“Are you comfortable Miss Meadows? You seem a bit…flustered.”
My face was going to burst into flames any moment. “I am perfectly fine, thank you.” I cleared my throat and focused my attention on the girls, who wanted to burrow in the blankets. His eyes were on me though.
There were lanterns on the front of the wagon to lead Jack along…just enough for him to see the trail. It was getting quite dark now and the stars were very visible in the clear fall sky. This had been an excellent idea!
The girls excitedly chattered about what they swore were either shooting stars or U.F.O.S. They squealed at sounds in the dark…which were no more than night creatures that suddenly became Big Foot in their imaginations. Since they were enjoying themselves, I did not scold or stop them. This was what this trip was all about!
Liam spoke up now and then to point out the bright eyes of an animal shining in the dark. He would chuckle when the girls squealed and the animal would take off.
I kept my eyes on the little ones as he would speak, knowing he still watched me. What was he waiting for from me? I wasn’t quite sure. I had expected to be completely ignored by him from Stewart’s words this morning. Last night had been intense. Did he want to pretend it had never happened? Stewart said he felt he had crossed a line. Was he waiting for me to tell him he had or was he believing Ian? Did he know I had wanted…my cheeks warmed at the thought. I really had wanted his kiss in that magic vulnerable moment. I had wanted him to open up to me! I wanted him to spill and tell me what Ian had told me at lunch!
Jade had cheated on Liam! Her lover had tried to kill him…had murdered her! How messed up was that? He had been betrayed and he still fought to save her! This man was so beautiful on the inside! And he had been so badly hurt…physically and emotionally! Could I ever even begin to deserve to be the one to try to heal him? I wanted to be! More than ever I wanted his trust! And I had dug information from his brother!
What was done was done. At least now I knew what I was working with. I shook off the heavy thoughts and joined in with the girl’s fun. The air was getting cooler now. I was wishing now that I had brought my gloves. I summoned them over to me to tug theirs onto their little hands. They returned to the night time festivities.
Every now and then my gaze would drift to the back of the wagon, where Liam leaned back, his long legs stretched out, crossed at the ankles. Those ankles were crossed right there in front of me!. He was sitting there just watching, observing as he always did. He was quiet now and it made me wonder what he was thinking. He always turned into himself when he started thinking too much. He needed to be involved with the girls tonight!
I tugged Amelia into my lap and whispered something to her.
She smiled, and gave a nod, crawling up her Dad’s long legs. “Come find the stars with me Daddy,” she insisted. “Lay in the hay with me.” She was tugging on his hands. “Come on…you can’t see as good sitting up!”
“Amelia…”
I tilted my head to Brianne to help her sister.
“Daddy come on,” Brianne chimed in. “Lay down!” She went for his other hand and pulled until Liam was scooting down between them and lying on his back, peering up at the stars. Either girls were lying at his sides now.
“Do you see now Daddy?”
“Yeh,” he grumbled. “I see now!”
The girls giggled at his grousing.
I smiled and turned, biting my lip against a laugh.
“I see Miss Meadows is still sitting up! She needs to get over here and look at the stars too.” He sat up quickly and I yelped in surprise. His grip was firm. His tug was strong and I was soon flat on my back in the wagon as well…night sky above me.
The girls were laughing so hard it made me laugh.
I didn’t fight to sit up, just laid there. His fingers were still around my wrist and he squeezed. I felt the warmth run up my arm…it was like electricity. Could he feel that too? His thumb pressed my pulse. Yes, he could.
Amelia was right between us. Our arms made a teepee above her. She clasped both of her little hands one over each of ours.
“No, you do it wrong,” she sighed and undid Liam’s grip around my wrist. She placed our hands together palm to palm. “Like this.”
I shivered as he completed the hold, lacing his fingers with mine.
“Like that?” His voice was low and soft.
“Yes!” Amelia laughed.
I let my fingers twine with his. He had to feel them trembling.
Brianne sat up and smiled over at me. I saw something in that little face. It was kind of like when she was petting Zosimo. There was a little bit of awe…but a lot more love. She laid back down in the crook of her Daddy’s arm.
Amelia crawled over us to join her sister. She was dragging a blanket with her to cover up. “Bri, Rissa and Daddy are holding hands,” she said in a loud whisper.
Brianne hushed her. “I saw!” They scooted over and started whispering.
Liam’s chuckle warmed me. He took our entwined hands and set them on his chest…which forced me to have to scoot closer to him, eating up space between us. I felt his heart beat under the back of my hand. I could hardly breathe. I didn’t want to move and break the contact. “Are you comfortable?” he murmured.
I bunched the blanket at my head to make a better pillow and drew in a breath for my thankful lungs. “Yes.”
His forearm was trapping my forearm against his side at the angle he held our hands. “And this…” he rubbed his thumb along mine. Again…electricity ran through my veins. “Is okay?”
My heart hitched in my chest. “Yes.” He repeated the action and he could have asked me anything and I probably would have said yes.
He sighed out a breath. “I’m glad,” he whispered. “I don’t think I could let go if you asked me.” His fingers contracted. His face turned toward me, but I did not look up into the hood. I studied our hands on his chest. “Nothing has felt this good…this right in a long time Nerissa.” He said it so softly I thought I had imagined it.
