by Lei En Na
He knows that she has intended to protect him when she first stepped inside the bamboo groove, but she has forgotten about it while fighting with Yan Ying. It is the same for Yan Ying. But while the latter has been consumed with winning the fight, Shang Guan Jing has become downright suicidal. Her aggression was gone, her strokes has turned defensive, feeble and had he not step in, she would probably have stopped fighting altogether and let Yan Ying quarter her.
That dumb lowlife! How dare she thinks of dying!
And why?
A common reason for a woman to seek death is to have failed in a relationship. Is she still hung up over her Er Shi Ge forsaking her for another woman?
He smiled at the sleeping woman in his arms but his smile is laced with venom. After placing her on the mattress, he unfastens her belt and pulls her top away without any hesitation. As he eyes the smooth, healthy skin exposed without her clothes, he can feel the anger as it burns through his veins.
He has chosen her and in return, she has to give him her body, heart and soul. If anyone dares to covet what is his, that person will die, it is that simple and along the same line, this applies to her as well and she must never, ever betray him. And she has lied – renewed anger boils through him – when she told him that there is no man waiting for her back at Yu Ling peak!
Bending over, he crushes her soft breasts with his hands. When that fails to quell his anger, he buries his face between her smooth orbs and suckles furiously. Not enough. He strips away both their clothing until his lower body is pressed against her near nakedness. The fire in his loins is dying to be unleashed and she is at his mercy.
But…. The word pops to mind and he pauses.
So what if he takes her now? It may tame the fire in this blood temporarily but come morning, it will bring about more problems.
Besides, he is experiencing that bloody, blasted, loneliness again! This is the second time in one night and he is not going to stand for it.
All his life, he is aware of the wild, untamed side of him which he has kept deeply buried. Most of the time anyway. That part of him is safely harnessed normally but….. shaking his head ruefully, he admits that he nearly lost his head this time.
To him, Shang Guan Jing is like an open book. She is a mature, steady woman, with strong beliefs and is the reliable, responsible type when handling matters. She is very good in martial arts and coupled with a strong sense of righteousness, she has probably made it her life mission to defend the weak and right all the wrongs that she comes across.
He has no issues if she sees him as a vulnerable, even pitiful, person. He can indulge her need to ‘help’ him and thinks of it as an opportunity for her to get to know him better. Afterall, if they are going to be together, this can only be a good thing. He will find a way to keep her from going back Yu Ling peak and as far as he is concern, whatever vengeance and grievances back at that mountain there are no longer her concern since she has stepped into his territory.
She belongs to him.
Anger ebbing, he sighs. He seldom sighs and he is surprised by his action. What’s more, his head is throbbing and there is an unfamiliar ache in his heart. Has meet his match at long last?
Pushing away from the bed, he fastens her robes properly and smooths back her hair. As he brushes his thumb across her swollen lips, he thinks that it is amazing how soft her lips feel and he leans forward to kiss them gently.
He walks to a wooden cupboard and takes out a box. Inside the box are several pieces of paper that are cut out in the shape of a person. Taking 2 pieces from the box, he muses out aloud. “If you are going to be here for good, how about I get you a maid or two? Let me see, what kind of maid would you like? How about someone cheerful?”
He mouths a spell, bites his finger and drips 3 drops of blood on each piece of paper.
From the moment she wakes up in the next morning, Shang Guan Jing can summarize her feelings with one world – odd.
Over the last 24 hours, she has encountered aggressive oxens, waking up in different beds, fighting with a mysterious man in black which somehow morph into a fight of total despair. On top of all these, there is now a stranger at her bedside who claims to be her maid,
“Good morning Young Mistress! My name is Zhu Yu and I have just turned 16.”
“Master has informed me that Young Mistress will be staying in the bamboo house and that you will be my Young Mistress from now on.”
“My job is to look after your needs and Young Mistress can rest assured that I will clean, clean, clean the house until it is spotlessly clean. I will prepare food and drinks for you – please tell me your favorite food – so that you have a most comfortable stay.”
“Oh yes! Master has some summer fabrics whose colours look lovely on you. When you have time, shall I arrange the seamstress from East Village to make some new clothes for you? She has very nimble hands and she makes incredibly lovely dresses.”
And she drones on and on.
For as long as she can remember, Shang Guan Jing has been taking care of herself and it feels unnatural to have a maid hanging over her shoulder, doing things for her that she would usually do so herself. “Thank you but I do not need new clothes and I will eat whatever is available. Please don’t call me Young Mistress as I’m just your Master’s guest.”
“Young Mistress … Young Mistress …” In less time than it takes to flip a page, Zhu Yu’s face has collapsed. Fat tears trickles down her cheeks and her face is so screwed up that you can probably find more lines on her face than on a steam meat bun.
“Wait, what is going on?” Shang Guan Jing is up in a jiffy and puts her arms around Zhu Yu comfortingly. “Please don’t cry!”
But the little maid is beyond consolation and bursts out crying “Woo-hoo! If Young Mistress does not want me, Zhu Yu will be useless! Woo-woo! Master is going to tear me up and burn me in the furnace! Woo-woo! I am so pitiful! Please Young Mistress, please do not turn me away! I promise I will be very obedient! Please keep me in your service?”
