Fragile Simplicity

by Tara Neideffer

  “And it was just getting good,” she said, her voice falling with disappointment.

  “Don’t worry, maybe you’ll get another show when you’re feeling better,” he said as he resumed his chore.

  Kyleigh watched him for a moment longer before returning to her book. That was the most excitement she’d had in a while. It was beyond ridiculous and she couldn’t wait to start feeling better.

  ***

  The day had finally come when she could return to work. Her chest was feeling better and her energy was slowly increasing. She was only working two days this week but that was better than nothing. She felt good as she coasted down Lamar Avenue, her favorite route to take to work. The need to do something productive flowed through her body and was a relief compared to all the pain she had been through.

  The sun that glinted off the sign to Anderson Hospital and into her eyes brought with it a sense of coming home, and as she pulled into her usual parking spot, a large handful of happy and sad memories flooded through her. She loved being a nurse and she just now realized how much she’d missed it while she had been home recovering.

  As she pushed the door open, the familiar scent of antiseptic and cleaning supplies filled her nose, and patients and visitors brushed past her as they aimlessly looked for their right locations. The white linoleum floor led her down to the elevator, and once she stepped in, she hit the button for her floor. The murmuring of voices echoed through the door as she waited patiently, and as the door slid open, orange and blue balloons floated towards her feet. She looked up and saw a huge “Welcome Back” sign dangling from the top of the nurse’s station as everyone stood beneath it, staring at her.

  With her hand against her mouth, she mumbled, “You guys didn’t have to do that.”

  Paige and Brooke came up and gave her a hug.

  “We’re so glad you’re back,” Paige said.

  “Thank you, guys,” Kyleigh said.

  Wrapping her arms around her, Brooke said, “We want you to take it easy today, do you hear me?”

  “Of course,” Kyleigh answered with a dismissive wave of her hand.

  After she’d given hugs to everyone on her floor, she situated herself behind the computer, happy to be here, even if it was on desk duty.

  Pulling out a stack of files, she caught sight of Brooke and Dr. Harris talking, off to the side. She watched for a moment, smiling as she saw Brooke give him a small smile as he touched her affectionately on the elbow. Whatever issue they had seemed to be gone now and Kyleigh was happy to see it.

  “What do you think will happen between them?” Paige asked as she took the seat next to her.

  Watching the intense way they talked to each other, Kyleigh said, “I don’t know but they seem to really have a connection.”

  “I just hope he doesn’t hurt her. I’m still not sure what type of guy he really is. He seems to love attention from the women,” Paige said as she kept throwing glances their way.

  “Me either, but Brooke’s a tough girl, I’m sure she’ll be okay,” she said as she began entering data.

  “How does it feel to be back?” Brooke asked from behind them.

  Swirling her chair around, Kyleigh said, “It feels good. I was beginning to go stir crazy sitting at home.”

  Leaning against the desk, Brooke tossed her long braid behind her as she absently looked through paperwork and said, “I would, too.”

  “So, I’m guessing things are going good for you?” Kyleigh asked, one eyebrow arched in question.

  The blush she wore made Kyleigh curious and Brooke smiled and said, “It is. Things seem to be moving forward with us. I’ll give you more details on our girls night this weekend.”

  Smiling, Kyleigh said, “I’m glad, and can’t wait to hear more details.”

  “How’s David doing?” Paige asked.

  “He’s doing all right, considering everything. He won’t really talk about it, but he reassures me that he’s staying clean and keeping his head clear.”

  “Well, it takes awhile to grieve,” Paige said, her face turning serious and Kyleigh knew she was thinking back to Randy.

  “Have you made any decisions on what you’re going to do with the letter your father sent you?” Brooke asked.

  On her time off, Kyleigh had spilled, to both of them, the details of her childhood and where her father actually was. Paige and Brooke were supportive and she was thankful to have such wonderful friends in her life, making her wonder why she had ever been hesitant in opening up to them in the first place. They didn’t make her feel bad for not telling them and said they were there to support her in whatever decision she decided to make.

