max stands at his kitchen counter, looking over his shoulder at me.
“You’re telling me you can’t even think of a smell?” Max asks, chopping vegetables. Taylor stands next to him by the stove, stirring pasta in a steaming pot of water.
“What do you even mean?” I flop back on the couch and can’t help but notice how close they stand—hips touching and Taylor keeps leaning in to inspect his slicing skills. They flow around each other while they cook like a dance but instead of stepping away they move over each other, into each other. The shy smile that touches Taylor’s mouth when he’s not looking makes me happy on so many levels. Max would be so good for someone as abrasive as her. Like Cassius said on the beach about us. Balance.
“I need a sense of your experience. I mean. You were like…in another dimension, Zarah. You gotta give me something.” He waves the knife around as he talks, so desperate that I smile, which turns into a laugh.