“Err….. Sure, But you must stop crying. I need you around, of course I do.”
Zhu Yu is so overwrought that mucus is now flowing down her chin. “Woo-woo-woo! Do you mean it? Please do not pull my leg Young Mistress.”
Shang Guan Jing assures the poor girl that she does not go back on her words and in a jiffy, the young girl is all smiles again.
Gee, that is fast…
“Oh my god! Young Mistress has been bitten by insects!” In spite of her puffy eyes, Zhu Yu manage to crack open her eyes by one millimeter wider. “Look at all the red marks on your neck! I will go get some cream for you this instant!”
As the maid dashes out of the room, Shang Guan Jing tries to recall how she could have gotten these marks. She has noticed them when she was changing earlier but she has no idea how she got them. The marks are roundish and some are tinged with bruises, which makes them unlikely to be insect bites. She could have gotten them in the fight yesterday night – although they don’t look like fight marks either. But beyond that, Shang Guan Jing cannot think of how else she could have gotten the marks.
When she leaves her room after breakfast, she nearly ran into a tall, lanky servant who is sweeping the floor right outside her door. Zhu Yu tells her that the servant’s name is Ah Niu and that he has been assigned to handle the menial chores in her bamboo wing.
So it is not her imagination that there are servants in the house, just that they have all conveniently disappeared last night?
She tries to digest all the oddities and walks on until she finds Feng Jin in his garden. He is standing beneath some vines where a few varieties of gourds are growing (from the same vine?). He seems to have recovered and is back to his normal, gentle self.
As she nears him, Shang Guan Jing senses a black presence in the shadows. A memory of a swordsman in black comes to mind and she realizes that it is the same man whom she has fought with last night!
Shang Guan Jing draws her sword and is standing between
Feng Jin and the man in the next instant. Feng Jin is delighted that she has joined him and smiles behind her. “Good morning. Have you had breakfast?”
Shang Guan Jing chance a look at him before swinging around to eye the stranger warily. “Yes, I have eaten. Do you know this man?”
Feng Jin apologizes for not being able to make proper introductions last night and beckons for the man in the shadows to step forth. “Yan Ying, you have frightened my guest. Your sudden appearance must have lead her to think that you are a villain here to wreck damage. How do you intend to atone for your sins?”
“Your servant deserves death.” Yan Ying’s reply sounds respectful and sincere. When is there no rejoinder, he raises his hands in a polite greeting. “I will leave now unless you have other errands for me.”
As she eyes his retreating back, Shang Guan Jing gets a strange feeling that the man means what he said. Should Feng Jin reply that he should die, the man would have ended his life without hesitation. Seeing that she is confused, Feng Jin explains helpfully. “Yan Ying is my jailor.”
“You mean the guy who professed to be your servant, the master swordsman…” is your jailor?
Feng Jin hears her unspoken question. “Yan Ying is hired by my parents to ensure my safety so it is only natural that he is good in martial arts. Afterall, my house if far from civilization and Nan Man is not all that peaceful. He is a good bodyguard but he also reports all that happens in this house to my parents, hence my nickname for him.”
“Your parents?”
“Of course. I am only human and like any normal person, I have a mother and a father.”
She seems to have difficulty grappling with the fact that he is not an orphan and he continues. “Are you worried that I could be in danger last night which is why you started fighting with Yan Ying? I am sorry to have alarmed you unnecessary. I have miscalculated the time yesterday and failed to reach home before my relapse started. You are so good to help me with… this and that… and I just want to let you know that I remember all of it.”
He seems a little bashful beneath his pink and red patches, and causes Shang Guan Jing to squirm. What exactly does he mean by “this and that”? Why can’t he have forgotten everything? “Hmm, why are you not living with your parents?”
“With a face like this, my parents are saddened every time they see me. Rather than to upset them every day, some distance would be good for all of us.”
His words are light but Shang Guan Jin can hear his sorrow beneath and feels sorry for him. He has a proud streak beneath his self-pity and the contradiction is not unlike another aspect of him; when all is bright, he is every inch a gallant gentleman. But at times when his mood is dark, he will act like a spoilt man-child.
Her mind drifts to another man who is his opposite; a man who is tall, good-looking and always sunny. She is always happy around him and when he promises her in his clear, firm voice that she will be his one and only in this lifetime, she has thought that the moment is true happiness. But that man….
She is brought back to the present when Feng Jin slips his hand over her fists and rescues the vines that she is crushing between her fingers. “What are you thinking to be strangling the poor vine? There are a few gourds growing on this vine and if you strangled its stem before the gourds are ripe, we would have fewer gourds left to eat.”
Shang Guan Jing quickly apologizes and wonders if she should pull her hand away when his hand remained wrapped around hers. “So, did you carry me back to your room after I knock out Yan Ying yesterday?” Hmm, he has not let go of her hand. Would he be saddened if she uses more strength to draw away? Deep down, could he be longing for some human contact? She understands the need for connection. When he takes her hands in his, her heart which has only been filled with pain for far too long, flows with warmth.