  Clicking the pen in her hand, she thought about her answer. She had given some thought to visiting her father, but had yet to make a decision to do so. “I’m still thinking about what I want to do. We’ve spoken on the phone a few times since I’ve been off work and we’ve written a couple of letters. It’s nice getting to know him first. I just haven’t decided yet when I plan on making the trip there to visit him in person. But we are making progress on moving forward with our relationship,” Kyleigh said.

  “I think it’s great, Kyleigh, that you are willing to give him another chance. It shows how wonderful your character truly is. You’re such a compassionate person and it shows in your life beyond being a nurse,” Paige said, giving her leg a squeeze.

  “Thanks, Paige.”

  “I think it’s great that you’re taking things slowly,” Brooke said. “You need to get to know him and feel comfortable with him before you face him in person. You’ll know when you’re ready to do that.”

  Pushing back a loose strand of curl, she said, “Yes, I’m glad I’m getting to know him again. It’s been really nice.”

  They all flinched as a loud shriek sounded down the hall. Brooke and Paige both looked at each other and Brooke shrugged her shoulders and said, “Duty calls. I’m sure that’s Mrs. Rosswell throwing a fit about her covers not being straight enough.” Brooke and Paige both laughed as they quickly headed down the hall.

  “Have fun,” Kyleigh called after them, wishing she could help.

  ***

  Her black sunglasses kept the sun from blinding her as she drove home, and her hair was pulled up into a bun to keep her cool. Her first day back to work had worn her out but she didn’t work again for a couple of more days. As she parked her car, her movements were slow and deliberate, as her muscles ached.

  She headed towards her mailbox, realizing it had been a couple of days since she’d checked it, since she had been staying at David’s a lot lately, and as she pulled out a wad of mail, she saw a letter from Sea Hook Prison on top. The letters didn’t cause her pain or fear any longer and she was grateful for that. She didn’t think she would be able to deal with that emotional burden anymore. She hadn’t realized how heavy that burden was until it slowly began lifting off her shoulders. Some of it was still there, but it was much lighter.

  As she threw her purse on the table, she settled herself on her couch and began tearing the letter open, eager to see what he had to say. Leaning back against the cushion, a smile spread across her face as she read the letter from her father. Never in her life would she have thought she could smile from anything that man ever said, but reading funny stories of when she was a baby made a long lost smile reappear. And it felt good.

  Chapter 33

  Forgiveness

  Two months later ~

  Staring down at the address scribbled on a loose piece of paper, apprehension began to build inside her, forcing the bravery she thought she possessed to dwindle. Taking in a deep breath, she felt hands rubbing small circles on her back, doing their best to ease the anxiety.

  “Are you sure about this?” David asked as they stood in the middle of the kitchen.

  Bringing her eyes up to meet his, she nodded her assurance, but her feet refused to budge. She knew she was ready to do this but getting into that car would be the hardest part. Once she was buckl
ed in and David was driving her to the prison that housed her father, there would be no way out. But standing here in her apartment, she still had a choice. She could still say no. But she had made up her mind, and regardless of the fear that kept her locked in place, she wanted to go.

  Swallowing the lump of fear, she said, “Yes, I want to do this. I’m ready.”

  With David’s eyes gently urging her forward, she relaxed her muscles and took the first step towards forgiveness. The step was hard. Her muscles felt like betraying her, but her heart and need finally overrode their reluctance. “Okay, let’s do this,” she chanted softly.

  Watching her apartment fade in her rearview mirror, she felt David’s hand grip her knee. She tore her eyes away from the soothing landscape and saw a smile lifting the corner of his mouth.

  “What?” she asked.

  Shaking his head, his eyes drifted back to the road as he said, “I just want to tell you that I’m proud of you for doing this. It takes a lot of courage for someone to let go of all that anger, resentment, and fear and forgive someone. Most people can’t do it.”

