Dubious

by Charmaine Pauls

  My body tenses with a building ejaculation so powerful it hurts. As my release explodes an idea erupts in my mind. While I empty myself in her body, I find the answer I’ve been looking for. I know how to irrevocably save her.

  It’s depraved and immoral.

  It’s dubious.

  It’s perfect.

  14

  Gabriel

  It takes a day for my doctor to deliver the placebo birth control pills. While he’s there, I make use of the opportunity to explain to him what I need for next week’s house call.

  From next month, Valentina won’t be protected. I’m an asshole, but falling pregnant is her only hope. The one line Magda will never cross is killing the mother of her grandchild. I’m not naïve enough to believe Valentina will ever want a baby with me. She can never know I took the choice from her hands. It’ll be easier to accept if she thinks it was an accident.

  Being pregnant will be tough on her. I have no illusions about the psyches of ‘women in waiting’. Sylvia detested every minute of being pregnant. She hated what the pregnancy did to her body. My mother never lets an opportunity go by to remind me how she suffered to give birth to me. According to Magda, the pain of bringing me into this world was worse than torture. She resented not being as agile or mobile as normal. She got varicose veins and backaches that drove her nuts. The only time that Magda sympathized with Sylvia was when she was pregnant with Carly. Yeah, it won’t be an easy road, especially not for a young woman who hasn’t completed her studies. I don’t even want to think about our age difference. I’m heading down a hell of a bumpy road, dragging a young woman along against her knowledge and will. You don’t get more depraved than that.

  After my morning gym workout, I have a shower, and close myself in my study to go over the financial reports. I’m not ten minutes into my work when my phone rings. My CFO’s name pops up on the screen.

  “Harry, what can I do for you?”

  “I just had a call from UNISA. Miss Haynes dropped out.”

  “What?” I heard him loud and clear, but it makes no sense. “I’m not sure I understand.”

  “Would you like to withdraw the scholarship, or are you willing to consider another student?”

  “I’ll get back to you.” I end the call and get Aletta Cavendish on the line. “I just found out Valentina quit her studies.”

  “Oh, dear. I thought she told you.”

  Of course she hasn’t. She doesn’t know I know about her studies. “Did she say why?”

  “Only that her priorities have changed.”

  “Is it too late to have her cancellation reversed?”

  “I can hold onto it for a while, but not long. Her assignments are overdue, and the exams are coming up in less than two weeks. It doesn’t help that she already failed a test.”

  “I know how badly she wants this degree. Give me a chance to speak to her.”

  “I hope you can sway her.”

  “I will.”

  “I’ll be waiting for your call then.”

  I hang up and lean back in my chair. So, this is what’s been eating Valentina. Rhett told me she even refused the puppy he offered. If she can hang in there for a few weeks longer, everything will change.

  * * *

  For the rest of the day, I chase leads to Valentina’s rape, but doors close in my face as far as I go. It’s a futile effort that leaves me agitated and exhausted. By the time I get home in the late afternoon, I’m worked up into a state that leaves Quincy with a bleeding lip after our wrestling exercise in the gym. A thunderstorm is brewing on the horizon when I have my shower, casting the sky in an ominous, purple light with a touch of gold where the sun penetrates the dark masses. Coming downstairs for dinner, Magda announces we have a surprise guest. Sylvia is seated next to Carly, her blonde hair braided in a French plait and a virginal white dress clinging to her body like a glove. She lost weight.

  “Gabriel.” She acknowledges me with a tight nod and a cold smile.

  I kiss my ex-wife’s cheek. “You look beautiful, as always.”

  She touches her diamond necklace, a gift from me for our first wedding anniversary. “Thank you.”

  I take my seat and start pouring the wine. I’m going to need a few glasses. “To what do we owe the visit?”

  “Nothing. I don’t need a reason to visit my daughter, do I?”

