Fragile Simplicity

by Tara Neideffer

  After drying her tears away, her aunt said, “He wasn’t always like that, you know. There was a time back before you were born, up until you were about five years old, that he was a good man. But then the drugs and alcohol took him down and made him become someone he wasn’t. You’ve never known the real Rob, you only know the addict Rob. There is a difference. Drugs and alcohol change people, and once they’re clean, their true side shows again.”

  That bit of information shocked Kyleigh. She had always thought that was just who he was. A crazed, dangerous man. But now her aunt was telling her something different and she didn’t know what to think. “I didn’t know that. I always assumed he was just psychotic. I knew they occasionally did drugs and he drank a lot, but I never would have guessed there was a time he was normal,” she said.

  “Yes, it’s hard to believe, but it’s true. That’s why I want you to really think about trying to get to know him again. I think you’ll be surprised at what you find.” Her aunt patted her leg and said, “I want to show you something. Wait just a second.” She watched her aunt go to a small closet and pull out a couple of boxes. She began searching through them, looking for something in particular. “Aha, here it is,” she said, her face lighting up as she carried a black photo album towards Kyleigh.

  Kyleigh felt her muscles tense, she wasn’t sure she was ready to look at pictures of her mother; it would be too hard. But she couldn’t remember the last time she had.

  Her aunt sat down beside her, leaving the album unopened, she angled her body towards Kyleigh and said, “Are you ready to see what your parents were like before everything turned ugly?”

  Kyleigh swallowed as she eyed the album, looking at it as if it held the date of her death. She didn’t know if she could, but something told her it was time to deal with the past, to get to know the parents she never had the chance to know. She nodded slightly and heard a creak as her aunt opened the album.

  Her eyes fell on a young, smiling couple, who looked to be in their early twenties. Her mom’s blonde hair glowed under the sun and her big smile went all the way to her eyes, revealing the true happiness there. It was a completely different person than the one she remembered and her heart ached at what could have been. Her chest tightened and she squeezed her eyes shut, willing herself not to cry, so she could continue. She wanted to see who her parents were and get to know them the only way she could.

  Then her eyes landed on her father and her heart pounded so hard it made her vision blur. Here was the man responsible for so much pain. The man who had taken her childhood and her mother away. In the picture he was smiling too, with a look on his face that was foreign to her. It was a look of love. They sat on a stone wall with the beach behind them, waves crashing up in the distance, and his dark brown hair was askew from the wind. The thing about his appearance that stood out the most was his hair color. Kyleigh realized that was one of the traits she received from him. There was no denying that her rich, brown hair color matched his exactly. He was holding her mom’s hand, looking like he was on the verge of kissing her when the person snapped the picture. Kyleigh ran her finger over the picture, wishing she could have seen them happy like this. She would have given anything for it.

  Her aunt’s soft voice startled her. “This was their honeymoon. I’m not sure what caused them to get into the drugs and alcohol, but this was who they really were.” Her aunt turned the page and as Kyleigh scanned all the pictures, she realized these were people who were complete strangers to her. She never knew them. The version she knew rarely smiled, they wore anger as their favorite expression, and they never touched each other, unless it was her father putting his hands on her mom.

  They looked through the album for a while, her aunt telling her stories about her mom. This was the first time she had ever let her aunt talk about her. When she was younger, she never wanted to hear her mom’s name. She had always thought it was better to forget than to remember.

  Time flew by and before she knew it, night had already descended. She looked out the window, seeing nothing but a veil of darkness, and said, “I’d better get going, Aunt Judy. I have a long drive home.”

  Her aunt nodded and Kyleigh saw her face fall in disappointment. She made a mental note to come visit more often. Her aunt slid the album over to her, along with two others they had yet to go through, and said, “I want you to have these. They’re yours. I have plenty of pictures of Mary, but these are pictures of your parents and you should have them to remember them by.”

  Kyleigh took the large, black album in her hand and stood to give her aunt a hug. She held her close and said, “I’ll come by more often, Aunt Judy. I know I don’t visit nearly enough.”

  “I’m sorry my interference is the reason you had to drive all the way up here to see me. I was just doing what I thought was best.”

  “Don’t worry about it, Aunt Judy, I understand,” she said as she turned for the door.

  “Kyleigh,” her aunt started.

  Kyleigh paused in the doorway and turned to face her aunt. “Yes?”

  “Maybe it would help to write him a letter, telling him how you feel. No one says you have to forgive him right away, but maybe if you guys start writing back and forth for a while, you will get to know him a little better, and then the forgiving might come, later down the road,” she said, her voice full of hope.

  Nodding, Kyleigh said, “That actually sounds like a good idea. Maybe I’ll do that.” Giving her aunt another hug, she stepped out into the night with the photo album tucked tightly under her arm.

  ***

  It was late by the time she got back to Sweet Haven, and as she looked at the time, she understood why her eyes felt like they were on fire. It was the kind of burning sensation she got when shampoo ran into them. She rubbed them for a second as she sat at a stoplight, letting everything her aunt said earlier sink in. She wondered if people could actually change and if alcohol could really make someone snap like her father had done. It seemed a little farfetched, but she had never known her aunt to lie and she didn’t know why she’d lie about something like that. Her aunt knew her father better than she did, and the sadness that hit her from that thought was undeniable.

