Fragile Simplicity

by Tara Neideffer

  She brushed her long, light brown hair away from her face and gripped the door knob with a sweaty hand, fear tearing up her insides at what might lie in the other room. Tiptoeing through the door, she made her way down the hall, her slippers never making a sound against the dirt stained, tan Berber.

  A low, garbled gasp stung her ears, causing her arms to fly around her waist in a protective embrace. The noises in the house were different tonight. She couldn’t put her finger on the reason why, but the way her heart was racing and the sweat that began to cling to her favorite monkey printed nightgown, led her to believe something bad had happened.

  Another muffled sound echoed against the closed door to her parents room and she hesitated before the door, instincts telling her to run, but curiosity taking hold. Her delicate, shaky hand reached out and took the brass door knob against her better judgment and slowly turned it. As the door creaked open, her shallow breath hitched at what she saw in the chaotic mess of her parents’ bedroom...

  The squeezing sensation in her chest made her jerk from a deep sleep and bolt upright. Looking around the dark room, it didn’t dawn on her where she was until her eyes landed on David’s body lying next to her. She unclenched her hands from the black comforter and scooted to the side of the bed, bringing her wet face into the palms of her shaky hands. Brushing her fingers across her cheeks, she wiped the last of the tears away, cursing that damned letter for stirring up the buried memories. She had invested so much time and energy all these years in forgetting her childhood, and all it took was one letter to stomp all her efforts into the ground. Damn him for ruining her life. What did he even want anyway?

  She stood, deciding to head into the kitchen and get something to drink to wash away the bad taste in her mouth, when her phone began to vibrate. She narrowed her eyes, wondering who would be calling at five in the morning. She snatched it up and quickly headed into the other room, not wanting to wake up David.

  Quickly putting the phone to her ear, she didn’t even think about checking to see who it was. The first thought that came to mind was it had to be an emergency at this hour.

  “Hello,” she half whispered in the dark living room, her nerves now firing for a new reason.

  “How’s my sweet girl this morning?” a deep voice slid through the phone, making her skin crawl.

  “Brad, is there a reason you’re calling and waking me up at this hour?” Kyleigh’s naturally soft voice could barely scratch the surface of the irritation she was trying to portray.

  “Well, I didn’t see your car at home, so I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Staying out late tonight, are we?” he questioned in a hard tone.

  “I’m a big girl, Brad, I can stay out as late as I want. It’s really none of your business. And I would appreciate it if you would stay away from my house,” Kyleigh spat, looking over her shoulder to make sure she hadn’t woken David up.

  There was a long pause before he said, “Why don’t you come home so it can be my business, you know, like it used to be.”

  “What, like you controlling my every move like before? Or losing your cool every other night on me? No thanks, Brad. Now, I need to get some sleep.” She let out a sigh, not sure why she even bothered explaining anything to him in the first place.

  “Whose place are you sleeping at tonight, Kyleigh?” he asked, making sure she heard the bitterness in his tone.

  “I don’t think it’s any of your business where I sleep, Brad!” she yelled, and tensed when she felt someone grab her shoulder. She whirled around, surprised to see David standing behind her.

  “Who are you talking to at this hour?” he asked, his voice was rough from sleep but his eyes were sharp as he kept his gaze on her.

  She swallowed, her mouth suddenly dry as she heard Brad cursing on the other end and David’s questioning glare staring back at her. She hung the phone up without saying another word, not understanding why she suddenly felt guilty. She had just explained this situation to David earlier today. “I’m sorry, David, did I wake you?” she asked as she clutched the phone in her right hand.

  He ran a hand over his face and then through his brown hair, making it stand up slightly before he asked, “Who were you talking to? Brad?”

  She tore her eyes away from his, not knowing exactly what to say. She didn’t want to get into why she was awake in the middle of the night. She was going to do her best to bury those memories again. Maybe even tear that stupid letter up so that reminder wouldn’t be there, taunting her. If she could bury all those years once, she could do it again. Nothing he had written in that letter could ever make up for what he’d done.

