I swallowed and brushed back her hair and shook my head. “Holding hands with someone does not mean you are in love with them Brianne. It is a lovely thing to do but it does not mean love!”
Brianne’s blues widened. “I was afraid of that.”
My mind searched for the meaning in her words.
“You and Daddy aren’t even friends anymore are you?” She looked like she was getting ready to cry.
I chewed on my lip. “Your Daddy and I are friends just like your Uncle Ian and I are friends.”
Brianne shook her head. “It’s not the same. You and Uncle Ian go places. You laugh on the phone. When he is here…you get to look at him…and I know you like that! Daddy doesn’t let you look at him!” Her heart was on her sleeve. “Daddy won’t even say goodnight through the door anymore.”
My breath caught. What an observant little one she was.
“He used to say goodnight every night.”
I nodded. “I know.”
“Did you have a fight?” Amelia asked from her side of the room.
“No fight,” I assured them. “We have just come to the conclusion that it is a different friendship between the two of us. Your Daddy is my boss…so…”
“But…”
“Brianne, don’t be troubled by this,” I whispered.
She sighed and studied me. “Do you have any girlfriends you can have coffee with? Cause I don’t think Daddy likes you having coffee with Uncle Ian.”
She once again caught me by surprise. I didn’t have any girlfriends. In truth, most of my friendships stemmed around my family. That is why my newfound friendship with Ian meant so much to me.
“He doesn’t like me having coffee with Ian?” I shook my head. How could she possibly know this?
“He said a swear word when Stewart told him you went to coffee with Uncle Ian,” she continued.
“Daddy said Damn,” Amelia added from her little bed.
I shushed her.
“And he got very red in the face for a second and then checked his phone. I think he texted Uncle Ian to find out. And then he swore again.”
“Oh Hell, Daddy said,” Amelia chirped.
“Amelia Byrne,” I warned. “Repeating a swear word is the same as saying one…do it again and I will get the soap out!”
She yelped and covered her head.
“Well, if he has issue with it, he will have to speak to me or to your Uncle. We are simply friends. Now you two don’t worry about it, okay?” I gave Brianne a kiss and then Amelia. “No more talking about this.”
“But Rissa…”
“Bri…”
“I just want you and Daddy to be happy,” she whispered.
“Are you happy?” I asked softly, standing at the door way
She nodded.
“Then I am happy. Sweet dreams little ones!”
I frowned as I walked out. I would need to talk to Ian for sure. It bothered me that the children would be concerned over this. As much as it upset me, I may have to stop going out of the house with him. If it was going to stir up questions. What was Liam’s issue? Why did he have to be so transparent to the girls?
I shot the other brother a text. I would call him when the girls had fallen asleep. For now, I sat down on my bed with a book and tried to focus on its words. I knew the second Liam arrived and started speaking I would lose all concentration. That voice did things to me that no other voice ever had.
I tried to imagine his reaction over Ian, but I couldn’t. He almost seemed like a memory now. A week ago I was sitting close to him, fingers twined, talking about the mystery that was going on between us…the pull that was knitting us together. Now it seemed cool and professional…and stale between us. I had promised him time. Surely time meant a day or two…not utter desolation for a week! And that is what it felt like! Utter desolation! I had been without a tie straightening sighting for a week!
In truth…I deserved nothing…in fact…I hadn’t earned anything yet. He didn’t have to explain his absence or his lack of interest in me.
My mind flew back to him tugging my hand back. He had certainly been interested then! He hadn’t wanted to let me go. Why had I let go? Why had I given him space? Why was I being such a big baby now?
I just missed him…terribly!
I wondered how he would greet me. Would his voice roll over me like usual? Would that smile be in his voice? Would he lean in to give me that special message he didn’t want me to miss? His lips to my ear? His warm breath on my neck? I smiled at the thought. I missed that most of all.
And then he was there, warmly greeting his girls. Honey gentled baritone voice. He had spent the day with them so there wasn’t a lot of catch up, but he would never miss a chance to say goodnight.
I hugged my book to my chest and listened to him, teasing Amelia, answering a Brianne question, and giving them a hello from their Grandpa Logan, whom he had just spoken to. I soaked in the sound…even if none of it was for me. I was a glutton for punishment. I should close the door, block out the sound. It would be easier to not think of him if I didn’t hear him! Okay, maybe it wouldn’t help me completely forget about him but it would help with the pining later on.
He was wrapping up his goodnights and giving them each a kiss. I knew he was ready to leave. I would be denied another goodnight. I wanted to pout. Why had he started it just to take it away from me?
“Daddy,” Brianne called out. “Say goodnight to Rissa,” she insisted.
“Brianne…”
“Why have you stopped?” The little girls question was blunt…right to the point. “Rissa said you are friends. If you are friends, you will say goodnight to her.”
“Brianne, I am her boss,” he said gently.
My heart sank.
“But you said it all those times!”
He cleared his throat. “Brianne, Miss Meadows works for me. She watches after you girls and she does an amazing job at it. I am grateful to her for that. No one could do a better job at it. She is a lovely person and she will have a place here as long as she chooses because I know you both love her and she loves you.”