I smiled afraid to say anything. Knowing me…I would burst into tears.
His other hand reached to touch my cheek and I felt him lean in…his breath was on my face. I closed my eyes.
“I think he’s going to kiss her,” Amelia crowed. “Yuck!”
His nearness was taken away…but my hand remained in his. “What are you two little monkeys cackling about?” Liam chuckled.
Amelia smiled innocently. “Uncle Ian says…”
“We don’t want to hear what Uncle Ian has to say,” Liam growled playfully. “Now lie down here and watch for those shooting stars you were hoping for. Daddy needs one to wish on tonight.”
Brianne giggled. “You going to wish for a kiss Daddy?”
I smiled. I didn’t know what was going on in those little minds, but I had a feeling they had been influenced by Uncle Ian. After our talk at lunch; I was sure of it.
The soothing sway of the ride and the touch of Liam’s hand against mine made me forget the cold. We pointed out constellations to the girls and thought we may have seen a shooting star.
Liam gave us a serenade from his lying position and it was so beautiful I wanted to grab him by the collar and kiss him right then and there! A family man who could play a piano…a guitar…work his voice like that and run a business? There was nothing sexier. Maybe one day I would work up the nerve to tell him that! Instead I ran my thumb along his like he had done mine earlier. If he had at all the same reaction I did…it would be thank you enough for the song.
He sat up the moment I did this and cleared his throat, reaching for a blanket to cover up. He let go of my hand and flashed me a smile. “Suddenly got cold.” He arranged his hood and scooted away from me to lean back in his original position at the back of the wagon.
I frowned for a moment and then his sudden reaction hit me. Well, he’d reacted to my touch…just a little stronger than I had to his. My cheeks warmed and I turned my face to smile.
Liam cleared his throat and coughed, which made me smile bigger.
Jack was turning the wagon around and we were heading home.
I wrapped a blanket around my shoulders and watched with envy as the girls crawled into Liam’s arms. I had no right to be jealous. It was their right. I drew my knees up to my chest to conserve warmth.
“Come here with us,” Brianne murmured from her Dad’s side.
I shook my head. No, I had given into enough temptation tonight. Cuddling up next to Liam Byrne for warmth was not an option right now. “I’m okay…see?” I pulled another blanket into my lap. Oh goodness…it had been the blanket he’d used as a pillow…it smelled like Liam. Okay, this was not so bad. I would not sit here and smell a blanket. I would be an adult not a smitten little girl. I pulled it up around my shoulders. If I happened to breath in deeply…no one would be the wiser!
I smiled back at Brianne. “Are you girls warm enough?”
She cuddled under her covers. “Yes,” she chorused with her sister.
I shivered and hugged my second blanket closer. No more outdoor events this year, at least not at night. It was getting far too cool. Tonight had been perfect then. If we’d waited any longer it would have been unbearable.
“You’re shivering.”
I looked to the beautiful voice shrouded in the hood. “I’m okay,” I laughed.
“You can come sit with us…share our…”
“I don’t think it would be proper…I didn’t want to give you the wrong impression.” I bit my lip with uncertainty.
“I have offended you,” he said softly. “Last night…this evening?”
“No,” I quickly responded. “No you have not.” I shook my head, not sure what else to say. So, it came out. He had been afraid.
“Are you sure?”
I drew in a deep breath. I knew the girls would not understand. “Whatever it is, I agree…Mr. Byrne…” I added a proper ring to it. “Nothing has felt this right in a long time. I just don’t know what I am supposed to do with a feeling.”
He cleared his throat. “Me either.”
Really, the ball was in his court. He was the one with the issues…with the hang ups. Sure I had my issues too but he could look into my face right now and know how I felt. He still didn’t trust me enough to look into his.
“I will be a gentleman,” he whispered.
“You’ve always been,” whispered back.
“I need time to think.”
I nodded.
The visible lips turned up in a smile. “Now will you please come back here before you freeze to death? I promise you I will not bite you…as long as you do not bite me.”
“Daddy says biting is bad,” Amelia mumbled sleepily. “I bited Bri once and got put in the corner.”
I chuckled. “Thanks for the warning.”
I adjusted Brianne so that she was comfortable between Liam and I and leaned back.
Liam adjusted the blanket behind his shoulders so it included me. He gently took the cover I had carried with me and straightened it to lay over my lap. I grabbed up the other and cuddled it close. Again…inhaling deeply was different from sniffing. I smiled to myself.
We rode silently for a while. I knew the girls were falling asleep. They had been a squealing jovial mess all night. It was already past their bedtime. Their soft snores were not far behind.
“How was your adult time today with Ian?”
I wanted to say I was surprised at the question but I wasn’t. I wondered at the question though. I wasn’t sure what his motive was for asking it.
“It was nice,” I answered truthfully. “We had a nice talk.”
“You need adult time…with Ian?”