  Across the table our gazes lock in a non-verbal battle. Mine is torn away from hers when Valentina enters with the starters. My maid’s demeanor is one of professionalism as she serves us, but I don’t miss the way Sylvia glares at her.

  “I’m going over to Sebastian after dinner,” Carly says, bringing my attention back to her.

  I nod as Valentina hovers beside me with the asparagus. “I don’t remember you asking.”

  “I already said yes.” Sylvia drapes the napkin over her lap, challenging me to defy her.

  The reason for Sylvia’s visit suddenly becomes clear.

  “I still don’t like that boy.” Magda gives Carly a hard look. “He’s not our type.”

  “Grandma,” Carly groans. “It’s none of your business.”

  I’m too tired to deal with this tonight. “Mind your tongue, young lady. You won’t speak to your grandmother like that.”

  “She started.” Carly pouts and crosses her arms.

  Magda snorts. “What can you gain from a relationship with him? Who are his parents? No-good average workers with a business in textiles.”

  “She’s not asking to marry him,” Sylvia says. “Anyway, she’s my daughter. You don’t have a say.”

  “Our daughter,” I remind her.

  Magda picks up her fork. “We’re not going to fight over this at the dinner table.”

  “We’re not,” Sylvia says sweetly. “The decision is already made.”

  “It’s not about the boy,” I say. “It’s about going behind my back without asking.”

  “As I said,” Sylvia adds with force, “she asked me.”

  For once, I agree with Magda. This is not a fight that needs to play out here. I’ll have a word with Sylvia after dinner about her conniving ways with Carly.

  “Well,” Sylvia’s shoulders set in a straight line, “that’s handled then.” She pats Carly’s hand with more affection I’ve ever seen her deal our daughter.

  Something is up with Sylvia. She hates poverty as much as Magda, which puts Sebastian under her radar line of suitable boyfriend material.

  The rest of the meal is tense. I’m relieved when the ordeal is over. Sebastian’s mom comes over with her son to fetch Carly and politely declines our offer for a drink. From the porch, I watch Sylvia say goodbye to Carly.

  “Be back by eleven,” I call, giving Sebastian a look that tells him not to fuck with me.

  When the car pulls off, Sylvia comes back up the steps and hands me her jacket to drape over her shoulders. “Good evening, Gab. I’ll let you get back to fucking your maid.”

  I grab her wrist. “It’s the last time you’ll call me that, and the last time you’ll make a snide comment about my maid.”

  Jerking her arm from my grip, she hisses, “We’ll see how well your future works out for you,” and then she strides to her sports car with a stiff back. She waves through the window before pulling off with screeching tires.

  There was a time she called me Gab. It was a time I trusted her and believed she cared. She’s a damned good actress.

  “That’s what you get for marrying that whore,” Magda says behind me.

  I look over my shoulder to see her watching from the doorstep. “You’ll be wise to keep quiet now.”

  She only chuckles as she turns on her heel and disappears into the house.

  In the lounge, I pour a stiff drink and wait an hour. There’s no way I can go to bed before Carly is home. I dial the kitchen.

  Valentina’s voice comes over the intercom. “Yes?”

  “Come to the lounge.”

  She steps into the room five minutes later, regar
ding me with mistrust where I sit in the armchair.

  “Come sit with me.” I hold my hand out to her.

  Instead of climbing onto my lap as I would’ve liked, she stops at the edge of my seat, and drapes herself on the carpet by my feet. I push her head down on my thigh, stroking her silky hair. Like she accepted my pain, she’s learning to accept my tenderness. I’m enjoying our tranquil moment, but there are two issues of importance I have to bring up. I don’t have the luxury of waiting for her to confide in me, any longer. I’ve given up on hoping for her trust.

  “Why did you drop out of school?”

  Her body goes rigid. It takes her a moment to answer. “How did you find out?”

  “Does it matter?”

  “You’re right,” she whispers. “I don’t want to know.”

  “You’re going back.”

  She jerks her head up to look at me. “Don’t. I’ve dealt with it. I don’t want to go down that road again.”