Before she can think further, her body has responded by returning his hold. He may not be a handsome man with the distracting patches on his face, but he is gentlemanly and interesting. She remembers that she has a mission but until she finds the Diaos, she decides she will ignore the small voice that tells her that she is imposing on his hospitality.
Feng Jin does not appear to be surprised and acts as if this is totally natural that they are holding hands. “I have forgotten to tell you something.”
“What?” Thinking that they shouldn’t have skin contact for so long, she tries to wriggle her hand free once more but his hold is firm.
“There is a cure for my blood ailment.”
“There is a cure? What herbs do you need?” Her eyes widen. “Is the recovery process very difficult? Is that why you have dragged your feet till now?”
“Well, it is not hard nor does it require any herbs. It is just that I am unwilling.”
“You are …. unwilling?!” What is there to be unwilling about and suffer every month? She feels like throttling him. “What are you unwilling about?”
He seems squeamish all of a sudden and does not quite meet her eyes.
“Tell me!”
He quells and finally says slowly. “Once I marry and have…. consummate the marriage, my bleeding will stop.”
When she remains quiet, probably embarrassed by the consummation bit, he continues. “It is not that I do not want to be cured but where do I find a woman who would willingly marry a man like me? Even if there is such a woman, it will not work if I am unwilling. If I do not like the woman I marry – and bonded we will remain until we both die – can you think of a scarier fate than that?”
In contrast with the sun shining on top of their heads, his expression is as gentle as the caress of moonbeams. “I would rather remain the way I am if I do not find the woman of my heart. Even if I have to live with my illness for the rest of my life, I would do so without regrets.”
Chapter 5
* * *
In her dreams, she sees a familiar person. He is tall, muscled, good-looking with eyes that shine with purpose. When she realized belatedly that he is asking her a question, she hurriedly stops her swooning and catches his last words. “… what do you intend to do when you are back from your travels?”
She tightens her hold on the bag over her shoulder and tries to sound normal, despite the fact that her heart is beating at twice its normal speed. “I have not given it much thought but I doubt it will be much different from now. I will look after Teacher, spend my days with Shi Jie, Shi Mei… and you.”
Had Teacher been less insistent that she should travel to broaden her horizons, she would be contented to stay in the mountain all her life. As if sensing her thoughts, he clasps her hand in his and looks deep into her eyes. “Is Teacher the only important person in your heart?”
“You are important to me too!”
“Then if I tell you that I want a different life, something with more sizzle. Changes. Will you be there with me?”
“But isn’t a simple life better?”
She did not see the disappointment in his eyes which he hid by looking away, nor did she understand his troubled expression back then. Soon after this conversation, she left and after 2 years of travelling, she concludes with herself that a simple life is indeed what suits her best.
Although it is not simple to be able to live simply.
******
Over the next few days, Shang Guan Jing avoids Feng Jin as much as she can. She is not dense and can tell that he is saying that he likes her, when he tells her so gently but intently that he rather remains sick for the rest of his life if he cannot marry the woman he likes.
She has no issues with his character or looks, and like the simple life in Nan Man. This is a place where honest men can make a living by tilling the land during the day and resting when the sun sets. But despite her liking of the place, it has not crossed her mind to settle here permanently. Furthermore, she has not forgotten that she still has a mission to accomplish.
After another day of wondering in the nearby villages, she returns to the bamboo house at dusk. When she spots Feng Jin stan
ding by the gate, she drags her feet in hopes of prolonging any chance of an encounter. As she nears him though, she sees that he is not alone. An old man is kneeling in front of him, bowing to the ground, and pleading Feng Jin for help. There is a wooden cart behind the old man where a young woman quietly sits.
The old man seems to have been kneeling for some time and Shang Guan Jing catches some of his words as she walks up to them “…I only have one daughter, please, please take pity on her and save her! She has suffered so badly that I fear that she will lose her soul if this carries on. Please, please help her!”
Shang Guan Jing summersaults nimbly into the air and lands beside the cart. She does not dare to look at Feng Jin but she is aware of his unwavering gaze on her. Trying to behave naturally, she takes the young lady’s hand in hers. From her pulse, the young lady seems fine; her breathing is even and body temperature normal. But she has noticed the slash marks on both the young woman’s wrists and there is a ring of green-purple bruises around her neck.
Unless she is mistaken, this young woman should have attempted to suicide several times. Shang Guan wants to asks Feng Jin on what has happened to the young lady but he seems to look through her as he addresses the old man. “If I do save her, what do you intend to do after that?”
“If you can save my daughter, I will leave Nan Man with her and settle down in another place far, far from here! Please be merciful and save her. You are her only hope now!”
The old man starts crying and after a long time, Feng Jin finally nods. He gestures for the old man to bring his daughter inside the bamboo house and the old man is overjoyed that he starts bowing on his knees once more. His tears continue to trickle down his cheeks but this time, they are tears of joy.
After the old man has settled his daughter, Feng Jin tells the old man to come back the next morning for her. The old man leaves and Feng Jin waits for Shang Guan Jing to precede him into the house. When finally she seems rooted to the ground, he turns around and enters the house without her.