His words were for my ears, not for the little girls? But they would hurt the little girl. Not as much as they were ripping me apart, but they would hurt her! Why would he say this now? Just tell me goodnight and walk away you stubborn man!
“But Daddy…”
“But nothing Bri…we are not friends. I am her employer…she is my employee. You know what that means, right?” His voice did not waiver.
My limbs did not want to work.
“Like you and Stewart,” she whispered.
“You know I care for Stewart and he is taken care of. She has the same. I do not go out of my way to say good night to Stewart,” he said softly. “I will not go out of my way…”
“Rissa is different.” Brianne’s voice trembled.
He sighed. “Let’s not talk about this now sweetheart.”
“Say goodnight to Rissa,” she said in a trembling voice.
“Yeah Daddy,” Amelia agreed.
I hated that this was upsetting them. My legs worked now, but only because I couldn’t stand what this was doing to Brianne. I wouldn’t have this doing anything to their relationship with their father. Liam was stubborn…it was the Irish in him and he was not going to say anything tonight. He was not done with his time. I was not proud. I entered the room, head down.
“Girls, your Dad has a long day tomorrow, he should be heading to bed,” I said gently. “Goodnight Mr. Byrne,” I whispered. “I will see they are settled and sleeping soon.” I chewed my lip, waiting for his reaction. It was not the reaction I had expected.
“Girls, sleep, now.”
He stalked to me, grasped my hand and pulled me through the door and into the hallway. He did not speak a word. His grip on my hand was crushing. His shoulders were ramrod straight underneath the shirt he wore. He was mad. He rushed the stairs, keeping me close. He stomped to his office, threw open the door and h
ustled me through it. The door slammed behind him with a resounding thud.
My heart thundered in my chest.
He moved in behind me and his breathing was erratic.
“I don’t know what I should be apologizing for but if you would just tell me…”
His chest pressed against my back and his mouth was at my ear. “I didn’t want to see you,” he said gruffly.
“I didn’t know.”
“You’ve messed up all of my progress,” he growled. His lips brushed my earlobe and I couldn’t help drawing in a breath.
“Why? How”
“Didn’t I tell you I needed time?”
“Of course. I…it’s been a week. I haven’t said a word!”
“I told you I would need to think.”
“I know.”
“How can I think with you near Nerissa?” He sighed softly.
I drew in a breath.
He groaned softly and I could feel the heat of his body behind me. “I told myself…If I just didn’t see your face I would be okay. I could keep my thoughts straight. You had to come out all soft and sweet to defuse the situation in your calm manner and all my work all my struggles are for not.” He choked out a laugh.
“Y…you said time…you never told me to go into hiding. How was I to know?” I trembled when his hands touched my shoulders. His thumbs brushed along my shoulder blades gently.
“You weren’t,” he sighed. “If I didn’t see you…it just would make it easier for me to make decisions.”
I blinked. “Like the decision to claim me for just another employee?”
He drew in a breath.
“I’m not just another employee,” I denied softly.
“It’s all too soon,” he whispered. “All of this.”
I nodded.
“How can I justify wanting to be with a woman I just met?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know what’s going on between us Liam. It’s not anything I’ve been through before.” His hands squeezed my shoulders. “I certainly have never had a man who would not allow me to see his face,” I teased gently.
“See?” he sighed, his breath warming my neck. “I’m a freak.”
I smiled. “You are an amazing person Liam.”
He chuckled. “And you are very sweet.”
Relief pulled deep in my stomach. I hadn’t known what to expect when he had pulled me from the girls room. “So…you need more time? I need to make myself scarce for you to think? I get that. It would have been nice if you had told me. I have been going through this week thinking you suddenly hated me.”
“You didn’t.” His hands slipped away from my shoulders. “I am sorry. I didn’t realize my absence would mean that much to you.”
I folded my arms. “Really?” I wanted to laugh at this, but didn’t want to offend him. “Do you really think so little of yourself?”
His voice dropped an octave. “I’m not supposed to…I’m not going to ask you…You deserve better.”
I held my breath. “I think I get a choice in what and who I deserve.”
Liam cleared his throat. “You can’t be attracted to someone like me.”
I turned to him, studying the rise and fall of his chest. “Let’s not talk about that. Let’s focus on the friend issue.” I shook my head. “We are friends, like it or not. What happens from there we can figure out. But as a friend, I have to tell you…you are way too critical of yourself.”
“No, I…”
“No, nothing,” I said softly.
He crossed his arms. “I am not fishing for compliments here. I know I am a novelty right now to you. Give it a few months…an accidental view of my face and you will change your tune. I am not being critical of myself…just honest.”
I gently gripped the hand on top of the arms he had stubbornly crossed and led him to the couch. ”Sit.”
He hesitated.
I turned my back and went to his desk where the light was still on. There was a nightlight plugged in near the door so it did give a soft glow. I switched off the desk lamp. “Sit,” I said gently to his shadow.
