by AJ Brooks
“Fuck!” I slam my fist into the wall by the door and the brick crumbles under my knuckles.
But that’s nothing compared to what my heart will do if Serissa gets to her first.
< - - - >
I push my legs harder as I make my way to cave system. I need to find Zarah and this is the only way I can do it. The entrances to my world will take me to the god I choose to see. Zarah isn’t a goddess, but she’s not mortal either. There’s a 50/50 chance I can find her. The thought makes me growl under my breath. I’m already pissed that I have to walk all the way out to the caves. Why didn’t Curo come when I called for him?
I’d be worried about my friend, but every ounce of energy I have is focused on Zarah. Once I find her, I’ll think clearly. The worry of where she is, if she’s safe, consumes any rational thought ability I might have left.
“She’s fine.” Words ring out behind me and I jump. Curo laughs. I spin to face him on the long narrow beach covered.
“You scared me.”
“Broody and jumpy. You do really love her. Like actually,” he teases. For a second I want to hit him. But Curo’s always been there. Through the jest and the mockery, he’s always been there. Like a brother.
“Where is she? I called you. You didn’t come.” My thoughts and words jumble together until I put the pieces together. “You were with her. Where did you take her, Curo?”
“Oh, she thought she’d do a little sight seeing. Invited me for a stroll up the Champs-Elysees.”
“Take me to her,” I demand and Curo’s face contorts.
“You know, I’m getting really sick of playing chauffeur to you two. You’re perfect for each other. She spent half the day screaming my name on crowded streets and demands me to take her to the Fates. I show up like the nice guy I am to let you know she’s okay, and I get nothing. Not even a thank you…”
“Wait. What? You took her to the Fates? Why?”
“No, I’m not telling you a thing until I get a thank you.”
I pinch my nose in my fingers before forcing a smile.
“Thank you, Curo. I love you and appreciate you and think you’re wonderful. But I love her more. So shut up and take me to her.”
Curo steps up to me without warning, and we disappear through the cold thick soul dredging time field. I collapse on the other side.
< - - - >
I’ve not only traveled through space, but time as well. The old graveyard and quaint town homes in the Parisian suburbs makes my heart stir with recognition. I spent a lot of time in Paris in the 1800’s. I look over at Curo, and I’m sure complete confusion coats my face. My eye catches a grave marker. Louis. The name is familiar.
“Why did you bring me here? Where is she?”
“This is where she wanted to come. This is where her thoughts brought us. She’s close. I can feel her.”
Curo points to the grave next to Louis’. Collette. There is a twinge in my chest. I wasn’t supposed to interfere with her. Just like all the others. Starting with Helena.
A coldness suddenly washes over me, through me, around me like a wave and my eyes snap to Curo, who is staring wide eyed behind me. I spin and Serissa’s smile freezes me into place.
“You know you are making this too easy for me, Cassius. Your love for that girl is pathetic and makes you weak.”
I back slowly until I’m next to Curo. I take his wrist in my hand.
I think of Zarah. He’ll know what to do.
My stomach lurches as we disappear, but not before Serissa reaches out and grabs my throat.
We come out heavy, I collapse under Serissa’s weight on the sidewalk outside Parisian townhouse. Zarah stands wide-eyed and frozen.
“Curo!” I yell.
He tackles her and they disappear.
I struggle under Serissa, but she’s stronger than me. She adjusts her grip, freeing my arm, and I swing an elbow into her cheek. She stumbles off of me and I scramble backward as Curo appears behind me and everything goes black.
< - - - >
The sun is bright and hot. The wind blows through my hair and salty mist hits my skin. I know where I am before I fully adjust, but I’m caught off guard when Zarah’s body hits mine, and I stumble back into the sand. Her arms wrap around my neck and mine around her waist.
“Thank god you’re okay. I was so scared. It’s been hours.” She mumbles into my neck. The time thing.
I stand easily and pull her up with me. “I could say the same. How could you go to the Fates like that?”