  Drumming her fingers on the steering wheel, she was relieved when the light finally turned green. Getting home and unwinding from the stressful day she’d had never sounded better. As she turned the corner into her apartment building, a breath caught in her throat, threatening to withhold any more air from her as she saw Brad’s BMW in the parking lot. The shiny, black car looked like a threat in itself, and with the way he leaned against it, arms crossed with one foot resting on his back tire, his body language oozed anger.

  She thought about turning around and going to David’s, but there was no way she was going to let him scare her away from her own apartment. She’d been ignoring his phone calls ever since he’d called the other night when she was at David’s, and she was sure he had plenty to say.

  She whipped her car in next to his, and taking in a deep breath, she opened her car door and stalked towards him with enough swing in her hips that she looked like a model walking the runway. She wasn’t in the mood for his shit tonight. She was exhausted, stressed, and tired of dealing with him hounding her.

  She stopped directly in front of him, close enough that, even in the dark night, she could see the blond stubble that blanketed his face. His black hat was sitting low on his head, hiding his blond hair and concealing his face in shadow. His dark jeans and dark shirt, made him look like he was about to do a robbery. With his record, she figured that wasn’t out of the question.

  He didn’t flinch, didn’t even look up from his phone to acknowledge her presence. She tapped her foot angrily on the black pavement, and once she saw the smirk on his face, she reached out and snatched the phone out of his hands.

  “Someone’s a little feisty tonight,” he said in a cool voice, finally bringing his eyes up to meet hers.

  “Yeah, well, I’m tired and I’m aggr
avated that you’re here in my apartment complex. When will you get the hint, Brad, that we are through?” she growled through gritted teeth.

  He swiped the phone out of her hand, and keeping his eyes on hers, he asked, “How do you know I’m here to see you?”

  A laugh burst out of her before she could control herself, and she shook her head, “Gee, I don’t know, Brad. Maybe it’s the hundreds of phone calls and texts I get from you. Or, the fact that you drive by my apartment on your way home from your disgusting strip bar that you own. I’d say all that stalking would tell me you’re here to see me.”

  Kyleigh saw him flinch at the last sentence, and watched him as he threw his hand to his chest, pretending she’d broken his heart.

  “I can’t believe you’d call that stalking. I think that’s a little harsh, Kyleigh. Maybe I just want to make sure you’re doing okay. I think that’d be more along the lines of being worried and thoughtful.”

  “Brad, maybe you need to look up the definition of stalking. I told you I don’t want to be with you, now leave me the hell alone, please,” Kyleigh said, brushing her hair out of her face. Telling him about David and her crossed her mind, but there was something intimidating about throwing that bit of information at him while standing out here in a deserted parking lot in the middle of the night.

  His eyes dug into hers, showing a small glimpse of the darkness that he was trying to keep at bay. He blinked rapidly a couple of times, and as the glazed look in his eyes cleared, he said, “Kyleigh, maybe I just want to give us another try. I can show you that I can change. I can keep my anger in check.”

  Stunned by his choice of words, she was speechless for a moment. He said he was going to change? All of a sudden, Brad thought he could change, just like that. The idea made her want to burst out laughing. This was Brad’s personality and she knew he could never change that. She thought back to her aunt saying her dad had changed and become a better man, the man he used to be, now that he was sober. She looked at Brad, seeing a weird, hopeful look in his eyes, something she’d never thought she’d seen before. Brad’s problem wasn’t alcohol, it was just him. He was who he was and she didn’t believe he could control that. And it didn’t matter, because she loved David, and even though David had alcohol issues, he promised her he’d slow down. And she believed if anyone could change, David could.

  Biting her lower lip, she said, “Brad, I don’t think you can change that, and I don’t want another round in the ring with you. I can’t handle it and I don’t want to handle it. Now, I need to get upstairs, I’m exhausted.” Giving him one last look, she had turned to leave, when suddenly pain tore into her arm. She yelped, and looked down at his hand laced around her forearm. She jerked her arm out of his grasp only to have him grab it again. Worry suddenly swam inside her but she shoved it away, not wanting him to get the upper hand. She’d been man-handled enough throughout her childhood that his firm grip didn’t scare her that much.

  He pulled her close against him, and whispered in her ear, “When I told you I could change, I wasn’t asking for your opinion. You’ll come around in due time, Kyleigh, but it’d be a lot easier if you’d hurry up and get your head out of your ass.”

  She swallowed, trying to get the dryness out of her mouth as she stared back at him. The sound of a car door shutting made him let her go and take a step back.

  “Is there a problem here? Ma’am, are you okay?” A middle-aged man asked as he started walking away from his van and towards them. With the large pot belly protruding from his tight fitted shirt, the unsureness in his tone, and the two small children staring through the window at them, Kyleigh knew it wouldn’t be smart to get this guy involved.