  Frowning, she said, “Well, I’m definitely scared out of my mind to face him. I mean, the last time I saw him, he was holding a knife coated with my mother’s blood as he stared down at her body.” She shook her head at the thought but quickly pushed it away, not wanting to dwell on it any longer. It was done. It was in the past. And it was time to move forward. Her mom would want her to.

  “But you’re a strong woman and I think you’ll do just fine,” David said, moving his hand from her knee to grasp her hand.

  Smiling, she said, “Thanks, David. I’m glad you’re coming with me, though. I don’t think I’d be able to do this alone.”

  “There’s no way I’d let you go alone,” he said, pulling her hand up to his lips. He pressed a light kiss against the back of her hand before releasing it and turning his full attention back to the road.

  Taking her eyes back out her window, she let her mind drift as she relaxed against the headrest. She wasn’t sure where the time had gone. But suddenly thirteen years seemed like yesterday. Today was going to be stressful, but it helped that she’d talked to her father a few times on the phone already. There had been a lot of awkward silence within those few phone calls but there had also been light conversation that pushed the tension away. Sober, her father was easier to talk to than she thought he would be, and she figured once they got to know each other a little better, she might actually be able to have some kind of relationship with him.

  She watched trees zip past in a blur, city scenery turn into rural countryside, and busy streets fade. She was quiet most of the drive, the silence in the truck giving her time to reflect on what she’d say.

  The two hour drive passed quickly and before she knew it the massive limestone prison sat directly in front of them. Not taking her eyes off the building, she was in a zone while David was cleared to pull the truck into the secluded parking lot.

  Black fencing secured the occupants inhabiting the prison, and large oak trees lined the road, doing their best to conceal the ugliness of what the place signified. Thousands of criminals lived in there. Some who had committed worse crimes than her father.

  Feeling the car come to a stop, she felt David brush a strand of her hair back. She slowly turned to face him, giving him her warrior face. She was ready to do this.

  “Are you ready or do you need a minute?” he asked, his eyes travelling over her face.

  Shaking her head, she said, “No, let’s go. If I wait any longer, I may back out.” Opening the door, the smoldering heat rolled against her skin, and she slid her black sunglasses up onto her head as she took the place in. The size of the place was overwhelming.

  They began walking towards the building, each step feeling heavier and heavier as her feet slapped against the pavement. Reaching the doors, David’s comforting hand touched the small of her back, urging her inside.

  After going through the task of checking in, they were finally released to head towards the visiting room. Kyleigh gripped David’s hand as they walked down the long hall.

  Stopping before the doors, he turned to face her. “I’m going to wait out here so you two can be alone,” he said as he reached down and gave her a kiss.

  “No, I’d like you to be there this time, if you don’t mind?” she asked, a hint of fear and trepidation settling in her eyes.

  Studying her face for a second, he finally said, “Are you sure? I don’t want to intrude.”

  She shook her head as she said, “You’re not intruding, David. You’re my boyfriend; I’d like you there for support and to meet my father.”

  “Okay, if that’s what you want,” he said. Reaching up and resting his hand on the door, he said, “Ready?”

  Nodding, she watched as he pushed the door open to reveal a large, open waiting room. Her eyes scanned the space, taking in dozens of families seated around tables. Babies were fussing in the back, girlfriends or wives were crying as they talked to their men, and guards stood watch around the room.

  Kyleigh showed the guard their papers and was escorted to an empty table. Sliding into the hard, plastic chair, she looked around, wondering when her father would show up. She wondered what he looked like now. It had been so long, she wasn’t sure she’d even recognize him. Queasiness settled in her stomach and anticipation caused her fingers to tap aimlessly on the table.