I shrugged. “We are friends. It is nice to get out and do things. Lunch or coffee…the movies. I love the girls and being with them is fulfilling…don’t get me wrong! Even my conversations in the mornings…going to the kitchen with Mary and Stewart and making your coffee…”
“You make my coffee?”
My cheeks flushed. “Yes.”
He was quiet, but his mouth turned up in a smile.
“Anyway,” I whispered, now flustered. “Sometimes it is nice to have an adult conversation with a grown up. I visited with my Mom and Al today…and I really needed it!”
“But being with Ian…”
“It was different,” I agreed.
“Different how?”
I bit my lip. “He is not a child…or a fellow employee…or a relative. I can speak to him differently! I can act differently.”
“He’s not your employer either.” His voice dipped low.
I shook my head.
“Do you always see me as your employer?”
My heart skittered. “That’s why I don’t want to get confused,” I whispered. “Tonight, I know this was for the girls. It was a light hearted event and the rules were different, but tomorrow…how do I act with you?”
He reached for my hand and laced his fingers through mine.
“What are you doing?” My breath caught in my throat.
“If I am allowed to do this tonight and not tomorrow…I am not passing it up,” he whispered. His voice was rough and lovely again.
“That’s what I mean.” I willed my heart to slow down. “I won’t know how to be with you tomorrow…like I didn’t know how to be with you today after last night.” My heart beat faltered. I looked down at the lovely scarred hand so much a part of mine now. “Last night was…it was…so…” I closed my eyes for a second to think of a word. There was no word. We were in a moment and it was electric and consuming and the pull was like nothing I had ever felt before! Only our love for the little girl had been able to pull us apart.
“I know,” he sighed.
I traced one of his scars with my finger and heard him draw in a sharp breath. “This is okay?” I whispered?
“Yes,” he rasped.
I smiled. “See? I need to know these things. I need to know what is okay, what is not. I am not going to assume that you are talking about anything beyond a friendship…”
He chuckled as if I had just told a joke.
“But I am not even trusted to look at you. I need to know what I am allowed…” I swallowed.
“What do you want from me?” he asked hesitantly.
“Your trust,” I answered without any hesitation.
His fingers contracted around mine.
“I know that will not come easy.”
“It won’t,” he agreed. “And I don’t mean you are…”
“I know,” I cut in before he rambled on. “For right now…let me know what is expected of me. That’s all I ask.” I traced another scar.
“You need guidelines?”
I nodded.
“And you will give me time?”
I nodded and began to pull my hand away. He pulled it back.
“And give me this? Just until the end of the ride,” he murmured.
I swallowed hard. It felt like I was allowing him a lot more than my hand and I wasn’t sure how much I would be getting back at the end of this ride.
Chapter 12 Why so Quiet?
When Liam Byrne asked for time to think he really meant time to hide himself away. At least, this is how it felt to me. Other than saying goodnight to the girls, an entire week went by without even a Liam sighting. I was informed by Mary that this was quite normal. In fact she had gone months at a time without seeing him.
I knew it had to do with his confusion. It had to do with his fear. It had to do with the fact that I was just now coming up on a month under his employ!
It did not seem possible that I had been here only a month! So much had happened in such a little time. Maybe I had rushed things? But I honestly hadn’t forced anything! One could not help how one felt. And there could be no denying the draw that was there between us. At least I didn’t think there was a way to deny it!
My one month anniversary came and went, along with another day off. I had coffee with Ian and we
did not once talk about Liam…at my insistence. I still felt guilty over our previous conversation. I enjoyed my time with the happy brother. It made me wonder what Liam would have been like if he hadn’t gone through this tragedy. It was really sad because he was a beautiful soul…but he was trapped now.
Ian and I took a walk while enjoying our coffee. It was chilly out, but it helped keep my mind clear. I enjoyed my time with him, He really truly was a good person.
I enjoyed dinner that night with my family. Al wanted to talk Liam Byrne…I cut him off. I explained I just wanted time with the two of them and anything to do with the Byrnes was off limits. They respected my wishes and I made it back to the mansion in time to read to the girls and get them ready for bed.
“Were you with Uncle Ian again?” Brianne asked softly, as I tucked them in after their baths.
“Yes,” I answered with a smile. “We just had coffee…took a quick walk. He’s coming to see you guys this week! We’ll watch a movie in the theatre!”
Amelia squealed from her bed. “Yes!”
Brianne looked a little torn.
“Doesn’t that make you happy?” I laughed at her raised eyebrows.
“Oh, I guess it does. I just worry is all.”
I sat down on the edge of her bed. We would have to get this talk over soon. Liam would be coming to say goodnight. “What has you worried?”
She sat up and set her head on her hand. “Do you and Uncle Ian hold hands?”
I laughed. “No, no we do not. You were worried I was holding his hand? Why would this be a bad thing?”
She sighed and laid back on her pillow with relief. “Cause only people in love hold hands! If you held hands with Uncle Ian then that would mean you didn’t love Daddy anymore.” Her blue eyes met mine and I had to keep my mouth from dropping open. “And you and Daddy aren’t talking anymore. You held hands before….so doesn’t that mean you loved Daddy once?” Her blue eyes were full of innocence and questions.
More than Scars Page 15