He obeyed and I came to sit down next to him. I scooted closer and heard him draw in a breath. I liked that I affected him. He certainly was affecting me at the moment. “You have scars Liam.” I bit my lip, as his name slipped out. “I’m telling you now…seeing your face will not change who you have become to me.”
“I honestly know you are trying to be kind.”
I ran a hand gently up his shoulder to his neck. He sucked in a breath. I cupped his jaw and felt the edge of the scar. I closed my eyes. “Show me again. I won’t look…but please show me again.”
“I don’t know.”
“Please?” I so wanted his trust! Please just let me have this Liam! I was willing him. I heard him sigh and knew he was giving in.
Liam’s fingers trembled as they covered mine. He drew the tips of my fingers along the line. It was the line I had embedded in my memory. Flash backs from that night overwhelmed me and I wished I could relive it. I would have leaned in…I would have made that elusive kiss happen!
I shook those overwhelming feelings off and concentrated now on him. I tried to line it up with the picture Al had given me. I knew his smile…I knew his profile. But I would not be happy until he trusted me with the whole picture.
“How many stitches?” I don’t know why I asked this.
“A lot,” he said lightly.
I traced the line again, his hand rested lightly over mine. “I hate that you suffered this.” My stomach tensed imagining the agony he must have suffered on this portion alone. I had also viewed the cuts on his arms, his chest, his abdomen! “I hate that you still suffer.”
He turned his face into my palm and kissed my palm.
My breath hitched. I swallowed.
“I don’t want your pity,” he said softly.
“You have my respect,” I argued. “And my admiration.”
He chuckled. “Well, that is a bit better.”
I again traced the path.
“It’s healed now,” he said gently. “Your touch isn’t going to make it go away.” He pulled my hand away and kissed my fingers. There, again, mixed signals. I know he struggled with our closeness but there was no denying the draw when we were near. He had to touch me as I had the desire to touch him.
“I wish I could have been here for you to help you heal.”
I heard the smile in his voice as he murmured, “Would you have kissed away the hurt Nerissa?”
My name on his lips did funny things to my heart beat. The idea of kissing away his pain was a wonderful thing. Unthinkingly, I leaned in and my lips touched the edge of the scar on his face just as I had kissed the scars on his knuckles. He froze, but did not pull away. “I would have,” I whispered. “I would have kissed every one of them.” I followed the now memorized line with my kisses. My hands buried deep into his dark hair to hold him still…though he did not fight me. I felt the tears spring to my eyes as I reached the end right above his eye. I followed back down the line with my lips, and as I reached his cheek, I tasted his tears too. My heart lurched painfully. He tensed now and shook his head.
“Stop,” he whispered. “You have to stop. Not now…this can’t happen now.” He rose to his feet and hurried to his office door. He opened it, his back to me. “Please.”
I drew in a breath and stood shakily to my feet. I understood. I walked to him and touched his back gently. “I will give you time…and I will stay out of the way. But I care about you. I will respect whatever decision you make. I promise you that.”
He gave a nod.
I bit my lip and passed into the hallway. The office door shut softly behind me. I had to bite my lip against the tears. He hadn’t pushed me away…he had said not now. I would just have to trust that he would come around.
Now I had to say goodnight to the girls and assure them I was friends again with their Daddy, but to understand we may be playing hide and seek for a while!
It was Ian! How much did I tell him? Oh Lord this could get complicated.
“I already know!”
“Hello to you too,” I said grouchily. “And what do you know?” I lowered my voice and stared at the opposite wall. I eyed the door that I knew Liam had once burst through to go save his daughter.
“I just spoke to my brother.”
“And you are calling me on the phone he owns. He can see this Mr. Ian. Oh what could we be talking about?”
He chuckled. “You like conspiracy theories don’t you Rissa?”
I smiled. “Maybe.”
“Don’t give him space,” he growled.
“What?”
“Don’t give him space,” he repeated the words I had heard clearly the first time.
“Ian.”
“Nerissa,” he mocked my tone as he always did.
“I really think I should.”
“And I really think you shouldn’t.”
“What is another week?”
“It’s another week for him to talk himself out of being happy! Hug him kiss him…back his ass into a corner until he gives in! I love my brother and he needs to stop being so stubborn! You already have the girls won over! You just need him.”
“Ian! I have not even decided what I feel,” I growled.
“You love him,” he snorted. “Please! Don’t play that game with me! You want to jump his bones and you haven’t even set eyes on his face! “He chuckled. “I love that about you and it’s why I won’t let you escape him! He needs you!”
My heart skittered. “Can we just give him space?”
Ian sighed. “Fine…then we keep him on his toes!”
I didn’t know if I liked the sound of that. “Okay…I will bite. What does this mean?”
Another chuckle came through the phone. “Well, he was pretty pissed I had you out for coffee today. I say I take you out a bit more often. I’m gonna show up at the house unexpectedly…you know, to see Rissa…my friend. And I think you should come to church with me next Sunday!”
More than Scars Page 16