  The hard look on Brad’s face told her she needed to hurry up and answer before the guy came over.

  “Ye... Yes, I’m fine, sir. Thank you for asking. Just a misunderstanding is all,” she said as she threw her hand in the air, waving him and the situation off and giving him a bright smile. She prayed he turned around; she didn’t want to see another fight tonight.

  He paused for a brief second, looking between her and Brad, as indecision clouded his round face. He ran a hand through his dark hair before finally saying, “Okay. Just making sure you’re not hurt.” He gave them both a hesitant wave as he walked back to his van, looking over his shoulder one last time as he opened the door and disappeared inside.

  They both watched him go, and she jumped when she felt Brad’s hand land on her shoulder. His warm breath blew against her cheek as he leaned in and said, “That’s my girl. You think about what I said. I’m not lying, I can change and we can start where we left off three months ago. It’d be like old times, you know, but this time just the good times we had.”

  She shivered as he brushed a kiss against her temple, hating herself for letting him do it, and hating him that he had that power over her to know that he could. She felt her muscles relax when he let go and she watched him walk around his car to the driver’s side door and get in.

  Nothing he did or said registered well with her and her hands tightened around her waist in comfort as she waited for him to leave.

  Exhaust drifted into her face, burning her nose, as Brad’s BMW pulled away. Once his taillights had finally disappeared into the night, she turned and walked up the steps into the safety of her apartment.

  Chapter 9

  Escaping

  The smell of exhaust fumes caused her nose scrunch up, and as she stood there watching David work on one of his customer’s bikes, she stood to the side, admiring the white Harley that reminded her of Randy’s. It was still hard to believe he was gone. So much had happened in the past six months and things didn’t feel like letting up any time soon.

  “You wanna go for a ride?”

  She turned around to see David lying on the concrete floor next to the bike he’d been working on, staring at her with a lopsided grin. She looked down at her hand resting on the cool chrome of the bike, wondering what it would feel like to ride one. She had never been on one, but had always heard how relaxing and freeing it was to feel the wind against your skin as you careen down the open road.

  “Um, I don’t know, I’ve never been on one before,” she said, her lips curving into a nervous smile.

  David stopped what he was doing for a second, and looked at her as if he’d never seen her in his life. Pushing himself up to a standing position, he wiped his greasy hands on a rag and said, “You’ve never been on one at all?”

  She shook her head and leaned against the workbench. “Never.”

  “How have we been dating for months and I have not taken you out on my bike? I can’t believe what a jerk I’ve been,” he said with a grin.

  “Yeah, I can’t believe you, either, David. I mean, never once. You’d think having me pressed against your back with my arms wrapped tightly around your waist as we hit the open road would have been something that crossed your mind, but... evidently not,” she teased.

  “Well, then, I believe it’s time I make that happen,” he said as he took a couple of steps towards her. “I know I could use a little relaxation and there’s nothing like hopping on the back of a bike to escape the world.”

  The faraway look that shifted in his eyes intrigued her and she envisioned herself on the back of his bike, soaring down the highway at full speed as each piece of pain from her past life fell away, leaving a trail of all her broken pieces behind her. “So, how long have you been into motorcycles?

  His eyebrows shot up, making his face come alive with nostalgia, and she watched him think about the question for a moment. “Hmm, I’d have to say I’ve loved motorcycles ever since I was eight or nine. I got my first one when I was sixteen. Roger helped me find a good deal on one that needed to be spruced up a bit, and then I spent every night in the garage bringing it back to life. Working on that bike probably kept me out of a lot of trouble as a teenager. That was what sparked my love for Harley’s and I’ve never been without one since then.”

  “We
re you and Roger close when you were younger?” She knew they didn’t get along too well now, but she had always wondered what things were like for him as a child. She had always hesitated about asking too much about his childhood for fear he would ask her the same dreaded questions, but the question just slipped out of her mouth as curiosity took control.

  He gave a short laugh before saying, “Yeah, sorta, I guess. I mean, when you’re a kid things are easier. You look up to the parents who are in your life, whether they are your biological ones or not. But, when you get older, you begin to have your own view of the world and stuff, and you see things differently. Looking back, he was all right for a step-dad, but things started changing once Randy and I got older, and somewhere along the way, we fell out of touch.”

  She nodded slightly in understanding as she looked around the garage. Dozens of Harley’s were parked everywhere, the walls were covered in motorcycle related items, and he was able to make a living working on the one thing he loved most. “So, motorcycles have always been a huge part of your life,” she stated.

  His eyes brightened as he said, “Yeah, they’re my passion, and nothing clears my head more than riding or working on a bike, well, I mean, besides sex, but you know nothing can top that.”

  Her eyebrows shot up as a laugh escaped her mouth. “Yes, well, I could use something to clear my head right now, and we’ve already had plenty of sex lately,” she said with a smile.

  Taking another step towards her, he leaned in close and said, “We can never have enough sex, baby, and we could always pull off somewhere along the way and make love, and then we’d have double the stress relief.” He brought her hand up to his mouth and lightly kissed it before pulling her into him.