She pulls back and glares at me. “How could you have been with that awful woman?”
My jaw snaps shut in shock and reach up to scratch the back of my neck. She puts me in my place better than the Moirai do.
“Tied for biggest regret of my life...” I have no idea what else to say. She takes my chin in her hand and looks into my eyes, slowly freezing me in stone.
“Once we save my friends, we’re going to talk about this,” she says shaking her head but a smile bites at her mouth. She releases my gaze and tucks herself into my arms her hands rubbing my lower back. “Right now I’m glad you’re okay.”
I rest my chin on her head and try to push my own thoughts shame from my mind so I can try to get why she isn’t furious with me. How she forgives people. No matter how deep their flaws.
Zarah leans back and takes my face in her hands, once again making me feel more exposed than I’ve ever felt. She studies my eyes for only a moment and then nods, looking away. Done. The mistake that earned me my well-deserved curse from my mother is forgotten. Forgiven. She’s amazing.
I kiss her head, bringing her closer, glad she brought us here. To the beach. Maybe her ability to forgive so easily balances my inability to let go.
“She’s never going to stop, is she?” Zarah’s voice is muffled against my chest. Her words rip me back into the present. We can’t have a future until we deal with Serissa. Until Zarah finishes her trial. Alive.
“No. Once she’s trapped back in the Underworld we’ll have some time to think, but she won’t stop. She’s relentless. She never tires. I’ve never seen her this determined.”
She presses her lips to mine, silencing me because we both know what’s coming. We both know that there is only one option. I know what she’s going to say as she pulls away and forces a half awkward smile that doesn’t match the sadness in her eyes. I don’t want to let go.
“We can’t run forever, Cassius.”
XXIX
Zarah
I touch Curo’s arm, knowing he’ll know my thoughts. I take him through flashes of my previous lives. All the times that Cassius helped me. Saved me. I find those times easily in this place. I show him how Serissa wants me out of the picture, and I have to choose my family and my friends over Cy. At least for now. That there’s a good chance Serissa will kill me and that Curo will need to convince Cy to not look for me again. If I give her what she wants now, all I need is faith that I’ll get through the next few lives on my own.
I was ready for Cassius to take my life in the alley. This is no different. But if my death is by Serissa’s house, she may feel enough satisfaction to allow Cassius a reprieve.
Curo watches me with pinched brows and a shaking head, but it doesn’t feel like he’s disagreeing with me. I have to do this. Cy would never let me go if I told him my plan. He’d look at me with pain saturating his face, and I don’t trust that I could walk away.
“Thank you, Curo. You’re a good friend.”
“The best.” He winks, no trace of sadness or hesitation. He gets my plan. It’s the only way. “You’re a brave soul.”
I shake my head once.
Curo nods once.
I allow myself to accept the compliment.
The only way around is through. For all of us.
I take the few steps toward Cy, who looks like he’s breaking, even in this beautiful place, the waves touching his now bare feet. I smile knowing he’ll have shoes again when he needs them, and hope that
he finds a way to trust me when I’m gone.
“I just got you back,” he pleads.
“Cassius. I love you.” I take his face in my hands. “You know I need to be alone to talk to her. There’s no way she’ll listen to reason with you there, and neither of us will be able to think clearly.”
He holds me tightly—pressing our bodies together.
For now, and for a few minutes more, I’m going to pretend that my plan is going to work. I am going to believe I can do this on my own.
XXX
Cassius
We stand in front of the entrance and Zarah looks at me with those eyes—the intense but stubborn ones. The eyes filled with the pain of not only this life, but all those that came before. Being here makes her decision real.
“You can’t trust her, Zarah.” The pain in my voice reflects back at me as it bounces off the damp cave rock.