  I fist my hand in her hair. “You’ll go back.”

  “Gabriel.” Her eyes fill with tears. “Please.”

  “Marie will come back. Things will go back to normal.” It’s a lie, but I can’t tell her how I’m planning on changing her circumstances.

  “Things will never be normal for me.”

  That’s true, but she better accept it. She’ll take whatever I choose to give her. My hand tightens in her hair. “You’ll call tomorrow and withdraw your cancellation.”

  “Why?” she whispers.

  Because despite everything, I still want her to be happy. “You’ll obey me, like you promised.”

  Hurt flickers in her eyes. “Are you threatening me?”

  “I’m the biggest damn threat of your life.”

  Her bottom lip starts to tremble. “Of course. How could I forget?”

  My hand is aching to tan her ass. If it weren’t for her injury, she’d be draped over my lap right now, her panties around her ankles.

  “Don’t push me, Valentina. You’ll do as I say without question, because I know what you need, and it’s my job to give it to you.”

  That same acceptance with which she submitted to my lashings and fucking filters into her expression. It’s not so much a choice as an understanding that there’s no choice.

  “Good girl.”

  I bend down to kiss her, tasting the sweetness of her submission as her lips quiver under mine. If I don’t pull away, I’ll take her right here in the lounge, and I still have plenty to say.

  “There’s something else you’re going to do for me.” I watch her face carefully as I choose my next words. “You’re going to tell me about the man who raped you.”

  Panic flares in her eyes. Her cheeks pale, and her lips part. For a moment, she only stares at me. From her reaction, it’s clear she’s never spoken to anyone about it, not in the healing sense, at least.

  “Who have you told?”

  She swallows. “It was a long time––”

  I pull gently on her hair. “That’s not what I asked. Who did you tell?”

  “My–my…no one.”

  “Let me rephrase that for you. Who knows or knew?”

  “My family.”

  “Who in your family?”

  “My mom, dad, and my brother.”

  “No one else?”

  She shakes her head.

  “They didn’t make you go to a doctor, the police, a therapist?”

  “My mom got me the morning-after pill.”

  I already know why. Her family would’ve tried to bury the shame. What I need are details so I can track the fucker down.

  “Start by telling me where you were when it happened.”

  A sob escapes her throat. “I don’t want to go back there.”

  I loosen my fingers in her hair and drag them down the long strands. “I’m here for you, baby. You’re not going through this alone.”

  “I can’t do it.”

  She tries to get up, but I push her down. If I could find out the truth without putting her through this, I would, but I’m at a dead end.

  “You don’t have to go into the details. Think of it as a movie. Look in from the outside. Go back to the scenes and tell me where you were.”

  “Gabriel, no.” She gets onto her knees and clutches my thighs. “Please, I beg you.”

  I almost falter. Valentina on her knees in front of me, begging, is more than what I can handle, but she needs to heal, or she’ll never be free. The man who stole her virginity will always own a piece of her as long as she keeps it bottled inside, and the fucker doesn’t deserve her peace of mind or pain. I press her face down in my lap, running my fingers through her hair.

  Steeling myself, I say in a stern voice, “Start at the beginning.”

  She rubs her cheek on my thigh. A big tear rolls from under her long lashes, the wetness penetrating the fabric of my pants. She licks her lips and opens and closes them twice before she gets a word out.

  “Mom sent me to take Dad’s dinner. He was working late.”

  “Where?”

  “At the workshop.”

  “Was it dark?”

  She thinks for a while. “It was still light. I think it was before six, because it was right after the afternoon sitcom.”

  “Good. Carry on.”

  She swallows again. “A car pulled up.”

  “What kind of car?”

  Her whole body goes rigid. “I don’t remember.”

  “Don’t feel, baby. Just tell me who drove the car.”

  “I–I don’t know. I only know they were old.”

  They? She said only one man raped her. “How many?”