  “Kyleigh?” he persisted.

  “I couldn’t sleep and Brad called,” she blurted, not bothering to expand on her answer.

  “Have you even told him that you’re seeing me?” he questioned, his eyes tearing into her, demanding her to look at him.

  “It’s really none of his business who I see,” she argued, meeting his gaze head on.

  “It is if he keeps calling, thinking you’re single. Unless you want him to think that?” he asked, one eyebrow cocked up in question.

  “Why would I want him to think that, David?” she asked, resting her left hand on her hip as she stared at him, anger over this situation a better feeling than the emotions she’d woken up to.

  “If you didn’t, you’d be telling him that you’re seeing someone now and he needs to stop calling,” David said, his anger obvious as his jaw clenched and unclenched. He crossed his arms, looking as if he was trying to hold his temper inside himself.

  “I have told him to stop calling,” Kyleigh said, thrusting her phone out towards him as if the answer was written on it.

  “But you just haven’t told him that you’re seeing someone? Why not? Why don’t you answer his call right now and tell him whose house you’re at?” David yelled, pointing down at the phone that was flashing in the dim living room.

  Kyleigh looked down at the phone vibrating in her hand and brought her eyes back up to him. “David you know how he is. Why are you pushing this on me?” she asked softly.

  “Never mind, don’t worry about it Kyleigh,” he sighed, throwing his hands up in surrender. “It’s pointless anyway. You do whatever you feel is right.”

  She flinched at his words, and watched him quickly turn towards his room, slamming his fist into the wall.

  She couldn’t deal with all this right now. All these emotions were suffocating her.

  Fighting back tears, she slung her purse over her shoulder and stormed out of the house and towards her car, knowing this argument was all her fault but also knowing she was handling Brad the best she could right now. She glanced back at the dark house over her shoulder, hoping he would come out the front door and tell her not to leave. But it was vacant.

  The whole way home, her mind buzzed with memories of her past. She tried to push them back down, but they were already stirred up in her mind, dying to come to the surface and breathe from so many years of being held under. She didn’t think she could handle them. They were too horrible and too traumatic. Her therapist had helped in the beginning, but now she was alone. If worse came to worst, she assumed she could always find another one, but the thought of opening herself up to another stranger about all those things again made her stomach tighten into a knot.

  She felt the vibration from her phone, knowing it was Brad calling again. He undoubtedly heard David’s voice and she knew he was probably livid right now. She knew she should have just told him, but crossing certain lines with him was never a good move. Sweeping the tears away with her hand, she was glad Brad’s car was nowhere to be seen when she pulled into her apartment complex. Letting out a breath of relief, she slammed her car into park and took the stairs two at a time. She wanted to get inside her apartment, curl up in her bed, and shut the world out for a while so she could pull herself back together again.

  As she tossed her purse on the table, the letter caught her eye. That one piece of
paper was causing so much pain. The person who had wrote it had dished out too much pain. But she knew throwing it away wouldn’t erase all the pain that now lived inside her. Nothing could.

  She picked up the envelope, her heart picking up speed as she ran her index finger over the name written in black ink.

  Rob Helton

  Inmate at Sea Hook Prison

  She wanted to know what her father had to say. But she was also afraid. Afraid of him. Afraid of being reminded of what he’d done. She had always hoped that she would never have to relive what had happened, but here she was about to open a letter that would more than likely say something about that night. And then it would be like going through that horrible tragedy all over again.

  But she felt a need to know what he had to say. It was such a strong feeling that she couldn’t stop herself.

  Sliding her finger into the fold, she carefully ripped it open, revealing a full page of sloppy printed handwriting. Her breath hitched as she stared at the first word and she wasn’t sure she could continue.

  Dear Kyleigh,

  Gripping the letter tightly, she walked over to her couch, sinking back into the soft, tan cushions and preparing herself for pain. She leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees, and stared at a dent in the hardwood floor, willing herself courage to continue. “Come on, Kyleigh, you can do this,” she chanted softly against the stillness of the room.