“I don’t. But she wants something from me, and she’s willing to bargain for it. For Taylor and Max and Mom. I have to do everything I can to try and save them. You have to let me do this, Cassius. You might not trust her, but I need you to trust me.” She places her warm hand on my cheek. I cover it with my own, sliding her palm over my mouth so I can kiss the soft spot right on the heel, inhale the familiar scent of her skin, feel her warmth. She closes her eyes and steps into me.
“I do trust you,” I whisper against her hand, still over my mouth. I’ve never cried before, not even after Helena, but there’s a burn behind my eyelids that feels like it’s tearing through the skin. I squeeze my eyes shut to push it back.
I know I’ll put my hand on that cold stone. I know I’ll open the gate to the Underworld and let her go. But of all the things I’ve had to do over all the years I’ve been alive, this moment is the hardest. Nothing will be okay. We can’t let our friends die. I know that, but the dark side of me screams at me that this is stupid. It’s suicide. There’s no way Serissa only wants to talk.
“I have to do this,” she says again as much like she’s convincing herself as she is me.
“I know,” I whisper and take one of my hands from her face and place it on the stone. It’s as cold as my heart will be in about ten seconds. The rock disappears, and a long hall lit by torches stretches out before us.
Her hand slips from mine as our fingers slowly slide apart. At the last second a rush of fear makes me reach out and clutch her hand, pulling her sharply back to me. She crashes in to me and I press my lips to hers, trying to absorb as much of her as possible.
She throws her arms around my neck and kisses me back through tears that leave the taste of salt on my tongue. She pulls away and touches my face with her fingertips.
“I have to go.”
I shake my head. “I don’t want to say goodbye.”
“Then don’t.” She forces a sad smile and walks backward into the passage to the Underworld.
As the stone begins to reappear, closing her off to fend for herself against the Underworld, Zarah’s lips move but no sound comes out.
I love you. She mouths.
Then she’s gone.
The silence is deafening until somewhere way off in a different cave I can hear water dripping from a stalactite. Drip, drip, drip.
I will not see Zarah again.
I am more sure of this than I’ve ever been.
My body stumbles backward as I cough. I hit the wall and slide down until I’m sitting on the wet ground, with my head between my knees, desperately gasping for air.
She’s gone.
The stinging behind my eyelids is back and as my lungs finally fill, so do my eyes. For the first time in my life, I cry. Real tears. Like a mortal.
XXXI
Zarah
I stumble in the narrow walkway as the wall closes between Cy and me. My resolve is weakening. It was much easier to be strong, to be a martyr, when I was in Cy’s arms. It was much easier to trust myself while next to him.
I rush back to the wall and slam against it, but just like I knew would happen, the stone is unforgiving.
Laughter ricochets through the narrow hallways and for a moment I lose every ounce of strength I have and fall to the floor. The torches, the cold, the dim light, the feeling that as long as I’m here, I will never get enough air.
Sitting on the ground is doing no one any good. I force my legs back underneath me and start walking.
The hallway opens into a wide chamber that doesn’t look as if it belongs underground. Aside from the total lack of windows I wouldn’t believe where I was. Lavish drapes cover the walls, scrolled furniture, statues in hues of gold. A massive chandelier hangs from the ceiling and the torches here are sleek and spaced evenly around the room. From the rough hewn, narrow walkway, to this.
Serissa stands, her back to me, staring into the large fireplace. One that I can only assume is the only window out of here. A window to a burning hell that I can’t fully understand. I stride into the room like I’m not terrified. Like everything inside me hasn’t pooled into fear.
“You came.” She turns around with a wicked smile. “Brilliant. Looks like our reunion is complete. I assume you’ve been to the Fates.”
“Yes.”
“So you understand what you are. What you are to become.”
“Yes.” My throat swells. “And I’m here to tell you I’ll stand aside if you let my friends go.”
The forms of Mom, Taylor and Max come into view. Almost as if they’re hanging from the ceiling, upright, in clouds of ash. All eyes are on me. All eyes are wide in fear.
“And why should I trust you.”
“Because I know it’s not really me you want.” I fold my arms as I tighten my jaw and stare at Serissa trying to mask the cold horror coursing through me. “Now let them go and we can talk.”