  It wasn’t long before a man was ushered through a door. Chains rattled as he took each small step and Kyleigh thought the large, open room suddenly felt too small. It was him, she knew it. He hadn’t changed that much from all those years ago. His hair was still the dark, rich brown color from the pictures, with only a little shading of gray touching the sides. As the broad shouldered, shackled man wearing the complimentary orange prison suit came towards her, the wounds from her childhood were suddenly ripped back open. Her eyes met her father’s dark brown eyes, and the room around her skidded to a stop.

  As he stepped in front of her table, the thin line of his lips suddenly turned into a small, apprehensive smile, and he nodded towards the seat.

  “Ye... Yes, sorry, go ahead,” Kyleigh said as she readjusted herself in her chair. Realizing her eyes were staring at her hands fidgeting in her lap, she brought her gaze up to her father. The sound of David clearing his throat startled her and she suddenly remembered her manners. “God, I’m so sorry. Dad,” she began, the word feeling foreign coming out of her mouth, “this is my boyfriend, David. And David, this is Rob.”

  “It’s good to meet you,” Rob said, as he gave David a quick glance and nod.

  “It’s nice to meet you,” David replied.

  Kyleigh felt David’s hand land on her knee, his silent encouragement that he was here for her. Her father was more intimidating than she’d thought he’d be, and she didn’t know how to start a conversation with him. Awkward silence hung around them and she suddenly had the urge to push her chair back and run out the door. A heavy sigh broke the tight silence followed by her father’s deep voice.

  “Kyleigh, I’m really glad you came to visit me. I’ve been thinking about this moment ever since I got put in here, but I always feared it would never come. I wish...”

  The abrupt silence caused her to look up and her back stiffened to see tears fill his eyes. The emotion coming from her father was a surprise. He had his head hung low and his face resting in the palms of his hands as he gathered himself. Kyleigh stared at him, not knowing what to do or if she should do anything at all. Without thinking, she reached out to him, her fingers wrapping around his large, tattooed forearm. “It’s okay, I’m here to forgive you,” Kyleigh found herself saying through her own emotion.

  He dropped his hands from his face, relief relaxing his tight features, and hesitantly took her hand in his. His red rimmed eyes met hers as he seemed to find the strength to finish what he was going to say. “I wish everything could have been different, Kyleigh. If I had known the path I was taking was going
to lead me to do what I did, I’d go back and fix everything. I’d be a better husband, I’d stay clean, and I’d be a better father to you. But when you’re young, sometimes your head isn’t as clear as it is when you get older. There were so many problems in our life that I just found relief in alcohol and drugs, and before I knew what was happening, I was an addict and my life was spiraling out of control. I was becoming this man I despised, this man who was nothing like me. And then one day I just snapped.” He paused for a moment and a tear slid down through his beard. His jaw clenched and he took in a shaky breath. Finally, he added, “I’m so thankful you gave me a second chance to prove myself to you. I promise not to let you down this time.”

  She stared down at his hand cradling hers, the moment actually felt right. She felt she was supposed to be here and she felt that, for once in her life, everything was going to be okay. “I know you won’t,” she said. Tears welled up in her eyes and caused her vision to blur. She blinked and several drops fell down her cheeks.

  Thirty minutes later and plenty of conversation, the sound of a buzzer notified them that their visitation time was over. It seemed it had just begun, but Kyleigh wiped away the loose tears, and stood to give her father a hug. As she wrapped her arms around him, he let his head rest atop hers, his way of hugging her when the handcuffs refused to let him.

  Pulling away, she gave him a smile and said, “I’ll keep in touch.”

  “I hope you do. Is it okay if I keep writing and calling you?” he asked, hope making his voice rough.

  She smiled again and said, “Of course, I look forward to them.”

  A guard came over and touched Rob’s arm, giving him the cue that it was now time to leave. Kyleigh watched him turn and walk away; the weight she’d been carrying for thirteen years falling off her shoulders with each step her father took. Before he disappeared through the door, he turned towards her; there was sadness in his eyes at leaving, but his lips twisted into a smile that made his eyes glisten with emotion he was trying to contain. Kyleigh gave him a small wave before he vanished.