  Bringing her gaze back to the letter, she began reading.

  Dear Kyleigh,

  I know I’m the last person you expected a letter from, but I hope you take a chance and hear me out. The last thirteen years in here have given me plenty of time to do some soul searching and, among other things, get and stay sober. I have a clear mind now but a heavy conscious. I can never forgive myself for what I did all those years ago, how I treated you, or replace all the pain that I’ve caused, but I hope one day you can forgive me. Words can’t change what happened, but I have changed for the better. I am not the man you think you know. I just want you to know how truly sorry I am. The only thing that matters to me now, is your forgiveness.

  Love,

  Your Dad

  Staring at the letter, a million different emotions began to storm through her. He wanted forgiveness? How did he expect her to give him anything when he never gave her a thing? A haunting memory flashed through her mind of her dad’s hands wrapping around her mom’s neck as he pinned her against the wall. Her mom had looked straight at her, fear pooling in her wide, bloodshot eyes as a young Kyleigh had stood motionless in the hall, not knowing what to do. Her eyes lingered on the letter as anger swarmed inside her.

  As another painful memory swept through her mind, the letter coasted out of her fingers and onto the floor. Her vision blurred as streams of tears cascaded down her flushed cheeks. There was no stopping the memories now, the letter had opened the gate and now they were all flooding out of control. She threw her hands up to her face and buried her face in her palms, wishing she could block them out. “NO!” she yelled, her voice muffled from her hands.

  The last memory was the worst. It was the night she opened the door to her parents’ bedroom thirteen years ago and saw blood splattered against the white walls as her dad stood in silence, gripping a knife coated in blood.

  A garbled scream full of buried tears flew from her mouth as she fell to the floor in a heap of pain. Cradling her legs against her chest, she hummed the infamous tune until she finally drifted to sleep.

  Chapter 3

  A Simple Love

  “Are you coming out with us tonight for Tyler’s birthday?” Paige asked as she quickened her pace to catch up with Kyleigh. Her tennis shoes squeaked loudly against the white linoleum of the hospital floor and her blonde ponytail swayed from side to side as they walked.

  Kyleigh briefly slowed down, even though the last thing she wanted to do right now was socialize. Last night had been terrible. She’d passed out in an emotional drunkenness on her hardwood floor and now her back and neck muscles were killing her. Rubbing her neck, she said, “Yeah, I almost forgot, but I’ll be there. What time and where?”

  “We’re all getting together at the Broken Spur at around eight. They have a great band there tonight, so it should be fun,” Paige said.

  “Sounds great, I’ll see you tonight,” she said forcing a smile. As she started to turn and walk away, she was pulled back by Paige’s firm grip.

  “Is everything okay, Kyleigh? I can always tell when something’s bothering you. You always think you hide your emotions with your upbeat personality and bright smile, but I hate to tell you, you don’t. I tried calling you last night,” she questioned, her eyes digging into hers as she searched for any hint of a lie.

  She tried to keep her grimace contained as the bad taste of guilt appeared. She remembered ignoring Paige’s call last night, and trying her best to smooth it over, she said, “I’m sorry I didn’t call you back, I was at David’s last night. But you don’t need to worry about me, I’m okay, Paige. I’m just tired and feeling a little down, but I’ll be there tonight. Getting out with friends will help lighten my mood some.”

  After a long second of Paige’s intent stare-down as she tried to decipher what was really hiding beneath Kyleigh’s light hearted words, she finally backed off and said, “Okay, but you’d tell me if something was going on, right?”

  “Of course,” she said in a soft tone, hoping Paige didn’t catch the lie that was falling off with that answer.

  “Okay, I’ll see you tonight, then,” Paige said, leaning in to give her a sideways hug.

  Kyleigh smiled, knowing all her untold emotions were written on her face. She was just thankful that Paige was the type of person to know when to step back. If she told anyone about the letter, she’d have to tell them about the past that led to that letter, and that was something she didn’t want to deal with right now.