Her smile is faint but filled with want. With smug satisfaction. “Done.”
She flits her hand in the air and all three disappear.
My gut drops. Shouldn’t have I been able to talk to them? See them? Hold them?
“Where are they?” I demand.
“Home. Back in your world. I promised.” She scoffs. “They’re pathetic mortals. They have nothing to do with you and me, Zarah, Collette, Arial, Rose, Helena… Should I go on?”
“That’s good.” I blink back tears as I realize I won’t get to say goodbye.
“And now you…” She steps toward me, the silk of her dress and the smoothness of her skin and features making me feel dirtier, stupider, more pathetically fragile and mortal. The coldness in her eyes is unwavering.
Serissa is like nothing I’ve ever felt. Frozen in this burning hell. Desperate. Needing.
I can’t feel this.
“You think this is going to be so easy?” she asks as she circles me, like I’d try to run. I’m well aware there is no way out for me.
Her staff scratches along my back, and even though it feels like snakes made of razors digging into my flesh, I don’t move. I don’t answer.
I’ve done it. I’m here. I’ve saved my people. I have to find hope that Cassius will listen to my message from Curo and wait for me. That he’ll keep Serissa busy while I complete my trial. We both have more hell to live, but I have to believe our challenges be worth it. The way I love him begins to fill up and warm all the places that Serissa has made cold.
But three lives saved. That’s enough.
Her spine-tingling but musical laugh fills the room. “You stupid girl. You think you’ve outsmarted me? That I didn’t know exactly what you thought you could do here?”
I swallow. I can’t give up. Can’t. I won’t. I won’t have my last moments be desperate. I think of Cy again. Of what will be. What could be. What I hope beyond anything will happen for us at some point.
“You really thought that you’d somehow escape this. That the gods would swoop in and rescue you, or put you in another life simply because something was set in motion a couple hundred years ago? Your trust is…pathetic, frankly. You’re nothing more than a pawn in a l
ong-standing battle between Cassius’ mother and myself. Nothing but a tool.”
“I told you I’d step aside. That you can have him.”
“I don’t want to just have him you stupid girl. I want to own him. Cassius is just a step to his mother, and you are just a step to Cassius.”
My heart sinks. She snaps her fingers and three Unfated appear in a swirl of smoke.
“I've been looking for you for many years. Imagine my surprise when I discovered Helena's soul had never entered the underworld. Imagine my elation when he found you for me, and foolishly fell in love with you all over again."
"Why do need me here? Why me?"
"When you become one of them,” she gestures to the Unfated and my heart hammers. “And he sees your soulless body, he will finally embrace the darkness that drowns him. He will finally turn against her."
My heart skips and I suck in a harsh breath. "Against his mother?"
I was wrong. I can’t believe I thought I could step into a battle between gods and fix or change or solve anything.
"The Fate of the gods will turn upside down, and it will be me who ends up on top. You are my ticket to revenge, my dear, and that's all you've ever been to me.” She steps closer, her full lips smooth and even. Her glare frigid. “Don't take this personally."
I bite my lip and the tears start to fall. She’s still walking slow circles around me, and I’m stunned still. My hope shattered at my feet. I was supposed to die and come back and hide, and now... Now I’ll be changed into a monster, and I’ll have given myself up to it. Sacrificed myself for no purpose.
No. There was purpose. Exchanging my life for Mom, Max, and Taylor... That’s enough. I close my eyes and hope that Cassius knows that I’d still choose this gain. If it means saving people I care about...
“This’ll only take a moment.” She steps closer, laughing. I know this not because I hear her step closer, but because a wall of ice hits me. “Actually it will take all of eternity and I can’t imagine having your soul devoured is a pleasant experience.”
My body begins to tremble and this time I won’t be able to stop it. Just concentrate on who I am. The good I’ve done. I’m not being turned for nothing. They will live and that’s all that matters.