  “Five. Six. I think six. I was scared. I didn’t want to look at them. I kept my eyes on the ground.”

  “Don’t feel.” I brush my thumb over the tears that spill down her cheek. “What did they say?”

  “I can’t remember. I don’t think they said much. One grabbed my arm. Daddy’s lunchbox fell on the ground. His sandwiches dropped out. I remember thinking how angry he was going to be if there was sand on them.”

  “Go on,” I say when she falls quiet, rubbing my hand up and down her back.

  “They laughed. They laughed a lot.”

  Anger boils up in me. I feel like breaking something.

  “They took me.”

  “Where?”

  She blinks. “I don’t know.”

  “Did they take you by car? Did they make you get inside?”

  “No. They dragged me into the building. A bar.”

  “Can you remember the name?”

  “I didn’t see.”

  If she walked, it was not far from where she lived. “Maybe you saw when you went past there later.”

  “I never walked that road again.”

  “What did the inside look like?”

  “It was dark. Smoke. It smelled of cigarette smoke. There was a counter and bar stools, and a neon sign above the mirror, I think. There was a room at the back with a pool table.”

  “Were there other people inside?”

  “A man behind the bar. I remember him because I screamed for help, but he turned away.”

  “What did he look like?”

  “Fat. Bald. That–that’s all I remember.”

  “You’re doing well, sweetheart. Where did they take you?”

  She starts shaking, her frail body trembling between my knees. “The back.”

  “It’s a movie. It’s not happening to you. Can you see it?”

  “They ripped off my clothes and held me down.”

  Enough. I can’t stand it, but I can’t let it go, either. “What did he look like?”

  “I kept my eyes closed. I couldn’t look.”

  “Only the one?”

  “Yes,” she says meekly.

  I bite back my fury. “What happened after?”

  “They left me.”

  “How did you get home?”

  “I woke up in an alley. It was dark.”

  “You woke
up?”

  “They beat me. I must’ve passed out.”

  God help me, I will tear their limbs from their bodies and make them swallow their dicks before I skin them alive.

  “I tried to walk, but I was hurting and bleeding. I didn’t get far. That’s where my brother found me. When I didn’t get home, my mom got worried. She called my father. They started looking.”

  “He took you home?”

  She nods, exhaling a shaky breath. “Mom treated my wounds. I stayed home until the bruises were gone. My father said he’d find the men responsible.”

  “Did he?”

  “I don’t know. I didn’t want to remember. I didn’t want to ask.”

  “Can you remember the date, Valentina?”

  “Thirteenth of February.”

  Two months later, her father died in the car crash, and her brother suffered brain damage. The mafia who was supposed to be their family rejected them, and here she is, on her knees in front of me. I hook my hands under her arms and lift her onto my lap, cradling her head against my chest.

  “They’re going to pay.”

  The tenseness eases somewhat from her small frame as she sits in my arms, allowing me to soothe her and keep her safe.

  I kiss the top of her head. “I won’t let anyone ever hurt you, again.”

  For the first time in my life, I have no desire to take cuddling further than holding a woman in my arms. There’s satisfaction greater than the high I get from sex in providing her with strength and protection. Even better is that she allows me take care of her, to be the man for her I couldn’t yet be for any woman.

  We sit together like this for a long time. My only desire is to carry her upstairs and lay her down on my bed, to hold her until the day breaks, but it’s close to eleven, and Carly will be home soon.

  My thought is scarcely cold when the front door bursts open, and Carly flies through it, sobs and tears following in her wake as she runs through the entrance and up the stairs. Valentina jerks in my arms. She scurries off my lap as fast as I’m trying to get to my feet with my useless leg. She looks at me with wide eyes, concern etched on her face.

  “She hasn’t seen us,” I say.

  I have to leave Valentina to go after my daughter. If that dickhead of a pretty college boy touched her, he’ll get what he deserves. On the landing, I hear her door slam. My hip aches as I rush to her bedroom.