  As she stood in the hall and watched Paige leave, she felt someone grab her shoulders from behind.

  “Girl, look at that. Those navy scrubs are just tight enough to see the perfect outline of a tight ass. Doesn’t it make you want to reach out and grab a handful?” Brooke said in her ear, pointing her towards the new doctor standing up at the desk.

  Despite her turmoil, she couldn’t help but laugh. “Brooke, when are you going to make your move? You know you can’t control yourself much longer,” Kyleigh teased, shaking her head as she watched Brooke’s gaze tear away from the backside of the doctor and turn towards her. Brooke always had a way of getting you to forget you had problems.

  “Yeah, but I’ve got to be good because he’s the doctor on our floor. You know, that’s like making a move on your boss. I’ve pulled off plenty of crazy things in my life, but I don’t think I could pull that off,” she said, crossing her arms across her stomach as if the thought of not being able to have him made her sick.

  “Like, when you got male strippers to show up for the head nurse’s fortieth birthday bash here at work, and you didn’t get fired?” Kyleigh said with a snort, remembering how the four hot guys dressed as firemen had shown up at the hospital that day, making all the employees heads turn, and even some patients.

  Brooke’s expression turned dreamy as she said, “Yeah, that was fun times, wasn’t it?”

  “Yeah, I’m still not sure how you pulled that off.”

  “Let’s just say I’m good and could read Ms. Benton like a book. She might have pretended to be embarrassed but she thanked me later,” Brooke said with a grin. “But anyway, there’s no way Dr. Harris would ever be interested in me. I doubt I’m his type.”

  “You don’t know what his type is, and you never know what life will throw at you. It just might throw a sexy doctor your way,” Kyleigh said, nudging Brooke with her elbow. She laughed as Brooke’s eyes widened with desire.

  “Ooh, I wish, but I couldn’t get that lucky,” she said, letting her eyes wander back to him.

  “Are you going to The Broken Spur tonight for Tyler’s bi
rthday?” she asked, trying to get her mind off the new doctor before he noticed her blatant staring.

  “Yeah, I’ll be there. You know I never miss an opportunity to go out and party,” Brooke said with a devious smile. “What’s up with you? You look a little tired.”

  Kyleigh rubbed her eyes and said, “Couldn’t sleep last night.”

  “Oh, insomnia’s a bitch, she tortures me at least four times a week,” Brooke said with a laugh.

  “Yeah, well, hopefully she leaves me alone from now on,” Kyleigh said as she took off walking towards the break room.

  “I’ll see ya tonight, okay?” Brooke yelled down the hall after her.

  “Yeah, see ya,” Kyleigh said, tossing her hand up behind her in a half wave.

  ***

  That evening, Kyleigh stood in her bedroom, staring at her reflection in the mirror. The get together at The Broken Spur was in an hour and she wasn’t in the mood. She straightened her burgundy shirt and slipped on a pair of flats, praying this night went quickly. She knew she could stay home, but she honestly knew it’d be worse on her. At least going out would keep her mind off things for a while. The question in that letter was constantly tugging at her mind. Forgive him? How?

  Hearing her phone buzz, she went to her nightstand, and saw Brad’s face staring back at her. The intensity in his dark brown eyes unmistakable, even in the picture, and she quickly hit ignore. She knew he’d call back, he always did, but she didn’t want to hear his mouth right now. He was persistent and she didn’t understand why he was so fixated on her. He had his fair share of women all the time, one of the many reasons why she had left him, and she didn’t know why he wouldn’t just go harass one of them.

  Her thoughts drifted to David. Her heart sank as she remembered their argument last night, and she was hoping he would show up tonight at The Broken Spur so she could talk to him and apologize in person. Putting off telling Brad about her relationship with David was wrong and she knew it was something she needed to do, but it was also something that needed to be handled delicately. She didn’t want any trouble with Brad and it was obvious he was ready to start something. All the drama was already stressing her out, and she rubbed her temples as a headache formed. So many emotional decisions needed to be made and it was weighing heavily on her mind.